inside the grey matter

grey matter

Some things that I think are worth perusing, by myself and others …


When The Fire Comes
February 11, 2017

Following is a stark, yet accurate look at where we find ourselves at this moment in time with pieces from Dartagnan at dailykos and Paul Krugman from the New York Times

Paul Krugman Issues A Warning About What We All Know Is Coming.
Dartagnan at dailykos

In September of 2001 the Administration of George W. Bush was running into trouble. A President who had lost the popular vote, installed into office only through a hotly contested Supreme Court decision, had nonetheless behaved from the start as if he possessed a mandate, eagerly dismantling his predecessor’s achievements and turning the country on a hard rightward course, following a strategy that had been carefully concealed from the public during the campaign. 

The public reaction was swift and negative—Bush’s own popularity tanked precipitously as the public reacted to an agenda most had not realized they had voted for. Prior to September 11th his approval levels had dropped to the lowest of his still-young Presidency.

All of that was transformed in a matter of hours, as the nation witnessed the worst terror attack America had ever experienced. Before the rubble had even been sifted to identify the bodies, Bush’s popularity skyrocketed to 90%. Within a matter of weeks he began the process of lying us into an unnecessary war that had been planned prior to the attacks, using those same attacks as his justification.  That war destabilized the entire Middle East and resulted in hundreds of thousands, if not millions, of pointless deaths.

Meanwhile, here at home, dissent was shouted down as unpatriotic. The Right Wing media outlets labeled protesters as traitors, and nearly all the so-called conventional news sources either abetted or encouraged the Administration’s efforts, which soon instigated torture as an accepted practice, threw out the Geneva conventions, and instituted a web of foreign and domestic surveillance, the parameters of which are still undisclosed. Despite the fact that we were spending a trillion dollars for war, massive tax cuts were instituted benefitting only the wealthy.

Nobel Laureate Paul Krugman, writing for the New York Times, believes the situation we now find ourselves in, with Donald Trump holding the levers of power, is incomparably worse than anything the country faced with Bush or Cheney:

We’re only three weeks into the Trump administration, but it’s already clear that any hopes that Mr. Trump and those around him would be even slightly ennobled by the responsibilities of office were foolish. Every day brings further evidence that this is a man who completely conflates the national interest with his personal self-interest, and who has surrounded himself with people who see it the same way. And each day also brings further evidence of his lack of respect for democratic values.

The one positive thing that can be said about the Bush Administration is that it did not provoke the attacks of 9/11. Despite clear and well-documented early warning signs (which were ignored by Bush), the attacks, however carefully planned, were a shock to everyone, Bush included. And when the Courts began to rein in Bush and Cheney’s abuses of power, while they were surely displeased—even irate–they never stooped so low as to undermine the basic institution of the Judiciary.  As a result, the country slowly returned to a sense of normality because our institutions held up against the onslaughts.

Trump has already gone out of his way to provoke another terror attack on this country. By vilifying and demonizing not just Muslims by attempting to bar their entry into the country, but even equating those those who cross the Mexican border with the worst types of criminals imaginable, he has deliberately  laid the groundwork for some type of retaliation. He has, in fact, invited it. And, as Krugman notes, he seems to want it: 

The really striking thing about Mr. Trump’s Twitter tirade, however, was his palpable eagerness to see an attack on America, which would show everyone the folly of constraining his power:

Krugman is referring to this “Tweet”:

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What Trump has done in attacking the very Judges and Courts that have (thus far) placed restraints upon his arbitrary abuse of power is to tie those restraints directly to the potential for further acts of terrorism against the country. He is telling us, in a very cold, cynical way, that he will consider himself blameless if we are attacked, with the unmistakable implication that such an attack would justify abandoning any constraints or limitations on his own powers:

Never mind the utter falsity of the claim that bad people are “pouring in,” or for that matter of the whole premise behind the ban. What we see here is the most powerful man in the world blatantly telegraphing his intention to use national misfortune to grab even more power. And the question becomes, who will stop him?

It is abundantly clear that the malevolent cast of characters who make up his “inner circle” will do nothing to stop Trump from taking full advantage to exploit the public’s fear and grief in the event of a large-scale terror event.  His closest advisors, a white supremacist with a history of anti-Islamic hatred, and a general obsessed with Islamophobia in charge of the military,  appear absolutely thrilled at the prospect of provoking an attack.  They will not help us. In fact they would author the Orders that would attempt to initiate deportations and surveillance, limit speech and assembly, or otherwise revoke or “suspend” Due Process for certain “targeted” groups.

Neither will the Republican-dominated Senate, which, for all its phony pretensions of disapproval, is well on the way to confirming the most abominably incompetent President’s cabinet in the nation’s history.  Neither they nor their ideological compatriots in control of the House of Representatives are going to lift a finger to help us.

The Judiciary does stand in his way, for now. But the nature of the Judiciary is not to be proactive but to react, most often after the damage has already been done. Trump is doing his best to undermine the Judiciary by his now-constant attacks on Judges who stand in the way of his exercise of arbitrary power.  Ultimately they can only do so much.

No, when the terror attack comes—and Trump and Bannon are making damned sure that it does come—it will only be the common people, banding together, that will be able to stop him. If we let fear affect our judgments, an aftermath with rules imposed by people who have nothing but contempt for our institutions will be worse than anything terrorists could do to destroy us.

In the end, I fear, it’s going to rest on the people — on whether enough Americans are willing to take a public stand. We can’t handle another post-9/11-style suspension of doubt about the man in charge; if that happens, America as we know it will soon be gone.

We need to be ready. What is coming will literally be the fight of our lives


.and here is the Krugman piece in it’s entirety …

When the Fire Comes
Paul Krugman

What will you do when terrorists attack, or U.S. friction with some foreign power turns into a military confrontation? I don’t mean in your personal life, where you should keep calm and carry on. I mean politically. Think about it carefully: The fate of the republic may depend on your answer.

Of course, nobody knows whether there will be a shocking, 9/11-type event, or what form it might take. But surely there’s a pretty good chance that sometime over the next few years something nasty will happen — a terrorist attack on a public place, an exchange of fire in the South China Sea, something. Then what?

After 9/11, the overwhelming public response was to rally around the commander in chief. Doubts about the legitimacy of a president who lost the popular vote and was installed by a bare majority on the Supreme Court were swept aside. Unquestioning support for the man in the White House was, many Americans believed, what patriotism demanded.

The truth was that even then the urge toward national unity was one-sided, with Republican exploitation of the atrocity for political gain beginning almost immediately. But people didn’t want to hear about it; I got angry mail, not just from Republicans but from Democrats, whenever I pointed out what was going on.

Unfortunately, the suspension of critical thinking ended as such suspensions usually do — badly. The Bush administration exploited the post-9/11 rush of patriotism to take America into an unrelated war, then used the initial illusion of success in that war to ram through huge tax cuts for the wealthy.

Bad as that was, however, the consequences if Donald Trump finds himself similarly empowered will be incomparably worse.

We’re only three weeks into the Trump administration, but it’s already clear that any hopes that Mr. Trump and those around him would be even slightly ennobled by the responsibilities of office were foolish. Every day brings further evidence that this is a man who completely conflates the national interest with his personal self-interest, and who has surrounded himself with people who see it the same way. And each day also brings further evidence of his lack of respect for democratic values.

You might be tempted to say that the latest flare-up, over Nordstrom’s decision to drop Ivanka Trump’s clothing line, is trivial. But it isn’t. For one thing, until now it would have been inconceivable that a sitting president would attack a private company for decisions that hurt his family’s business interests.

But what’s even worse is the way Sean Spicer, Mr. Trump’s spokesman, framed the issue: Nordstrom’s business decision was a “direct attack” on the president’s policies. L’état, c’est moi.

Mr. Trump’s attack on Judge James Robart, who put a stay on his immigration ban, was equally unprecedented. Previous presidents, including Barack Obama, have disagreed with and complained about judicial rulings. But that’s very different from attacking the very right of a judge — or, as the man who controls 4,000 nuclear weapons put it, a “so-called judge” — to rule against the president.

The really striking thing about Mr. Trump’s Twitter tirade, however, was his palpable eagerness to see an attack on America, which would show everyone the folly of constraining his power:

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Never mind the utter falsity of the claim that bad people are “pouring in,” or for that matter of the whole premise behind the ban. What we see here is the most powerful man in the world blatantly telegraphing his intention to use national misfortune to grab even more power. And the question becomes, who will stop him?

Don’t talk about institutions, and the checks and balances they create. Institutions are only as good as the people who serve them. Authoritarianism, American-style, can be averted only if people have the courage to stand against it. So who are these people?

It certainly won’t be Mr. Trump’s inner circle. It won’t be Jeff Sessions, his new attorney general, with his long history of contempt for voting rights. It might be the courts — but Mr. Trump is doing all he can to delegitimize judicial oversight in advance.

What about Congress? Well, its members like to give patriotic speeches. And maybe, just maybe, there are enough Republican senators who really do care about America’s fundamental values to cross party lines in their defense. But given what we’ve seen so far, that’s just hopeful speculation.

In the end, I fear, it’s going to rest on the people — on whether enough Americans are willing to take a public stand. We can’t handle another post-9/11-style suspension of doubt about the man in charge; if that happens, America as we know it will soon be gone.

Read my blog, The Conscience of a Liberal, and follow me on Twitter, @PaulKrugman.


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Donald Trump’s political persona aligns with that of a fascist leader, according to 14 key signs

One historian lamented that Trump’s win would “hearten fascists all over the world.”

Kali Holloway
This article originally appeared on AlterNet.

In 1995, Umberto Eco, the late Italian intellectual giant and novelist most famous for The Name of the Rose, wrote a guide describing the primary features of fascism. As a child, Eco was a loyalist of Mussolini, an experience that made him quick to detect the markers of fascism later in life, when he became a revered public intellectual and political voice. Eco noted that fascism looks different in each incarnation, morphing with time and leadership, as “it would be difficult for [it] to reappear in the same form in different historical circumstances.” It is a movement without “quintessence.” Instead, it’s a sort of “fuzzy totalitarianism, a collage of different philosophical and political ideas, a beehive of contradictions,” he wrote.

Eco’s famous 14-point list outlines what the author dubbed “Ur-Fascism, or Eternal Fascism”—and it fits hand in glove the political persona created by Donald Trump. Hours after 60 million Americans voted to give the presidency to a dangerously incompetent narcissist whose campaign was based on nativist fear-mongering and racist appeals, British historian Simon Schama lamented that Trump’s newly sealed win would “hearten fascists all over the world.” Sure enough, congratulations poured in from far-right admirers around the world, who recognized Trump as one of their ilk.

Throughout the campaign, comparisons of Trump to fascist leaders have been treated as unserious and even irresponsible. Now, as we watch him assemble a cabinet of frightening far-right nationalists, white supremacists, militarists, and free-marketeers, Eco’s list emerges as a must-read.

  • The cult of tradition.

    Remind me when America was great, again? Was it during the eras of native people genocide, slavery, black lynchings as white entertainment, Japanese-American internment, or Jim Crow?

    Trump’s campaign slogan, “Make America Great Again,” is an expression of longing for an America in which black folks knew their place and gay people didn’t dare leave the closet; when the country’s residents and immigrants were whiter and almost uniformly Christian; when identity politics (which we have had since this country’s founding) centered on white male identity. The slogan is often coupled with Trump’s promise to “take back our country,” implying it has been stolen by the blacks, the browns and the gays. The Republican Party has been playing to white America’s nostalgia for unvarnished racism and sock hops for decades (Ronald Reagan also promised to “make America great again”), but Trump took the subtle racism of the phrase and married it to naked bigotry and xenophobia, which are also long-standing American traditions.

  • Rejection of modernism.

    Eco points out that this is not a rejection of modern technology, as much as modern ideas and thinking. “The Enlightenment, the Age of Reason, is seen as the beginning of modern depravity,” Eco writes. “In this sense Ur-Fascism can be defined as irrationalism.”

    Trump denies the scientific truth of climate change, once tweeting it was “created by and for the Chinese in order to make U.S. manufacturing non-competitive.” More recently he labeled it “bunk” and possibly a conspiracy dreamed up by scientists, and has vowed to pull out of the Paris Climate Accords. He’s pro-fracking and anti-environmental regulations that protect the ozone layer but make his hair spray less effective. Trump has also pushed the discredited link between vaccination and autism, and appointed advisers who favor cuts to both NASA and the National Institutes of Health, which funds critical biomedical research.

    Vice President-elect Mike Pence is a fervent denier of science and a religious zealot. He has taken a wait-and-see attitude on evolution and advocated for teaching intelligent design and creationism in schools. In a 2000 op-ed he wrote that “smoking doesn’t kill,” and penned a 2009 op-ed against embryonic stem cell use. Pence has written that global warming is a “myth,” that the earth is cooling and that there is “growing skepticism” among scientists about climate change—all the literal opposite of the truth. He also opted to pray instead of immediately changing a law that would have stunted the spread of HIV, resulting in the worst HIV outbreak in Indiana history.

    Other modern concepts eschewed by Trump include multiculturalism, religious diversity, reproductive justice, civil rights for all, and other American ideals—in name, if not in deed—his followers have dismissively labeled “political correctness.”

  • The cult of action for action’s sake.

    Eco writes that “action being beautiful in itself, it must be taken before, or without, any previous reflection. Thinking is a form of emasculation.” This attitude goes hand in hand with “distrust of the intellectual world.” He continues, “The official Fascist intellectuals were mainly engaged in attacking modern culture and the liberal intelligentsia for having betrayed traditional values.”

    Anti-intellectualism and pride in idiocy—and disdain for complexity—are trademarks of today’s Republican ideology. In this light, educated elites are the enemies of salt of the earth, hard-working (white) Americans. Their hatred of Obama was paired with disdain for what they view as his “effete snob[bery]” and proclivity for lattes and arugula.

    Ironically, in their quest to overthrow the coastal elite establishment, Trump voters elected a billionaire, coastal elite, establishmentarian, Ivy League graduate (as he constantly reminds us). Trump, perhaps recognizing that many in his base hate the visible professional class while worshipping the out-of-sight rich, simultaneously boasted about his wealth and pedigree while boosting his own anti-intellectualism. He patronizingly gushed about loving “the poorly educated.” He told the Washington Post he has “never” read much because he makes decisions based on “very little knowledge…because I have a lot of common sense.”

    Since winning the election, Trump has waived the daily intelligence briefings that far better prepared and knowledgeable predecessors made time for, despite his being the first president with no experience in government or the military. He hasn’t bothered to contact the State Department before getting on calls with foreign leaders which threaten to overturn decades of political protocol. He has steadfastly refused to the learn the basics of domestic or foreign policy—or the Constitution—seemingly believing he can just go with the flow.

  • Opposition to analytical criticism; disagreement is treason.

    Trump attempts to quell the slightest criticism or dissent with vitriol and calls for violence. On the campaign trail, Trump encouraged his base’s mob mentality, promising to “pay for the legal fees” if they would “knock the crap” out of protesters. He gushed about “the old days” when protesters would be “carried out on a stretcher.”

    When the media finally began taking a critical tone after giving him billions in criticism-free press, Trump declared his real opponent was the “crooked press.” He pettily stripped reporters of press credentials when they wrote something he didn’t like, referred to individual reporters “as ‘scum,’ ‘slime,’ ‘dishonest’ and ‘disgusting,’” and claimed he would “open up” libel laws so he could sue over unfavorable—though not erroneous—coverage. In the latter stages of the campaign, Trump supporters took to berating the media with shouts of “lügenpresse,” a German phrase popular with Nazis that translates as “lying press.” Some Trump supporters also sported T-shirts suggesting journalists should be lynched.

    Since the election, instead of boning up on policy, the thin-skinned president-elect has tweeted outrage at satirical comedy shows, Broadway actors and various media outlets, stating he would leave them alone if they were only nicer to him. Trump has also used social media to complain about protesters who oppose his presidency. That includes a tweet suggesting flag burning, a First Amendment right and fair game for expression of dissent, should carry a penalty of jail time or loss of citizenship.

  • Exploiting and exacerbating the natural fear of difference.

    “The first appeal of a fascist or prematurely fascist movement is an appeal against the intruders,” Eco notes. “Thus Ur-Fascism is racist by definition.”

    Before he officially threw his hat into the ring, Trump courted bigots and racists furious about Obama’s wins by pushing the birther lie and attempting to delegitimize the first black president. The only coherent policy proposals Trump made during his run were those that appealed to white racial resentments, promising to end Muslim immigration, build a wall along the southern border to keep Mexicans out and retweeting white nationalists’ made-up statistics about black criminality. The cornerstone of Trump’s campaign was fear and bigotry, making him the preferred candidate of the KKK, David Duke and the white nationalist “alt-right.” Trump supporters have repeatedly denied that racism and xenophobia motivated their votes, but more than 900 hate crimes documented since the election suggest some correlation. So does the frequency with which Trump’s name appears in racist graffiti and is shouted by perpetrators of hate crimes.

  • Appeal to a frustrated middle class.

    Eco writes that fascism reaches out to “a class suffering from an economic crisis or feelings of political humiliation, and frightened by the pressure of lower social groups.”

    Economic anxiety played a far smaller role in the election than the media has suggested; in fact, middle and upper-class white voters put Trump over the top. That said, Trump made overt appeals to whites who believe the American Dream is not so much slipping from their grasp as being snatched away by undeserving immigrants and other perceived outsiders. Trump made impossible promises to return manufacturing jobs and restore class and social mobility to a group of people nervous about falling down rungs on the ladder.

    Trump, who immediately began hiring entrenched members of the Wall Street and Washington establishments he ran against and whose policies will largely benefit the very wealthy, took a page out of a Democrat’s book with this approach: “If you can convince the lowest white man he’s better than the best colored man, he won’t notice you’re picking his pocket,” President Lyndon B. Johnson famously stated. “Hell, give him somebody to look down on, and he’ll empty his pockets for you.”

  • Obsession with a plot, possibly an international one.

    “To people who feel deprived of a clear social identity,” Eco writes, “their only privilege is the most common one, to be born in the same country. This is the origin of nationalism. Besides, the only ones who can provide an identity to the nation are its enemies. Thus at the root of the Ur-Fascist psychology there is the obsession with a plot, possibly an international one.”

