Velveeta Raccoon – The first 30 Days

Since his election Donnie Bad Touch  is (inadvertently) making America Great (again).
Credit where credit is due guys …
1. Unprecedented levels of ongoing civic engagement.
2. Millions of Americans now know who their state and federal representatives are without having to google.
3. Millions of Americans are exercising more. They’re holding signs and marching every week.
4. Alec Baldwin is great again. Everyone’s forgotten he’s kind of a jerk.
5. The Postal Service is enjoying the influx cash due to stamps purchased by millions of people for letter and postcard campaigns.
6. Likewise, the pharmaceutical industry is enjoying record growth in sales of anti-depressants.
7. Millions of Americans now know how to call their elected officials and know exactly what to say to be effective.
8. Footage of town hall meetings is now entertaining.
9. Tens of millions of people are now correctly spelling words like emoluments, narcissist, fascist, misogynist, holocaust and cognitive dissonance.
10. Everyone knows more about the rise of Hitler than they did last year.
11. Everyone knows more about legislation, branches of power and how checks and balances work.
12. Marginalized groups are experiencing a surge in white allies.
13. White people in record numbers have just learned that racism is not dead. (See #6)
14. White people in record numbers also finally understand that Obamacare IS the Affordable Care Act.
15. Stephen Colbert’s “Late Night” finally gained the elusive #1 spot in late night talk shows.
16. “Mike Pence” has donated millions of dollars to Planned Parenthood since Nov. 9th.
17. Melissa FREAKING McCarthy.
18. Travel ban protesters put $24 million into ACLU coffers in just 48 hours, enabling them to hire 200 more attorneys. Lawyers are now heroes.
19. As people seek veracity in their news sources, respected news outlets are happily reporting a substantial increase in subscriptions, a boon to a struggling industry vital to our democracy.
20. Live streaming court cases and congressional sessions are now as popular as the Kardashians.
21. Massive cleanup of Facebook friend lists.
22. People are reading classic literature again. Sales of George Orwell’s “1984” increased by 10,000% after the inauguration. (Yes, that is true. 10,000%. 9th grade Lit teachers all over the country are now rock stars.)
23. More than ever before, Americans are aware that education is important. Like, super important.
24. Now, more than anytime in history, everyone believes that anyone can be President.

– According to Petulant Trump number 9 may be true, but those tens of millions of people were probably all illegal immigrants spotted on November 8 riding on buses from Massachusetts to New Hampshire.
– Number 24 was originally meant to offer hope to everyone. Now, it’s just a threat.

Time Well Spent

So, this is what your President is up to this afternoon … deleting and retweeting a tweet so he can fit in more people he hates …
But hey, he doesn’t work weekends, so I guess he’s gotta stay busy somehow … I believe the expression you’re looking for is “Fuck me, we’re all gunna die”


“Fuck me Mabel, that kid just ain’t right in the head”

Alternative Presser

I’m old enough to remember when ‘fake news’ and ‘alternative facts were just called Fox News.

I just finished fact checking Trump’s press conference and couldn’t find any. So, there’s that.
TL;DR on the presser: Trump speech: “There’s nothing wrong here, move along. It ain’t my fault. #BlameObama Period!” And then he finished up with “all black people look the same and know each other” followed by proclaiming his usual “everybody’s a liar but me”, “I’m not ranting and raving” and a quick “black people are dangerous.”

And, for those of you who either can’t read or are unwilling to (yeah MAGA kids, I’m talkin’ to you), here is a quick pictorial that will pretty much cover everything Trump said at today’s stressor presser …

hair twittler by hip is everything

Trump-tears-impotent-rage by hip is everyrthing



tears of a clown

alternative protein shake


1 (2)






