GOP presidential nominee and renowned grifter, Donnie McFuckerson, finally came clean about his taxes, today releasing a letter from his tax man …
August 25, 2016
To Whom it may Concern:
I am an tax attorny and have graduated number one (1) in my class from a prestigeous institution. I graduated number one (1) in my class from Trump Yooniversity.
Everybody graduates number one (1) in their class from trump u!
Trump’s graduates are all the best! the very best!
Since 1996, I have had teh distict honor and privilige of preparing Mr. Trump’s tax returns.
They are amazing, truly amazing. He has the best tax returns. The best. There sew good it will make you’re head spin. Believe me. And when it’s done spinning, it’ll spin some more. Your going to get sick from all the spinning. So much spinning and winning it will make your head spin. I have shown Mr.
Amazi Trump’s tax returns to collegues and they are always amazed. Always. Many, many people are talking about them, and they are awl saying that Mr. Trump is amazing, and that his hands, in real life, are actually yuge. And his penis is yuge to. I can promise that.
I can assure you that Mr. Trump’s income is among the highest in the world. Probably is the highest in the world.
Well, it would be the highest in the world if liberals like Bill Gates and Warren Buffet and rapists like Carlos Slim didn’t cheat.
Mr. Trump is also the most generus man I have ever met. He has made more charitible contributions than anyone in all of history.
His charity cannot be matched! And his penis is yuge to.
Despite all the deduction he can take, Mr. Trump actually insists on overpaying his taxes! Why? Because Mr. Trump knows that the country would collapse if the government ran out of money. And Mr. Trump has money!
Lots of money! He’s rich! Really, really rich! Fabulously rich in fact.
Ask Melania, would she really put up with him touching her if he wasn’t so rich?
He knows that he is the only person — the ONLY person! — who can save us, so he overpays his taxes to keep America running.
I can also assure you that Mr. Trump taxes show no ties or obligations to anyone. He is his own man! Speaking of ties, he makes the best ties. Ever.
He is absolutely NOT paying 138.47% annual interest rate to Russian mobsters since 2004.
He is also unconditionally NOT paying the firm of Martelli, Arsonelli and Thugtini to provide insurince so that none of his incredible, fabulous, amazing buildings burn down.
Finally, Mr. Trump has been audited many times because liberals in the IRS are out to get him because he tells the truth! And because his penis is yuge to. So yuge it scares people. Ask Ivanka.
But Mr. Trump has not yet been formally convicted of any wrongdoing!
I can’t say anything about pending indictments because Mr. Trump has an entire separate and yuge legal team to handle all his indictments. Yuge, like his hands and penis.
In conclusion, Mr. Trump’s tax returns are incredible! Very presidential!
He has the best tax returns in the history of presidential stuff. The best.
I guarantee you he will have the best tax return of anyone ever elected president!
Signed, Epstein’s momSinceerly,
Donald J. Trump’s Tax Man,
John Miller, CPA, B.S., F.U., FML
Miller, Barron, Manafort, Putin, McIver and Assoseits
… with a little help from the interwebz …