    Trump obviously appealed to racial and religious nationalist sentiments among a majority of white Americans by scapegoating Mexican and Muslim immigrants on issues of crime, job losses and terrorism. He pushed the idea that he would “put America first,” suggesting that Hillary Clinton would favor other nations over the U.S.

    “Under a Trump administration, no American citizen will ever again feel that their needs come second to the citizens of foreign countries,” Trump said, during one speech in April. “My foreign policy will always put the interests of the American people and American security first.”

    Trump also propagated conspiracies by right-wing figures such as Alex Jones and Michael Savage which hold that globalism, aka the New World Order, threatens American interests. Former Trump spokesperson Hope Hicks defined the idea as, “An economic and political ideology which puts allegiance to international institutions ahead of the nation-state; seeks the unrestricted movement of goods, labor and people across borders; and rejects the principle that the citizens of a country are entitled to preference for jobs and other economic considerations as a virtue of their citizenship.”

    The New York Times writes that the “term encapsulates a conspiratorial worldview based on racism, xenophobia and anti-Semitism.”

  • Followers must feel humiliated by the ostentatious wealth and force of their enemies.

    Trump conjured up a vision of America in a downward spiral, a nation fallen from its lofty position in the world to one deserving of shame and ridicule. He spent much of the campaign telling Americans they weren’t just losing, but had become the butt of an embarrassing worldwide joke.

    In fact, since 1987, Trump has claimed more than 100 times that various entities are laughing at the U.S. The Washington Post tallied Trump’s quotes, and found that the parties he claims are mocking us include China (35 times), Mexico (five times), terrorists (three times), Russia (five times) and the entire rest of the world (28 times).

    “We don’t win anymore, whether it’s ISIS or whether it’s China with our trade agreements,” Trump announced in an early campaign speech. “No matter what it is, we don’t seem to have it.”

    “We have an enemy in the Middle East that’s chopping off heads and drowning people in massive steel cages, OK?” Trump said in an interview in March. “We have an enemy that doesn’t play by the laws. You could say laws, and they’re laughing. They’re laughing at us right now.”

  • Pacifism is trafficking with the enemy. It is bad because life is permanent warfare.

    For Trump, this holds true in both his personal and political lives. “If you look at wars over the years—and I study wars—my life is war,” Trump told Bill O’Reilly in an interview last year. It’s an odd view for someone who was given five draft deferments during the Vietnam War, but it jibes with Eco’s point.

    Fellow billionaire Richard Branson recounts a story in which Trump said he would “spend the rest of his life destroying the lives” of people he felt had betrayed him. In The Art of the Deal, Trump bragged, “I love getting even.” A perpetual victim, Trump spends time he could dedicate to learning the ropes of his new job on social media, sniping at perceived enemies. He is vicious and vengeful, a man you can famously “bait with a tweet,” who views himself as perpetually under attack, engaged in battle with advancing forces. Hair-trigger tempers are not great assets for heads of state.

    Trump has made expansion of the U.S military a primary aim, putting the country in a perpetually defensive stance. In the past, he has reportedly demanded to know why the U.S. shouldn’t use its nuclear weapons. In the weeks since the election, he has filled his cabinet with war hawks. On the campaign trail, Trump said his generals would have 30 days following his election to put together “a plan for soundly and quickly defeating ISIS.” The Center for Strategic and International Studies predicts that military spending under Trump may increase by $900 billion over the next decade.

    “I’m gonna build a military that’s gonna be much stronger than it is right now,” Trump told CNN. “It’s gonna be so strong, nobody’s gonna mess with us.”

  • Popular elitism.

    Eco writes that under Ur-Fascism, “Every citizen belongs to the best people of the world, the members of the party are the best among the citizens…Since the group is hierarchically organized (according to a military model), every subordinate leader despises his own underlings, and each of them despises his inferiors. This reinforces the sense of mass elitism.”

    Trump repeatedly hails himself as the best. He has the best words, the best ideas, the best campaign, the best gold-plated penthouse, the best of all the best of the best things. Trump and his nationalist followers believe that America is the greatest country that has ever existed. That somehow makes Americans the best people on Earth, by dint of birth. In keeping with a long-standing right-wing lie about patriotism and love of country, conservatives are the best Americans, and Trump supporters are the best of all.

    Eco writes that “aristocratic and militaristic elitism cruelly implies contempt for the weak.” Trump biographer Michael D’Antonio has written that Trump’s father instilled in his son that “most people are weaklings,” and thus don’t deserve respect. Trump, who has earned a reputation as a lifelong bully in both his public and private lives, has consistently bemoaned America’s weakness, resulting from the reign of weak cultural elites.

  • Everybody is educated to become a hero.

    Trump’s base believes itself to be the last of a dying (white) breed of American heroes, enduring multiculturalism and political correctness to speak truth to the powerful elites and invading hordes of outsiders who have marginalized and oppressed them, or taken what’s rightfully theirs.

    Eco writes that “this cult of heroism is strictly linked with the cult of death…the Ur-Fascist hero craves heroic death, advertised as the best reward for a heroic life. The Ur-Fascist hero is impatient to die. In his impatience, he more frequently sends other people to death.”

    Though Trump has downplayed his war designs, he talks a big game about taking out ISIS, and is backed by advisers who have been vocal in denigrating Islam. If Trump does ever enter any kind of armed conflict, Eco’s prediction may prove true. Only time will tell.

  • Transfer of will to power to sexual matters.

    “This is the origin of machismo (which implies both disdain for women and intolerance and condemnation of nonstandard sexual habits, from chastity to homosexuality),” Eco writes.

    We are well acquainted with Trump’s machismo, which like all machismo, is inseparable from his loudly broadcast misogyny. This is a man who defended the size of his penis in the middle of a nationally televised political debate. For 30 years, including the 18 months of his campaign, Trump has consistently reduced women to their looks or what he deems the desirability of their bodies, including when talking about his own daughter, whom he constantly reminds us he would be dating if not for incest laws. Trump has been particularly vicious to women in the media, tweeting insults their way, suggesting they’re having their periods when they ask questions he doesn’t like, and verbally attacking them at rallies and inviting his supporters to follow suit. There’s also that notorious leaked 2005 recording of Trump discussing grabbing women by the genitalia, which was followed by a stream of women accusing him of sexual assault.

  • Selective populism.

    “Since no large quantity of human beings can have a common will,” Eco writes, “the Leader pretends to be their interpreter…There is in our future a TV or internet populism, in which the emotional response of a selected group of citizens can be presented and accepted as the Voice of the People.”

    Eco’s two-decade-old prediction is uncanny. Trump, a fixture on social media and reality television, has mastered a kind of TV and internet populism that makes his voice one with the angry masses of his base. At the Republican National Convention, after a rant about the terrible, dystopian shape of the country, he designated himself the nation’s sole savior.

    “I am your voice,” Trump said. “No one knows the system better than me. Which is why I alone can fix it.”

    Trump has also declared he knows more than anyone else about a range of things, from tax laws to renewables to Facebook to Cory Booker (who he said he knows more about than Booker himself). He grants himself the supreme knowledge to make important statements and decisions on topics he has never studied.

    Eco adds, “Because of its qualitative populism Ur-Fascism must be against ‘rotten’ parliamentary governments….Wherever a politician casts doubt on the legitimacy of a parliament because it no longer represents the Voice of the People, we can smell Ur-Fascism.”

    Is there any more vivid example of Eco’s example than Trump’s repeated contention that the election was rigged? Trump painted himself as the savior of a people who could no longer rely on rich, powerful politicians. Save for him, of course.

  • The use of Newspeak.

    “All the Nazi or Fascist schoolbooks made use of an impoverished vocabulary, and an elementary syntax, in order to limit the instruments for complex and critical reasoning,” Eco writes. “But we must be ready to identify other kinds of Newspeak, even if they take the apparently innocent form of a popular talk show.”

    From the beginning, Trump’s supporters praised him as a “straight shooter” who “tells it like it is.” He sprinkled his rally speeches with swear words and rambled instead of sticking to a script or following a teleprompter. Within months, his Republican opponents were trying to follow his lead, but without the same wholesale disregard for gentility or convention. Trump picked up followers who equated his unpreparedness and empty rhetoric with authenticity.

    “There is a defiance in the language which is part of his schtick,” Allan Louden, a Wake Forest University professor of political communication told the Toronto Star. “Less formal language signals one is an ‘outsider’ from the ones cussed out, an attribute golden in this election cycle.”

    Trump also kept his sentences short and his words to as few syllables as possible. He repeated words he wanted to drive home, and punctuated his speech with phrases meant to have maximum effect. In lots of cases, a single quote contained multiple contradictory statements. The takeaway from a Trump speech was whatever the listener wanted to hear, which turned out to be a winning strategy.

    _______________________

    The 14 Characteristics of Fascism, by Lawrence Britt, Spring 2003

    Political scientist Dr. Lawrence Britt recently wrote an article about fascism (“Fascism Anyone?,” Free Inquiry, Spring 2003, page 20). Studying the fascist regimes of Hitler (Germany), Mussolini (Italy), Franco (Spain), Suharto (Indonesia), and Pinochet (Chile), Dr. Britt found they all had 14 elements in common. He calls these the identifying characteristics of fascism. The excerpt is in accordance with the magazine’s policy.

    The 14 characteristics are:

    Powerful and Continuing Nationalism
    Fascist regimes tend to make constant use of patriotic mottos, slogans, symbols, songs, and other paraphernalia. Flags are seen everywhere, as are flag symbols on clothing and in public displays.

    Disdain for the Recognition of Human Rights
    Because of fear of enemies and the need for security, the people in fascist regimes are persuaded that human rights can be ignored in certain cases because of “need.” The people tend to look the other way or even approve of torture, summary executions, assassinations, long incarcerations of prisoners, etc.

    Identification of Enemies/Scapegoats as a Unifying Cause
    The people are rallied into a unifying patriotic frenzy over the need to eliminate a perceived common threat or foe: racial , ethnic or religious minorities; liberals; communists; socialists, terrorists, etc.

    Supremacy of the Military
    Even when there are widespread domestic problems, the military is given a disproportionate amount of government funding, and the domestic agenda is neglected. Soldiers and military service are glamorized.

    Rampant Sexism
    The governments of fascist nations tend to be almost exclusively male-dominated. Under fascist regimes, traditional gender roles are made more rigid. Opposition to abortion is high, as is homophobia and anti-gay legislation and national policy.

    Controlled Mass Media
    Sometimes to media is directly controlled by the government, but in other cases, the media is indirectly controlled by government regulation, or sympathetic media spokespeople and executives. Censorship, especially in war time, is very common.

    Obsession with National Security
    Fear is used as a motivational tool by the government over the masses.

    Religion and Government are Intertwined
    Governments in fascist nations tend to use the most common religion in the nation as a tool to manipulate public opinion. Religious rhetoric and terminology is common from government leaders, even when the major tenets of the religion are diametrically opposed to the government’s policies or actions.

    Corporate Power is Protected
    The industrial and business aristocracy of a fascist nation often are the ones who put the government leaders into power, creating a mutually beneficial business/government relationship and power elite.

    Labor Power is Suppressed
    Because the organizing power of labor is the only real threat to a fascist government, labor unions are either eliminated entirely, or are severely suppressed .

    Disdain for Intellectuals and the Arts
    Fascist nations tend to promote and tolerate open hostility to higher education, and academia. It is not uncommon for professors and other academics to be censored or even arrested. Free expression in the arts is openly attacked, and governments often refuse to fund the arts.

    Obsession with Crime and Punishment
    Under fascist regimes, the police are given almost limitless power to enforce laws. The people are often willing to overlook police abuses and even forego civil liberties in the name of patriotism. There is often a national police force with virtually unlimited power in fascist nations.

    Rampant Cronyism and Corruption
    Fascist regimes almost always are governed by groups of friends and associates who appoint each other to government positions and use governmental power and authority to protect their friends from accountability. It is not uncommon in fascist regimes for national resources and even treasures to be appropriated or even outright stolen by government leaders.

    Fraudulent Elections
    Sometimes elections in fascist nations are a complete sham. Other times elections are manipulated by smear campaigns against or even assassination of opposition candidates, use of legislation to control voting numbers or political district boundaries, and manipulation of the media. Fascist nations also typically use their judiciaries to manipulate or control elections.


    random thoughts

    2016 by hip

    just some random shit that’s bouncing around the old noggin …
    1. I hate it when you gently toss your phone on the bed and it decides to bounce off 3 walls, smash 2 lamps and kill a cat.
    2. Is it illegal to shine laser pointers at planes because a cat might attack the plane?
    3. I winked at the moon earlier, it’s probably time to re-evaluate the dosage.
    4. I’m really more of a ‘glass half Scotch’ kinda person.
    5. When interviewing for a job, is it okay to just tell the truth and explain your lateness to the interview with “Sorry, I was crying in the parking lot, and I just couldn’t stop”?
    6. Why is the level of volume between zero and one so drastic when watching porn?
    7. It’s a really bad idea to make snow angels in a dog park … just trust me on this one, how I know this is really unimportant …
    8. Whenever someone says to me “you look familiar, where do I know you from”, is it rude to always respond “do you watch porn?”
    9. When my teenagers complain about life, should I just tell them that “you’ve only seen the tip of it’s dick”?
    10. Pro Tip: If you take the bag outta a box of wine and use it as a pillow, you can suckle yourself to sleep.
    11. Should I have told my kids that in the real world the ‘ugly duckling’ actually grows up to be a bitter and resentful alcoholic .
    12. It seems I need a new ‘pick up line’ … “hey you, get in the van!” doesn’t seem to be working … and the legal bills are killing me.
    13. Relationships are way easier if one of you is a cake.
    14. Eating a brick of cheese is the most delicious way to figure out it’s time to get groceries.
    15. Women may not be the ‘delicate little flowers’ I was led to believe .. re-eval time for this boy.
    16. Fourth dates wouldn’t be so awkward if I was better at memorizing names.
    there I feel better now … thank you for your time.


    the 12 nays of christmas … part 2 … the early edition

    by hip

    wow, it’s only November 10th and this shit has started already …
    I mean, we haven’t even taken a day to remember those that serve, those that have served, those that gave all for their country, and Donald ‘Gasbags’ Trump AND Billo the clown over at Faux Noise have started in on the annual ‘war on Christmas’ lies and poutrage …

    Donald Trump: Republican Presidential Candidate Suggests Boycott of Starbucks Over Holiday Cups
    “Maybe we should boycott Starbucks,” Trump said at a rally in Springfield, Ill., on Monday. “If I become President, we’re all going to be saying ‘Merry Christmas’ again.”

    couldn’t we at least wait until December 1st to start with this stuff? …
    shouldn’t we at least have a moratorium on the faux poutrage until the actual month that Christmas happens? …
    apparently not, so let’s just get this outta the way bright and early, okay? …

    ”The War On Christmas”
    or,
    ”How I Learned To Say ‘Happy Holidays’,
    You Self Righteous, Redneck Motherfuckers! “

    clip_image012
    okay, so why is it every time i turn on my t.v. expecting to catch a little news these days, all i get is one of those left/right roundtable discussions, or should i say “nah nah bo boo” anger management therapy spats, where someone from the right is whining about how obama and the left are trying to destroy christmas and christianity as a whole because they sent out christmas cards with “happy holidays” on it instead of “merry christmas”, and then that is followed by some long winded diatribe about how the right is missing the point that the world is full of all kinds of different people and happy holidays is “less offensive” to atheists, buddhists, muslims, jews, etc. …
    jesus, people …
    left and right …
    get over it, there are far more important things to be wasting oxygen on …
    we’ve got guys running through malls with assault rifles, tsunamis, earthquakes, more bad shit than you can shake a stick at going on in egypt, syria, afghanistan and 29 other locales, fiscal problems up the proverbial whazoo, massive poverty, hunger, disease and unemployment, and war everywhere you look, and you motherfuckers are arguing about what christmas greeting to use …
    wow …
    now, i’m no christian by any stretch of the imagination, in fact i tend to have some doubts about anyone who puts much stock or faith in imaginary beings, magical books and “celestial retribution”, but i would think that that guy they say they believe in, and blather on about so much, (you know the dark skinned, long haired, middle eastern guy with the mexican name) would be horrified to learn that his followers were spending any time at all on this shit …
    especially with all this other bad shit that seriously needs tending to …
    i also have my doubts that he’d be very impressed with the so called “religious right” and their obsession with cutting help to the “least among us” at every opportunity, the bigotry and racism, or the never-ending lust for power and money that seems to be the “religious right’s” modus operandi these days, but hey i’ll get to that stuff and my opinions on it the rest of the year …
    so, back to the “crisis of the moment” …
    you know, the “war on christmas” debate, and the manufactured faux outrage that seems to be gripping the faux noise/bagger crowd …
    seems to me that this pretend issue started a few years back with fox news and a few on the right who, upon realizing that they were losing the “demographics war” as they like to call it decided that they needed to whip up the base …
    why is everything about “war” with these so called “christians”? …
    the “war” on women, the “war” on christmas”, the “war” on “illegals”, the “war” on the middle class …
    how about we do something that remotely resemble christian behaviour and have a “war” on war? …
    you know, stop having them and funding them …
    i know, that’s just crazy talk, right? …
    or maybe, just maybe, we show about a little “good will towards men”, and work on a little “peace on earth”? …
    and how about we make that “good will” extend to ALL men …
    everywhere …
    just an idea …
    in the end, what the hell does it matter whether someone says “merry christmas”, “happy holidays”, “happy hanukkah”, “season’s greetings”, “joyeux noël”, “gesëende kersfees”, “nollaig shona dhuit”, “buon natale”, “feliz navidad”, “sung tan chuk ha” or “have a rockin’ fuckin’ kwanzaa bro” as long as what is meant is “have a peaceful and happy time my friend” …
    so pick one ya’ like …
    one that rolls off of your tongue with ease and comfort …
    happy holidays works for me …
    or any of the others for that matter …
    it really doesn’t matter at all …
    really …
    not at all …
    maybe if everyone stops trying to push their particular belief system and dogma on everyone else, it would actually be a merry christmas …
    or a happy holidays …
    or a peaceful, happy time …
    get over it people and fix something that matters …
    there really isn’t any “war” on christmas going on …
    just a bunch of assholes trying to whip up some outrage …
    how very christian of them all eh? …
    so to them i say, get over yourselves, you self righteous, redneck motherfuckers …
    and get over the whole bullshit, faux poutrage and fake debate …
    and “have a happy holidays!” …
    just sayin’ …


    today’s random shit …

    by hip

    I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance … by leaving the scene of the accident.

