the new stump speech leaks …

trump by hip is everything“Because only I can see the incredible danger, extreme darkness, horrors and bloodshed that our whole country is falling into, only I am qualified to save us all from unspeakable horror! Simply give me all your power, your treasure and the blood of your children, and I will wave my tiny, little, precious hands over it and, believe me, everything will be alright. Not because I have political experience, but because I have money, gold furniture and helicopters. Trust me, it’ll get fixed so fast you won’t believe it. I’ll bomb the shit outta those ‘Islamic Fundamentalist Terrorists’ and I’ll kill their children and families too. And if any of those ‘others’ survive I’ll water board ‘em and use electric shocks and they’ll talk, believe me, It’ll be amazing and patriotic and I’ll make those losers wish they’d never been born. And if that don’t work, I’ll sue them and their families! And same goes for that Black Lives Matter gang. I mean, I like the blacks, everyone knows that, some of my best friends own blacks, I got a few myself, but this whole killin’ cops thing they keep doing is bad, very bad, so bad …sad, so sad … And I’m gunna bring back the jobs from Mexico, and China, and I’m gunna make America great again, ‘cos it really sucks now …I blame Barack HUSSEIN! Obama, and Hillary, good old crooked Hillary, and her rapist husband. Lock her up!, lock her up!, lock her up, USA, USA, USA! Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump! Fuck I’m amazing! and women dig me, a lot! … and did I mention that Lyin’ Ted Cruz is a loser? and a piece o’ shit? he’s a liar and a loser – bigly! And as for the Hispanics, we’ll be rounding them up in a very humane way, very nice way, and they’re going to be happy because THEY want to be legalized. It’s called, ‘management.’ … We’re gonna build a wall. We’re going to create a border and it’s going to be a great wall and it’s not going to be very expensive. It’ll be a real wall. It’ll be a wall that works. It’ll actually be a wall that will look good, believe it or not. Cause what they have now is a joke. They’re ugly, little, and don’t work. I’m going to build a  Huuuge gold-plated, impenetrable wall that is cheap. A lotta people are gunna be talking about it, believe me. And if those rapists and murderers that the Mexican government is sending here think I won’t punish  them, well, believe me, I will. Look, they don’t respect our president. They don’t respect our country. They will respect me, or I will water board ‘em, and a helluva lot more, Believe me, I mean it, I’ll do it personally just to make a point, plus I’d just really like doing it …And they’re going to behave. Trust me.You know, look, I’m on a lot of covers. I think maybe more than almost any supermodel. I think more than any supermodel. But in a way that is a sign of respect, people are respecting what you are doing. It’s horrible what’s going on; it has to be stopped. I was for something, but I wasn’t for what we have right now.”
“I wasn’t for what happened. Look at the way — I mean look at with Benghazi and all of the problems that we’ve had. It was handled horribly. And only I can fix it! Believe me, I’ll fix it real fast … winning!!!! … With Barack HUSSEIN! Obamacare we had a situation where we were, Anderson Cooper, who’s terrific, by the way, and did a terrific job, but we were talking over each other. Look, I want, we’re going to repeal and replace Barack HUSSEIN! Obamacare … Barack HUSSEIN! Obamacare is a total and complete disaster. It’s going to be gone. We’re going to come up with a great healthcare plan, We’re going to have great plans, they’re going to be a lot less expensive than Barack HUSSEIN! Obamacare. They’re going to be private. There are going to be lots of different options. We’re going to have a lot of different options. Right now you have no options. You know why? Because the insurance company controlled Barack HUSSEIN! Obama because they gave him a lot of money. You know, Barack HUSSEIN! Obama, African American. If I were African American I would be so mad at him.I would be so angry, ‘cos’ he’s pathetic, very sad, sad … Now, he’s African American. If I were African American I wouldn’t like him very much, If I were African American, and thank God I’m not, I would like Trump, ‘cus he’s gunna bring those jobs back, and then me and some other African Americans would finally get a job. I will do more for African American Americans than Barack HUSSEIN! Obama has ever done. I will do more in one year than Barack HUSSEIN Obama has ever done, believe me.Wow. Amazing. Amazing, thank you. So exciting. Do you notice what’s missing tonight? Teleprompters! No teleprompters. We don’t want teleprompters. That would be so much easier: we read a speech for 45 minutes, everybody falls asleep listening to the same old stuff, the same old lies. So much easier. I say we nuke Mexico, and Black lives Matter, then we’ll go nuke ISIS and the terrorists in France, we’ll nuke ‘em wherever they’re hiding. I am DONALD J. FUCKIN” TRUMP and I will end these people’s miserable lives.  And my hands aren’t tiny, and my dick is HUUUUGE I tell ya, believe me, ask my daughter wife.”
