9 Out of 10 Lions Say Nazis Are Tasty

and now, a few words from the Ferret …

Hey there Resisters! I know it’s Friday night, but I’m postin’ anyway!

Find me at: showercapblog.com

Whelp, in the last couple of days our dipshit President has been called a blustering chimpanzee by Jane Goodall, and a “dotard” by that one chubby, belligerent North Korean fellow. Accuracy notwithstanding, it makes one sad that William Shakespeare won’t get a crack at our artificially-tanned, inadequately-fingered, chief executive.

In other words, friends…shit be cray.

Anyhow, the Dotard Chimpanzee wants everybody to know that the whole Russia thing is a hoax, despite all the investigations and no-knock Manafort raids and whatnot.

Weirdly, this particular tweet came on the day when Homeland Security informed 21 states that “Russian government cyber actors” attempted to hack their election systems ahead of November 2016.

Anyway, we’re assured they weren’t at all successful, even though they targeted a bunch of swing states and the election was ultimately swung by about a football-stadium’s-worth of votes.

Sleep tight, is all I’m sayin’.

So, this Republican state representative in South Dakota figured that everyone would be all giggly and delighted by a little meme she shared about running cars into crowds full of protesters, because that’s what that Nazi terrorist did in Charlottesville, and if comedy has one golden rule, it’s that things Nazis do to murder people are universally regarded as hilarious.

It’s ok though. She issued roughly 38% of an apology. Consequences are for CUCKS.

Meanwhile Rambunctious Robert Mueller is apparently after ALL THE RECORDS these days, on the Comey firing, the Flynn firing, probably on the various crimes SCROTUS has committed against god-knows-how-many perfectly decent steaks.

In totally, completely, 100% non-related news, it turns out our ol’ pal Sean Spicer kept ridiculously detailed notebooks while serving as Press Secretary. Don’t worry Donnie, I’m sure it’s mostly a slam book about Scaramucci.

And Dorito Mussolini keeps talking about his cool new autocrat friend, Tayyip Erdogan, whose goons beat up some American protesters…again. Yeah, you’d generally expect the President of the United States to take sides with his own people against the foreign nationals pounding the crap out of them, but we live in…unconventional times.

Betsy DeVos officially implemented her long-anticipated Affirmative Action for Rapists Initiative. “We like our campus sexual assaults like we like our tax returns,” DeVos said, “Drastically underreported in service of maintaining established power dynamics!” Betsy’s just one short leap away from setting up free rohypnol dispensers at frat houses.

From Politico, we learned that Tangerine Idi Amin is stocking the Agriculture Department with random, comically under-qualified campaign holdovers. Once the wheels really start coming off this wagon, and the resignations start piling up, we’re gonna wind up with pizza delivery boys as Joint Chiefs, mark my words.

The Mooch went on the View to take The Dump on The Staff. Apparently he finds Reince Priebus dislikable, he thinks Sean Spicer was a liar (HOT TAKE THERE, MOOOCH), and says Steve Bannon has white supremacist “tendencies,” which makes it sound like he just occasionally burns a small cross in somebody’s lawn when he’s had one too many Zimas.

Well, it looks like the latest attempt to repeal the ACA and replace it with a Mile High Pile of Murder has run off the rails. Susan Collins is leaning no, John McCain gave Lindsey Graham the NEW JACK CITY Am-I-My-Brother’s-Keeper routine, and Rand Paul won’t support it unless it sends the poor to Dickensian workhouses or something.

We need three GOP “no” votes, and we’ve only officially got two at this moment, so it’s kinda fun to imagine the epic bribes Mitch McConnell must be offering Lisa Murkowski today. “We’ll make you Duchess of Kentucky, Lisa! We’ll make Marco Rubio dress up like a showgirl and dance for your amusement!”

Under most circumstances, repeating the same storyline over and over leads to diminished audience interest, BUT, speaking only for myself, I have a virtually limitless appetite for The Mitch McConnell Bets Big on Obamacare Repeal Only to Faceplant and Walk Away With a Giant Plate Full of Failure Show.

Not that this administration will do anything silly like embracing Obamacare or helping their constituents, or anything. Having significantly shortened the enrollment period and decimated the outreach budget, today we learned that they’ll be shutting down the enrollment website for twelve hours almost every Sunday of the already-abbreviated sign-up window.

