another awesome piece by one of my absolute faves …
CLEVELAND (The Borowitz Report)—The 2016 Republican National Convention became embroiled in another controversy on Tuesday, as Biblical experts accused Republicans of plagiarizing the entire Convention scenario from the Book of Revelation.
“The first thing that struck me, on Night One, was when the sun became black as sackcloth of hair and the moon like blood,” the Reverend Davis Logsdon, of the University of Minnesota’s Divinity School, said. “That was just too close to be a coincidence.”
Logsdon said that another telltale sign of plagiarism could be found in the alarming appearance of Senator Tom Cotton (R-Arkansas), Senator Joni Ernst (R-Iowa), former New York Mayor Rudolph Giuliani, and retired General Michael Flynn. “The four of them didn’t ride in on horseback, but it was still clear who they were supposed to be,” he said.
By Tuesday afternoon the Trump campaign was pushing back against the plagiarism charges, as campaign manager Paul Manafort told reporters, “I swear to you that no one involved in this campaign has ever gone near a Bible.”
“Certain things that we’ve done to spice up the Convention—like having smoke rising from the Abyss like the smoke from a giant furnace, and having the sun and sky darkened by the smoke from the Abyss—have been in the planning stages for weeks,” he said. “This is just a case of ‘great minds think alike.’ “
Despite the controversy, the Convention proceeded smoothly on Tuesday night, as delegates officially nominated a Beast with seven heads, ten horns, and ten crowns on his horns in a traditional roll-call vote.