it’s almost december, so it must be time for christmas!

seeing as x-mas is just around the corner, and it must be, black friday has come and gone …

”the 12 nays of christmas … part 1 … a redux”
or – “it’s all about
wontons, santa and great, huge titties … keeping america great”

santa-mobsterfirst off, i’ve been noticing an awful lot of attention being paid to “this years fear”…
no, not the frign fiscal cliff (yet again … sigh)…
that’s frickin’ small potatoes compared to the real threat that’s now washing up on the shores of america … i’m talking about  the newest, most heinous and far reaching  threat to america yet …
china!!! … just ask donnie dump … he knows … (according to him – everything) …
all of a sudden, everything from china is bad and scary, and they are trying to peddle poisonous everything … jesus h. christ people, didn’t you get it with the “axis of evil”, or the “war on terror”, or even the “broken borders” which suddenly threatened all that was good and right in america? …
china is who you should be really afraid of … they freaking near OWN america now …
and they’re trying to kill our kids with their lead painted toys and lead filled baby formula!! …
and there’s so bloody many of them … be afraid, be very, very afraid! …
although, the toys o’ lead thing might just be be a bit of an over reaction …
after all, what’s wrong with a little lead on my kid’s toys if we can buy ‘em really super cheap over at wal-mart? … i mean, i grew up with lead painted, wooden building blocks …
and i stuck more stuff in my mouth than a lewinsky in an oval office…
and razor sharp, tin toys that would cut ya’ like a crack fuelled gang banger in a dark alley …
anyone here old enough to remember “clackers”? …
or “lawn darts”? …
or air rifles stuffed with dirt and rocks? …
now, that was some real danger people …
and i made it out okay …
well, sorta … (depending who you ask I guess) …
in america today there is apparently so much more stuff to be afraid of …
we apparently have a terrorist in every doorway, a welfare queen in every cadillac, a mexican “illegal” on every corner, AND the friggin’  iranians look like they’re once again heading into WMD land here soon (jesus h. christ, didn’t we just work that shit out? – not according to Faux Noise it seems), so we better get them first … just in case they actually do have a weapon that could pose a threat to someone who is slightly more militarily advanced than figi …
and every last one of these “un-americans” is now out to single-handedly destroy america, and of course, by extension, the free world …
and of course, by extension, mr. ryan and snitch mcconnell’s wall street benefactor’s profit margins, and so now it’s china …
again … well, and ISIS, but we’ll get to that a little later kids… I can only get my head around so much terror t.v. at a time …
okay, just for the record, let me get this right, before i move on …
you’re telling me i gotta watch out for anyone who looks iraqi, or russian, or palestinian, or iranian, or venezuelan, or north korean, and now chinese? … and oh yeah, mexican …
phew, i’m gonna need to see some numbers on the uniforms or something …
oh yeah, the Trumpian national id cards …
BUT …
i’m supposed to trust anyone who looks suadi, or ukrainian, or argentinian, or dominican, or japanese, or “hong kong” chinese …
and rich, right leaning, castro hating cubans … and some “latinos” …
but only if they’re doing yard work or winning grammys …
FUCK!!! …
is anyone else getting confused and annoyed, and sick and tired of all this shit? …
the only fucking security issues i can see at work here are the job related ones for republicans and conservatives in general ( above and below the 49th ) …
for god’s sakes, this right wing crowd has even pointed the finger at canada lately … can’t build enough walls I guess …
and they’re probably the only friend the right has got left …
be careful rethugs, or the oil sands stay in alberta! …
and just for the record kids, no-one except maybe a russian junior hockey team, or a bunch of “quebecois” were looking to diss canada before all this shit started … probably still aren’t, but ex-prime minister and head canuck stephen “wannabe bagger” harper needs something to bloviate and fear monger about so he can feel like he mattered half as much as bo the white house dog  to the power brokers in d.c. and the thieves on wall street… p.s.  … steve-o!, i‘ve been asking around and ya’ don’t even matter to the good folks in ottawa any more  …
but I guess that ass kicking from Justin (nice hair though) Trudeau starightened out most of those illusions eh? …
sheesh …
oops … sorry for the digression there …
i mean even canadians don’t give a shit about canada, so …
just one question, mr.’s ryan, cantor, mccain, graham, mcconnell, trump, cruz, carson et al …
and I’ll include the head of the rnc himself, mr. rank penis … don’t want ya’ feeling left out partner …
if you chase off all the people who don’t look just like you, then who’s gonna make me wontons when i’m drunk and on the town at 3 am? ” …
and who’s going to whip me up some tacos and deliver ’em when i’m too wasted to make it to taco bell after a night of debauchery and self-abuse? … huh??!!? …
good lord, you self righteous, bigoted, fear spewing douche-bags, just what the fuck are you guys thinking ?? …
are you trying to destroy america?? …
after all, gettin’ all hammered up on buds and shooters, and ordering chinese and tacos at 3am IS what made america what it is today …
it IS what made america great …
well, that and great, huge titties …
hey, ya’ gotta sell stuff to run a democracy, right? …
and nothing sells anything like great, huge titties …
great, huge titties made america what it is today …
ahh, america , land of the free, land of the brave …
