Know Yer’ GOP – Cancun Nights Edition

Rafael Edward Cruz (/kru:z/; born December 22, 1970) is a Canadian born,
pretend-American politician and pseudo-Nazi propagandist pretending to serve as
the junior United States Senator for Texas. He was the runner-up for the
Republican presidential nomination in the 2016 election, proving once and for all that only black Democrats need to be born in the United States to be president.
Ted is an avid Pornhub enthusiast and has been known to spend long evenings at
the office ‘tucking in his shirt’, often several times in an evening. Like I said, avid.
Ted is also a bloviating coward/phone banker (ask Fat Donnie and Heidi) and a
compulsive liar who never met a dollar he wouldn’t swallow for. (again, ask Fat
Donnie and Heidi). Ted has no friends because he’s a caustic, self-serving prick and because with all those ‘late shifts’, no-one ever wants to get very close. Often seen in the proximity of
Rudy 911iani, Russian oligarchs, a certain traitor known as ‘the ‘Shroom’, and pretty much anyone with a buck.

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