Tweety Meet Guiness

HIE/LOC – New York – Someone call the Guiness people! MSNBC anchor Chris ‘Brag, Brag, Interrupt, Kennedy!, Brag’ Matthews today set a new world record for news shows when he actually asked AND answered EVERY question for EVERY guest for his entire one hour show. Mr. Matthews has come close to the ‘perfect game’ many times before, twice even hitting the 58 minute mark in totally dominating the show’s conversation, but he had never made it through the entire sixty minutes without allowing any guests or analysts to utter even one word. Today he “Nailed it like Jack Kennedy” as Chris was heard to holler seconds after the show wrapped. Chris, when asked for comment after this momentous occasion in broadcast history, told the assembled press and onlookers, and pretty much everyone within yelling distance, that this was just the beginning, he was planning a 14 hour talk show based on Chris’ own life and his lifelong obsession with Jack Kennedy, where he and only he would be allowed to speak. As Chris put it, “everyone who’s anyone will be on the panel, but only I am really worth listening to.” Industry insiders noted that today’s show was the first show Matthews had ever done that featured only female guests, and he never let’s women talk anyways, so it “was almost inevitable” that he would finally hit the elusive, and until now never achieved magic “60 minute” mark.

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