666, number of the boast

Cruz, Carson Differ Sharply Over Timetable for End of World
By Andy Borowitz

ted cruz by hip is everythingBOULDER, COLORADO (The Borowitz Report)—There were fireworks at Wednesday night’s Republican Presidential debate as the retired neurosurgeon Ben Carson and Texas Senator Ted Cruz sparred over their differing timetables for hastening the end of the world.
While both Carson and Cruz stressed their commitment to accelerating the end times as described in the Book of Revelation, they offered starkly different visions of how they would bring them about.
When Carson said he hoped to bring the world to an end during his first term in office, he received a mocking rebuke from Cruz.
“That’s not soon enough,” the Texas senator said. “When I am President, I will start working to make the Rapture happen on day one.”
Although the two traded barbs about the apocalypse for several minutes, the biggest applause line on the subject belonged to the former Hewlett-Packard C.E.O. Carly Fiorina. “These two gentlemen talk a good game about Armageddon, but I’ve made it happen,” she said, to a standing ovation.


One thought on “666, number of the boast

  1. […] the grifter chronicles, act 1first outta the cannon is ted cruz, a man who never met a job/handout he didn’t like (or is that a man  who never met a handjob he didn’t like … I get so confused) … i know that’s a little crass, but this a-hole is the definition of crass, so wtf eh? …another good ole’ boy from texas (like  the world needs another one of those in charge of the free world – the last few did soooo well huh?) who can’t make up his mind between killing the government of the good ole’  U S of A or running it …who’s tits deep in god jocks and religious fanatics (this crowd alone makes me wanna throw up in my mouth more than a little), and holds prayer events with his father who believes that sonny boy is the one true and chosen savior and that the end times are upon us all, all the while surrounding himself with some real winners … like the preacher who thinks that we should “solve the homosexuality problem” by killing “all the gays” …… he’s the man o’ gawd who spews shit like “Net Neutrality” is Obamacare for the Internet; the Internet should not operate at the speed of government.”…or: Obama just a “social worker” who wants to put ISIS “on expanded Medicaid” …or: After leading the GOP charge to shut down the government, Cruz repeatedly claimed that he had nothing to do with the GOP shutting down the government …At the 2013 Values Voter Summit, Cruz said Obama was intent on violating the entire Bill of Rights. “You look at our Constitution, you look at our Bill of Rights, this is an administration that seems bound and determined to violate every single one of our Bill or Rights,” he said, adding “I don’t know that they’ve yet violated the Third Amendment, but I expect them to start quartering soldiers in people’s homes soon.” …or: “Gay marriage” leads to Christianity becoming “hate speech” …or; At an event in New Hampshire last week, Cruz said “the Obama-Clinton foreign policy of leading from behind — the whole world is on fire.” When a little girl replied, “the world is on fire?” Cruz responded by saying, “Yes! Your world is on fire!” …or: U.S. Sen. Jesse Helms ardently opposed civil rights measures and even tried to block the Senate from approving a federal holiday in honor of Martin Luther King, Jr. “It’s every bit as true now as it was then,” Cruz said. “We need 100 more like Jesse Helms in the U.S. Senate.” …okay, enough of that, if ya’ need any more proof that crazy shit spews freely from this man’s pie hole every time he opens it go to google and type “ted cruz+crazy talk+liar” and you’ll get thousands of hits … he’s been busy folks …the man doesn’t believe in evolution (we got the bones, we win! Ya’ a-hole) …he doesn’t believe in government (except, if he can run it)…he’s a “strict constitutionalist” who wants to amend the constitution so that gay people can never marry and the wail street boys will never have to pay taxes again … and wants to completely ignore that same constitution when it calls into question his eligibility to even run for the office of president …As well, he’s totally confused about climate change, saying global warming is not supported by data: “You know, back in the ’70s — I remember the ’70s, we were told there was global cooling,” he tells CNN. “And everyone was told global cooling was a really big problem. …The problem with climate change is there’s never been a day in the history of the world in which the climate is not changing.” …Plus he wants to ban federal same-sex marriage: “If the citizens of the state of Iowa or the citizens of the state of Texas want to define marriage as the union of one man and one woman … the states have the constitutional authority to do so and the federal government and unelected judges cannot set aside the democratically elected legislature’s reasonable decisions to enact and protect traditional marriage,” Cruz told radio host Jan Mickelson, writes Salon. “If the courts were following the Constitution, we shouldn’t need a new amendment, but they are, as you put it quite rightly, making it up right now and it’s a real danger to our liberty.” oh ya, let’s not forget that piece of shit rag he calls a book (see: “A Time for Truth: Reigniting the Promise of America – more non-sequiters, fanatical ramblings and conspiracy theorist lunacy from the right”) that he released onto an unsuspecting and surely undeserving public last year, which his campaign now insists are not his current views (well a year is a long time  … face plant) …really peeps??!? … you really want a guy who believes all of the above, who everyone he works with hates, who believes that the end times are upon us and that he has been “chosen” to save all the good rich, straight, white guys who believe just like him, while the rest of us get ‘smited’ by some unseen hand o’ gawd for our satanic/liberal lifestyles and beliefs …make better choices peeps …seriously, this dude is 1 step short of a rubber room and a government enforced lobotomy in any other time or place …for more on mr. ted:God: “generally speaking I choose not to speak with assholes”d-bag of the week … cruz missile strikes washington … millions pissed666, number of the boast […]

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