    Celebrating 2 years of sobriety today … I think it was 1992 and 1996 …

    I hate when girls on tinder say “not looking for hook ups just friendships!” … yeah and I’m on pornhub to see if the plumber is gonna fix the sink …

    Know those adorable idiosyncrasies you loved when first dating? After 20 years of marriage they become what the police refer to as “motive”.

    I don’t think it’s rude to ask someone in an online dating site to send a picture posing with a copy of today’s newspaper.

    I had this one night stand a few weeks ago but I wasn’t satisfied with the craftsmanship so I returned it and got a bedside table instead…

    The location of your mailbox shows you how far away from your house you can be in a robe before you start looking like a mental patient.

    Be advised Ladies: Once I show you my Knight Rider lunchbox from 1985, foreplay has officially begun.

    Sleeping in could easily be my superpower. If not for my arch-nemesis, having to pee.

    Jehovah’s witnesses would probably be welcomed into more houses if they brought booze or cookies … just sayin’ …

    Playboy is dropping nudes because they’re too easy to find on the internet? I had no idea. I only read the internet for the articles.

    People say I’m way too patronizing (that means I treat them as if they’re stupid).

    I don’t think I meet the height requirement to ride your emotional rollercoaster

    “Having too much sex can cause memory loss.” I read it on page 37 in a medical journal on November, 2006 at 4:19 pm.

    Loneliness is when your sleeve unrolls itself while washing dishes and you try to roll it back up with your face.

    Exercise can add years to your life. For example, I just ran 2 miles and I now feel like I’m 82.

    I just found out cock fighting is done with roosters and now it feels like this 6 months of training has been wasted.

    If the person is ugly , you call them a stalker. If the person is good looking, you call them a secret admirer.

    Day 3 in the desert: I have somehow gained the respect of some birds as they are circling above me in some sort of protective formation..


    bits ‘n’ stuff

    by hip

    I was at a funeral a while back and I asked the priest for the WiFi password … “Have some respect for the dead!” he said … “Okay,” I replied, “Is that all lower case without spaces?”

    I used to be in a band called “missing dog” … I’ll bet you’ve probably seen our posters …

    It’s okay password, I’m insecure too …

    Technically, if you don’t cut the cake, it’s still just one slice right? …

    If I ever win an Oscar, I’m going with “I would like to thank my arms, for always being by my side, my legs, for always supporting me, & my fingers…because I can always count on them … thank you, thank you very much” …

    Which is worse: Ignorance or apathy? Who knows? Who really cares? …

    I would like to see the new Steve Jobs movie, but I just know that as soon as I do they will come out with a new one that is shot with a better camera and has a larger screen … plus I’ll prolly hafta pay 1.99 per song just to be able to hear the soundtrack …

    I’m thinking that they invented the wireless mouse just so there was one less thing to use to hang yourself with at work …

    I’m really glad chicken breast don’t have nipples … That would be very disturbing … and distracting …

    You autocomplete me. Let’s duck …

    Why is it that we only ever seem to run over cats that are on their last life? …

    The best thing about dogs is that you can act like something really good just happened and they’ll instantly start celebrating. They have no idea what the deal is, they’re just always ready to party …

    I never thought I’d be one of those people that hit the gym early in the morning … I was right! …

    I love Costco. You don’t go there thinking you’re gonna buy a 36-pack of watermelons but you’ll probably leave with one …

    I think the winner should aspire to greater things than a chicken dinner … just sayin’ …


    87,423 dead … and nothing’s changed

    by hip

    I know I’m going to hear about this from my friends who think that the second amendment is the most sacred thing there is, and those that think more guns equals more safety, but too bad, it’s time to call that shit what it is …
    lies and idiocy …
    and whether you completely agree with these sentiments or not, it is about freaking time something was done …
    I am so fucking tired of waking up to these tragedies and then having to listen to the ammosexuals and their supporters rail on about how the “liberal left” is politicizing this …
    or that it is too early to talk about it …
    fuck you …
    according to that bullshit line of reasoning (and I use that word with a fair amount of reservation) there is never enough time between these constant instances to “talk about it” …
    fuck wayne lapierre and his nra assholes, and fuck anyone else who stands to defend them any longer …
    and people … they’re not coming for your guns, they’re coming for your social security, wake the fuck up and save your children …
    today’s ny daily news cover pretty much sums it up …

    clip_image013Legislators in Colorado passed relatively moderate gun control laws and they were targeted by the GUN NUTS and recalled from office …
    If any politician attempts to provide even a one iota of sane restrictions they immediately come under intense assault by the NRA idiots …
    If a disease were taking that many people, we’d be all over it …
    But because it’s guns, people are like “meh, just another day of American exceptionalism.” …
    and thanks to the ongoing efforts of republicans in congress the CDC is not even allowed to track these numbers …
    And let’s put it another bluntly honest way … at least 87,423 gun-related deaths since Sandy Hook can be placed at the hands of a radical Republican Party who has not only refused to do anything about gun control but stood directly in the way of anyone who tried to do anything …
    At this point I think it’s fair to say that the GOP (and complicit and cowardly Dems) have far outstripped terrorism as a direct danger to the nation …

    clip_image014

    clip_image015

     


    sarah’s magical hysteria tour

    by hip

    okay, so, the klondike kardashian is at it again, this time hawking the trumpster and all his hate …
    whew, and I thought she’d finally disappeared but alas, fuck me agnes, it’s back …
    so let’s take a quick tour down memory lane so we all remember that this sad sack excuse of a lipstick slathered troll should just be shuffled off to nowhere, where presumably she’ll do less harm …

    roll up, roll up for the magical history tour …
    step right this way …
    roll up, roll up for the history tour …
    roll up, roll up for the history tour …
    roll up (and) that’s an invitation …
    roll up for the history tour …
    roll up to make a reservation…
    roll up for the history tour …
    the magical history tour is waiting to take you away …
    waiting to take you away …

    today I’m going to take you all to a far away and imaginary place … a place of magical thinking and twisted reality … the world according to sarah … so buckle up tight ‘cos it’s gonna be a long strange trip indeed … a place the rest of us like to call fantasyland, although I do think bigotville or liestown would be far more accurate … a place of astounding ignorance and constant confusion and bewilderment … a place where pigs can not only fly, they wear lipstick … and where rules only apply to others … a place that is only 6000 years old, where the earth is flat and jesus rode a raptor … a place where a person never has to read a book or magazine … where ignorance is not only bliss, but a sacred and revered thing … if after reading this you still think we should pay any attention at all to this self promoting, clueless alaskan barbie, then you my friend, may need help

    is everybody comfortably seated? … then we’ll begin …
    p.s. … really sorry about the total lack of grammar and coherent(?) sentences(?) to follow, but hey, it’s sarah the refudiator … and english is obviously not her mother tongue … so just read fast and it won’t seem as bad … it still won’t really make sense, but at least it won’t seem like you’ve wasted as much of your life … she is after all, the queen of non-sequiters, word salads and rambling, absurd, nonsensical rants … (tldr: bitch be crazy)

    “He who warned, uh, the British that they weren’t gonna be takin’ away our arms, uh, by ringing those bells, and um, makin’ sure as he’s riding his horse through town to send those warning shots and bells that we were going to be sure and we were going to be free, and we were going to be armed.” –Sarah Palin, on Paul Revere’s midnight ride, June 3, 2011

    “[Paul Revere] did warn the British. And in a shout-out, gotcha-type of question that was asked of me, I answered candidly. And I know my American history.” –Sarah Palin, defending her botched Paul Revere history lesson by taking issue with the reporter, who simply asked her “What have you seen so far today, and what are you going to take away from your visit?” (Fox News Sunday interview, June 5, 2011)

    “I haven’t heard the president state that we’re at war. That’s why I too am not knowing — do we use the term intervention? Do we use war? Do we use squirmish? What is it?” –Sarah Palin, on the U.S. and NATO bombing of Libya, March 29, 2011

    “But obviously, we’ve got to stand with our North Korean allies.” –Sarah Palin, after being asked how she would handle the current hostilities between the two Koreas, interview on Glenn Beck’s radio show, Nov. 24, 2010

    “I want to help clean up the state that is so sorry today of journalism. And I have a communications degree.” –Sarah Palin, Fox News interview with Sean Hannity, Nov. 22, 2010

    “Who hijacked term: ‘feminist’? A cackle of rads who want 2 crucify other women w/whom they disagree on a singular issue; it’s ironic (& passé)” –Sarah Palin, in a Twitter message, Aug. 18, 2010

    “Dr. Laura: don’t retreat…reload! (Steps aside bc her 1st Amend.rights ceased 2exist thx 2activists trying 2silence “isn’t American,not fair”)” –Sarah Palin, in a Twitter message coming to the defense of Dr. Laura Schlessinger, the talk radio host who apologized and decided to retire from her highly-rated program after using the N-word on the air 11 times in 5 minutes, Aug. 18, 2010

    “As we work and sightsee on America’s largest island, we’ll get to view more majestic bears, so now is a good time to draw attention to the political equivalent of the species.” –Sarah Palin, referring to Kodiak Island in Alaska, even though Hawaii is America’s biggest island, July 19, 2010

    “Ground Zero Mosque supporters: doesn’t it stab you in the heart, as it does ours throughout the heartland? Peaceful Muslims, pls refudiate.” –a Tweet by Sarah Palin, which she quickly removed after being ridiculed for inventing the word “refudiate,” July 18, 2010

    “Peaceful New Yorkers, pls refute the Ground Zero mosque plan if you believe catastrophic pain caused @ Twin Towers site is too raw, too real.” –a second Tweet by Sarah Palin, which she also removed after misusing the word “refute,” July 18, 2010

    “‘Refudiate,’ ‘misunderestimate,’ ‘wee-wee’d up.’ English is a living language. Shakespeare liked to coin new words too. Got to celebrate it!’” –a follow-up Tweet by Sarah Palin, proudly mistaking her illiteracy for literary genius, July 18, 2010

    “[Barack and Michelle Obama] have power in their words. They could refudiate what it is that this group is saying.” –Sarah Palin, on the NAACP charge of racism in the Tea Party movement, The Sean Hannity Show, Fox News, July 14, 2010

    “We have a President, perhaps for the very first time since the founding of our republic, who doesn’t appear to believe that America is the greatest earthly force for good the world has ever known.” –Sarah Palin, Facebook note, June 30, 2010

    “I would have waived the Jones Act, and some unions not might not like it, not union membership, but the union leaders, too many, who are thugs.” –Sarah Palin, speaking at the Oil Palace in Tyler, Texas, June 26, 2010

    “This is Reagan country (applause). Yeah! And perhaps it was destiny that the man who went to California’s Eureka College would become so woven within and inter-linked to the Golden State.” –Sarah Palin, blundering on Reagan’s education while speaking at a fundraiser at California State University-Stanislaus. Eureka College is in Illinois. (June 25, 2010)

    “What the federal government should have done is accept the assistance of foreign countries, of entrepreneurial Americans who have had solution that they wanted presented … The Dutch and the Norwegians, they are known for dikes and for cleaning up water and for dealing with spills.” –Sarah Palin, on solving the Gulf oil spill crisis, Fox News, June 15, 2010

    “Shoot, I must have lived such a doggoned sheltered life as a normal, independent American up there in the Last Frontier, schooled with only public education and a lowly state university degree, because obviously I haven’t learned enough to dismiss common sense.” –Sarah Palin, on opposition to offshore oil drilling, Facebook note, June 13, 2010

    “Here’s an example of how it wastes some time. To be judged on or to be talked about on appearance—say chest size—it makes me wear layers, it makes me have to waste time figuring out what am I going to wear so that nobody will look in an area that I don’t need them to look at.” –Sarah Palin, Fox interview with Greta Van Susteren, June 12, 2010

    “Unless government appropriately regulates oil developments and holds oil executives accountable, the public will not trust them to drill, baby, drill. And we must!” –Sarah Palin, Facebook note, June 8, 2010

    “Extreme deep water drilling is not the preferred choice to meet our country’s energy needs, but your protests and lawsuits and lies about onshore and shallow water drilling have locked up safer areas. It’s catching up with you. The tragic, unprecedented deep water Gulf oil spill proves it.” –Sarah Palin, blaming the Gulf oil spill disaster on “extreme environmentalists,” Facebook note, June 2, 2010

    “I think it’s appalling and a violation of our freedom of the press.” –Sarah Palin, speaking about the negative media coverage of Republican congressional candidate Vaughn Ward, Boise, Idaho, May 21, 2010

    “We’re all Arizonans now.” –Sarah Palin, defending Arizona’s new law cracking down on illegal immigration, May 15, 2010

    “Go back to what our founders and our founding documents meant — they’re quite clear — that we would create law based on the God of the bible and the Ten Commandments.” –-Sarah Palin, arguing that Judeo-Christian belief was the basis for American law and should continue to be used as a guiding force for creating future legislation, interview with Bill O’Reilly, May 6, 2010

    “We used to hustle over the border for health care we received in Canada. And I think now, isn’t that ironic?” –Sarah Palin, admitting that her family used to get treatment in Canada’s single-payer health care system, despite having demonized such government-run programs as socialized medicine that will lead to death-panel-like rationing, March 6, 2010

    Sarah Palin, on writing notes on her hand during her Tea Party convention speech: “I didn’t really had a good answer, as so often — is me. But then somebody sent me the other day, Isaiah 49:16, and you need to go home and look it up. Before you look it up, I’ll tell you what it says though. It says, hey, if it was good enough for God, scribbling on the palm of his hand, it’s good enough for me, for us. He says, in that passage, ‘I wrote your name on the palm of my hand to remember you,’ and I’m like, ‘Okay, I’m in good company.’” (March 5, 2010)

    “They are kooks, so I agree with Rush Limbaugh. Rush Limbaugh was using satire … I didn’t hear Rush Limbaugh calling a group of people whom he did not agree with ‘f-ing retards,’ and we did know that Rahm Emanuel, as has been reported, did say that. There is a big difference there.” –Sarah Palin, attempting to rationalize why it’s okay for Limbaugh to use the word “retards” but not Emanuel, FOX News Sunday interview, Feb. 7, 2010

    “Who calls a shot like that? Who makes a decision like that? It’s a disturbing trend.” –Sarah Palin, pushing a conspiracy theory that “In God We Trust” had been moved to the edge of coins by the Obama administration (the change was made by the Bush administration in 2007 and was later reversed by Congress, before Obama took office), West Allis, Wisconsin, Nov. 6, 2009

    “The America I know and love is not one in which my parents or my baby with Down Syndrome will have to stand in front of Obama’s ‘death panel’ so his bureaucrats can decide, based on a subjective judgment of their ‘level of productivity in society,’ whether they are worthy of health care. Such a system is downright evil.” –-Sarah Palin, in a message posted on Facebook about Obama’s health care plan, Aug. 12, 2009

    “I think on a national level your Department of Law there in the White House would look at some of the things that we’ve been charged with and automatically throw them out.” –Sarah Palin, referring to a department that does not exist while attempting to explain why as president she wouldn’t be subjected to the same ethics investigations that compelled her to resign as governor of Alaska, ABC News interview, July 7, 2009

    “How sad that Washington and the media will never understand; it’s about country. And though it’s honorable for countless others to leave their positions for a higher calling and without finishing a term, of course we know by now, for some reason a different standard applies for the decisions I make.” –Sarah Palin, July 4, 2009

    “It may be tempting and more comfortable to just keep your head down, plod along, and appease those who demand: ‘Sit down and shut up,’ but that’s the worthless, easy path; that’s a quitter’s way out.” –Sarah Palin, announcing her resignation as governor, July 3, 2009

    “Let me go back to a comfortable analogy for me – sports… basketball. I use it because you’re naive if you don’t see the national full-court press picking away right now: A good point guard drives through a full court press, protecting the ball, keeping her eye on the basket… and she knows exactly when to pass the ball so that the team can WIN.” –Sarah Palin, announcing her resignation, July 3, 2009

    “Letterman certainly has the right to ‘joke’ about whatever he wants to, and thankfully we have the right to express our reaction. This is all thanks to our U.S. military women and men putting their lives on the line for us to secure America’s Right to Free Speech – in this case, may that right be used to promote equality and respect.” –Sarah Palin, misunderstanding the First Amendment, June 16, 2009

    “That was fun!” –Sarah Palin, conducting an interview after pardoning a turkey for Thanksgiving while other turkeys were slaughtered in the background, Nov. 20, 2008

    “John McCain and I, we love you and thank you for spending a few minutes to talk to me.” –Sarah Palin, talking with Canadian radio prankster posing as French President Nicolas Sarkozy, Nov. 1, 2008

    “We realize that more and more Americans are starting to see the light there and understand the contrast. And we talk a lot about, OK, we’re confident that we’re going to win on Tuesday, so from there, the first 100 days, how are we going to kick in the plan that will get this economy back on the right track and really shore up the strategies that we need over in Iraq and Iran to win these wars?” –Sarah Palin, suggesting we are
    at war with Iran, FOX News interview, Nov. 1, 2008
    “Because of that one episode, that one episode, that would turn an issue into what it has become over the last two years. I think that’s ridiculous. That’s one of those things, where that issue…that I don’t read, or that I’m not informed, it’s one of those questions where I like to turn that around and ask the reporters, ‘Why would it be that there is that perception that I don’t read?’” –Sarah Palin, ABC interview with Barbara Walters, Dec. 9, 2010

    and a personal fave of mine:
    Shortly after declaring that she’s “seriously interested” in running for president in 2016, Sarah Palin delivered a confusing speech that was panned by many, even some on the right. Speaking at the Iowa Freedom Summit in Des Moines, the former Alaska governor and one-time vice presidential candidate delivered a speech that John Fund of the National Review described as “meandering and often bizarre.”

    Here’s an excerpt:

    “Things must change for our government. Look at it. It isn’t too big to fail. It’s too big to succeed! It’s too big to succeed, so we can afford no retreads or nothing will change with the same people and same policies that got us into the status quo. Another Latin word, status quo, and it stands for, ‘Man, the middle-class everyday Americans are really gettin’ taken for a ride.’ That’s status quo, and GOP leaders, by the way, y’know the man can only ride ya when your back is bent. So strengthen it. Then the man can’t ride ya, America won’t be taken for a ride, because so much is at stake and we can’t afford politicians playing games like nothing more is at stake than, oh, maybe just the next standing of theirs in the next election.”