Thought Provoking Read …

I had to post this… amazing piece …
Why Liberals Are Wrong About Trump

Why are the liberals completely overreacting to Trump’s unique style of governing?
They’re not. He’s a fucking sociopath. And here’s a recipe for raspberry scones:
Combine measured flour, 1/4 cup of the sugar, the baking powder, lemon zest, and salt in a large bowl and whisk to break up any lumps. Using a pastry blender or 2 knives, cut the butter into the flour mixture until small, pea-sized pieces remain.
Pour in 3/4 cup of the cream and, using your finger, mix until just incorporated and a rough, slightly sticky mound has formed (not all of the flour will be incorporated). Turn the dough and loose flour out onto a work surface and knead until most of the flour is incorporated and the dough just holds together (be careful not to overwork it). Lightly flour a rolling pin and the work surface. Using your hands, roughly form the dough into a rectangle, keeping the long edge toward you. Roll the dough into an 8-by-10-inch rectangle (if the dough cracks, push it back together), again keeping the long edge toward you.
Remove the raspberries from the freezer, evenly arrange them in a single layer over the lower two-thirds of the rectangle, and press them into the dough (it’s OK if some break).
Starting with the top, berryless third, fold the dough lengthwise into thirds, pressing on the layers as you go (use a spatula or pasty scraper if the dough sticks to the work surface).
Flour the rolling pin again and gently roll the dough into an even 1-inch-thick block. If the ends become tapered, square them with your hands. Slice the dough crosswise (do not saw back and forth) into 4 equal pieces. Cut each piece diagonally to form 2 triangles.
Transfer the scones to the floured plate and place in the freezer for 5 minutes.
Remove the scones from the freezer and transfer to the prepared baking sheet, setting them 2 inches apart. Brush a thin layer of the remaining 1 tablespoon cream over the tops of the scones and sprinkle with the remaining 1 tablespoon sugar. Bake until golden brown on the top and bottom, about 20 minutes. Let cool 5 minutes on the baking sheet, then transfer to a wire rack to cool completely.
Glenn Rockowitz
author, formerly SNL, delight

d-bag of the week – duplicitous bastards unite!

golden d-bag of the week award by hip is everything

Because the douchebaggery has not abated in any way since our last d-bag award, and all the sliminess and slithering that passes for sentient behavior in the so-called corridors of power still seem to be as rampant as ever, it must be time to single out our d-bag of the week.
As all good deeds truly deserve some kind of reward, Let’s get at ‘er kids.
And, (insert favorite deity here) knows, we certainly did have another week chock bloody full of scheming, lying politicians, incoherent, ass kissing, dog whistle blowing, incessantly blathering, windbag broadcasters, greedy, glamour glomming grifters and pointless, prevaricating and pontificating pricks. So, it’s time to answer the question that to be answered.
Inquiring minds you know …
Just who took their act to the lowest of the low, the worst of the worst, the slimiest of the slimy, the doucheyist of the douchey? … are those even freakin’ words? They are now I guess.
Who was the king or queen of douchebaggery in the last seven days?
Who was the grandest douche rocket of the bunch?
It was, as always, a week that was, full of some of the slimiest, sleaziest, slithering, scuzzball serpents the world of poll pandering, petulant and pithy partisan politics, fanatical, frenzied, far fetched faith freaks, and the exorbitant, exaggerated and exuberant elitist acquisitiveness, avarice and avidity that the preening power pricks (aka politics, religion and corporatocracy) has to offer.
And this week was as bad as every other lately, the norm these days it seems, with more than it’s fair share of despicable, degenerate douche bag dancing, misogynistic, mean-minded and mendacious maneuvers, slimy, sickening, sleaze-ball slithering, repugnant, reprehensible, repulsive and revolting rantings and railings, and an out and out torrent of treasonous talk and treacherous temper tantrums.
Especially by the so-called “family values” gang over on the right and their bat shit crazy, bullshit bellowing, ideologically inane, greedy and groveling, greasy grifters and their prevaricating, petulant, pompous and pointlessly pious proponents.
In the end, as we always do, we found our winner.
And a rather deserving one, if I do say so myself.
And even though this week’s douche-off was not without a copiously crammed cornucopia of conniving, classless, clueless, crass and cretinous challengers to that majestic mantle of  mediocrity, mendacity, meandering mindlessness and missteps we like to call the ‘d-bag of the week’, we do have a distinct winner …
the envelope please … 

This week’s winner, of  the always deserved, rarely accepted d-bag of the week is …
drum roll please …

Here are the names & numbers of the traitors duplicitous bastards Republicans opposing independent investigation into Trump/Russia.
Please do not call these numbers and bother these good people.
Do NOT share this list with ANYONE!
And for God’s sake, please don’t fill up their mailboxes with emails.


The Daily Roundup

paul ryan

Speaker Paul Ryan, seen here announcing his party’s probe into Russia’s puppet, the idiot Trump.



Ryan was joined by the entire GOP Intel Committee for today’s historic announcement.



