BREAKING …

President to speak about Helsinki presser at 2PM EST.

thumbs-up-from-the-swamp_thumb

Dh2XKa2XcAEOyZB

20294055_1575576045808971_2754012733805429941_n_thumb1

It is expected that his attorney(?) Rudy Giuliani will be on hand should the president need him.

giuliani

Mitch McConnell, Paul Ryan, Jeff Sessions, et al may be be absent from the presser as they are consumed by other pressing matters at the moment …

dy52lv_w0aqqic2

Advertisements

Just Arrived! … at the Trump Store

DhIo-A6UYAAqxN1

In a joint announcement with Lego™  and Trumputin Corp.’®  we at the Trump Store are pleased to announce the new ‘Ken Doll 9001™’ hairpiece. No need for any maintenance, just snap it on and go! Perfect for those impromptu lynchings and MAGAt rallies.

trump-by-hip-is-everything_thumb2   trump-by-hip-is-everything_thumb

Available in both Russian Hooker yellow, and Velveeta Raccoon orange

Now available at the Trump Store™

trump-store_thumb1Trump store 2

trump-store_thumb2

Ivanka comes clean, well, sorta …

ti5yf6iK

First daughter/sister wife to President Kim Dong Dump broke her silence today at a presser just outside the Oval office where she admitted that she is so stressed out about going to prison for the rest of her sad life that she’s now eating up to 35 pens a day.
“It’s something to do, I have NOTHING to do here while I wait for my next grift, and this whole Mueller is coming and we’re all going to prison thing is somewhat distressing. Plus being married to an asexual hermaphrodite is harder that you think. And sex with Daddy just isn’t the same since he’s completely succumbed the the wrath of dementia. He keeps calling me Vladdy, sweet Vladdy. Anybody got a spare Mont Blanc?”

On Tonight …

It’s that time again peeps …
Somewhere around ‘half past Maddow’ this week’s episode of  Bad Touch Donnie’s “Toss ‘Em Under The Bus” is sure to appear on every fucking station you can find … after all, it’s Friday, the president has the weekends off, and someone has to take the blame for another week of Trump fuck-ups and melt-downs.
So get the popcorn ready and let’s all settle in for this week’s clusterf episode …

toss em under the bus

Oh Cannabis

33609A6400000578-3550728-Nearby_country_A_man_smokes_marijuana_during_an_annual_4_20_rall-a-47_1461193067446

Canada to legalize marijuana to help them cope with living next to America

Prime Minister Trudeau says his new domestic policy will be to get baked and wait for the neighbors to their south to chill out a bit.

A statement from the Canadian government says they intend to legalize marijuana as quickly as possible because holy shit they’re definitely going to need it.

Drug reform has been a big topic in the country for many years, but experts believe the election of President Trump hastened the process – due to Trudeau calling a press conference the day after the US election and asking if anyone had any ‘really strong shit’ they could let him have a bang off.

When told that would actually be illegal, Trudeau was overheard muttering “We’ll see about that” in an off-the-record comment.

Canadians have welcomed the move to legalize cannabis, insisting that when you’re as high as a kite, some of Donald Trump’s public speeches actually start to make sense.

Speaking to reporters yesterday, Trudeau said, “Wow, yeah. So. Trump. Trump. Uh, yeah. So I reckon we’ll be needing as much of this stuff as we can get our hands on for a few years, amiright? Amiright?

“But, so, yeah, anyone got any Pringles? I feel like I need them just so as I can watch them…watch them..oh, come on, you know. Trump.

“He’s so orange. So. Orange,” he added, before falling over in a fit of giggles.

Canny Canadian retailers have already begun planning regionally-themed flavored marijuana cigarettes, with a bacon-flavored mix already extremely popular in advance sales.

from News Thump

Team America Space Force, fuck yeah!

On Monday, President Trump announced that he would create a sixth branch of the armed forces he calls the Space Force.

space force 1
“We are going to have the Air Force, and we are going to have the Space Force, separate but equal,
it is going to be something. So important. Believe me”

SPACE FORCE WANTS YOU
The first recruitment posters were shown off at the presser.

SPACE FORCE 3
And the whole gang showed up to show off the ‘original design’ of the proposed new uniforms by daughter Ivanka Trump. What is it with these assholes and escalators?



Just Arrived …

NEW at the Trump Store!

trashdance by hip is everything

TRASHDANCE – the soundtrack to the “Lipitor in Singapore Summit”
© 2018 on Aryan Records

featuring:
Trashdance – What a Reeling
Love Theme from Trashdance
Manhunt
Rocket Man
Madman Across the Water
The Bitch Is Back (And I Called Her Melanie)
You Can Never Go Home Again (Home is Where the Indictments Are)
It’s Mueller Time in New York
Maniac (Donnie’s Theme)
Honky Tonk Women (Here’s your $130k)
Another Prick With A Wall – Part 1
Eye of the Whiner
Fat Man In A Bathtub
I Know It’s Only Cuck and Roll, But I Like It
In The White Room
Once, Twice, Three Times A Loser
I Write The Notes That Make My Lawyer Sing
Mandy (Here’s your $130k too)
Feelings ( I Have None) (Donnie a capella)
The Theme from ‘Rats’ (Memory – It’s fading)
Crazy Train
I Just Can’t Wait To Be King (from The Lyin’ King)

and featuring a very special guest appearance by Mike Pence singing “It’s Raining Men”

And this can be yours for the low, low price of only $45.00 (USD) / 2842.24 Rubles

*Cash only, no cards.

trump store

trump store


That was no salute …

DfqU0kFUcAAfGpw
President Trump, seen here hiding his face from the onlooking camera, as he arrives to pick up his rather large cash payment for selling out his country. He also picked up the rights to build “an amazing, world class Trump brand condo and resort complex, the likes of which the world has never seen, on the beaches of North Korea, just as soon as those rocket launchers are moved” as a part of his payment for abandoning and ceding South Korea, Japan and Guam to the North Korean regime by removing all American troops from the DMZ.

Just In …

DfqV4GKX4AAKse1

“I have never even heard of this Donald J. Trump Foundation. And I’ve certainly never heard of this Donald Trump person either. He’s probably someone Crooked Hillary made up as an excuse for losing the election she should have won, even though that ni… friend of hers … had my phones tapped … trying to bring me down. And the press never looked into that. See, this is why I don’t trust the fake news media like yourself Leslie, if that is even your real name. Never heard of him, he never worked for me or my campaign, and NO COLLUSIN! None. None at all, and everybody knows it. Believe me. And, Leslie, check out these big beautiful hands. Many people are saying that they are almost too big. Many, many people are saying that. Trust me. Even Kim Jong …OOON! mentioned it. He said they were so big, so very, very big. That they might even be the biggest hands he had ever seen. He said that very strongly. Very, very strongly. NO! COLLUSION!!”