Because the douchebaggery has not abated in any way since our last d-bag award, and all the sliminess and slithering that passes for sentient behavior in the so-called corridors of power still seem to be as rampant as ever, it must be time to single out our d-bag of the week … and, as all good deeds truly deserve some kind of reward, it’s that time again. And (insert favorite deity here) knows, we certainly did have another week chock bloody full of scheming, lying politicians, incoherent, ass kissing, dog whistle blowing, incessantly blathering, windbag broadcasters, greedy, glamour glomming grifters and pointless, prevaricating and pontificating pricks. So, it’s time to answer the question that is on everyone’s mind. Just who took their act to the lowest of the low, the worst of the worst, the slimiest of the slimy, the doucheyist of the douchey? … are those even freakin’ words? … they are now i guess.
Who was the king or queen of douchebaggery in the last seven days?
Who was the grandest douche rocket of the bunch?
It was, as always, a week that was, full of some of the slimiest, sleaziest, slithering, scuzzball serpents the world of poll pandering, petulant and pithy partisan politics, fanatical, frenzied, far fetched faith freaks, and the exorbitant, exaggerated and exuberant elitist acquisitiveness, avarice and avidity that the preening power pricks(aka politics, religion and corporatocracy) has to offer. And this week was as bad as every other lately, the norm these days it seems, with more than it’s fair share of despicable, degenerate douche bag dancing, misogynistic, mean-minded and mendacious maneuvers, slimy, sickening, sleaze-ball slithering, repugnant, reprehensible, repulsive and revolting rantings and railings, and an out and out torrent of treasonous talk and treacherous temper tantrums.
Especially by the so-called “family values” gang over on the right and their bat shit crazy, bullshit bellowing, ideologically inane, greedy and groveling, greasy grifters and their prevaricating, petulant, pompous and pointlessly pious proponents. In the end, as we always do, we found our winner. And a rather deserving one, if I do say so myself.
And even though this week’s douche-off was not without a copiously crammed cornucopia of conniving, classless, clueless, crass and cretinous challengers to that majestic mantle of mediocrity, mendacity, meandering mindlessness and missteps we like to call the ‘d-bag of the week’, we do have a distinct winner.
And who is the doucheyist of ‘em all this week?
Who took their doucherocketry to dizzying new heights, surpassing all the grease and sleeze that was raining down all around them over on Doucheville Isle?
The envelope please …
The Coward of the County, PAUL LYIN and his fellow grifters,
the CONGRESSIONAL REPUBLICANS!
After months of lies, distractions, treason and hubris regarding your ducking EVERY responsibility you have as elected officials over the whole “the prez is a traitor’ thingy, it’s hard to believe that you assholes could get any lower … I mean treason is a pretty tough bar to slither under, but you fuckers delivered your empathy-free, sleazy goods yet again … wow.
I’m not sure which to applaud more. Your ability to leave such distinct slime trails behind you while not caring one fucking iota* about what people will think of you as you soil everything you touch, or your undying, unflinching dedication to your corporate masters at the expense of your country and your fellow Americans. You know, those people who pay your fucking way.
*iota: science talk, so you MAGA KKKids can just get some smart person you know to ‘splain it.
The sure to be best seller that tells the story of Paul ‘Let ‘Em Eat Cake’ Ryan.
From Paul’s early days as a drug addled child star playing Eddy in the 60’s TV classic “The Munsters” to his most recent work screwing over his fellow Americans for fun and profit in his latest role as ‘Speaker Ryan’ on the hit reality show “From Russia With Love” (starring Paul, Snitch McConnell as ‘The Turtle’ and Donnie Bad Touch as ‘the pReZz’)
In the epilogue, follow the hijinks of these careless carefree doucherockets rascals as they loot “every fucking dime that America has to offer, and not a penny less!” as Donnie is so fond of saying. (I don’t wanna say catch phrase of the decade, but …) And, all the while having to follow the orders of their shirtless ringleader (and the brains of the operation) Vladdy ‘Big Dick Swingin’ Poutine, the fabled Russian/French Canadian mob boss/despot/softwood lumber and dairy products magnate/bear wrestler. Particularly compelling is the homoerotic tension between “the pReZz” and Vladdy. A classic American love story. If you’re a d-bag, heartless MAGA KKKId, then this book is an absolute MUST for your coffee table!
AVAILABLE NOW AT the TRUMP Store ™…
or order online at GriftersRUs.ru