Dear Justin

The Right Honourable Justin Trudeau
Prime Minister of Canada
Office of the Prime Minister
80 Wellington Street Ottawa, Ontario
K1A 0A2
Telephone: 613- 995-0253

Dear Justin,

It has come to my attention, it really was hard not to notice dude, that you do seem a little, shall we say ‘freakin’ jacked’ about this whole Keystone restart bullshit that the Velveeta Raccoon is pimping south of the 49th this week. And part of me says,okay, the guy’s a pol and he’s doing what pols do, and I really like this kid, he’s smart, quick, informed, has empathy. But, part of me is wondering about a couple of other things, so I figured that I’d toss ‘em at ya’ and see what ya’ think. K?
K, here goes man.

1. Are you sure you wanna climb into the rack with the guy that’s starting to look more and more every day like this year’s most likely to be drafted number one in the ‘2017 Toppled Despot of the Year’ draft?
I mean, some shit just don’t wash off. And as history is bearing out, you can’t trust this smug, condescending, delusional moron as far as you can throw him. And that for sure ain’t far.
Yeah, I know, you’re a pretty buff ‘n’ tough guy, and I’m not being snarky in any way, I too have seen the pecs pics, but Jesus H. Christ brah, seriously, have you had a good look at that giant orange man-baby? He may look like a giant Cheetoh, all light and airy, and a whole ton of hot air blows out his rather tiny pie hole all day long, but, my money’s on the fact that that prick weighs an easy 350 LBS, and that’s a seriously epic deadlift and toss brah. Even for you.

2. This bugger is almost certain to either start a freaking war that gets a shit ton of good and innocent people killed (6 outta 10 I figure), or he gets impeached and jailed (9.99978 outta 10 chance). Now there’s a perp walk I’d pay to see. A giant Cheetoh in a bright orange jumpsuit, whining and crying like the whiny little bitch we all know he is. Cuffed and shackled, like the grifter he is should be … but I digress.
No point in joining that team J.T.
Yer’ still young and have a good long career in politics if ya’ don’t go down with the Trumptanic. So, blaze one up ma’ brother, toss on a little Dylan, or Floyd, or whatever gets ya’ through, and ponder that shit for a minute ……..
I know eh, that’s some seriously banged up shit man.
Best to walk now, don’t ya’ think?

3. You did promise an awful lot of Canadians that you had the backs of our mutual friend, Mother Earth, and Aboriginal Canadians (you know, the ‘Originals’- No, not the TV show..sigh), and it’s kind of hard to buy that if you’re getting all horny at the first sign of oil cash. And, Alberta will be just fine without Keystone. Lotsa cash there, no matter what the oil kids are saying.
After all, love her or hate her, Rachel Notley has a pretty good jump on doing a little somethin’ somethin’ to TRY to save the environment, and this Keystone hard-on you seem to have ain’t helping. You really want to sell out the future for a few bucks today?

4. You have kids dude, so, like, shake yer’ head man, get woke!
I know, what the fuck were you thinking? … right?

5. WTF would dad say? I don’t ever remember him cowing to dictators, authoritarians and bullies, and he dealt with a few back in the day.
And yep, I know, you’re the last guy I need to tell this to, but whether you agreed with him or not, ALL Canadians seem to agree that he ALWAYS did what, in his heart, was in the best interests of the country. Not what was popular, or easy.

In closing, I’d like to say, the world is watching man, and I know you can do the right thing here and be the adult in the room. In fact we’re all kinda counting on it out here.
Thanks for your time sir,
Safe journeys, always.
Your friend,


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