“step away from the whip agnes”

steo away from the whip agnes by hip is everythingthe latest thing that seems to have me a little, well, disturbed is this universal fascination with “getting wired” or “interfacing with the world”…
so, i guess i’ll just get it off my chest …
it’s this obsessive rush by everyone over 7 to grab an ipad, an ipod an mp3 player/pim/doodad/laptop, anything with internet capabilities, and jack ‘em all into their cell phone so that they can watch the afternoon soap operas, message all their buds over at g-mail, facebook or adult friendfinders, watch porn, play games designed for three year olds, or tell us all what the hell they just ate for lunch …
and on a fuckin’ 2 inch screen to boot …
nice …
take me now good lord above (or wherever the hell you are) …
your kids (and just about everyone else for that matter) are completely hypnotized by their cell phones, unable to call a friend and actually talk to them any more …
nope, gotta text ‘em …
they’re phones for christ sakes guys, dial a freaking number and talk to someone once in a while …
other than the pizza guy …
i’ve actually seen them text the person across the room rather than speak …
you can’t hold their attention long enough to offer them cash or sustenance, but if that freaking phone goes “bing” they run for it like lebron james driving the key for a two handed slam dunk to make sure they haven’t missed their friend’s latest selfie, the latest cat doing something cute or stupid video, or what some chick named amber dawn that they’ve never actually met in real life just cooked for dinner …
i swear to all that is holy that if my kid was on fire i’d have to text them to let him know or they’d just perish right there in front of my eyes …
and god help us all if the internet crashes or their phone runs out of battery power …
then you’d think that the freaking end times were upon us all …
and the sad part of this is that 80% of people don’t have any real need for any of this gear other than as a corvette/penis/big titty-small ass replacement and probably never ever really will either …
yeah i know, it’s fun to surf the net or shoot the hell outta some aliens, or melee dragons and wizards after a grueling day kissing the boss’s ass, but you could have written your buddy a letter or just phoned him, the bank could have just written down how much you left with them, the lady at safeway could have used the keys on that ten thousand dollar till, and your mechanic could have just told you what’s actually wrong with yer’ car by knowing something about cars as opposed to reading a print-out from a “diagnostics center”…
for god’s sake people, you can’t even figure out “defrag” and you’re trusting your whole bloody life to these pieces of metal and plastic …
i guarantee that most people out there know way more about the oscars or brangelina than you do about your own computers…
y’all might want to think on that for just a second …
meanwhile corporate america rushes blindly forward with internet, intranets, vpn’s, lans, wans, clouds and streaming freaking everything so that they can speed up every little thing about their business, while at the same time allowing these systems to be run by people who can barely get solitaire going on their home poots …
i mean, think about it folks …
you’d be pretty nervous if the guy who came to install your new gas furnace had to use a manual to start up his torch …
or your mechanic couldn’t tell you what that “little silver, tubey thing” was …
or your surgeon said “what the fuck is this red thing?”…
but no-one seems to mind that all of our money, histories, personal info, medical records, correspondence, laws and government functions is in the hands of these people and their “devices” …
hmmm …
not to mention that your phone company and the nsa now also know WHICH porn yer’ great auntie agnes is viewing at any given moment …
(step away from the whip agnes)
lately we’ve seen the only real “law” on the internet, the anonymous/lulsec/hack/leaker scene, step forward with their denial of service attacks, “leaks”, info-dumps, wikis, etc. and try their best to draw attention to the fact that the whole system is completely vulnerable …
you’d think that that might have woken some people up a bit …
but, nope, the powers that be spend all their energies on a name calling and “who has the bigger dick” spat with the hackers and leakers, instead of stopping to consider that at least these attacks came from people who like you …
the only reaction seems to be “lock ‘em up and throw away the key” …
sort of a paranoid, fundamentalist/republican/neocon/taliban-ish, completely miss the whole point attitude don’t ya’ think? …
one of these times we may not be so lucky …
it just might not be “friendlies”, or people with our collective best interests at heart on the other end …
again, might just be worth a moment of your “ponder” time, don’t you think? ..
now, i made my living for some time in the computer/telecom industry and they were very good to me and mine, so i’m not saying that i hate it all, i don’t at all, it’s just that maybe this might be a good time to change the way that most people relate to these appliances that have so much of our well-being floating around on little pieces of plastic, sand and metal, which i might add can be destroyed by a spilled cup of coffee or a fridge magnet …
which is somehow kind of both ironic and appropriate don’t you think? …
if you guys don’t figure this out pretty soon, use them as the tools they are and start locking up the valuables, yer’ not gonna have any left…
maybe it’s just me…i dunno…

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