ELF DOWN!!! ELF DOWN!!! MEDIC!!! MEDIC!!!
Keebler hate-goblin and renowned racist and fear monger Jefferson Beauregard Sessions III announced today that he will be recusing himself from participating in any legal matters concerning his involvement in, knowledge of, or financial ties to the newly uncovered ‘Keebler Klux Klan.’ The KKK are a far reaching, apparently criminal organization who has allegedly been laundering Russian mob and dirty oligarch money for years by investing in ‘mythical elves who ‘supposedly’ made delicious cookies for sale to small children’. It turns out that there are no elves and the cookies “are shit” as my youngest has now confirmed. Mr. Sessions could not be reached for comment … watch this space for further developments as they unfold.