It’s downright fuckin’ WACKY having a government that works so hard to keep its citizens away from the potentially life-saving health care they’re legally entitled to.

The (Failing?) L.A. Times informs us that the Marmalade Shartcannon went rogue during his bath-salts-and-adderall-fueled U.N. Speech, against advisor’s advice, which explains John Kelly’s Patrick Stewart impersonation.

Of course, there’s no real reason to antagonize Kim Jong-un. It puts hundreds of thousands of lives at risk and accomplishes precisely Jack Shit. Sadly, our current head of state prioritizes “A bunch of strangers’ lives” significantly below “Showing off the clever nickname I just thought up.”

In other news, “Rocket Man,” is what passes for “clever” to the most powerful human being alive. Sssssssssigh.

Meanwhile, Princess Ivanka is trying to weasel her way out of a shoe-design-theft lawsuit by claiming she’s a fancy, important, government official, which is weird, because it was just the other day when she was saying how unreasonable it was for people to expect her to influence the President from her post as a Presidential advisor.

Tom Price keeps trying to explain his way around the 300-grand-and-counting private jet bill he’s dropped in the taxpayer’s lap (we can’t afford Meals on Wheels, but we have plenty of spare $$$$ to make sure Tommy Boy doesn’t have to get Poor on him when he feels like getting away from the office for the day.) Something about his demanding schedule, or the hurricanes, or, most insultingly/hilariously to “connect” with “real Americans.”

Speaking of cartoonishly corrupt fuckheads, WaPo informs us that EPA Chief Scott Pruitt has basically been on a not-so-secret-Santa tour lately, meeting with “corporate executives from the automobile, mining and fossil fuel industries” before eagerly doing their bidding.

I tell you folks, I’m practically CHOKING on the populism, there’s so much populism.

Anyhow, the guy who was allegedly so fabulously rich that he wouldn’t be beholden to wealthy special interest donors is getting his ever-ballooning legal fees paid for by…wealthy special interest donors! Boy howdy, if buying access to government officials happens to be your thang, you couldn’t hope to do any better than a septuagenarian grifter frantically scrambling to fend off a lifetime’s worth of comeuppance.

And if I told you one of these donors has a bunch of connections to Russian oligarchs, up to and including Uncle Vlad’s bud Viktor Vekselberg, you’d accuse me of really pushing the envelope with this whole collusion thing, right? “C’mon,” you’d say, “Shartboy paying his legal fees with Russian oil money? Is that really BELIEVABLE?”

Believe it.

Oh hey, a lion mauled a Nazi. That’s somethin’.

In other good news, it looks like Milopalooza at Berkeley has more or less collapsed. Weird that nobody wants to hang out with the “Pedophiles Are Actually Rad” guy.

Well anyway, because Lil’ Donnie Two-Scoops was a very good boy and hasn’t praised any Nazis for almost week, John Kelly let him go down to Alabama for a rally. Allegedly, it was a rally for Senator Luther Strange ahead of Tuesday’s primary runoff, but Donnie made sure to let everybody know that he “might’ve made a mistake,” and would campaign for his opponent (Deranged Bull Connor cosplayer Roy Moore) if he lost, because LOYALTY. He played all the hits, from the classic “Lock Her Up” to the new, Rick Rubin*-produced “Rocket Man.” He was very high on Strange’s tallness.

He went after Colin Kaepernick, too. He’s probably just jealous, since Colin actually makes the charitable donations he pledges. Anyway, it’s really neat to have a President who thinks people should be fired for exercising their first amendment rights, innit?**

I dunno. My working hypothesis is that I live in the alternate reality where all the Star Trek characters have sinister mustaches and shit. I’m trying real hard to get back home to a place where things make some semblance of since, but until then…

…shit be cray. Vote in the Goddamn Midterms.

*I don’t mean to disparage Rick Rubin.

** It is not actually “neat.” I say this because some folks on the internet have a little trouble with sarcasm.

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It’s Decorative Gourd Season, Motherfuckers

One of the funniest rants I have read in a long time …from a great site …
from McSweeney’s Internet Tendency (the fucking website name alone is worth a visit, right?)

