Pro Tips For Reince Priebus For Donnie’s First Big Trip

Homebody Trump jets off on first foreign trip – and packs his ketchup
When Donald Trump sits down for dinner in Saudi Arabia, caterers have ensured that his favorite meal – steak with a side of ketchup – will be offered alongside the traditional local cuisine.
At Nato and the Group of 7 summits, foreign delegations have got word that the new US president prefers short presentations and lots of visual aids. And at all of Trump’s five stops on his first overseas trip, his team has spent weeks trying to build daily downtime into his otherwise jam-packed schedule.
It’s all part of a worldwide effort to accommodate America’s homebody president on a voyage with increasingly raised stakes given the ballooning controversy involving his campaign’s possible ties to Russia..

It’s going to be a very long 9 days for anyone who has drawn the short straw and is on babysitting duty for Donnie Bad Touch’s upcoming excellent adventure …
So here’s a little kit I’ve thrown together for Reince and the guys (‘cause I’m just that kinda helpful guy) … hope it helps out …

flying trump

  • Take advantage of early boarding.(having your own plane helps, and taking a flight previous to Donnie’s is even better) 
  • Make friends with other parents on the flight. (anything so you don’t have to talk or listen to Donnie and all that whining for the entire fucking plane ride!) 
  • Be prepared for a special chat with the flight attendant.(and local police) 
  • Bring activities.(Twitter usually works, plus it’s fun AF for the rest of us back at home) 
  • Bring snacks. (several buckets of KFC, a couple dozen taco bowls, anything that is lard encrusted, and scores of McDonald’s fries.)
  • Be ready for the walk of shame.(every time you get off the plane or go out in public)
  • Have a “sanity seat” (preferably several thousand miles away)
  • Be prepared for them to complain about their popularity, ratings, Hillary, Obama!!! and his tiny hands and his penis size – his friends don’t call him “genitalius minimus” for nothing.
  • Lie, lie, lie to the fat orange bastard him about how long this will take.
  •  

    TODDLERS_PACKING_LIST_

    and Reince, when all else fails try this first …

    (Reince: you may need  to use the whole pack – he is one huge, hefty, nasty baby after all)

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    and follow up with this, if the Valium fails …

    a-house-of-cards-in-costa-rica-real-estate-3

    … and if none of this helps, then, too fucking bad, he’s your monkey, it’s your circus …
    try not to embarrass America any more than you have to, this whole shit show tire-fire has already been embarrassing enough.

     

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