Sean Spicer (or maybe that’s Reince Priebus, it’s hard to tell here) took to the podium to threaten the press again and profess his undying support and adoration of “the Glorious Leader” Don Dim Wit.


The Apricot Asshole’s Director of Lies and Fear-mongering, Skelle-anne Con Way, made the rounds of the daily news shows to distract from the Trump Regime’s woes ’o the day, and spread large amounts of excrement everywhere she trod.



Senior advisor to the president Steve Bannon meanwhile conducted a strategy session with his top policy advisors before issuing the President’s newest orders for the day.



Petulant Trump ended his day the way he started it with what has become known around the White House as “tears of a clown.”

The Politics of Fear–Trump Style

a great Dan Rather post that everyone should read …

As reports flow in of raids and roundups of immigrants in the name of public safety and law and order, let’s pause to talk about fear—that most primal of human emotions, the one President Donald Trump seems determined to stir up in the breast of the American psyche. It is an effort that in my mind is so quintessentially un-American that it is destined to fail. Or at least I hope it fails… but even if it does, so much havoc and sadness will be wrought. It has already begun.

We are prone to fear for a reason. Fear of danger can keep you alive. But fear is a fickle beast that can distort and damage as much as protect. Fear prevents exploration, undermines growth and can poison society. Fear can be a great motivator, but also can be a great destroyer. Leadership decisions based on fear among a people seized by fear can lead to the decline and fall of nations. This has been known since at least the time of the ancient Egyptians and Greeks.

Mr. Trump is using fear of terrorism and lawlessness—real and legitimate fears—to advocate hurried, massive, radical changes to our immigration policy, indeed to our very self-identity. It was this fear, and the President’s methods for trying to use it, that the Appeals Court recently struck down, using our Constitution as a bulwark for their ruling, just the kind of check on power our Founding Fathers envisioned.

Those who founded our great nation were not fearful people. They literally put their lives on the line in the service of freedom. Those pioneers who forged into the frontier were not fearful people. Neither were those who fought to safeguard our liberty on foreign battlefields. Or those who marched for civil rights, facing down bigotry, dogs, and firehoses. For sure, many individuals felt personal terror – but the movements that made our country what it is today was built on improbable hope, courage that conquered fear.

Every American president I can think of relied on the rhetoric of hope more than fear – until now. Yes Franklin Roosevelt famously said in his First Inaugural Address, “the only thing we have to fear is fear itself.” But you will find that spirit echoed in the speeches of those who followed.

To be sure, many demagogues in our past – including elected officials – have paved their path to power on fear. Race was a favorite target – but also religion, gender, sexuality, country of origin, social status and so many more. The purpose of these campaigns of fear was to divide America, not to solve our problems.

And that is just what is happening now. If we were to better calibrate our fears to our challenges, we would also be talking about the threat of homegrown extremists such as Nazi-inspired White Nationalists and the Klan, about gun violence, climate change, antibiotic resistance, Russian interference in our election, and so on. There are many important topics about which to worry. Terrorism spawned by violent, extreme Islamists is on that list. Rational, well-thought out, organized and Constitutional adjustments in policy to deal with it may be advisable. But it is not the only threat we face – far from it.

And when you add the fear-mongering Mr. Trump has done around immigration (especially of the undocumented or illegal variety, depending on your point of view), or these supposedly gang-ridden cities, or the fake high murder rate, it is plain what is going on. Mr. Trump is playing to his base, with lies and half-truths that seek only to further his political ends. While he attempts to ignite new levels of fear in what he hopes will be a majority of Americans, he shows no regard for the fear struck in the minorities most affected. For example, the fear he is stirring in men, women, and children who are living in this country as peaceful and contributing members of society but without legal status. Again, for clarity, this problem of good people without legal status needs to be address. But not with sudden roundups and raids that are designed to spread fear.

I think – I fervently hope – that these tactics and the whole strategy of fear-mongering will fail over time. Our history argues that, in America, the pendulum almost invariably swings back to common sense and tolerance after the fever breaks. But in the meantime, much damage can be done. In the present case, lives have already been broken. Anxiety and unease—and yes, downright fear—seeps into if not sweeps over so many.