It’s Decorative Gourd Season, Motherfuckers
by: Colin Nissan
Originally published October 20, 2009.
I don’t know about you, but I can’t wait to get my hands on some fucking gourds and arrange them in a horn-shaped basket on my dining room table. That shit is going to look so seasonal. I’m about to head up to the attic right now to find that wicker fucker, dust it off, and jam it with an insanely ornate assortment of shellacked vegetables. When my guests come over it’s gonna be like, BLAMMO! Check out my shellacked decorative vegetables, assholes. Guess what season it is — fucking fall. There’s a nip in the air and my house is full of mutant fucking squash.
I may even throw some multi-colored leaves into the mix, all haphazard like a crisp October breeze just blew through and fucked that shit up. Then I’m going to get to work on making a beautiful fucking gourd necklace for myself. People are going to be like, “Aren’t those gourds straining your neck?” And I’m just going to thread another gourd onto my necklace without breaking their gaze and quietly reply, “It’s fall, fuckfaces. You’re either ready to reap this freaky-assed harvest or you’re not.”
Carving orange pumpkins sounds like a pretty fitting way to ring in the season. You know what else does? Performing an all-gourd reenactment of an episode of Diff’rent Strokes — specifically the one when Arnold and Dudley experience a disturbing brush with sexual molestation. Well, this shit just got real, didn’t it? Felonies and gourds have one very important commonality: they’re both extremely fucking real. Sorry if that’s upsetting, but I’m not doing you any favors by shielding you from this anymore.
The next thing I’m going to do is carve one of the longer gourds into a perfect replica of the Mayflower as a shout-out to our Pilgrim forefathers. Then I’m going to do lines of blow off its hull with a hooker. Why? Because it’s not summer, it’s not winter, and it’s not spring. Grab a calendar and pull your fucking heads out of your asses; it’s fall, fuckers.
Have you ever been in an Italian deli with salamis hanging from their ceiling? Well then you’re going to fucking love my house. Just look where you’re walking or you’ll get KO’d by the gauntlet of misshapen, zucchini-descendant bastards swinging from above. And when you do, you’re going to hear a very loud, very stereotypical Italian laugh coming from me. Consider yourself warned.
For now, all I plan to do is to throw on a flannel shirt, some tattered overalls, and a floppy fucking hat and stand in the middle of a cornfield for a few days. The first crow that tries to land on me is going to get his avian ass bitch-slapped all the way back to summer.
Welcome to autumn, fuckheads!

Down At The End Of Lonely Street …

Sebastian Gorka Welcomed To Halfway House For Fired Trump Administration Members

The halfway house offers Sebastian Gorka and other former Trump staffers the chance to unlearn some of the destructive behavior patterns acquired in the administration and gradually transition back into the community.

The halfway house offers Sebastian Gorka and other former Trump staffers the chance to unlearn some of the destructive behavior patterns acquired in the administration and gradually transition back into the community.

WASHINGTON—Saying it was the first step in gaining the confidence and stability he would need to reintegrate back into society, residents and staff on Thursday welcomed former White House strategist Sebastian Gorka to New Beginnings, a halfway house for fired Trump administration members.

The 20-bed residential treatment center, which opened earlier this year in the capital’s quiet Woodland Park neighborhood, reportedly offers round-the-clock care to traumatized former West Wing insiders, providing life skills training, wellness workshops, and psychotherapy under the guidance of licensed social workers.

“It’s true these guys got wrapped up with the wrong people, but I firmly believe everyone has value no matter badly they’ve screwed up their lives.”

“At New Beginnings, Mr. Gorka will have the chance to make a fresh start—a chance to reflect on his past actions and hopefully emerge a more responsible citizen,” said director Ross Woodley, who noted that besides housing, the facility offered counseling on issues from anger management to speaking with special prosecutors. “No doubt he’s been through a lot, but he’ll be joining a community of other ex-Trump strategists, senior advisors, and communications personnel who are all going through the same process.”

“It’s very lucky we were able to accommodate him, though, as we’ve been completely full since February,” he added.