“Some people are sayin’ that my wife Melania may be a Russian spy. I don’t know, I’m just sayin’ that’s what I’m hearin’. Believe me. It’s a terrible thing. You know, where was she born? I don’t even know for sure. This is a terrible problem. Believe me, a huge problem. I’ve heard many many people say the same thing lol. People are talking & I think I saw it on the internet. I think we need to deport her until ” we figure out what’s going on”.
talkI can tell you this: we have the best, the absolute best people working on this, and you wouldn’t believe what they’ve found. “To be honest, to be honest, I don’t know, they say she is indeed a Russian spy, but I don’t know, right? Am I right, right am I right? I am right.” You know, there are top people, TOP people, looking into this thing with his wife. And you won’t believe what they’re saying. It’s unbelievable. You wouldn’t even believe what they’re talking about. The things with, you know, where she comes from. The things with her parents. Do you know who her parents are? I don’t. But people are talking. And the things they are talking about, you know, you wouldn’t believe what they are saying. And it’s something that we need to look into. We need to make sure that, you know, that these people, these people being the wife, we need to be sure. I mean, I’m hearing things. I can’t say what, but I’m hearing things. She’s from Russia, you know. And you know what’s going on with Putin over there. And I haven’t heard her being too angry about Putin. So these things, I don’t know. But we’ll have people looking into it. I just heard myself say it, and I know from experience that I’m a very reliable source. I consult with my. Brain. I have a very strong brain. There is something going on with her, and they are just not telling us. I have many many friends who all tell me there is something going on. It is very bad, just bad. Almost everyone already knows there is something going on. Lotta hate too people, a lot of hate. ..can you believe this…I gotta tell ya this is shameful ..a Russian in the White House as the First Lady .. absolutely shameful that’s all I gotta say… this is so horrible, so horrible… folks we gottta make America great again…
’Some people are sayin’ that my wife Melania may be a Russian spy. I don’t know, I’m just sayin’ that’s what I’m hearin’. Believe me. It’s a terrible thing. You know, where was she born? I don’t even know for sure. This is a terrible problem. Believe me, a huge problem. I’ve heard many many people say the same thing lol. People are talking & I think I saw it on the internet. I think we need to deport her until ” we figure out what’s going on”.
I can tell you this: we have the best, the absolute best people working on this, and you wouldn’t believe what they’ve found. “To be honest, to be honest, I don’t know, they say she is indeed a Russian spy, but I don’t know, right? Am I right, right am I right? I am right.” You know, there are top people, TOP people, looking into this thing with his wife. And you won’t believe what they’re saying. It’s unbelievable. You wouldn’t even believe what they’re talking about. The things with, you know, where she comes from. The things with her parents. Do you know who her parents are? I don’t. But people are talking. And the things they are talking about, you know, you wouldn’t believe what they are saying. And it’s something that we need to look into. We need to make sure that, you know, that these people, these people being his wife, we need to be sure. I mean, I’m hearing things. I can’t say what, but I’m hearing things. She’s from Russia, you know. And you know what’s going on with Putin over there. And I haven’t heard her being too angry about Putin. So these things, I don’t know. But we’ll have people looking into it. I just heard myself say it, and I know from experience that I’m a very reliable source. I consult with my. Brain. I have a very strong brain. There is something going on with her, and they are just not telling us. I have many many friends who all tell me there is something going on. It is very bad, just bad. Almost everyone already knows there is something going on. Lotta hate too people, a lot of hate. ..can you believe this…I gotta tell ya this is shameful ..a Russian in the White House as the First Lady .. absolutely shameful that’s all I gotta say… this is so horrible, so horrible… folks we gottta make America great again. I’m telling you, believe me, these hands are completely normal sized … it’s just the camera angles that make ‘em look so tiny and baby like.”

ya’ wanna know what’s truly scary kids, 90% of this is actual words from the Velveeta Raccoon himself (well except for that last paragraph, I totally made that shit up… or did i? … all together now … 1, 2, 3, 4, YIKES!
also, no e-mails please, and no more threats, it’s fucking satire, and if it’s over yer’ head, go back to freeperland where yer’ most at home …
if my email is gunna get all jammed up with crap from the freepers, then how am I ever gunna sort out all the Cialis deals, personal emails from Nigerian princes who wanna make me rich, and the penis enlargement schemes that my email reader is ‘sposed to be used for … I gots priorities assholes, priorities! … peace!

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