    In response to the speech, Democratic National Committee communications director Mo Elleithee issued a two-word statement: “Thank you!”

    The New York Daily News reports that Palin’s teleprompter froze, forcing her to ad-lib some of her remarks.

    Palin also referred to President Barack Obama as “an overgrown little boy.” And in a clip posted online by Right Wing Watch, Palin attacked the left for being racist and sexist.

    “Really, it’s kind of Orwellian, observing how that works, that rule of Saul Alinsky’s, no doubt, that the left employs. Disgusting charges, from the left. Reverse them — for it is they who point a finger not realizing that they have triple that amount of fingers pointing right back at them, revealing that they are the ones who really discriminate and divide on color and class and sex. We call them out. We don’t let them get away with it.”

    from huffpo …

    also … please check out the rude pundit for what feels to me to be a more appropriate, maybe not so suitable for family consumption, but as always, dead on and accurate take on sister sarah’s “magical hysteria tour” …

    okay, now we’re officially done with the alice in blunderland report …
    unless of course she opens her mouth again and let’s sound come out …


    baggers for beavers … teathuglicans come to hockeytown

    by hip

    clip_image016gee, this smells vaguely familiar … conservatives promise one thing (jobs, jobs, jobs) in an election season, then soon as they get their right wing social agenda driven asses in the chairs of power, suddenly the whole direction changes …hmmm … where oh where have we heard this crap before? … oh ya’ … every time I turn on an american news channel … well, canucks always were keen on keeping up with the joneses, or at least the so-called american dream version of the joneses … so why not become prison planet north with some good old fashion big brother knows what’s best for ya’ thrown in for good measure … and let’s make sure we get as involved in any foreign conflicts, pardon me, democracy-deliverin’ investments, that we can … it’s good for business, and it gives all those unemployed youngins’ something to do with their time … kill two birds with one stone … give the youngins’ something to do, and with alla kids headed off to whatever fu*&in’ war our neocon buds to the south can get us into, think of all the student loan money and unemployment benefits we’ll be savin’ on … perfect, that way we keep our gun-toting jesus-jock buddies happy and we make some easy cash off of killing people who don’t look like us … and while we’re at it let’s get some good old fashioned fear going too … bring in sweeping and intrusive laws to crack down on criminals (and our ever falling crime statistics) cos’ god knows, canada’s streets are overrun with big time crime and we better get those guys into prisons where they all belong … and let’s never forget the always present, ever frightening, any moment now attack that’s surely on the way from isis … that way our elected officials can feel safe enough to maybe create a freaking job or two … and I don’t mean building, stocking and maintaining prisons …
    this really is beginning to make harper and his gang ‘o’ fools look more and more like his teabag heroes from across the 49th … and I don’t know about you, but I’m thinking that the more we can emulate those dbags, the faster we can just get this whole conservative, give it all to the rich” agenda over and done with and me and mine (and you and clip_image017yers’) can just get ourselves some nice less than minimum wage jobs and start working full time for the benefit of a few rich, fat cats in the new state of canada … woo-hoo, can’t hardly wait … then we can get rid of these job killing frivolities like health care, pensions and education … I mean look how well it’s working out south of the border …and before I forget, we better get rid of any chance quebec has of maintaining their cultural sovereignty, before it’s too late … I mean … those guys are different than us, and we can’t have that … then we can get to work on shipping more of that liquid death from the tar sands down to be sold to whoever is willing to pay the most for it … never mind that the pipelines already in service, leak, blow up and burn more often than a lohan at a free, all you can ingest drug marathon …  it’ll be great to get all that cash … and screw the planet and screw the future … money!!!!! … profits!!!!! … wtf do our kids need clean water and clean air for anyways? …we’ll have all that cash, we can get ’em all new x-boxes and iphones … they’ll never even notice the yellow air and black water…oh, and  speakin’ of blackwater … we needa get ourselves a nice new private army too … ya’ … then if anyone gets in the way of us making cash, we can just sick our new jack-booters on ‘em … that’ll teach ‘em not to get in the way of the job creators! … oh canada (sigh)
    one thing I will say for mr. harper … ‘nice hair though’ … domain data


    a couple of words from north of the 49th

    by hip

    the truth about “single payer” health care

    if you listen to Michael “spinner” Steele, John of orange Boehner, Eric “the ranter” Cantor, Paul “the lyin’” Ryan, Mittens Romney,Rush Limpballs, Hannity the manatee, the gang at faux noise or any other of a zillion right wing grifters you would hear that the health care system in Canada is in huge financial trouble, that they are killing jobs and the economies of this country, that they are causing medicine to be practiced at third world levels, and that the government is getting between the patients and their doctors …
    you would also be warned about “death panels”, incredible wait times for services, second rate medicine and doctors and the overwhelming burden they place on business and job creators …
    you might even hear how the single payer system are spiraling the debt out of control …
    and you would be hearing nothing but out and out lies …
    pure spin and factually deficient bullshit …
    plain and simple, these statements from the right are nothing more than fear mongering and self serving fantasies, made up by the right to scare the American citizenry into propping up the right wing politicos and their giant pharmaceutical and insurance company benefactors …
    their are NO long line ups at hospitals, seniors and the poor are NOT being turned away, the health care, research and treatment services are world leaders in their fields (yes Virginia, even better than their American counterparts – by far), you pick and choose both the services you want and require, you choose your own doctors, they are actually helping both the economy and service of the national debt, and about the only time you even know the government is even remotely involved is that once a year “statement of services paid for you, by the government” letter that arrives in your mail box …
    and the only reason you even see that is so that some politicos in Ottawa and your province can remind you that they exist and that maybe you might remember who they are and toss them a vote sometime …
    and there is no difference in the health care if you are the prime minister or an unemployed 19 year old who spends too much time stoking his bong and bitching about ”the man” …
    none …
    fact – Canada’s unemployment rates are lower than those in the united states …
    fact – the social safety nets are much, much more comprehensive and far reaching …
    fact – the education is way, way cheaper and in most cases free …
    fact – the national debt is well under control …
    fact – the banks here are stable, solid, profitable, regulated and didn’t go through anywhere near the problems that their American counterparts did in the last few years … the same with the economy …
    fact – the “job creators” are seeing the biggest profits in history, and growth rates are steady and solid …
    fact – crime rates are at an all time low, and have been falling steadily for years (even with gun control) …
    fact – the health care is among the absolute best in the world …
    these are the facts …
    verifiable and provable to anyone who wants to spend 5 minutes with Google …
    i have spent the large majority of my life living in Canada and i use these services, walk these streets, have availed myself of the educational system, raise my kids here and pay the taxes due here enough to know of what i speak …
    and i find it infuriating, deceitful and an insult to the intelligence of myself and the American citizenry every time i hear these right wing talking points and lies spewed forth at the American public by some self serving gop propagandist whose only aim is to incite fear and distribute ignorance so as to increase his own power and increase the power and profits of his benefactors …
    one of the biggest reasons that the American dream is becoming “out of reach” for many Americans is that the health care costs to both employers and employees is spiraling out of control for the sole benefit of big pharma and insurance conglomerates …
    at the expense of the middle class, the poor and the “job creators” …
    and i don’t mean the 1% “job creators” that the gop keep referring to, i mean the real job creators …
    the ones who actually run businesses and create jobs … 
    a single payer system in America would control these issues, and it is time that the American public woke up to that simple fact …
    oh, and while you’re at it, you might want to try regulating wall street and the big banks too …
    oh yeah, and shut the fuck up about Canada … we need any lies and b.s. spewed about the place and we’ll just call the prime minister’s office … 
    just sayin’ …


    gimme a side of jesus, and hold the christian

    by hip

    when i turn on the news these days, i am greeted by yet another rightie, explaining to me, always condescendingly, why i must believe in him cos’ he’s a bigger god jock than the next guy … and how, because his big fella in the sky is talkin’ to him (or her), he’s got all the answers to all my problems … then he starts spouting the usual right wing, holier than thou talking points of the day, from god’s own economic watchdog, grover norquist … you know the spiel, make the rich richer, wipe out the middle class and tax those freeloadin’ poor … and seeing as his god doesn’t believe in taxes (aka: paying for our services) of any kind (except on the poor and any services they might require), we’ll have to just cut all the luxuries and frivolous extravagances the rest of us like to call education, health care, social security, medicare and medicaid … oh, and while we’re at it, let’s make sure we cut off any services to woman, minorities and anyone of color (aka: not white like him/her) who might want to avail themselves of more frivolities like breast cancer exams, free clinics or family planning and services of any! kind that might just keep those freeloadin’ poor alive too long … cut off the food stamps and lunch programs for kids who can’t afford food too … cos’ these people should have done better  for themselves instead of livin’ on the backs of society … and don’t even get these pricks started on unions and collective bargaining, or minimum wages, or child labor laws, all of which are “killing jobs” and destroying the dreams of “the founding fathers” … and all of which they are working very hard and very systematically to kill completely … (i won’t even get into the fact that these morons refute climate change, evolution and all things scientific … yet) … and to hear them tell it, god and or his son jesus (which is a latino name if i’m not mistaken) are both huge insayn rand fans and think old brayin’ ayn should lead us all on our path to capitalistic redemption and salvation … you know, every man/woman/child for himself … toss out all the regulations and protections we’ve spent several centuries fighting and dying for … they’ll just hamper the job creators … all so that the “job creators” (sounds almost god like doesn’t it) can make even more frign doneros off the backs of the people who can spare it the least, and when they have enough, they’ll just magically start creating jobs like a unicorn creates sparkles … ya’, when they have it all, and all the regulations are gone and you can work for peanuts, but only if you and yours wanna eat (back to the frivolous lifestyles again) … we tried that shit … it was called slavery … it wasn’t right, and it wasn’t humane back then, and it sure as f*$k ain’t any more right or humane now … in fact, for all you history challenged conservatives out there, and there seems to be a shitload of you guys, there was a war about all this shit about 100 years back …
    and you lost! …remember? …
    the blue team killing their cousins, neighbors and brothers on the grey team …
    comin’ back to ya” yet? …
    i mean, i get it  guys, those damned “coloreds” got taken away from ya’ and the cubans said f*$k you, and those damned mexicans won’t do the really shitty jobs for ya for free any more, and now they’re acting all equal and shit … so all that’s left is to enslave the poor … i get it …but, in the name of christianity??? … and for our own good? … really? …as we say in these parts, gimme a large f*$kin’ break ya’ dbag, i call bullshit! on this one … you talk all day and night about making it all a level playing field and yet you do anything but … cowards … can’t cut it fairly??
    these are not the gop that i remember, growing up … but ever since old ronnie raygun …

    so, here’s my question … where’s the christian behavior? … where’s the christian values? (as espoused by above mentioned hypocrites ) …you know, the values you and your family values party say you stand for … the reason i should vote for you … remember those? … where’s the humanity, or empathy or tolerance that the always handy in an argument, mythical boy wonder, jesus was talkin’ about all those years ago? … i seem to remember a little ditty went something like ” truly i say to you, because you did it to the least of these my brothers, you did it to me.” **… and something about false prophets and money changers being told to hit the road … so talk all ya’ want about yer’ christian beliefs … yer ‘actions betray you, ya’ lying hypocrites … you have the tolerance and empathy of a hammered mel gibson at a bar mitzvah… and the holiness of the borgias … you cover yerself in your fake veil of jesus, all the while eschewing any vestiges of the christian behavior you rant on and on about … lewd gord man, i’m an atheist and i behave more like a christian than any of you, and so do most of the atheists, and muslims, and buddhists and mormons that i’ve met … i am! my brother’s keeper, and i do believe that we must all work together to solve our differences and our problems … and i believe in charity … and democracy … and compassion … so go ahead, pretend yer’ a christian so that yer’ information challenged base has something to hide behind …we know who you really are … and what you are … and if that god of yours truly does exist, well, yer fucked bud! … verily, i say!

    ** Matthew 25:40: props where props due …


    a day at the racists

    by hip

    so where to start with this one …
    ahh, the true face of the gang that loves to share their freedom and democracy with everyone, whether they want it or not … except their own citizens of course (you know them, the huddled masses and denizens of what the rest of the world has fondly come to know as prison planet … we’ll get into that one further at a later date …promise) those adorable kids who brought ya’ more things, clip_image018peoples and ideologies to be afraid of than you can shake a very large stick at … the not so free (at least these days) and the not so democratic (20% of the country is ramrodding it’s far right, armageddonist christianity down the other 80%’s gullets) country with the most (at least at the top 2%)…
    the confeder united states of america …
    where the hell did this thing come off the rails? … what happened to “one nation…””? and why the hell is 80% or more of an amazing and powerful nation being herded like sheep into remaking their country into a stark and nihilistic version of what it once was by a very small, hate filled and paranoid minority of mouth breathers and trailer park “constitutionalists”? … and as we mark the passage of yet another martin luther king day, wtf is with all the racism again guys? … i thought ya’ had at least some of this stuff worked out by now …
    but nope, it’s let’s get back to our roots time for every racist, homophobe, islamophobe (this year’s “threat from the east), low info voter and all ‘round, ignorant, entitled redneck motherfucker, dick army, rush limbaugh and glenn beck can scare into bein’ a believer for their fake grassroots herd o’ zealots that has become known as the tea party (all 139 variations of it) … and they seem to have one thing and only one thing on their minds … get the black man out of the white house … at any cost … the economy, every right earned since 1940, pardon me, did i say 1940, i meant 1776, the social safety nets that made america that shining city on the hill in the first place, the very existence of the middle class and the dis-patriotation of every single american that doesn’t “do as their told” … or else the economy gets it! …or the unemployed … or any recent victim of a natural clip_image019disaster (no cuts, no funds, cantor sez so)
    toss in a more than fair share of “their version” of god in government and ya’ got yerself a real third world country in the making … and the best kind too … a theocracy … wait a minute … wasn’t that kinda what 1776 was about? … never mind … i’m not one of them, so what would i know … they wrap themselves in the flag and whine on and on about being strict constitutionalists (you betcha, wink, wink), all the while raving like the bat shit crazy corporatist sellouts they are about changing or just plain repealing too many constitutional amendments to mention in this confined space … ya’ let’s go back to 1750 … ya’ those were the days … morons … i’m telling ya’, these people don’t give a rat’s ass about you , me, yer’ kids, yer’ parents or anyone else that isn’t them … and they are so disturbed by the thought of anyone other than a white, neocon, hard core conservative republican in the oval office that they are willing to stir the pot of racial divide and hatred to get that office back … as rush “the drugster” limpbow said just the other day, “we gotta put this guy in his place” … in his place? … this guy? … and where would that place be, rush? … back in his quarters? … and this guy happens to be the duly elected president of the united states you “patriot” … if there truly are treasonists in the country, as you say rush, then look no further than in the mirror you lying hypocritical d-bag … and let’s not leave out that faux noise blowhard sean of the red hannity with his daily prescription of dog whistle filled, venomous diatribes of pseudo christian surreality and blatant race-baiting … and while we’re on the issue of faux noise, let’s just take a quick boo at the barely human menagerie they call their “news”, and i use that term loosely (and i mean loosely like that mornin’ after ya’ drank johnny walker with the good ole’ boys ‘til dawn, loosely) … they did finally get rid of glenn “fear monger in chief”’ beck, and they told him to pack his blackboards and his swastikas and hit the proverbial road to hell … i guess fox figures that g. gordon liddy can look after the gold sales to their conspiracy-theory fueled followers, and cover off the truly lunatic fringe demographic that fox has captivated  for so long … or is that cultured (as in a petri dish cultured) … but that was more a matter of glenn going so far right that he was in danger of approaching pure and complete paranoia and hate, than it was a “do the right thing” management moment … of course, he was replaced by “the five”, a blathering, blaming, blustering, fact deprived group of morons who can find a way to spin anything to their disturbed and demented ideological slant … did anyone ever! really give a fuck about anything dana perino had to say, even when she was bush’s liar in cheif? … or geraldo rivera …geraldo? … really?
    they shoulda run this guy outta hollywood after the al capone’s safe hoax … there has rarely been a bigger ass-kissin’, boot-lickin’, name droppin’ sell out on tv … think about that a sec guys …tv’s had way more than it’s fair share of sellout, anything for a buck, publicity whores, and yet, geraldo you still da’ man when it comes to self aggrandizing, self important money whores … throw in mike “i’ll do anything to be rich” huckabee with his racist tomes for tots animated rewrites of history; bill “megalomaniac” o’reilly with his supernatural ability to just make up “facts”” on the fly, trying to sell his propoganda machine he likes to call the “no-spin zone” (oh lordy, the irony in the title alone); juan “i’m black so it’s not racism” williams; brett ‘it’s all obam’s fault” baier, a man who would blame obama for killing jobs in the pharmaceutical industry if he invented a cure for cancer (not like this congress would ever allow it to be used); neil “corporations are god-like” cavuto with the business news; and shepard “spinnin’ like a dervish on crack” smith bringing you the fair and balanced reporting we have all come to expect from faux noise.
    we got elected officials making “tar baby” comments about the president, others who love to throw around as many nazi/lynching/one world government references as they can squeeze into a 30 second  sound bite … shouting “you lie” at the president as he makes his state of the union address … supreme court justices at that same speech rolling their eyes and mouthing “lies” on camera … michele bachmann calling the administration gangsta … sarah palin and her “targets” … the rewriting of history by all of the above … often moments after it’s taken place …and yer’ gunna look me in the eye and tell me that this amazing level of disrespect for this president has nothing to with his skin color? … really? … do you honestly believe that these cretins would be doing this or saying these things if he were white? … i can’t … not for a second … calling one man a socialist, a communist, a nazi, and a mau mau sypathizer makes as much sense as putting glenn beck in charge of yer’ school’s curriculum … plus you simply can’t be all those things at once … ya’ know? … political science 101 people … gawd these people make my brain hurt … and i’m hoping that the general public sees this shit for what it is … a pack of racist, islamophobic, homophobic, hate filled and fueled lies … it’s the only hope the good people of a great country have for a better future … or, you can just party like it’s 1799! … and we can all join rush in singing “barack the magic negro” .. all together now … 1, 2, 3, 4,  barack the  …