According to Woodley, once accepted to the program, a jittery, confused Gorka was driven from the White House directly to the facility to begin treatment. During the intake process, Gorka’s personal belongings were reportedly confiscated and he was asked to sign forms promising not to visit the Oval Office or have any contact with his enabling friends still within the administration.

Sources said that Gorka, 46, has responded well to the facility’s regimented schedule, rising before dawn to brew coffee and make breakfast for the group with former communications director Michael Dubke. Additionally, sources noted that Gorka had bonded with long-term resident Lt. Gen. Michael Flynn, who showed him how to do his own laundry and helped him buy a bus pass so he could apply for dishwashing jobs around town.

“It’s a good sign that he’s interacting with people—that’s more than we could say for Spicer or Priebus when they got here,” said Woodley, pointing to the two men quietly completing a 1,000-piece winter landscape jigsaw puzzle. “Sean was just a mess. One moment he’d be manically scrawling press releases on the backs of napkins, and the next he’d be screaming in your face, saying that CNN was out to destroy his reputation. Reince has been in and out of a catatonic stupor since he arrived.”

“Yes, it’s true these guys got wrapped up with the wrong people, but I firmly believe everyone has value no matter badly they’ve screwed up their lives, or their family’s lives, or the lives of 314 million Americans,” he continued.

According to Woodley, some of the biggest breakthroughs are made during group therapy where twice a day, former officials gather in the facility’s activity room to discuss tense moments working for the administration and how they might have handled them differently. He noted that while some residents reportedly take weeks to admit the things they’ve done, most eventually build up the courage to share their stories, often breaking down into sobs.

Woodley also explained that all residents are required to follow a strict code of conduct: no drugs or alcohol, no guest appearances on cable news, and a tidy bunk at all times. According to staff, however, abiding by the rules has been especially tough for Steve Bannon, whose attempts to conduct Breitbart editorial meetings via a smuggled cell phone have led to his loss of commissary privileges.

“Bannon is incredibly volatile, so we’ve had to put him on a 24/7 watch to ensure he doesn’t injure himself or others,” said Woodley, adding that the president’s former chief strategist had recently thrown an ashtray at a TV after watching a Fox News segment he considered “bullshit establishment propaganda.” “We thought maybe he’d turned a corner when he found a job as a busboy at a nearby pub, but then he lost it by referring to several waitresses as ‘dykes.’”

While rehabilitation has been easier for some residents than others, Woodley said former White House communications director Anthony Scaramucci was his biggest success story to date, noting that, after several weeks of intense rage counseling, he had fully accepted responsibility for his chaotic 10-day tenure and would soon be starting a new job at an Arlington landscaping company.

“Though we wish for everyone to have the same level of success as Anthony, we accept it’s not always possible,” said Woodley. “There are only so many resources, and more and more people show up at our doorstep every day.”

“Unfortunately, without our guidance, there’s really no future for these folks,” he continued. “People just don’t want Trump staffers living in their neighborhoods.”
from the Onion

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the gop knows by hip is everything



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gop repeal it all by hip is everything



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exxon tiger by hip is everything
A Rex Tillerson/Vladimir Putin Company

This Week on ‘Sister Wives’

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Sister Wives is an American reality television series broadcast on TLC. It documents the life of a polygamist/incestuous family of grifters and charlatans living in Washington D.C., which includes patriarch Bad Touch Donnie Trump, aka the Velveeta Raccoon to his wives and their not very bright children, and several overly made up women in various degrees of undress.
This week, on “Sister Wives” Donnie announces that he is adding two more wives to the fold, Hope ‘I’m not a gold-digger’ Hicks and Kellyanne Conway, a skanky little thing he picked up during last year’s ‘To Russia With Love’ episode, much to the chagrin of his ‘main’ wife and squeeze Ivanka. Melania, his ‘illegal’ (but NOT an escort) turned ‘wife’ remains mute again this week, as she had done throughout the entirety of last season. Rumor has it that she is asking for more money or she will be leaving at the end of this season and returning to her native Slovenia. This week’s episode, ‘Golden Showers’ will feature an appearance by long time Trump mentor, idol and puppet-master Vladimir Putin as the shirtless, horseback riding, uber wealthy new neighbor who invites Donnie to a ‘Water Sports Exhibition’ at his private club, and the hilarity ensues.
Rated ‘R’ for ridiculous | Ages 5 and up | 1280px-4_stars.svg

That Boy Just Ain’t Right In The Head Mabel

Throw in the “I’ll shake this lady’s hand and then shove her off stage” episode …

or, the forget where the fuck I am episode getting off the plane …

or these …

maybe it’s time …
25 for 45 Now.

