the grifter chronicles – doucherockets over ‘murica

header grifter chroniclesr

so, the 3-ring circus known as the 2016 republican race for a nominee for the highest office in the land has begun in earnest …
and into the fray(ed?) jumps the largest collection of wannabes, used-to-bes and never-will-bes i can remember in my lifetime …
even more so than the 2012 stable o’ doucherockets and asshat clowns was, and I NEVER thought we could top that train wreck …
well I was oh so very wrong there eh? …
we’ve got a herd of motley characters, sleezeballs, douche bags and idiots that look more at home in an episode of america’s stupidest criminals than they do on a debate stage …
and they won’t even let ’em all on the same stage at the same time …
(they say it’s because the left-outs are irrelevant or too unknown or just not performing up to the party’s standards, when we all know it’s actually because they’re not actually bat-shit crazy enough to go as far right as the ass clowns they wanna show off)
think i’m kidding?
okay … grab a chair, fire up the popcorn and injest/inhale/imbibe in whatever gets ya’ ready for this ass clown parade and over the next few days we’ll try to take a quick look at some of the pre contenders …

the grifter chronicles, act 1
first outta the cannon is ted cruz, a man who never met a job/handout he didn’t like (or is that a man  who never met a handjob he didn’t like … I get so confused) … i know that’s a little crass, but this a-hole is the definition of crass, so wtf eh? …
cruz gop outreach 2 by hip is everythinganother good ole’ boy from texas (like  the world needs another one of those in charge of the free world – the last few did soooo well huh?) who can’t make up his mind between killing the government of the good ole’  U S of A or running it …
who’s tits deep in god jocks and religious fanatics (this crowd alone makes me wanna throw up in my mouth more than a little), and holds prayer events with his father who believes that sonny boy is the one true and chosen savior and that the end times are upon us all, all the while surrounding himself with some real winners …
like the preacher who thinks that we should “solve the homosexuality problem” by killing “all the gays” ……
he’s the man o’ gawd who spews shit like Net Neutrality” is Obamacare for the Internet; the Internet should not operate at the speed of government.”
or: Obama just a “social worker” who wants to put ISIS “on expanded Medicaid”
or: After leading the GOP charge to shut down the government, Cruz repeatedly claimed that he had nothing to do with the GOP shutting down the government …
At the 2013 Values Voter Summit, Cruz said Obama was intent on violating the entire Bill of Rights. “You look at our Constitution, you look at our Bill of Rights, this is an administration that seems bound and determined to violate every single one of our Bill or Rights,” he said, adding “I don’t know that they’ve yet violated the Third Amendment, but I expect them to start quartering soldiers in people’s homes soon.” …
or: “Gay marriage” leads to Christianity becoming “hate speech”
or; At an event in New Hampshire last week, Cruz said “the Obama-Clinton foreign policy of leading from behind — the whole world is on fire.” When a little girl replied, “the world is on fire?” Cruz responded by saying, “Yes! Your world is on fire!” …
or: U.S. Sen. Jesse Helms ardently opposed civil rights measures and even tried to block the Senate from approving a federal holiday in honor of Martin Luther King, Jr. “It’s every bit as true now as it was then,” Cruz said. “We need 100 more like Jesse Helms in the U.S. Senate.” …
okay, enough of that, if ya’ need any more proof that crazy shit spews freely from this man’s pie hole every time he opens it go to google and type “ted cruz+crazy talk+liar” and you’ll get thousands of hits … he’s been busy folks …
the man doesn’t believe in evolution (we got the bones, we win! Ya’ a-hole) …
he doesn’t believe in government (except, if he can run it)…
he’s a “strict constitutionalist” who wants to amend the constitution so that gay people can never marry and the wail street boys will never have to pay taxes again … and wants to completely ignore that same constitution when it calls into question his eligibility to even run for the office of president …
As well, he’s totally confused about climate change, saying global warming is not supported by data: “You know, back in the ’70s — I remember the ’70s, we were told there was global cooling,” he tells CNN. “And everyone was told global cooling was a really big problem. …
The problem with climate change is there’s never been a day in the history of the world in which the climate is not changing.” …
Plus he wants to ban federal same-sex marriage: “If the citizens of the state of Iowa or the citizens of the state of Texas want to define marriage as the union of one man and one woman … the states have the constitutional authority to do so and the federal government and unelected judges cannot set aside the democratically elected legislature’s reasonable decisions to enact and protect traditional marriage,” Cruz told radio host Jan Mickelson, writes Salon. “If the courts were following the Constitution, we shouldn’t need a new amendment, but they are, as you put it quite rightly, making it up right now and it’s a real danger to our liberty.”
oh ya, let’s not forget that piece of shit rag he calls a book (see: “A Time for Truth: Reigniting the Promise of America – more non-sequiters, fanatical ramblings and conspiracy theorist lunacy from the right”) that he released onto an unsuspecting and surely undeserving public last year, which his campaign now insists are not his current views (well a year is a long time  … face plant) …
really peeps??!? … you really want a guy who believes all of the above, who everyone he works with hates, who believes that the end times are upon us and that he has been “chosen” to save all the good rich, straight, white guys who believe just like him, while the rest of us get ‘smited’ by some unseen hand o’ gawd for our satanic/liberal lifestyles and beliefs …
make better choices peeps …
seriously, this dude is 1 step short of a rubber room and a government enforced lobotomy in any other time or place …
for more on mr. ted:
God: “generally speaking I choose not to speak with assholes”
d-bag of the week … cruz missile strikes washington … millions pissed
666, number of the boast