    muskrat love … to the death

    2015 by hip

    the impending death of the gop as a political power …
    clip_image020many years ago,when i was a much younger man, i took a gig (between music gigs) surveying a road in the middle of nowhere … we were many miles into the bush, in northern alberta, on the edge of one of alberta’s most northerly reserves … the snow was deep, the wind was blowing and i really thought that i’d made the mistake of my young life by taking the job …
    but it was there, on a particularly shitty and freezing day that i witnessed an event that has stuck with me my entire adult life …
    an event that taught me all i needed to know to understand the republican party as it is today …
    i was walking along beside a very large and noisy D9 Cat as it plowed down trees and bushes to make way for what would one day become a “road to nowhere” …
    i was paying only just enough attention to what i was doing so that i wouldn’t get run over by the big yellow machine of destruction next to me or freeze to death …
    suddenly this muskrat appears ahead of the cat, snarling and gnashing and apparently really pissed …
    being your typical, long haired, not too “bush savvy” city boy, my first instinct was to get a little closer and get a better view of the obviously enraged critter …
    it seems we’d crashed through a piece of land that this varmint viewed as “his” and he was coming out to let the trespassers know who was boss …
    i had just started to move towards the little fella when suddenly this rather large hand comes out of nowhere and grabs me by the back of my collar and literally lifts me off the ground and half way up onto the D9 …
    as i finished my rather abrupt journey skyward and clambered up onto the machine i heard the voice of a rather large and serious native cat skinner (operator) who greets me with “what the fuck you think you’re doing city boy?”, followed by the laughter of himself and his three cohorts who had joined us on the side of this giant machine …
    i stammered out that i was just going to have a closer look at what seemed like what might be a “cool scene” as the muskrat proceeded to attack the blade of the giant machine …
    the laughter grew louder as i asked what could be wrong with that …
    it was then that this ginormous man explained to me that the muskrat was freaked out that we had destroyed his “space” and was much more dangerous than i could ever imagine …
    i looked down at this rather small, furry ball of rage and watched as it spent the next several minutes repeatedly attacking the blade of the cat with a ferocity that i honestly never imagined could be contained in such a small creature …
    it attacked the machine until it was dead …
    the critter, not the machine that is …
    it basically tore itself to bits on the sharp metallic edges of the machine …
    when it was all over, we all climbed down and had a closer look at what had been a self inflicted and suicidal bloodbath …
    it was then that the same guy who had only minutes before grabbed me up with the “what the fuck you think you’re doing city boy?”  greeting explained to me that the “dying throes of any creature” are the most insane and dangerously suicidal moments of any life …
    that in is those last moments a wounded animal will do truly insane and self destructive things to preserve it’s way of life …
    even if it means it’s own destruction …
    that that is when it is most dangerous to all around it …
    i learned a valuable lesson that day about muskrats, and later, much later, i would come to realize that it was the way of all creatures …
    i watched a very similar scenario play out again years later in the canadian political arena when the conservative party of canada had over reached enormously and smugly with it’s our way or the highway agenda and the canadian people were about to put an end to them in the next general election …
    everyone knew what was coming and so the leader bailed and they sacrificed a lady named kim campbell and she got to be prime minister for a summer until the election while the old guard of the party retreated and ran quickly for the hills …
    then they all but disappeared from the electoral map for nearly a generation …
    i have, for the last couple years, especially since the republican victories in the 2010 midterm elections, seen that same “death dance” …
    the gop veering back and forth, to and fro, grasping at straws and flailing and gnashing in a style eerily similar to that muskrat many years before …
    i believe what we are witnessing is the death dance of the gop …
    might as well just sit back and watch the carnage ….
    in the words of napolean bonaparte “never interfere with an enemy while he’s in the process of destroying himself” …
    and in the words of a very large and very wise native gentleman who’s name sadly escapes me at the moment “never screw with a pissed off critter” …
    this is one city boy who has learned his lesson …


    schizophrenia comes to the americas …

    by hip

    or why liberals consistently vote conservatively

    schizophrenia: a complex mental disorder that makes it difficult to:
    tell the difference between real and unreal experiences
    think logically
    have normal emotional responses,
    behave normally in social situations
    as the illness continues, problems with thinking, emotions and behavior develop, including:
    strongly held beliefs that are not based in reality (delusions)
    hearing or seeing things that are not there (hallucinations)
    problems paying attention
    thoughts “jump” between unrelated topics ( “loose associations”)
    bizarre behaviors
    social isolation
    anxious, angry or argumentative
    false beliefs that others are trying to harm you or your loved ones


    clip_image021disclaimer: i am not a doctor, nor do i play one on t.v., but i am an opinionated, angry citizen, so i figure, hey, close enough huh? … and i presently live in alberta, canada, which for decades (yup, frign decades!) has voted as conservatively as any red state, all the while suckin’ up all the free health care, family assistance, free education, unemployment insurance and social programs we can …
    think of alberta as sweden with sarah palin as leader and y’all kinda get it …
    we’re kinda texas north without the pistols (we much prefer a nice hunting rifle or shotgun over an AK, but hey, to each their own) …
    our lives are completely controlled by the oil industry and it’s cronies, thugs, crooks and philanderers, and we too have our “pants pulled up to here” and complain full-time about or government and it’s constant attacks on “we the people” …
    and yet, election after election my whack-a doodle neighbors keep voting in the same slimy, self-serving fear mongering pricks that run “insert red state name here” …
    then the day after the election we all go back to bitchin’ about the government full time … makes no effin’ sense to me …
    don’t even get me started on the new pipeline of the america’s that mr.obama is about to sign us all up for (more on that soon, i promise ya’ … grrrr…) …
    and no, i personally have never voted conservatively, so before ya’ send me any emails yelling about “gettin’ the government i deserve”, hear me out …
    and then tell me i deserve this, or that anyone else does for that matter …
    i vote against these clowns each and every time i’m allowed, so NO, i don’t deserve the government i got …
    and that is why i feel i am eminently qualified to scream and yell about this shit all i please …
    i only wish more would …
    is everyone comfortably seated? …
    good, then we’ll begin …


    first off, let’s get one thing straight, we’re all liberals …
    we all want the government to work for us as opposed to us working for them …
    so why do we keep electing these so called-conservatives? …
    why do the voters of  the americas vote like morons on crack? …
    repeatedly? …
    why do we as a people tend to consistently vote against our own best interests? …
    i have come to the conclusion that the whole god damned place is suffering from a government/media induced paranoid schizophrenia …
    with an giant, adult sized helping of good old fashioned small dick insecurity, impatience and greed …
    what a mix …
    the perfect mix actually if you are “the man” … so, why do good, caring, empathetic, concerned citizens turn their backs repeatedly on their better angels and vote for less and less control over our own lives and the lives of our children and grandchildren? …
    and don’t give me that i can’t make a difference, the problem’s too big crap, that’s bullshit and you all know it …
    that’s just laziness on parade and you all know that’s true too …
    that way of thinking makes about as much sense as a jersey shore think tank …
    or a charlie “winning” sheen presidential run …
    some shit is just wrong …
    no matter how much lipstick ya’ put on a pig, a pig is still a pig …
    and a lie is just a lie …
    between the faux noises of the world’s million-decibel hate ‘n’ smear, the rudy “noun-adjective-911” giulianis , the
    government officials who only serve their corporate masters, and the testicularly-challenged main stream press, we have started to buy into the fear and loathing these self-serving ideologues and grifters have served up …
    we seem to have the attention span of a lohan at a counseling session …
    and the stick-to-it-iveness of an eight year old doing homework once his x-box or ps3 loads …
    and then the masses walk into that porta-ptty styled voting booth and pull that lever for four more years of the same crap they just barely made it through …
    then they step outta that same booth and proclaim to anyone who will listen “see, made no difference at all, oh my, whatever shall i do” …
    arrrggghhh …
    wake the fuck up peeps before ya’ toss every last better angel in ya’ on the trash heap and just completely buy into the whole laissez-fairytale lunacy these guys are trying to sell ya’ …
    yer’ setting yerself up to have the whole place run by people who are convinced that global warming is a hoax, that creationism is a real science, that we need even more religion in government and that jesus rode a raptor …
    really? …
    this is who ya’ want running the whole show? …
    these asshats have successfully divided the place into groups that hate and fear each other over skin color, religious beliefs, sexual preference, economic status, social values and out and out lies …
    you’d think that that would be nearly impossible to do in a place that prides itself on it’s being free in every way, a place that prides itself on being a melting pot …
    more like a pot of hate stew these days …
    and why do they do this? …
    why divide their own nations up like this? …
    simple …
    it’s far easier to distract people from who the real bad guy is when they are convinced that the real enemy within is their neighbor or their own family …
    any ten year old who’s ever played an online strategy game will understand it …
    it’s called divide and conquer …
    and a distracted army is an army with no chance of victory …
    and we people are that distracted army …
    we’re so busy hating our neighbors and those “different” people up that street that we never for a moment stop and realize who the real enemy actually is …
    it’s the lying, hypocritical thieves we keep putting in charge of our well being and our children’s future …
    even the ten year old playin’ his game realizes (and quickly too) that the so called ally that he trusted to have his back, who screws him over to win is not his ally and ditches “that dood” as an ally forever, never to be trusted again …
    so why can’t we take the smarts of above-mentioned ten year old and learn the lesson? …
    are we all stupid? …
    are we all dumber than a 5th grader? …
    this isn’t some jeff foxworthy game show …
    it’s our lives peeps …
    should we maybe let ten year olds run the show? …
    it’s simple folks, we’ve let these ideologues do our reasoning, investigation and come to “our” conclusions for us …
    and we have let them convince us that in nations built by immigrants and based on the belief that it’s our differences that make us strong and unique as nations. that immigrants or anyone who looks, acts, thinks or believes anything even the slightest bit different that we do is the real enemy …
    think about that for just a second now …
    and how do they accomplish this stretching of reality and history? …
    by constantly rewriting that history and stoking the fears and phobias of the low information voter …
    by repeating the same bullshit over and over and over again, until many start to believe that “hey i heard it on t.v., it must be true …
    this is the schizophrenia that our nations suffer from …
    and it is destroying everything that our fathers and their fathers, and their fathers, etc. fought and died for for the last couple of hundred years …
    this artificially induced schizophrenia leads us to believe that we are under attack and therefore must stand up now and fight back before it’s all too late, and that time is running out fast, so we must fight now! …
    and the really sad and pathetic and dangerous irony in all of this is that it is true, we are under attack, and we must fight back before it’s too late and we must act now …
    the part that is a lie is in who the enemy is …
    it is not those “different” people or “the “other party”, it’s the liars we elect and their corporate masters …
    and the war is being waged against us, the poor, the middle class workers, the sick and elderly …
    anyone who can’t fight back …
    and it’s working …
    these are the same guys who brought ya’ slavery, serfdom and child labor and they’re at it still …
    ya’ see, we have already had a number of “wars” and many, many hard fought battles to get rid of slavery, servitude and income inequality and all the shackles that went with it (and those wars are nowhere near done folks) …
    and now that these guys can’t get african americans to do the work for no remuneration, and the latino community has had enough of it, they have turned they attention toward the poor …
    after all, if ya’ strip away the last 50 or so years of strides made by unions and ya’ get rid of minimum wage laws and child labor laws and any regulations on business or the environment, and ya’ suppress just the right votes, then hey, ya’ get rid of that pesky middle class once and for all and we can all just go back to letting these “plantation owners” have their way with it all again …
    just like the good old days …
    this isn’t about race, or religion or where yer’ from, or who you choose to sleep beside, it’s about profit and nothing more …
    it’s about the uber rich wanting to stay that way, forever and ever …
    they love to slap a bible in one hand and wrap themselves in a flag while they rail about class warfare when in fact it is they who are committing said warfare …
    all the while driving the whole place over a cliff and turning it into being nothing more than a banana republic …
    a few with a lot using and abusing the many with nothing …
    ya’ wanna feed yer’ kids? …
    or live indoors? …
    then you’ll take what they give ya’ …
    which, if ya’ look around the world, or in your history books folks, won’t be much …
    is that really the american/canadian dream? …
    is that really freedom? …
    is that really what our forefathers fought and died for …
    i, for one am not convinced that it is …
    but then again, i didn’t vote for these guys …
    did you? …
    will you? …
    yer’ future and mine is in your hands …
    and that of yer’ kids and their kids …
    the choice is yours …
    and you have the internet …
    google something soon and find your truth, before it truly is too late …
    once again, thanks fer’ yer’ time …
    peace …
    later …


    life with the man : “ball up buttercup”

    by hip

    clip_image023so … i’m browsing the web the other night and there’s this 20-something chick who has sued her dope dealer …
    for selling her drugs …
    and she won …
    wtf is that all about ? …
    wtf is happening ? …
    wtf are you thinking lady? …
    i miss the good old days, when your dealer was a guy you were scared of …
    when your dealer was someone who had no last name …
    now, we’re suing them ? … wow …
    this lady, and i do use the term loosely after seeing her interviewed, has sued her dealer for selling her meth, that she then somehow became addicted to …
    go figure girl …
    she pisses her freakin’ life away, getting blasted on meth, and then she sues the dude she got it from cos’ she feels she’s been harmed by the experience, and he must have been negligent to sell it to her …
    again, wtf is this idiot thinking ?!? …
    you did the drugs girlfriend … you …
    you probably even skipped the conscience factor and did some really bad shit to get the money for those drugs and now you’ve got the freakin’ nerve to waste taxpayers dollars on your greedy skank-assed venture …
    grow up, put the pipe down you loser and get on with your life …
    you made a mistake or ten … get on with it …
    it’s not your mom or dad’s fault …
    it’s not your school system’s fault …
    and it sure as fuck isn’t your dealers fault …
    it’s yours ! …
    sweet (insert deity of your choice here), you couldn’t make this shit up man …
    no-one would believe you …
    and the judge …
    how the hell did this moron get a job ?
    had pictures of someone important is my guess …
    i mean, the nfl replacement refs were better arbiters of right and wrong, and probably a fair bit cheaper …
    and at least they admitted they were in over their heads and were just in it for the money and notoriety …
    what the hell is this slack jaw, hillbilly judge getting outta this ? …
    sheesh …
    clip_image024we also had a couple of peeps getting a shitload of money for spilling “hot” (go figure) coffee on their litigious, helpless, un-suspecting selves …
    it’s coffee you dimwits …
    it’s supposed to be hot …
    if it wasn’t. they’d call it iced coffee and charge you an extra 4 bucks …
    we got people suing bars because they got hammered outta their minds doing 30 shooters and some body shots in between slow grinding strangers on the dance floor, and then drove home all fucked up and hurt themselves as they careened stone cold plastered into some unsuspecting telephone pole …
    which the public will no doubt get to pay for …
    we got people suing stadium owners because they fall outta some upper deck at the local sports stadium, while they cheered on the local heroes …
    again, all hammered up, and often semi-naked, mustard stained, peanut breathed, leather lunged dickwads with painted faces and beer bellies …
    (shirts optional after -20C) …
    and it’s getting so you can’t blow shit up or hold a good shake with 1500 of your closest facebook friends without some dude running for his wallet and suing you for something some yahoo on your “friends” list did at the soiree …
    like keep him from getting too loaded and puking on himself as he slams his new crotch rocket into the neighbors house as he heads off to get a hoagie on the way home from your party …
    then that dude will now probably even “un-friend” you too, AND sue your ass off …
    sheesh, where did all the good times go ?…
    okay, i get it …
    these guys all got a couple o’ things in common …
    they’re all idiots, they’re all greedy and self-absorbed and they’re all blitzed or hammered up like a baldwin family reunion …
    but jesus h. christ man, what’s this world coming to? …
    next thing you know some dude will be suing 7-11 for selling his xbox addicted fat ass the food that gave him the xbox addicted fat ass ? …
    or suing his internet service provider for showing him all that porn and fucking up his marriage and sense of reality ? …
    or suing the yankees AND a-rod the roids god cos’ he bet his condo on ‘em and, well, now him and his wife are living in a tent in her parents back yard …
    i mean if you try hard enough you might even be able to blame someone else for absolutely everything you mess up …
    it works for tea-baggers, faux news anchors and guys named chris christie …
    so actually, why not just do everything you do all the way …
    live life to the fullest …
    go hard or go home eh ? …
    and push everything as hard as you can …
    yeah … BAM! …
    love it … BAM! …
    i mean you can always just sue some poor unsuspecting person’s ass off when it all goes wrong, right? …
    clip_image025you kids out there tattooing up your dumb asses from head to toe, trying to look all cool and extreme and “unique” …
    nice … totally hot … clip_image026
    jesus guys … been near a mirror lately ? …
    take a good boo at the fritz the cat cartoon you call your body and then have a good, long, non-bonged boo at your buds …
    see anything familiar ? …
    yup, they’re you …
    you’re them …
    you’re freaking clones man ….
    too funny …
    how’s that “uniqueness” working out for you so far kids ? …
    yeah, i know, it’s ” art ” … it’s ” beautiful ” …
    you call that body art ? … you call them body modz ? …
    gimme a break you spoiled little, pasty faced, suburban raised, “ooo-my-life-is-sooooo-hard, po’-me”, fake punk, whining and moaning, anarchy-spewing posers …
    you wanna do some serious body modz ? …
    try organ reduction … BAM! …
    helps out with the weight loss thing too … bonus man …
    or limb grafting … BAM! …
    even more places for you to punch holes in and draw on, you wanker …
    or, how about a little ” total skin removal ” …
    now that’d be a BAM! ++ …
    what’s the matter ? …
    too extreme for you ? …
    you scared ? …
    can’t commit ? …
    you poser ! …
    ya’ frign’ lamer ! …
    all talk eh ?…
    or how about the pierce-my-entire-freakin’-body “suspensionists” ? …
    how much do you hate yourself to need to roll with these goth wannabe morons ? …hey check me out, i got ears down to my dick, and my knob has pipes running through it that a 27 pound hamster could exercise in …
    and now i’m hanging from a hook like a piece of tenderized meat in a cheap deli …
    wtf are you thinking bub ? …
    your loser life/job/family situation/friends not painful enough for you ? …
    your part time waiter job at the death rock cafe not angst filled enough ? …
    your girlfriend not pale enough ? …
    so you gotta punch holes in yer body ’til you resemble a spiral notebook ?
    what’s the matter? …
    you pussy ! …
    wuss! …
    you want to stretch that dumb ass o’ yers’ all over the place ? …
    you wanna be a real big-shot? …
    x-games-style-mod your dumb ass to the ultimate …
    try some real pain you poser ….
    quit screwing around with the kids stuff you namby pamby …
    try crucifixion …
    yup! …
    get some of those dumbass, dirt bag nailheads ya call yer homeys to nail you to a big ass cross with some rusty, hand hewn spikes driven through yer outstretched palms …
    note: this will probably end your sex-life as you know it forever, or at least until you can afford to pay someone else to do it with you …
    i know, sex with another human involved …
    whoa! … now that’s extreme, huh ? …
    anyways, just hang there for a couple of days and let’s see if piercing yer dick/face/nips/scrot/lips of any description still has the same “extreme” feel …
    and what’s a couple of lame ass, under the skin lumps or horns when you can feel the ”sensation of the savior ” …
    i mean, why do anything half-assed eh?
    otherwise, why bother man? …
    c’mon, ball up buttercup! …
    you a tough guy or what ? …
    go hard or go home, right? …
    and i swear to (again folks, pick your deity), if i hear another 18-25 year old know it all with no clue ” say “i’m not their bitch, fuck the Man!”, i swear i’m gonna go off like barbara bachmann on a health care rant and kill the punkass beotch …
    beat him down like an alcoholic step dad beats down a redheaded step child …
    so …
    here’s how it works kiddies …
    and i’m only going over this one time, so listen the hell up, okay ? …
    yup kiddies, you are their bitch …
    and there’s sweet bloody nada you can do about it …
    and “the Man” as you like to call him, well, he owns your ass …
    or in terms you get …
    he pwnz ur azz!!!
    plain and simple, welcome to your parents world …
    you’re an adult now …
    you want all the “benefits” ? …
    then, my emotionally retarded, financially stunted, intellectually vacant, know it all friend, here’s the deal …
    you’re their bitch from 9am – 5pm because you now have to support a couple of essential habits … luxuries as you will come to know ‘em …
    like living indoors … which is all it’s cracked up to be …
    like eating … those hoagies and pizza puffs cost donero doods and doodettes …
    running water … for the bong …
    clip_image028electricity … gotta charge up that freaking iphone …
    you know, all that cool and wonderful crap your parents used to get for you whenever you mewed like a helpless kitten …
    and don’t forget to make all cheques payable to “the Man” …
    and you’re his bitch from 5pm – 9am because your gonna need to participate in all kinds o’ useless stuff …
    like raisin’ kids, paying bills and clothing your lazy asses …
    running all the errands you now can’t do during the day because your too busy being the man’s bitch all day long …
    got it ? …
    so, stfu, get to work and get in line for the trough …
    and maybe if your lucky you’ll get an hour or two to play with your xbox …
    or, if your real lucky, maybe you can even save a few bucks up for that new 12 hose electric bong you’ve been pining for …
    go hard or go home baby …
    well, that’s all i got for today’s lesson in living, american style …
    i gotta go get me some lawyers and sue the crap outta everything that moves …
    fart in my general direction and BAM!, there i am suin’ yer ass …
    serve me some beers at your birthday party and BAM! …
    there i am suing the house out from under you and the kids …
    yeah! …i’m getting into this …
    then maybe i’ll get me an xbox …
    or a tat …
    maybe i’ll even get my nips pierced …
    erm …
    maybe not …


