BREAKING! … Trump To Quit!

President-Elect Donald J. Trump seen here dealing with his new duties as “Da Man”

NEW YORK / HIE-LOC   President Elect Donald J. Trump announced through Twitter this morning that he’s had enough, and he just wants to stay home in his gold-plated despot hovel atop Trump Tower.

Mr. Trump also confirmed that he has asked Chief of Staff Rank Penis to move forward as America’s commander in chief, and that he (Trump) will go on a four year hat sale tour in airplane hangers across America to make the country ‘Great Again’. Melania will however stay on as first lady, because, as she told our intrepid, veteran beat reporter Biff McLiquor today, “I RILLY vant dat job, bigly, I verked rilly, rilly hard for it and if I haff to sleep vith Mike Pence for a few years to get it, then so be it. After all, look what I’ve done to get this far. Can you imagine vat I went through with that orange bastard over there?”
Spoken like the true grifter that you are Mrs. T.

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