and great, huge titties …
and, oh yeah, guns …. lots and lots of fucking guns … who-hoo, yippy-kai-ay motherfucker! …
at least until that obama guy and his u.n. buddies come and take ‘em all away …
any ways, again i digress …
sorta …
the other night on a well known fake news channel they had their annual christmas season “expose” on child labour …
no, not the “good” newt blingrich ‘earn yer’ keep kiddo!’ kind …
you know, the “bad” china kind … and it got me to thinking …
i know the gop is always looking for a new fear inspired cause du jour …
commiesantaso, what say some of you low information, tea-baggin’ , knuckle dragging, faux noise watching assholes bring a class-action lawsuit against santa claus for his obviously discriminatory, tax avoiding, socialist and illegal business practices …
and maybe congress could spend a couple months freaking out and feigning outrage about that … the way he treats those elves is enough to make a good bagger’s head spin … maybe you clowns could whip up some fear on this one …
faux noise could run with it 24/7 …
you know, “trouble in toyland!!!!”
or “santa is a socialist!!!”
and gretchen “i’m SOOO freakin’ mad at everything” carlson could get herself in a real yule inspired tizzy … and bellows the clown o’reilly could do a no spin zone expose entitled “how obama is destroying christmas!!!” …
i can see it now …
even wailin’ palin, the Klondike Kardashian can get her yap on at fox about how she can “see santa from her doorstep” …
it’ll be freaking awesome … i’m telling ya’ guys, this can work …
and you guys are looking for some new republicans right? …
i mean, little people are hot these days …
they’re building choppers on tv, got their own shows, appearing with every third rap and country band out there, making movies more than ever and rightfully demanding their place in today’s world … and hey, i know they’re different, and all small and shit, but seeing as you already pissed off the rest of america during the last couple of decades, it’s a start, right mr. ryan? …
maybe the republicans can lock up the “little people” demographic for the next version of their bagger fuelled. fear driven party …
hey … i just had another great idea …
what with christmas right around the corner, and all these whimpering, desperate republicans already lining up for “2016” …
what better time for the faux noise / rush limpballs / hannity the manatee gang to boldly go where no sane man has gone before, ( again ) …
they need to make a stand for the “little republicans of america” and put a stop to the polar sweat shops, to put a stop to the unfair and bigoted hiring practices santa employs and make christmas what is was always meant to be, a fake christian, republican holiday! …
and as an added bonus, talk about an inroad into the whole “bustin’ up some work regulations” meme these losers are always on about lately … i mean the fat guy in the red suit is only hiring little people and the last time i looked there were laws about that, then he works them like red headed step children all year, and for what? … room and board, primitive tools and working environs, no christmas holidays, back to work on boxing day for another gruelling year  and NO PAY! …
plus, i’m not positive about this, and please correct me if i’m wrong about this, but i’m betting that there isn’t one single jew or any people of color working there …
so somebody might as well call the aclu …
and don’t forget the sharptonator! …
there we go, now everyone can get in on this one …
plus, if you ask me, and i know ya’ are, it all sounds a little cultish too …
and didn’t we recently lock up a couple of guys for running a cult …
so if warren jeffs, or a bunch of spaceguys in nikes and hoodies (hoodies are always a warning sign, right?) get together to form a club , that’s a cult and that’s wrong and illegal, but ya’ got some obese, tyrannical profiteer, abusing small people and violating human rights …
and judging from the red cheeks and nose, and all his hammered assistants in the malls of democracy the guy is obviously a world class drunk … and that’s okay ??? … also, let’s not forget that whole “sit in my lap and tell me what ya’ want for christmas, little girl” thing he does either …it seems to me that there is obviously some pedophilic tendencies going on there …
another no spin zone expose there for ya’ billo … yer’ welcome …
it looks to me like this guy is trying to bring down democracy …
he’s probably working hand in commie hand with obama …
he’s getting way too powerful …
plus he’s got that sled …
and with it’s ability to fly so fast and so silent, we may have actually waited too long already …
i mean, he may already have negated american air superiority …
man, i smell a security threat …
i bet you could get the guy on a tax thing or something terror-y sounding …
then we could set up the department of holiday security … (DOHS)
oh yeah baby! … and while we’re at it, somebody get peta and pamela on the line too, no doubt those reindeer are gettin’ used too, not to mention the bullying of rudolph just because he’s “different” …
if we’re not careful, pretty soon, two “red-nosed” reindeer are going to demand to marry … and we can’t have that now can we? …
oh yeah, we can let ‘em have a “civil union”, but a real marriage? … never! …
it’s not god’s way! … and it ain’t the republican way either …
it’s just not right …
wait, hold yer’ horses there pardner … something else just occurred to me …
i bet the fat guy in the red suit is workin’ for the chinese …
red suit …
cheap toys …
human rights violator …
obvious socialist, what with all that gift giving and shit …
god i hope it’s not too late to stop him …
help us mr. o’reilly, before it’s too late for america … 

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