    step away from the whip agnes

    by hip

    clip_image029the latest thing that seems to have me a little, well, disturbed is this universal fascination with “getting wired” or “interfacing with the world”…
    so, i guess i’ll just get it off my chest …
    it’s this obsessive rush by everyone over 7 to grab an ipad, an ipod an mp3 player/pim/doodad/laptop, anything with internet capabilities, and jack ‘em all into their cell phone so that they can watch the afternoon soap operas, message all their buds over at g-mail, facebook or adult friendfinders, watch porn, play games designed for three year olds, or tell us all what the hell they just ate for lunch …
    and on a fuckin’ 2 inch screen to boot …
    nice …
    take me now good lord above (or wherever the hell you are) …
    your kids (and just about everyone else for that matter) are completely hypnotized by their cell phones, unable to call a friend and actually talk to them any more …
    nope, gotta text ‘em …
    they’re phones for christ sakes guys, dial a freaking number and talk to someone once in a while …
    other than the pizza guy …
    i’ve actually seen them text the person across the room rather than speak …
    you can’t hold their attention long enough to offer them cash or sustenance, but if that freaking phone goes “bing” they run for it like lebron james driving the key for a two handed slam dunk to make sure they haven’t missed their friend’s latest selfie, the latest cat doing something cute or stupid video, or what some chick named amber dawn that they’ve never actually met in real life just cooked for dinner …
    i swear to all that is holy that if my kid was on fire i’d have to text them to let him know or they’d just perish right there in front of my eyes …
    and god help us all if the internet crashes or their phone runs out of battery power …
    then you’d think that the freaking end times were upon us all …
    and the sad part of this is that 80% of people don’t have any real need for any of this gear other than as a corvette/penis/big titty-small ass replacement and probably never ever really will either …
    yeah i know, it’s fun to surf the net or shoot the hell outta some aliens, or melee dragons and wizards after a grueling day kissing the boss’s ass, but you could have written your buddy a letter or just phoned him, the bank could have just written down how much you left with them, the lady at safeway could have used the keys on that ten thousand dollar till, and your mechanic could have just told you what’s actually wrong with yer’ car by knowing something about cars as opposed to reading a print-out from a “diagnostics center”…
    for god’s sake people, you can’t even figure out “defrag” and you’re trusting your whole bloody life to these pieces of metal and plastic …
    i guarantee that most people out there know way more about the oscars or brangelina than you do about your own computers…
    y’all might want to think on that for just a second …
    meanwhile corporate america rushes blindly forward with internet, intranets, vpn’s, lans, wans, clouds and streaming freaking everything so that they can speed up every little thing about their business, while at the same time allowing these systems to be run by people who can barely get solitaire going on their home poots …
    i mean, think about it folks …
    you’d be pretty nervous if the guy who came to install your new gas furnace had to use a manual to start up his torch …
    or your mechanic couldn’t tell you what that “little silver, tubey thing” was …
    or your surgeon said “what the fuck is this red thing?”…
    but no-one seems to mind that all of our money, histories, personal info, medical records, correspondence, laws and government functions is in the hands of these people and their “devices” …
    hmmm …
    not to mention that your phone company and the nsa now also know WHICH porn yer’ great auntie agnes is viewing at any given moment …
    (step away from the whip agnes)
    lately we’ve seen the only real “law” on the internet, the anonymous/lulsec/hack/leaker scene, step forward with their denial of service attacks, “leaks”, info-dumps, wikis, etc. and try their best to draw attention to the fact that the whole system is completely vulnerable …
    you’d think that that might have woken some people up a bit …
    but, nope, the powers that be spend all their energies on a name calling and “who has the bigger dick” spat with the hackers and leakers, instead of stopping to consider that at least these attacks came from people who like you …
    the only reaction seems to be “lock ‘em up and throw away the key” …
    sort of a paranoid, fundamentalist/republican/neocon/taliban-ish, completely miss the whole point attitude don’t ya’ think? …
    one of these times we may not be so lucky …
    it just might not be “friendlies”, or people with our collective best interests at heart on the other end …
    again, might just be worth a moment of your “ponder” time, don’t you think? ..
    now, i made my living for some time in the computer/telecom industry and they were very good to me and mine, so i’m not saying that i hate it all, i don’t at all, it’s just that maybe this might be a good time to change the way that most people relate to these appliances that have so much of our well-being floating around on little pieces of plastic, sand and metal, which i might add can be destroyed by a spilled cup of coffee or a fridge magnet …
    which is somehow kind of both ironic and appropriate don’t you think? …
    if you guys don’t figure this out pretty soon, use them as the tools they are and start locking up the valuables, yer’ not gonna have any left…
    maybe it’s just me…i dunno…


    an open letter to my american brothers : “go johnny go
    by hip

  • clip_image030first off, ya got the whole right wing “oh my god, bill-got-a-blow-job, hillary will probably want one too”, “benghazi, benghazi, benghazi”, “guns, guns, guns”, eat the poor, gay is evil, citizens are expendable (hurricane sandy, iraq, afghanistan, most of africa, and on and on), “science schmience”, separate laws for the rich and famous, a climate change denyin’, evolution hatin’, muslim beratin’ congress, the “fuck the planet, stack up the cash” crowd, and a “spin zone” sorta mindset that corporate america AND a small percentage of john q. public seem locked into …
    and let’s not forget the whole bigotry, racism, ‘women back in the kitchen!’, fear mongering, secession now!, and homophobia is yer’ buddy wave of ‘baggerism’ that is now in control of the republican party …
    remember when gop stood for grand old party and NOT greed over people? … 
    oh, those were the days my friends …
    and these are the leaders …
    scary, huh kids? …
    add in fucking “survivor 239”, “12 and pregnant”, “honey blah, blah”, “god-tv”, “douche dynasty”, “the housewives of hell”, “faux and fiends”, the “whatever that idiot sarah the wasilla grifter queen is doing this week reality hour”, and “american idiot/sux-factor/america’s got talent?” in 15 languages and you got yourself quite the mess …
    real “american exceptionalism we got on display here for sure guys …
    the rest of the world used to be look up to you guys and want to be like you, so smarten the hell up …
    ok? …

    ‘jerry’s kids’ aren’t handicapped anymore, they’re trailer-dwelling, quadra-sexual, uneducated, inbred, low information, shameless, fame-seeking losers who are “too hot for tv – vol. 53” …
    yup that idiot is still wasting valuable air time …
    then again, after seeing springer, maybe they really are handicapped …
    i mean the vast majority of handicapped people i have had the honor of knowing live normal, focused, not to mention amazing, courageous and brave lives …
    most of these fame seeking losers can barely speak their native tongue and really shouldn’t be encouraged to breed …
    miley cyrus and “the beibs” are popular (?? … some nights i am just plain scared)
    guys like fuckabee huckabee, hannity the manatee, chris christie and donald “the birther” trump are heroes ??? …
    the religious right blathers on and on and on about the war on christmas, abortion, contraception and guns ‘cuz they really do know what’s best for you and me …
    pitbull, katie perry and lady gaga are hot (must be an even numbered year) …
    barbara walters is like 179 years old and finally going to retire, and according to geraldo she still has great tits …this also scares me late at night …
    although if she’d like to submit a pic or two, i’d definitely run ‘em up …
    we do love ya’ barb … truly …
    and EVERYONE wants to be an apprentice to “the donald” …
    trump ??? …
    the guys a freaking’ alien …
    christ, in the old days they woulda cut him up over at area 51 just to see what color his blood was …
    donald … two words … “you’re fired” …
    and you know yer’ a redneck when fifth graders and really unbalanced adults compete for cash, with the kids having the clear edge…
    i’m tellin’ ya … this shit should scare ya’ …
    a lot …
    the bottom line here my ‘exceptional’ brothers, is that you guys really do need to grow up and get on with this “american exceptionalism” thing you’ve been blathering on about since the late ’40′s …
    we’re running outta both patience and cash waiting for you guys to stop admiring yourselves and get the hell on with cleaning up this mess you guys call democracy …
    some facts …
    fact: oj did it, so did zimmerman …
    they both murdered innocent people and the bastards should be in jail forever and not selling paintings and memorabilia on amazon or e-bay … done deal …
    fact: people of color are allowed to vote, and so are women, it’s like the law or something, so stop it with the voter suppression shit … now! …
    fact: roe v. wade made abortion legal and guaranteed so knock off all the whining and law-rigging on that stuff too …
    if you don’t like abortion, don’t have one …
    plain and simple …
    fact: corporations are NOT people, and until one of them is executed by order of ‘oops’ perry down in texas stop it with that shit too …
    fact: it’s time to leave the middle class the hell alone …
    they’re the best damned thing america ever did, and they’re probably gonna end up saving your asses in more ways than one …
    fact: stop bringing up bill clinton, it’s over, he’s long gone …
    if the president of british petroleum had been getting blow jobs in his office and it was on the news, people would say “yeah?, and yer’ point is what???”…
    in fact if the president of the united states WASN’T gettin’ a little secret service in the oral office i would be nervous …
    i only hope that barack is getting some too …
    do I need to bring up david ‘diaper boy’ vitter, mark ‘hiking the appalachian trail’ sanford, mark ‘free candy’ foley, arnold ‘it’s not a rumour’ schwarzenegger, or any one of a hundred other of the “family values” gang …
    fact: there is no fucking war on christmas, there is only ratings concerns and a need for drama over at faux noise …
    fact: i’m not even going to get into the whole “god” debate, but if he is real, then he “made” all “those gay people” so get the fuck over it and read his book too for directions on how to handle it …
    pay special attention to the “jesus said” parts …
    fact: global warming is real and the world is not flat …
    fact: so is evolution …read a fucking book …
    fact: “w” was a liar … and more than a little evil to boot …
    the whole war, war, war thing is a profiteering sham/scam …
    and john “imma fuckin’ war hero ya’ know” mcgrumpypants and his lapdog chorus of lindsey graham, bill kristol and flunkin’ duncan hunter are still calling for more …
    this time with iran …
    hunter even suggested we go nuke on their asses …
    let’s be real here for a moment peeps, most sane people think lil’ dick cheney shoulda shot himself in the face …
    man i still can’t believe he did it, then the ‘shootee’ apologizes for putting dick through it … mind-boggling and amazing, but typical of these hypocrites …
    he and the shrub should have both been impeached…
    no doubt …
    they are criminals, liars, thieves and bullies …
    and they caused the completely unnecessary and purely greed driven deaths of a couple of thousand brave young americans and tens of thousands of iraqis and afghanis, AND sent the country into a recessionary spiral that, ten years later, it is still struggling to climb out of …
    and at least three of those are good enough for indictments aren’t they? …
    the other ones, their “maker” can sort out …
    and speaking of makers …
    as for the “moral majority” or “religious right” or evangelical christians, or tea baggers or whatever the fuck they’re calling themselves this year …
    in the words of your once fearless leader’s daddy, read my lips …
    the day i need some holier than thou, lying, hypocritical, know-it-all, creationist-spewing, pro-life or die, politically correct, anti-everything but greed gasbags (ie: ann coulter/bill “spin this” o’reilly, sarah palin, ted cruz, rand paul ) and his/her ilk telling me what to do, who to do, and where, why and how to do, i’ll sign up with some evangelical-revival show and give myself over completely to blind faith and idiocy …
    ’til then, stay the fuck out of my bedroom, my parenting, my readings, my emails, my business, my art, my music, my government, my laws and my rights …
    and please…
    let me decide important stuff on my own …
    i’ve seen the work your “deciders” do …
    it blows …
    really, really blows…
    “good work ‘johnnie’… yer’ doin’ a helluva job” …
    ps … i DO get it that the ONLY americans responsible for this present madness are the 1%, their cronies and those who somehow still blindly support them …
    but i for one can’t wait ’til the real johnny comes marching home …
    we miss ya’ big fella’… come on home soon now, ya hear…
    pps … i must also note how absolutely refreshing it is to see the average american, both on and off the web, getting angry and trying to take back their country…
    anything we can do to help, let us know, eh? …
    there … phew … i feel much better now …
    later …


    finding yourself : “i wanna new drug”

    by hip

    clip_image031was thinking about this the other day, and a lot of what was popping up in the old noggin was seeming a little messed up …
    but here goes…
    there’s this whole “i gotta go find myself” thing that seems to be everywhere you turn these days …
    motivational posters, self-help, self-enlightenment books and dvd’s, a seminar to sign up for at every corner …
    ”you, you’re the one!” and “keep calm and carry on” posters plastered all over the internet and every trendy front room or office wall from here to timbuktu …
    zumba, yoga, crossfit, p-90x, spin class, soul cycle, metcon, candle flow, surfset, rope-whipping and booty barre classes, the list is endless …
    and there’s an enormously successful (way overpriced) line of “gear” for every single one of these “disciplines” …
    underarmour, mondetta, extreem, athleta, lucy, run pretty far, and my personal favorite, sweaty betty …
    i don’t know why, i just love that name … ‘sweaty betty’ … lol …
    it draws all kinds of bizarre and ‘just plain wrong’ pictures in this old brain …
    it’s all getting a little fucking lulu-lemony for me …
    toss in some tony robbins, a dash of billy banks, a titch of dr. phil,  two cups of that bald guy with the tats in the motor home, and entire cable networks filled with huge, toothy, smiling heads that seem to be on about setting #11, when we could really use them at about a 7, plus themes dedicated to self congratulation, self adoration and politically correct self awareness, and pretty soon ya’ got everyone so screwed up trying to figure out who they are that the whole place is running around unsure whether they’re on top of “it”, or underneath “it”…
    and so far, no-one seems to know what “it” even is, except just some vague, insecure, untrue notion that everyone else has “it” but them…
    how about just stopping right freaking there…
    look in a mirror, and voila, faster than you can say “bob’s yer’ freakin’ uncle”, there ya’ are … journey saved …
    i mean, how the fuck do ya’ find yourself when you’re on the move? …
    stop it! …
    stand still! …
    yer’ right there bub …

    then, there’s this whole “the secret” thing …
    and you only get to hear what the ‘secret’ is if you hand over your credit card digits and sign on for the whole enchilada …
    this one truly is just way too fly for a white guy …
    there’s even a “secret” website …
    and if it’s got a website, it must be legit eh? …
    you can purchase all kinds of really shiny and cool “secret merchandise” there too, vids, souvenirs, wall hangings, t-shirts, the whole she-bang …
    and the message ????
    ooooo, it’s scary, and deep kids…
    wait for it …
    ya’ ready? …
    here it is …
    “if ya’ work hard, you’ll get somewhere”…
    wow, fuck me gently louise! …
    i mean, i ain’t a really smart man mabel, but i know what i know, and that sure isn’t much of a frign secret …
    my grandpa knew the “secret” and he was half cut when he told me …
    c’mon people, yer’ gonna send money to someone else to tell you to be more aware of your surroundings and be told to work hard?…
    wtf are ya’ thinking? …
    that’s like sending money to some late-night, fire and brimstone spewing, religious thumper because he told you that you were going to hell if you didn’t ……
    oh  … sorry about that, didn’t mean to offend any pseudo-religoids out there…
    and i know it’s election season and the christian right are in enough shit already, by their own doing, i don’t need to pick on them too …
    and yeah, i know, yer’ gettin’ yer ticket into heaven …
    and yeah, I know, “there ain’t much time left” …
    and yeah, I know, “blah, blah, blah ad nauseum” …
    and that’s okay for all you hard core, old testament, fundy christians and home schoolin’ evangelical preppers who are sure that the end times are right around the corner, cos’ yer like the best and everything, right? … the only true … right ???
    (note: jehovah’s witnesses however should be aware that there seems to be a restricted seating capacity for their “heaven” – fire codes or something, not sure, check yer’ local zealotmart or local god fearin’ fire marshal for more info).