the grifter chronicles, act 2
trump by hip is everythingIn lane 2 of this years “race of idiots” is that man with the urine colored muskrat for a hairpiece …
the man with the cheese doritos inspired tan …
the man with the tiniest mouth ever seen on a homo sapien …
(relax Donny, before ya’ go tweetin’ some angry shit as you are wont to do … that don’t mean ya’ like guys – read a fuckin’ book ya’ moron)
(actually, maybe that’s it … ya’ might like guys, ya’ sure as hell don’t like women … you’ve proved that repeatedly)
the man with the hate on for just about everyone …
the man with the world’s smallest penis (hey, look how he acts…’nuff said baby) …
the world’s foremost expert on bankruptcy, infidelity and ignorance …
the leader of the fascist party of america …
one mr. donald j ‘make america hate again’ trump, and I’m pretty sure that the j stands for jag-off, I’ll hafta confirm that, though it seems right) …
oh, I’m not even sure where to start with this multi-time ‘d-bag of the week” award winner … there’s just so much space here, and there’s no way to even come close to covering all of his spewage, lies, racism, bigotry, petulance and sociopathic narcissism …
this is nothing more than a chance to market his ‘brand’ for future financial gains … bad political performance art at best, bloviating, bellowing and blustering with a healthy portion of overt racism and hate tossed in for seasoning at worst …
this ‘man’, and I use that term very loosely, totally personifies what is wrong with America … and everything that causes many in the rest of the world to point and go “wow, what a train wreck, what a joke” …
way too much space has been wasted here and everywhere else on this pos … plus, he has about as much chance of being the next president of the united states as Kim Kardashian does, so, onward …
if you really want to read more about this waste of skin, here are some pieces you might want to peruse, I need to go shower suddenly …
the only thing donald trump offers to his supporters …
the dumpster tweets
donald dump hits bottom … yet again … the despicable p.o.s. edition
the tiger eats the passenger … goodbye gop …
racist d-bag alert … let’s just call it what it is kids …
d-bag of the week … the fascist edition
d-bag of the week … make america hate again
pants on fire
gasbag to quit …
the new bat shit crazy … the epic twitter fail edition
one of science’s greatest mysteries finally explained
top ten donald dump popularity enhancers … the spinal tap edition
look in the mirror, fat boy!

the grifter chronicles, act 3
carly fiorina by hip is everythingWhat can you say about Gnarly Fee-arena ? …
the one time (and short lived) head of Hewlett Packard who was born with a silver spoon shoved firmly where no man should go, who became a bankruptcy artist extraordinaire, just seems to spend all her time explaining ‘what she really meant’ and tripping over her self trying to get out of the way of her own lies and nonsensical thinking, all the while coming off as a totally entitled bitch living in a fantasy world of her own making …
I mean, my mother always said if you have nothing good to say about someone …
So … let’s just leave it with: she’s a habitual liar, a proven horrible business manager, and she seems to care about others even less than the other contenders in this clown car crash, which is saying something considering the complete disdain for the average person that the GOP has consistently displayed in their words, actions AND policies for the last couple of decades … as far as Gnarly goes, no ideas, no plan, no organization, no chance … sayonara loser …
more on Gnarly here:
carly’s pants burst into flames

jesus h. christ man, all we’re missing is that darling of the baggers …
the wunderkind of confusion …
the “never met a lie i couldn’t spin my way” girl …
that siren o’ non-sequiter herself …
MICHELE BACHMANN !!! …
with a cameo or two by her husbian Marcus “Oralus” … in …  “Pray Away The Gaze” …
But as much fun as this year’s train wreck is and will be, I do so miss Babs and her squirrely little meth head pal, Sister Sarah, the Klondike Kardashian … they really brought the word salad and crazy eyes … oh well, 15 minutes of fame is enough for both of ‘em I guess… sigh …

stay tuned …

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s