SALE … Fall Pricing Now In Effect at the Trump Store!

Related image

At the Trump Store™ (a fully owned subsidiary of GRU-Putin Industries™)

ALL merchandise now drastically reduced due to impending foreclosure and impeachment
Sorry, CASH ONLY (USD/Rubles) for this sale as we will be leaving the country soon for an extended stay at our soon to be open location in Sochi, Russia.

trump immigration test kit by hip is everythinng
The NEW Trumpola™ ‘Immigration Test Kit Home Edition’
Get ‘em while they last!


trumputin lapel pin by hipiseverything


TRUMPUTIN MAGA Hat (Russian) by hip is everything

adopts-colorized-lithography-Flower-gold-toilets-basin-bathroom-gold-plated-ceramic-closestool-luxury-pedestal-Sanitary-Ware.jpg_640x640
We also have a few Trump ‘Tweet Thrones’™ left …
Just like the one Bad Touch Donnie sits on every morning while he tweets out insults and gibberish while waiting for those damned stool softeners to work. A MUST HAVE for all you MAGA KKKids and Alt-Right Suckers Supporters. Get 1 today! Poo like the Glorious Leader, Sum Dim Phuc, while you tweet like a president.
(Installation extra)

 

Trumputin Tremendous Trupatriot Wigs by hip is everything


The newest ‘Fuck Trump’ hat – in the original Russian …
Just like the one that all the New York ‘Elites’ (and NY Times reporters) wear.

fuck trump by hip is everything

hurricane barbie by hip is everything


new at the trump store jumpsuit by hip is everything

Trump-tears-impotent-rage by hip is everyrthing

And  here’s one for all you parents out there …
from our fine literature department …

flying trump
Written by Melania “I’m NOT an escort! Trump
with a forward by Hope “I’m NOT sleeping with him!” Hicks


make amerikkka hate again TRUMP by hip is everything
Soundtrack to the 2016 Campaign … only a few copies left – get ‘em while you can!

We’ve even got a few Sewer Rat Barbie approved selfie sticks left …

kellyanne conway selfie stick by hip is everything

We also have a HUGE supply of ‘slightly used’ spray tanning equipment.
Inquire at store for pricing, ask for Ivanka or Kellyanne.
Related image
Please Note: Our ‘house brand’ orange paint may only be purchased in 50 gallon and 100 gallon sizes only. Sorry, all larger sizes are already sold out.


002

BREAKING …

breaking-news-620BREAKING: Russian military forces, under the direction and guidance of long time Donald Trump mentor/puppet-master Vladimir Putin have invaded the sovereign nation of Nambia. It is speculated that the Putin regime is after the vast resources of Nambia. Nambia is a world leader in unicorn horn exports and hookers who specialize in ‘water sports’, as well as being the world’s only supplier of ‘fairy dust’ and covfefe. Nambia, as many will remember, was also the leader in relief efforts after the Bowling Green Massacre and is believed to be the next location of a new, 9001 story gilded tower being proposed by the Trumputin Organization.
As well, in a seemingly related story, Nambia has announced that their new ambassador to the United States will be one Mr. Paul Manafort, formerly of the GRU and the Trumputin Organization. He will be joined by fellow Trumputin alumni and renowned liar Sean Spicer as the new head of ‘Government Ethics for the Nambian Federation.’

Watch this space for updates …

trump treason by hip is everything

Graham – Cassidy – Heller Bill: The Facts

Senator Chuck Grassley: “Repealing ObamaCare Is More Important Than Whatever Replaces It”

Just when bipartisan Senate negotiations on stabilizing the Affordable Care Act’s (ACA) marketplaces and extending the Children’s Health Insurance Program were picking up steam, Senate leaders have abruptly decided to make a last-ditch effort to repeal the ACA, also known as Obamacare, and impose massive cuts to Medicaid.