    we can’t forget the whole holistic, whole earth (more like “middle earth”), dragons and wizards, crystals in the sphincter, new age shit crowd …
    some nice, two-note, droning, uber-repetitive music, really ‘mysticy’ lighting, an aroma therapy candle or two, a 6 inch mood-setting waterfall, maybe a couple of bong hits, and some chick dressed like wendy the witch or gandalf’s mutant sister telling you to ”just relax – it’ll all be okay soon” …
    seems a bit creepy and sounds kinda orwellian to me …
    except the bong hits part, that just seems like a waste of good herb …
    plus i figure we got just about enough fucking ”orwellian behavior” coming outta the white house and congress these days, what with the ndaa, the nsa, the cia, the dhs and sopa, pipa, fisa, tpp, etc. …
    ya’ wanna talk 1984 …
    it’s right up pennsylvania avenue baby! …
    but, I digress, that’s a rant for another day …
    so take your mandrake root, your life stones, crystal pyramids and mana orbs and go back to yer’ lands of lore trilogy …
    you can at least get some free lives there …
    maybe even slay a dragon or two and meet, like a really hot level 127 warrior babe or something …
    and i could never leave out the always angry “devout atheists” …
    not sure if this gang is into ‘self enlightenment’ or just really pissed off but i just can’t sleep tonight if i know i’ve left ‘em out …
    now before ya’ go sending me emails saying that it’s not possible to be a devout atheist, look around you …
    the internet is crawling with blogs and chats and sites galore just chalk full o’ venom for all things religious …
    they seem pretty freaking devout to this viewer …
    it’s one thing to be unconvinced or even fed up with something, but when it gets as visceral, sectarian and all consuming as these guys, well, it seems to me that it’s getting somewhat ‘doctrinal’ and pious in nature …
    after all, if you think someone’s belief system is infringing on your life you can always stand up to it, step aside or just refuse to join their ‘club’ …
    no need to dedicate your existence to it’s annihilation …
    just noting the obvious guys …
    the obligatory disclaimer: first off, let me say that i am not a believer in any god that is an entity, i am an realist (even we got our loons) and a “science” guy, but as an “atheist” (as defined by the religious right – and hey’ they da’ man baby, ) i gotta say “hey guys … wtf are ya thinking here?” …
    when you spend that much time and energy fighting against something you don’t even think exists (never mind admit it might), isn’t that kinda, well, strange?…
    and pointless? …
    and ‘religious’? …
    and aren’t you kind of validating the other side when ya’ do it? …
    i dunno, maybe it’s just me, but the same grandpa that drunkenly told me the secret of life, also told me that if i ever found myself railing against invisible or non-existent entities, that i could soon expect to be a guest of the government …
    but then again, those white jackets are pretty cool, and you can always pretend your like criss angel or something while ya try to get out … talk about a “mind freak” …
    so, in closing, my tips for finding yourself …
    1. look in the mirror
    2. yer’ done …
    skip all the secrets and fanatics…
    it’s just a lot quieter … and saner … and cheaper …
    so stop it!
    stand still !…
    yer’ right there bub …
    thanks again 4 yer’ time …
    later …
    i’m off to get me some donuts and a bag of decadent chocolate chip cookies …
    providing i can still haul this ever-aging, ever spreading lazy ass of mine off this really comfy couch to make the trip … 


    hey peeps, “stop it, just frikkin’ stop it!”

    by hip

    clip_image033a piece from a while back, but hey, it’s all true, so wtf? …
    So, I’m sitting here in my computer chair enjoying my morning beverage, the sun’s shining in my window, birds are tweeting their little brains out, I’m catching up on a little news from a few of my favorite bloggers and “news” sites, and generally having a great and lovely serene and happy time …
    The world and this new day seem like it’s doing “finest-kind” this morning …
    All is well in the world, or at least what I can see and hear from here …
    I’m thinking I may even drop on into my favorite online game/community for a few minutes of general frivolity and dragon killing …
    All around pretty good way to start the day eh? …
    Then it gets ugly … fast …
    The sound of the birds tweeting is interrupted by humans …
    Ya’ ever notice that it’s always the humans who fuck up a great day? …
    The booming voice of some loser, at the top of his lungs comes rolling in my window …
    ”FAGGOT!! … WATCH WHERE THE FUCK YOU’RE GOING!!” …
    a moment of silence followed by “YEAH, YOU ASSHOLE!, MOVE YOUR FAGGOT IMMIGRANT ASS!! …
    I look out my window to see some grease-ball Cletus in a way too large to be legal on my street truck that is parked in the bike lane in front of my place staring down a much smaller man of color who has dared to use the bike lane to ride his bike in …
    the man on the bike says to him “It’s a bike lane” to which the afore-mentioned ‘Cletus’ responds (also at the top of his lungs) “YEAH, WELL, I’M PARKED HERE!, SO MOVE IT TOWEL-HEAD OR I’LL MOVE IT FOR YA’! … HIT THE ROAD AND GO BACK TO WHERE YOU FUCKING CAME FROM!” …
    and then, as suddenly as the whole thing seemingly started, it’s over …
    The man gets back on his bike and pedals off leaving ‘Cletus’ to mutter a few more profanities and speed off down the street in the opposite direction …
    Those of you who know me from here or in my “real life” know that I have no time for ANY type of bigotry …
    Whether it’s based on race; where your parents or you came from; what you like to eat; whether or not you smoke; drink alcoholic beverages; partake of the herb; what church you do or do not worship at; whether you “worship” or not; how big the ass of yer’ jeans is, or what you choose to wrap that above mentioned ass in … I am an openly atheistic, very sober, way left of center politically, freedom loving, climate change believing, evolution touting human who supports a woman’s right to choose, a person’s right to vote as they see fit and a person’s right to rub their privates on or in any consenting and like minded person they mutually choose to knock boots with …
    even to those of you who now and then like to write me those threatening and overly emotional and angry emails for something I’ve written, all I can say is:
    GO YER’ OWN WAY KIDDO! …
    FILL YER’ FUCKIN’ BOOTS! …
    BUT … AS YOU PASS THROUGH THIS CHAOTIC MESS WE CALL LIFE, LEAVE YOUR FELLOW HUMANS ALONE, AND IF YOU MUST LIVE YOUR LIFE WITH A HEAD AND HEART FULL OF HATE, VILE, BILE AND FEAR, SCARED OF ANYTHING OR ANYONE WHO’S ‘DIFFERENT’ THAN YOU – KEEP IT THE FUCK TO YOURSELF! … IT’S YOU THAT ARE WHAT’S WRONG WITH THE WORLD, NOT! THE ONES WHO ARE DIFFERENT THAN YOU! …
    “DIFFERENT” people are our mothers, fathers, sons, daughters, sisters, brothers, aunts, uncles and cousins. Depending on perspective, it’s you too. This is a fact and it isn’t going away. You have the opportunity to be an ally and a friend TO ALL at home, school, and work. Grasp that opportunity … It’ll be a far better place for it, and who knows ya’ just might find a little happiness yourself along the way.
    P.S. Cletus, I just grabbed the name of your company off your truck and called your boss to ‘compliment’ him on his fine choice of drivers and company reps, have a great day asshole …
    And to the unknown man on the bike, have a great ride and an even better day my friend …
    As for me, I’m gonna go kill me a big ol’ dragon and hang with some people who don’t give a shit who you are or what you look like as long as you try to be a good person …
    peace …
    later …


    some random shit for today …

    by hip

    some random shit that I’m staring at, wondering why I’m staring at it …
    maybe it’s important …
    probably not, but, hey why take the chance? … sooo …

    clip_image035

    They say you’ve got to spend money to make money … that just makes me feel like there’s some middle step I’ve been missing … no?

    I don’t believe peeps who say they never masturbate “cuz it’s not the real thing.” … am I the only one around here who puts sugar on my Corn Flakes when I run out of Frosted Flakes? …

    If Einstein were alive today, would he would listen to more than 10 minutes of recent scientific breakthroughs before asking you to describe that free online porn thing again? …

    Would it not be easier to keep buying cats until one of them does something hilarious and makes me a YouTube millionaire, than to waste a pile of cash and time going to school to find a career? …

    If babies could talk would they basically just say things like “Daddy, may I trouble you to clean a shocking amount of poo off my genitalia?” …

    I don’t care if you’re a dog person or a cat person, I generally don’t date anyone with a tail …

    I recently caught myself yelling “FUCK YOU” at a taco for dripping on my pants … ( just in case you were wondering who’s raising the next generation ) …

    When someone says “I need this done yesterday” I think to myself “Well, there’s no fucking way I’m going to be bossed around by someone who doesn’t even understand how time works” …

    No ageism? … I call Bullshit! … A baby seated in a tall wooden throne at this restaurant just shattered a vase of flowers unprompted & was then told how handsome he is … yet, last week I get thrown out for the EXACT same thing ..

    Before I go out binge drinking should I always eat a stick of butter? … I know it doesn’t do anything but seeing as I’m already making really poor life choices anyways …

    I’ve accepted every email offer I’ve ever received. My penis is now 235 feet long, and I’m told I’m getting a shitload of money from these Nigerians any day now …

    Can anyone recommend a few thousand books on hoarding? …

    There’s literally no way to know how many chameleons are in your house …

    To the lame ass who wrote “Jimmy Crack Corn” …  You clearly cared that jimmy cracked corn enough to write a fucking song about it.

    Is the shittiest thing about being bipolar is that it’s fucking awesome? …

    Does anyone know how many calories you burn by sliding down a wall crying? …

    At my age, it seems that Facebook’s only purpose is to remind me that some girl I played kissy-face-sweater-tug with in High School just turned 57 … sigh …

    Okay, I’ve probably bothered y’all enough for today, so Imma take ‘yer advice and fuck off … for now …
    I feel so much better now that I’ve gotten that stuff off my chest though … and my desk … toodles peeps …


    home repair … kill me now, tiny dancer

    by hip

    to anyone who is about to go through that most dreaded, yet inevitable, of all of life’s trying, expensive and mindfu&%ing events …
    the home reno/repair …
    so, my innocent and soon to be scarred friends …
    this is for you …
    (i wrote this piece some time back, and it is being reposted in it’s entirety, with my own kind and generous permission … please heed the warning peeps … lol … and good luck on that reno) …

                                           ………………………………………………..

    clip_image036

    okay, so this isn’t my usual rant …
    but, seeing as i’m pretty sure that everyone is comfortably seated, i’ll begin …
    and the story is “absolutely, every bloody word is true” factual …
    in fact, i’m sure it was worse than this, but they’re pretty sure i’m blocking some of it out …
    it did start out that way, now i think of it as more of a reflective tale of karma gone to shit …
    but, here goes …
    let me start by saying that, yes, i was a renter, that’s right, i was NOT a home owner at that point in my life, i was one of “those people” …
    you know who i mean, you see ‘em at the bus stop, huddled outside their office smoking, doing things like coaching soccer and fixing their own shit, 10 extra pounds and aging … yup, yer’ neighbour …
    you know, divorced, kids hanging out all over the place, semi-permanently, semi-pissed-off ex-wife hanging around, little apartment down the street guy, 10 extra pounds around the middle and even rides the odd bus …
    i know, and i’m not trying to generate sympathy here, ya’ just need to get the whole picture …
    i guess i figure if just one young lad or lass can be spared the misery that is known as the “new bathroom outfitting” by this tale, ( i shoulda been scared right there ) then my life will be somehow more “complete” and i will feel that i have mattered and that this time will have been well spent as i exit this mortal fu*&in’ coil …
    i know, i should get a puppy or something … but have ya’ seen the prices for a good neutering, or a “doggie daycare” or “puppy – chemo”, alas, i digress …
    anyways, my saga …

    so let’s journey back through the old time machine …
    that fuzzy, scary, fading and somewhat “alzheimered” cloud o’ haze that i like to call my memories …
    it began while standing naked in my shower one a.m., a long, long while ago …
    (and oh, so alone i might add … sigh … lol )
    trying like hell to shake the feeling that something evil had come my way whilst i slept and had deposited some kind of vile and unidentifiable remains in my mouth ….
    brain felt about the same …
    you know, monday morning …
    staring at the tiles in front of me …
    i find myself staring like an 18 yr. old boy who’s just been told that “no, you WON’T pay for him to take a few weeks off school and go to some ski resort with his friends” to “have the experience of his life” …
    sort of like a deer, just exactly that moment before his ass becomes your necklace on a dark mountain road late at night …
    looking blankly at the tile before me … gettin pissed …
    ya’ see, i had this funky ( re: “dumpy, old and dusty” ) apartment in a semi yuppie, semi “funky” neighbourhood that was close to my kids and all that i needed …
    it was a U shaped building, and all my friends said it looked exactly like melrose place without the pool, but i never did see that one, so, i gotta trust ‘em that it’s true …
    it was a great place in many ways …
    the neighbours were great, we had drunk nurses in the front yard, several beautiful and plentiful apple trees in the back, and music and frivolity everywhere …
    everybody liked and looked out for everybody …
    it was absolutely perfect …
    for me, and the kids …
    the nurses were even great with kids …
    all great …
    except that for the 3 – 4 years that i have lived in said “funky” apartment, the bathroom has been in what i like to call a “fu*&in’ mess” state o’ affairs …
    the sink is from the boer war, the toilet older, and the tub is a lovely fu*&in’ shade of green the kids affectionately call “flu – snot green”
    matched my fridge, stove and “never-used, cos’ it never fu*&in’ worked” dishwasher, so hey, all was good, we told everyone “it’s retro” and they never laughed too loudly, so …
    again, the digression … bear with me kiddies, this story may just save a life …
    at least that of your contractor, and yer’ kids will be better off too with a daddy or mommy that isn’t serving 20 – life for murder at the local, government funded “les’ buggery hotel”…
    but as i said, that’s all good …

    i was a man of great peace and calm …
    i had a great job that i loved …
    i even had the biggest fu*&in’ t.v. that ya’ ever saw to watch my news and hockey on …
    all good …
    what i was now losing my mind, and all that calm and peace over, was the tiles before me …
    let me digress a sec …
    when i had taken my first shower in my “funky” little apartment, oh so many wonderful days before, i had noticed that the wall where the shower head was had seemingly given way and was basically being held up by the weight of the tiles and 4000 year old grout …
    so, i did what every renter holds up as his or her inalienable “renter’s right” and called up the landlord and said, “dood, i need ya’ to fix my wall so it don’t fall down” …
    and the lying, self-serving, money-grubbing, but otherwise okay, fat bastard did what every great landlord in america does …
    he promised he’d be “right over and fix that damn thing up …
    just like new” …
    so, i did what every renter throughout the annals ( or in case of this story, anals ) of apartment owner / renter history did … i bought the prevaricating prick’s story …
    NOTE: the asshole sold the building 2 years later …
    and the fu*&in’ wall still wasn’t fixed …
    by then i had taken that really sticky, clear packing tape and taped every fu*&in’ seem of every fu*&in’ tile on that fu*&in’ wall, and the only thing that’s holding up the piece o’ shit wall is the tape and the fact that NO -ONE is allowed to touch it…
    i mean, i hafta clean the thing like i’m washing some kind of god-damned ming vase or the pope’s dick or something so it doesn’t fall down and leave me standing somewhere behind above mentioned flu-snot-green dishwasher …
    i have by this point declared war on the new owners ( by now owner # 3 ) for not doing this repair, and they are avoiding me like i had some kind of communicable disease AND a gun …
    and when i do occasionally manage to corner the snivelling, lying, cheap rat-bastards and ask about my “fu&^in’ wall” they just smile a lot and wanna talk about the good old days … “
    yeah, like, remember the old days dood? …
    high school, chicks, beer, pot and long hair? …”
    “the allman brothers and sayin’ peace ‘n’ shit, man?? ..
    ya’ know what a-hole? …
    “SHUT THE HELL UP!!!
    FIX MY FU*&IN” WALL!!!”
    like i knew these dumb f*&s, or woulda’ ever hung out with them in the old days …
    or any other bloody days for that matter …
    just shut up and get it done …
    nope …
    months go by, then winter passes …
    then …
    some more months …

    so, back to standing naked, dazed and pissed off in my shower …
    as my rage against the tiles grows, i suddenly see the answer …
    it has been staring me in the face forever …
    ( i know i coulda moved, but baby, this was and had been for a while, a mission ) …
    i’m gettin’ me a god-damned wall …and that’s that baby! …
    last man standing’ shit ya’ know? …
    the solution is simple …
    so without thinking ( a key point to remember here folks ) …
    i lean on the wall …
    not too hard, cos’ hey i’ve not been able to figure out how to extricate my dumb ass from behind the dish-washer ( yup, flu-snot green ) … just hard enough that i hear a very loud bang , and somehow i instinctively know that now ALL that is holding up my wall is the tape, and that’s it …
    i step my naked ass back a step and survey my work …
    it’s a beautiful thing… the wall now has a nice “rounded” effect that it never had before
    ( i’m telling ya’, one and all, get yourself a roll or two of that freakin’ tape, it is amazing
    shit …)
    now they gotta fix my wall …
    just to make sure though , i give it a good bitch-slap right above the taps …
    i hear another bang! …
    again, great tape …
    so i truck on out to the phone, wet and naked as a priest in a confessional on boy scout appreciation day, and i call the above mentioned landlord-owners …
    “dood, i need ya’ to fix my wall so it don’t fall down” …
    and the lying, self-serving, money-grubbing, prick-bastards did what every great landlord in america does … hmmm …
    some deja vu …
    they promised they’d be “right over and fix that damn thing up, just like new” …

    much time passes … ( insert sad, lonely, yet manic soundtrack music here )

