Cut from G.O.P. Convention, Tebow Hopes to Catch On with Other Political Party
CLEVELAND (The Borowitz Report)—After being cut from the official list of Republican National Convention speakers, the former N.F.L. quarterback Tim Tebow said on Friday that he was optimistic that another political party would pick him up to speak at its Convention.
“I’m grateful to the Republican Party for considering me, even though I’m disappointed it didn’t work out, obviously,” Tebow told reporters. “Having said that, I believe there’s another political party out there who will be willing to take a shot with me.”
But even as he asserted, “I still have a lot of speaking left in me,” insiders expressed skepticism that Tebow would catch on with another party.
“It’s hard to see how the Democrats would want an evangelical anti-abortion speaker at its Convention,” Harland Dorrinson, an agent who represents prominent political-convention speakers, said. “The Green Party holds its Convention in August, but does Tim Tebow really think he’s going to be asked to introduce Jill Stein? I love Tim, but I think it’s time for him to call it a day.”
For his part, Tebow said that, while he waits for another political party to call, he is staying in shape by practicing speeches at his local high-school auditorium.
“God has given me the precious gift of speech,” Tebow said. “I believe my journey is far from over.”
Andy Borowitz is a New York Times best-selling author and a comedian who has written for The New Yorker since 1998. He writes the Borowitz Report for newyorker.com