palin to advise trump

more amazing from Mr. B …

Palin to Advise Trump on Improving Sentence Structure
Andy Borowitz
NEW YORK—In an admission that his message might have gotten lost in Monday night’s debate, Donald J. Trump has enlisted the former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin to advise him on improving his sentence structure. Campaign officials stressed that bringing Palin on board was not a sign of panic, but merely an acknowledgement that the Alaskan’s communication skills could be Trump’s “secret weapon.” “We would be silly to have a resource like this available to us and not use it,” said Trump’s campaign manager, Kellyanne Conway. “No one debates like Sarah Palin.”

and in a related matter …

“Every time I said something, she would say something back. It was rigged.”

Trump Threatens to Skip Remaining Debates If Hillary Is There

HEMPSTEAD, N.Y. (The Borowitz Report)—Plunging the future of the 2016 Presidential debates into doubt, Donald J. Trump said on Tuesday morning that he would not participate in the remaining two debates if Hillary Clinton is there.
Trump blasted the format of Monday night’s debate by claiming that the presence of Clinton was “specifically designed” to distract him from delivering his message to the American people.
“Every time I said something, she would say something back,” he said. “It was rigged.”
He also lambasted the “underhanded tactics” his opponent used during the debate. “She kept on bringing up things I said or did,” he added. “She is a very nasty person.”
Turning to CNN, Trump criticized the network’s use of a split screen showing both him and Clinton throughout the telecast. “It should have been just me,” he said. “That way people could have seen how really good my temperament is.”
The billionaire said that debate organizers had not yet responded to his ultimatum, but he warned that if he does not get assurances in writing that future debates will be “un-rigged, Hillary-wise,” he will not participate.
“I have said time and time again that I would only do these debates if I am treated fairly,” he added. “The only way I can be guaranteed of being treated fairly is if Hillary Clinton is not there.”|By Andy Borowitz


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