But as I’ve said before, and I believe bears repeating: courage is being afraid but going on anyhow.                                               Dan Rather

There’s Something Happening Here

With all the tweets, and all the lies, and Ivanka’s clothing lines, and Nordstrom, and Kellyanne Conway, and Sean Spicer’s inept and heavy handed handling of the press, etc. filling up the airwaves, it’s really easy to get lost in all that’s being tweeted or said right now, and therefore easy to miss what the Trump Administration/inner circle is  actually doing.
So, with the sudden nation wide ramping up of Immigration and Customs Enforcement arrests in the last week, maybe it’s time to look at Trump’s Executive Order on immigration, particularly Sec. 5.


Is Trump planning on detaining that many more people than President Obama did that new facilities need to be rushed into existence? (remember, Obama set records for the most people rounded up and deported during his tenure.)
Is Trump building on his own version of ‘the gulag archipelago’?
Is he just ‘lashing out’ and going after Hispanics because his ‘Muslim Ban’ was struck down?
Is it a vengeful assault on California for standing against Trump’s attacks on sanctuary cities?
Is it just to distract from the incredibly serious ’Russia Problems’ he , Michael Flynn and the rest of his corrupt inner circle are facing at the moment?
And more importantly, is that the America anyone other than MAGA hat wearing bigots and haters want to live in?

Trump Orders New Anthem

In an unpresidented move the Velveeta Raccoon and his merry band o’ traitors and idiots, or as they like to call themselves ‘the GOP’ have decided that America needs a new anthem, and since ‘Highway To Hell’ would wind up costing actual money to use due to “silly shit like copyrights and such”, the Petulant has decide that a slight rework of Sam Cooke’s ‘Wonderful World’ would be perfect. Plus, as Petulant Trump told the gathered media today in his gilded steam bath at his ‘Mar-a-Lago White House’, which he was sharing with 3 rather haggard looking hookers, Trump’s mob handler Joseph “Joey No Socks” Cinque, and newly appointed Attorney Genital Jeff Sessions, “As far as copyright issues are concerned, the guy’s dead, so fuck him, let his estate sue me, I’ll crush ‘em!”
A.G. Sessions added, “Eeew, there’s girls in here. Don’t let them touch me!!”
Trump finished by adding, “Next up that tired old flag, something in a nice gold with my face on it is what I’ve been thinking. It will be tremendous and beautiful and copyrighted. Now get the fuck outta here, we got us some pussy to grab.”

Here are the revised lyrics to your new American Anthem …

What a wonderful world, and it’s all for me.
(the Glorious Leader Trump Song)

Don’t know much about history
Don’t know much biology
Don’t know much about a science book
Don’t know much about the French I took
But I do know that I love me
And I know that you all love me, too
What a wonderful world, all for me.

Don’t know much about geography
Don’t know much trigonometry
Don’t know much about algebra
Don’t know what a slide rule is for
Yeah, but I do know that I love me
And I know that you all love me, too
What a wonderful world, just for me.

Now, I ALWAYS claim to be an A student
And no-one else is as good as me.
And I always was the best at everything.
Do what you’re told and you can worship me

Don’t know much about history
Don’t know much biology
Don’t know much about a science book
Don’t know much about the French I took
Yeah, but I do know that I love me
And I know that you all love me, too
What a wonderful world, for only me.

Me me me me me me me (History)
Me me me me me me me (Biology)
Me me me me me me me (Science book)
Me me me me me me me (French I took)
Yeah, but I do know that I love me
And I know that you all love me, too
What a wonderful world, and it’s just for me.

Worked It Out

mccain trumped by hip is everything
John ‘Imma fuckin’ war hero ya’ know’ McCain seen here after meeting with Donnie Bad Touch

Draft dodging coward attacks McCain & questions senator’s military service.
This after same coward forced bad Yemen raid that killed US soldier to burnish his own credentials.

In an attempt to find some peace between the two, after months and months of the Apricot Asshole calling into question McCain’s service to the country and calling him weak, John McCain emerged from the meeting claiming the two have “a new understanding”, and that he is now completely in line with Petulant Trump and his way of running things.
McCain vowed to continue to call out Trump on anything he does that offends McCain so that he may appear to be “one with the people”, and then he will vote for anything that Donnie wants him to. As the “hey kids, get off my lawn!” man departed he was heard to mutter, “the smell of Tic Tacs and Brut after shave was overwhelming, and I can’t get this fucking taste outta my mouth.”