some random shit that i’m staring at

some random shit that I’m staring at, wondering why I’m staring at it …
maybe it’s important …
probably not, but, hey why take the chance? … sooo …

random shit by hip is everything

They say you’ve got to spend money to make money … that just makes me feel like there’s some middle step I’ve been missing … no?

I don’t believe peeps who say they never masturbate “cuz it’s not the real thing.” … am I the only one around here who puts sugar on my Corn Flakes when I run out of Frosted Flakes? …

If Einstein were alive today, would he would listen to more than 10 minutes of recent scientific breakthroughs before asking you to describe that free online porn thing again? …

Would it not be easier to keep buying cats until one of them does something hilarious and makes me a YouTube millionaire, than to waste a pile of cash and time going to school to find a career? …

If babies could talk would they basically just say things like “Daddy, may I trouble you to clean a shocking amount of poo off my genitalia?” …

I don’t care if you’re a dog person or a cat person, I generally don’t date anyone with a tail …

I recently caught myself yelling “FUCK YOU” at a taco for dripping on my pants … ( just in case you were wondering who’s raising the next generation ) …

When someone says “I need this done yesterday” I think to myself “Well, there’s no fucking way I’m going to be bossed around by someone who doesn’t even understand how time works” …

No ageism? … I call Bullshit! … A baby seated in a tall wooden throne at this restaurant just shattered a vase of flowers unprompted & was then told how handsome he is … yet, last week I get thrown out for the EXACT same thing ..

Before I go out binge drinking should I always eat a stick of butter? … I know it doesn’t do anything but seeing as I’m already making really poor life choices anyways …

I’ve accepted every email offer I’ve ever received. My penis is now 235 feet long, and I’m told I’m getting a shitload of money from these Nigerians any day now …

Can anyone recommend a few thousand books on hoarding? …

There’s literally no way to know how many chameleons are in your house …

To the lame ass who wrote “Jimmy Crack Corn” …  You clearly cared that jimmy cracked corn enough to write a fucking song about it.

Is the shittiest thing about being bipolar is that it’s fucking awesome? …

Does anyone know how many calories you burn by sliding down a wall crying? …

At my age, it seems that Facebook’s only purpose is to remind me that some girl I played kissy-face-sweater-tug with in High School just turned 57 … sigh …

Okay, I’ve probably bothered y’all enough for today, so Imma take ‘yer advice and fuck off … for now …
I feel so much better now that I’ve gotten that stuff off my chest though … and my desk … toodles peeps …

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