Why the sudden rush to try again on repeal? Basically, they’re facing a deadline. The Senate parliamentarian recently ruled that the procedural shortcut that allows Senate Republicans to pass repeal with only 51 votes will expire on Sept. 30. Although Senate Republicans had finally seemed ready to move on after July’s failed vote, key senators have seized on the impending deadline to push for one final attempt at repeal.

Senators Lindsey Graham and Bill Cassidy, the sponsors of the Graham-Cassidy repeal bill, claim that their bill is different—that it simply shifts health care decisions to the states. This is false. Just like the failed repeal bills that came before it, Graham-Cassidy would result in millions of Americans losing health coverage. And in crucial respects, it’s the most harmful version of repeal yet.

Like the previous bills, Graham-Cassidy would cap funding for the traditional Medicaid program, shrinking it over time and leaving millions fewer low-income people covered.

Furthermore, it would eliminate funding for the ACA’s premium tax credits and Medicaid expansion and replace these with a block grant that states could spend on a range of health care activities. The Center on Budget and Policy Priorities estimates that this block grant would represent a $239 billion funding cut compared to current law from 2020 to 2026, which would lead to millions of people losing coverage.

Although Graham and Cassidy claim that this will increase flexibility for states, in reality it will do the opposite. Slashing federal funding will force states to cut eligibility or benefits based on budgetary limits.

And worse, the state flexibility that Graham-Cassidy does provide is designed to get rid of important consumer protections. Under Graham-Cassidy, states could allow insurance companies to once again charge people with pre-existing conditions higher premiums based on their health status or medical history. For example, someone with asthma could be charged an estimated $4,320 more in premiums, while a pregnant woman could be charged $17,320 extra.

Perhaps most shockingly of all, Graham-Cassidy’s block grant funding simply disappears entirely after 2026, which means the complete elimination of Medicaid expansion and financial assistance for people who buy coverage in the individual market. Meanwhile, the annual growth rate for the Medicaid caps would be reduced starting in 2025, resulting in even deeper cuts as the capped funding levels failed to keep pace with rising health care costs in future years.

Yet even though Graham-Cassidy is the harshest version of repeal yet, Senate Republicans suddenly appear dangerously close to passing it in the next two weeks. And despite the widespread criticism of the secretive and rushed process used for the previous Senate repeal bills, they’re planning to allow even less scrutiny of Graham-Cassidy. Not only do they intend to vote on the bill with only 90 seconds of debate and no committee markups to consider amendments, but they’re planning to vote without a full Congressional Budget Office score to estimate the bill’s impact on health coverage and premiums.

Just like last time, this absurd lack of transparency is part of a strategy. Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell knows that his only hope of passing the bill is hiding its effects from the public—and his fellow senators—until it’s too late. That sad fact is all the proof we need that it’s time to finally abandon repeal and move on.

from fortune.com

Thomas Huelskoetter is a health policy analyst at the Center for American Progress.


You should phone the United States Capitol switchboard at (202) 224-3121. A switchboard operator will connect you directly with the Senate office you request.

and now, some facts …

21616060_10156335568852908_5752132338354478177_n

You should phone the United States Capitol switchboard at (202) 224-3121. A switchboard operator will connect you directly with the Senate office you request.

cassidy


You should phone the United States Capitol switchboard at (202) 224-3121. A switchboard operator will connect you directly with the Senate office you request.

graham cassidy hurts women
umm, yep, entirely by males …


You should phone the United States Capitol switchboard at (202) 224-3121. A switchboard operator will connect you directly with the Senate office you request.

Image result for graham cassidy facts charts
You should phone the United States Capitol switchboard at (202) 224-3121. A switchboard operator will connect you directly with the Senate office you request.


Fix It! Don’t Kill It! … Just Say NO To The GOP

 

I guess the GOP figures that he should just sit down, shut up, and die so that their benefactors (Kochs et al) can get a sweet new tax break.

Contact your senators and let them know that they must say NO to Graham-Cassidy.

You can phone the United States Capitol switchboard at (202) 224-3121. A switchboard operator will connect you directly with the Senate office you request.

This Evening’s ‘Nailed It’

And the winner of the Interwebz this evening is …

<drum roll>

although, this one was a very close second …