well regulated militia: needs food and socks now!

you just can’t make this shit up …
fox news is now defending the ‘Oregon wildlife refuge takeover idiots’ claiming that this whole thing is Obama’s fault ( I told ya’ yesterday they’d go there, face-plant) and that these ‘patriots’ are just ‘fighting government gone wild’ …
Fox pundit: Oregon militia are not ‘thugs’ like black protesters because they fight ‘government gone wild’
and their ‘supporters’ are posting nonsense like the following online:


apparently the man is too disabled to work, but okay enough to participate in the armed takeover of a government building …
fuck me, I wish I could write this shit, I could just do satire here and never have to fact check again …
good lord, take me now … the stupidity, it burns! …
so, a quick recap here … Saturday, domestic terrorists from various militia groups entered federal land and took control of a federal building … on a bird sanctuary … because, well, reasons … the leader of the pack, Ammon Bundy, son of Cliven Bundy from the Nevada BLM standoff told the media the group was willing to die trying to achieve their objective:  stealing land from the government — and planned on being on the property for YEARS if it came to that … Ammon is also joined by his brothers Mel and Ryan … also on the property is Jon Ritzheimer, the infamous shithead known for his armed protests outside of mosques … he sent a tearful “goodbye” video to his wife and kids ahead of the occupation on federal land … which is hilarious, and very ISIS of him, don’t ya’ think? … but he also recently sent out a plea for things the men should have brought ahead of usurping a government building in freezing temperatures …
Blaine Cooper has been relaying the group’s messages to social media:
The Oregon lunatics need snacks. pic.twitter.com/YnAOM3hPQk

Capture1

Also in a separate post, Ritzheimer asked for:
Things we could use:
cold weather socks
snacks
energy drinks
equipment for cold weather
snow camo
gear
anything you think will help.
Thank you all for the support
So let’s get this straight … these guys, who plan to stay on the refuge for years if need be, traveled to a remote location in the dead of winter and are in short supply of warm clothes, Redbulls, and snacks? … and they’re asking their supporters to send them the supplies through the USPS … the USPS??!? … oh the irony, it is strong with these ones ….

They’re stealing the Onion’s material …
from the Onion
Area Man Passionate Defender Of What He Imagines Constitution To Be
ESCONDIDO, CA—Spurred by an administration he believes to be guilty of numerous transgressions, self-described American patriot Kyle Mortensen, 47, is a vehement defender of ideas he seems to think are enshrined in the U.S. Constitution and principles that brave men have fought and died for solely in his head.
“Our very way of life is under siege,” said Mortensen, whose understanding of the Constitution derives not from a close reading of the document but from talk-show pundits, books by television personalities, and the limitless expanse of his own colorful imagination. “It’s time for true Americans to stand up and protect the values that make us who we are.”
According to Mortensen—an otherwise mild-mannered husband, father, and small-business owner—the most serious threat to his fanciful version of the 222-year-old Constitution is the attempt by far-left “traitors” to strip it of its religious foundation.
“Right there in the preamble, the authors make their priorities clear: ‘one nation under God,'” said Mortensen, attributing to the Constitution a line from the Pledge of Allegiance, which itself did not include any reference to a deity until 1954. “Well, there’s a reason they put that right at the top.”

srsly

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