BREAKING: New FBI Chief Announced

Petulant Rump, seen here with his now standard ‘vagina hands’ announces new FBI chief while his lover/confidant/boss Vladdy Putin shows off his ‘hand-farting’ skills to an obviously impressed and easily amused Rump.

La Grande Orange, Petulant Rump, arrived back in D.C. and promptly announced long time mentor and business partner Vladimir Putin as his choice for the post of FBI Director, filling the position left open by the firing of ex-chief James Comey who was fired by Rump for ‘getting too close to the truth’. The choice is expected to be approved unanimously by the Russian owned subsidiary known as ‘the GOP Congress’, led by coward of the county Paul ‘Ayn’ Ryan. While the not so surprising choice is sure to be a hit with the low information racists that Bad Touch Donnie calls his ‘base’ it is expected that both John ‘Imma fucking war hero ya’ know’ McCain and his always fainting lapdog Lindsey ‘don’t make me clutch my pearls’ Graham will rail against his choice before voting for ‘Pooty’. Melania Trump, who will be moving out of the Whitehouse to make room for the Velveeta Raccoon’s ‘new man’, told the assembled press that “it can’t happen soon enough’” and that she’s ‘”just thrilled to be finally able to wash off this stink once and for all.”
In related news, Jarrod Kushner will move over to his new job as ‘back door man’ at the Russian embassy in D.C. where he will be in charge of covert communications and data collection for the FSB, replacing the outgoing Jeff Sessions and Snitch the bitch McConnell.


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