    FINALLY, and i mean finally, the deal is set up …
    ( running count for those who care: 3 owners, multiple property management companies, 3 or 4 thousands screaming matches in the courtyard, and a little over 9,750 “fu*k youz!”)
    oh yeah!!!!!!
    they are going to send a crew in 2 days who is not only going to fix my wall,
    but, da-daaaaa!!!,
    i’m getting a new toilet!!!! … and a freakin’ tub-surround!!!
    wow, fu&k me mabel! …
    what good and deserve-ed fortune i have stumbled upon …
    (notice i get to keep my boer-war / half-size / flu-snot green vanity and sink, oh well) …
    oh, good deity of your choice, can it get better than this? …
    i don’t bloody think so …

    so …
    about 3 weeks later …
    the crew arrives, and i’m just so bloody glad to see them that i welcome them happily into my home, and thank them for coming so much that i’m about ready to bake these two a cake …
    and it fu*&in’ begins …
    the “crew” is a pair of “old buddies of the landlords” …
    oh great …
    but, how bad can it be, right? …
    and, they’re a married couple, just two old hippies who now ride harleys and really big ski-doos in their spare time, and they seem charming …
    seem …
    he’s a giant bear of a man, with a great freakin’ beard and a belly that made it seem as though it had been many, many, many years since he had seen his own penis …
    but lovely …
    and she is what those who are and those who admire, call a BBW …
    in her own way … maybe …
    but … like her mountain of a man hubby, lovely …
    and they assure me that this will, at most take a day or two to complete, and that they, like any good and aging hippies, are “craftsmen”, fine and caring purveyors of their craft …
    therefore, what a “friggin’ be-a-u-tee-ful job imma gonna git” …
    i can’t wait …
    and they notice that i have my phones and laptops and work sh*t all lined up on the table, and absolutely guarantee that they’ll get it all done so quiet that i’ll be able to work, unbothered …
    i won’t even know they are there …
    so, off to the bathroom they go …
    to work …
    and off to my front room i go …
    to work …
    had i known what was about to transpire, i would shot them both right then, disposed of the bodies out back under the apple trees and done the sh*t myself …
    done …
    but no …
    not me …
    off to get some work done …

    i grab a pop … and two more i might add for my new friends, the “craftsmen” …
    slam a couple o’ cokes their way, fire up the laptop, fire up some tunes, because i have learned in my earlier lives as a “renter”, ALL repair guy-tradesman LOVE some music to work to …
    who the hell don’t? …
    they must be happy i think, they are already gleefully banging and smashing away …
    so much, for the “quiet as a field mouse” shit, but hey, the job is “underfugginway” …
    so, i turn up the music. log on to my job, have a sip o’ coke classic,
    and less than a minute later there is a very big girl in my front room, swaying back and forth as only a very large, non-rhythmic white woman can …
    you know, the only place she’s actually bending is at the ankles, but…
    she’s groovin’ baby …
    eyes half-closed, a state of semi-orgasmic rapture on her face …
    ( may have been stupor looking back on it, but, at this point … the job is “underfugginway” )
    i’m not sure what to make of this but, like i said, they seemed nice and at least hubby is still gleefully destroying my bathroom …
    phase one of my “be-a-u-tee-ful job” …
    after about 30 seconds, it just felt like days …
    she opens her eyes and sez “this is cool music, got any allman bothers?” …
    now don’t misunderstand, normally i’m rolling out the live at the fillmore set or a little
    ramblin’ man, and in the old days, i mighta even tossed a chilm-hit or two for the workers …
    but, they been workin’ like ten minutes or less and i’m already scared …
    so, i say “nope, sorry, no allmans”, look back at my computer and she “boogies” off to do some banging and scraping or something …
    a half hour goes by, and my cell phone rings …
    as i reach for it, she runs out to see if it’s her phone, gets distracted, and we’re off and freaking swaying again …
    still liking the cd i guess …
    i answer my phone, say hold on one sec to the caller, and tell her it’s biz and i really need the room to myself … “sorry” she sez …
    i think, oh good, she IS nice …
    and take my call …
    now i better explain something, my phones rang continuously in those days … part of the job. …
    please, make note of this as it will explain both the homicidal AND suicidal urges that were soon to overwhelm me (although to be truthful, i’m pretty sure it would have been more than likely deemed to have been a “multiple-murder-suicide” by the coroner, for legal AND insurance purposes) …
    i found out later that the owners didn’t even have proper insurance on the place anyways, but i’ll save that sh*t for when the legal gag orders run out and i’m allowed back on the property …
    i digress …
    so…
    back to work for the dancin’ fool and i …
    EVERY TIME my phone rings she runs out to see if it is hers, get’s distracted by the music, and starts swaying …
    EVERY FU*&IN” TIME!
    for the next several weeks …
    yeah …
    you read that correctly …
    several WEEKS …
    and every time my land line goes, HE yells from the bathroom, “is that for me?, i left your number with some people” …
    EVERY TIME …
    FOR SEVERAL WEEKS …
    what the fu*k are you thinkin’ buddy? …
    giving out MY number …
    and who the fu*k is ‘sposed to be callin’?
    yer “buddies” ? …
    yer “clients”? …
    wtf!?
    are ya’ scared one of yer clients might need some weed or harley parts at 9 in the fuggin’ a.m.? …
    jesus h. christ! …
    but, as i said, i’m a guy who likes to try and let things go …
    plus, i got tons of work to do …
    so …
    back to work …

    even with all the swaying, and running out / yelling out for phones, followed by more distracted swaying and sh*t, i’m now managing to get some stuff done, and the gleeful and ever-pleasant banging and smashing goes on …
    a couple hours goes by and i’m thinking some lunch might be nice, so i wander the very short distance over to my fridge and grab a sandwich i made earlier, refill my pop, and turn to head back to the front room, and there’s the swaying lady, back to me and entranced as ever, and there’s the happy giant, three feet away and staring at me …
    “what ya’ got? … smells good” …
    “uhh … a sandwich … would you guys like one before “we ALL get back to WORK?”
    “oh yeah sounds great eh hun?” …
    the large swaying object of HIS desire grunts something and he grabs a chair and plops down to wait for lunch …
    aaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrggggggghhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!
    we are seemingly only about 1/2 way through what i am thinking is now going to be a three or four month job, rather than a 2 – 3 day job as i was originally lead to believe …
    and i’m making sandwiches and gettin’ fu*&in’ refills for the gang …
    we eat lunch and all through mountain man is telling me how great my new bathroom is gonna be, what a craftsman he is and ALL about high school …
    and i’m thinking “god, buddha, santa, whothefuckever, just take me now …”
    but, as life would have it, MY life anyways … no luck … still alive … so, we finish eating, she requests some lynyrd skynyrd or something … i disavow any ownership of said band , say sorry and decide that tonight when they leave i need to hide anything that looks like it might be southern boogie rock …
    so, back to work we go …
    i put on some fusion jazz to work to …
    (no white woman can dance to that …no way, it’s science baby, science ) …
    everything proceeds as planned …
    we’re all gettin’ some work done …
    except when a phone rings or i forget to play something no human can dance to …
    and the day finishes without any legal incidents …
    around fivish, it looks like they’re getting wrapped up for the day, so i go wander over to the can, look in expecting to see just a few things left to do ( i mean they wrestled the bloody tub-surround down the hallway hours ago … and i KNOW i saw a toilet go by first thing this morning … i KNOW i saw my old one get tossed hours ago … oh yeah, did i mention that i’m now peeing, etc. next door in an empty suite to which i have been presented with a key … apparently it takes more than a day or two for a craftsman to replace a toilet … okay, next time i try to get me a tradesman …
    instead of a craftsman …
    oh good, there’s the tub surround over there, nowhere near my tub
    and there’s the new toilet … sitting in the hall …
    wow, slick unit … and i was right, the old one is nowhere to be seen …

    a few more weeks go by, and once in a while they even drop by to spend a few hours doing
    even more damage …
    every time my phones ring we do the “run out, get fu*&in’ distracted by the music” cankle dance …
    or my new best buddy ( must be … i’m feeding the fat f*ck ) goes “that for me man?”
    no you fat, stupid fu*k, that’s for ME, not you ..
    not your XXXLBBW-harley-riding-skidoo-humpin’ wife either …
    and every time i reached for a drink, or reached for a bite, there they were …
    “hey, what’s that? … smells good”
    god, oh god, oh god (and i’m a freakin’ atheist ), take me fuggin’ now …
    please, just take me …
    after a few more weeks of this i could take no more, the landlord wasn’t hearing any of it, i’m
    pissing in an empty suite, and so are my kids whenever they’re around …
    any idea how many times 2 young boys pee in a day?
    huh ?
    lots i tell ya …lots!
    i’ve had it …
    i go by a buds place and tell him, or cried, or sobbed or something, it’s still unclear …
    he listens like the incredible friend he is, says “i can help”, and gets up and walks across the room to get something …
    i’m thinking “you can?????”, “wow!”
    he comes back sits down and sez “here man” …
    hands me a couple of doobies and says, “if it ever gets that bad, go in yer’ bedroom, have a bit of this, close yer’ eyes and let it go” …”trust me bro” …
    don’t get me wrong, i have for some years known which end of a joint to light, and while it had been a long while since i had puffed the magic dragon, no biggie, i’m a freakin’ guitar player after all …
    easy, got it down, no problemo …
    wrong! …
    VERY wrong! …
    we’re weeks into dust, and swaying and cankle dancing and grazing my kitchen and general dumb-fu*k-a-hole behavior, my bathroom is STILL not functioning AT ALL, and it’s time to roll out the doobáge …
    so i sneak …yup, fuggin’ sneak … into my own bedroom,
    bud in hand, lighter at the ready …
    and i very quietly close the door, stuff all kinds of clothes and shit under the door, open a window, very quietly as well i might add, and here’s where it gets ugly …
    for me at least …
    i go over into the corner of my OWN room in my OWN apartment, CROUCH DOWN, in my OWN room in my OWN apartment, and with my back to the door, huddled like a god damned thief in the night, i light above mentioned joint, inhale, and …
    “what’s up man, smells good” …
    these big, lazy, idiot “craftsman” are standing in MY OWN room, lookin’ at me like some kind of refugee who’s seen a KFC truck pull up …
    i don’t remember much else, except that I finished the bathroom …
    and it wound up lookin’ pretty good, for a “funky” place …
    the boys and i enjoyed having the tub – surround and the new toilet
    we moved a couple years later …
    the apple trees are huge now …
    we’re all better now …

    i know that i may have used some inappropriate language and referred to these people in semi-derogatory ways … and that is not really my style … yeah right … lol …
    i NEVER meant to denigrate ANY dumb-fu*k-a-holes out there, just these two, and i never used ANY names, so there …
    also, i happen to quite like most BBWs …
    not contractors though … err … “craftsmen” …
    anyone want some apple pie?


    a few words on canada : ” oh canada, we stand on guard for free “

    by hip

    been hearing lately that i’ve got way too much american (and liberal) bias on my blogs, and not nearly enough references to canada, which is after all, where i do tend to reside … so … canada … don’t get me wrong, i think that this country is being run by, right-wing, bible-toting (at least until they get elected), self-serving a-holez, just like i do the states …
    and the bankers, the oil companies, the power-grid kids and the corporate-whore-lobbyists exist in far too great a number in canada too … and just like our good friends to the south,
    i firmly believe that we, john q., are being screwed at every opportunity by those who can …

    by our friends, allies and neighbors … every time we send our kids out on a “peace-keeping” mission (kinda like “f*&^ing for virginity” isn’t it?) to watch over the remains of some “nation in need” that our’ friends have bombed into democracy …
    and in case yer’ not reading the papers people, your kids are now being killed, for another man’s gain, at an alarming rate too …
    and why do we keep sending these young men and women to another man’s war …
    these kids are obviously the finest and best of their generation, and unlike most of our kids, they’ve stepped up and assumed the responsibilities of respect, honor and defense of our country(ies) … and decisions of war are ALWAYS made at the political branch, these kids have NO say in this, our kids do what soldiers do, they take their orders, strap ’em on and put their balls on the line … for you and me … and for our kids … and whether they believe or not, whether we believe or not, they still go “over that ridge”, without hesitation … for you and me … and our kids …and it serves us all terribly to forget that even for a second …
    my belief that we should bring them all home now is separate and completely detached from my respect, admiration and awe of anyone who voluntarily puts on a uniform …

    by the government … taxation reform, health care, education and equality for ALL, all need some work…truth is, health care and education are in danger of disappearing completely as we know them now (and you can thank mr klein and his so called moral brigade for that one canada … in between gettin’ drunk and yelling at the homeless and gettin’ drunk and falling over picnic tables, and gettin’ drunk and …)
    a couple more years of this “corporate medicare” that he and his ilk have brought us and you won’t recognize the difference between the health-care system (or non-system to be more accurate) in the us of a and what’s left of universal health care here in canada
    (and what a misnomer that turned out to be) …
    and equality for all is as big a lie here as it is in the states …
    ask any non-white citizen of our great country

    by the big corporations … i’m not even gonna get into this other than to say that any sane, adult canadian who thinks that big money and “the powers that be” aren’t every bit as at work here as they are in the usa is a damned fool, and really should do some reading …

    by ourselves … i have for many, many years listened to this general consensus that canadians have come to about the big bad usa .. you know the one … that they’re all bigoted and prejudiced against people of color (forget what happened to the natives in this country?  – a 200 year sentence to a compound of our choosing sound familiar?) …
    and that they’re all neo-con, right-wing conservative hypocrites (mr. klein, mr. mulroney, mr harper ring a bell? and if these clowns had guns, you can bet yer’ frozen ass that the neo-con woulda come flying out) … and that everybody’s greedy, and chasin’ the american dream … yeah, like what’s going on in alberta with employers and landlords isn’t “every man for himself” … oh yeah, just prairie boys doin’ good off oil … hmmm, sounds kinda exactly like my neighbors from texas ( or d.c. for that matter) … and when did we ever have tent cities of the homeless in the oil capital? … nice … goin’ pretty well so far eh? … oh, i just read that we’re evicting the tent city … phew … took care of that problem …
    ok … i feel much better now … jesus man …
    and maybe the one that drives me the craziest… all the anti-bush hatred for nothing but the sake of it, and yeah it really does seem like hatred (albeit, in my opinion, justified) ( and yes virginia, there is something that even you can do about it, so …)
    but all the yelling, pi**ing and moaning that i hear here about the war and lil’ dick and g dub’s “high crimes and misdemeanors”, and then this country votes mr. klein in for about 10 years too long and worse, ya’ go and vote in a bush wannabe in mr harper …
    harper???
    prime minister???
    are you people nuts??? …
    this guy models half his behavior after w and the gang,
    he even hires the same speech writers, strategists and p r peeps …
    google this sh*t people, for god’s sakes … BEFORE ya’ vote …arrrggghhh! …
    are you guys not listening to anything that’s going on in the world?, or are you so sold out to the “comfort zone”  that you just blindly and willingly march in step, so that they won’t screw with yer’ holidays or cancel oprah (and don’t even start me on that sh*t) …
    that ain’t canadian eh?…
    harper????
    …okay…look at it this way …
    you elect harper and the death rate suddenly climbs for your children in uniform …
    and now he wants to commit even more to his buddy from d.c. … c’mon guys …
    plus if this guy’s head were any further up little dick and w’s asses, he’d be partin’ that “do” of his with neocon tonsils …
    not to mention that the guy flip flops more than a jackfish in a canoe …
    i personally thought that this was a far better place, and we were all way happier, when canadians wore their balls, instead of leaving them at home … in the “cuzzi” …
    so see, it’s not that i don’t have lots to say about the place i am residing, and believe me, i’m every bit as pi**ed off at what’s going on here …
    it’s just that bush has guns, and harper doesn’t … yet …
    so w’s the a-hole we gotta worry about right now … ok?
    one more thing … anyone in canada who thinks that what goes on to the south of us doesn’t affect them immediately and decisively is living in a 1950’s, self-induced, richie cunningham haze … read a book, a paper, google some sh*t … whatever …
    how goes george and cronies, so goes you … and my kids …
    and yours …

    even with all of that, and all things considered, canada may very well be the greatest place on earth to live … i mean, i really LOVE hockey, we play 3! down, non-pussy football (in the snow, with short friggin’ sleeves and no gloves i might add), our politicos think that getting their wife on a government plane trip to toronto, for free, is a scandal, and so does the public, the church hasn’t gotten control of government yet, we wish our leader could score a hummer in his office, our musicians actually rock (and can play their instruments – i know, how australian eh?), our constitution still means something, there’s always a job, don cherry and ron maclean, the men and women who serve this country do so with honor and integrity (not to mention total lack of support), we got tim horton’s, the movies make sense and have a story line, the beer rocks (and i don’t even drink), the skiing rocks (and i don’t even ski), the women rock (that i do), we’ve got beavers that talk on tv, freakin’ talkin’ beavers!, it doesn’t get any better, trust me, did i mention that i really love hockey?, not to mention maple syrup that makes yer’ nipples stand up, and nobody but nobody can come together more intently or faster to help a neighbor in need, whether it’s the guy down the street, a total stranger or the president of a soon to be theocratic republic near you …
    oops … see, i can’t help myself … it’s the synapse thing again …
    i dunno … maybe it’s just me …
    in closing, i’d like to quote a man much smarter than i … mr. clinton once said that:
    “there is nothing wrong with america, that can’t be fixed by what is right about america”,
    and canada is exactly the same … makes it a pretty good place …

    ps … as for the liberal bias, get over it, i think the left is right. and if you disagree, take the time to write a rant of your own and i’ll run it … otherwise, shut up and get the f**k outta the way so people who do care enough to get up and do something other than moan, can.
    thanks for yer’ moments …
    pps … to the two guys(?) who wrote me about the “bush sucks” piece, i’m a little unclear as to what you were talking about, but microsoft doesn’t suck and linux doesn’t “rool” … and seeing as that was the entirety of yer’ email, i am a little bewildered …
    oh, that’s right, yer’ linux users … makes sense now …. sorry  


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