A guided tour by the Cheddar Choob, Petulant Erect, Donnie ‘Bad Touch’ Trump.
Aboard ‘Trump One’ … thinking about all the nude photo shoots Melania did on this very plane – especially the ones with all the money and jewels and the gun, that was hot for a woman as old as her. Hoping she’ll do more before I trade her in an a newer model. I’m hoping to get me one of those really blonde, blue eyed Russian versions this time, and my pal Vladdy says he can “make that happen.”
High atop my ‘Gilded Tower O’ Hate’ contemplating who (whom?) I should seek revenge on and destroy next. “Omarosa, get me my list! and make me a fucking sammich!”
Sitting in my tremendous, and believe me, it’s TREMENDOUS, restaurant waiting to have my daily $300 Taco Bowl, because soon as I’m in office that will be ALL that’s left in this country (which I will make great again) of anything even remotely resembling or related to ‘Hispanics’ or ‘Lateenohs’ or whatever the hell those crazy Mexicans are calling themselves this week.
Here I am working on my
inogger inawgr innnawgerull speech where they make me the MOST important human being ever … it’s gunna be awesome, Scott Baio, Victoria Jackson and some chick who finished 2nd on ‘Murica Gots Talent, whatever that is, will be singing songs of praise about me … oh yeah, and 2 Rockettes and a Mormon singer will be there too, and maybe even that Kirk Cameron guy with some readings from his awesome new “I Hate Fags” children’s popup book …V. Putin will be by to sing an anthem – not sure which one but he said it would be tremendous and that we’ll be BFF’s now… as the kids say, “Awesome sauce dude!” And then we’ll finish off the evening with a prayer led by my pal David Duke and a couple of songs by my new best friends from Westboro Baptist Church. It’s gunna be quite the evening.
This is the lobby of MY TOWER!, the best, most tremendous tower in the world, no, the universe! and I will outright own it as soon as I deliver all the cash and documents that my pal Vladdy made me promise to get him last year before I came down that very escalator you see behind me. Oh that reminds me, I still owe all those actors that pretended to be fans of mine that day. Oh well, fuck them! LOLOL I’ll pay ‘em later – NOT!
Next stop: the
White Trump House!