the bunnies are coming! run awayyyyyyy!!!!!!!

well, Easter is just about upon us, and the annual tradition of going to the mall the scare the living bejeezuz outta yer’ kids by making them pedo bait for some grifter/drifter/crack-alley-rummy the local shopping hell mall has lured hired outta some very dark and greasy back alley for two bottles of applejack and 10 bucks …
all for the sake of a “memorable” family photo for the mantle …
Happy Easter kids …

4f7c734d4440b

Finally, after years and years of wasting taxpayer money, john “Imma fuckin’ war hero ya’ know!” McCain found his true calling …

 

4f7c735e5d56a

“Oh great, now my nose is bleeding again, just as mall security arrives … they’re gunna find my coke and I’ll be back in lockup again, Happy fuckin’ Easter indeed”

5152f742882ed

and then the ludes kicked in, and Lil’ Jimmy and his sister Sarah know they could finally make a run for it …

515501df9113b

I just keep thinking Bill O’Reilly, I don’t know why …
I think it’s the smile …
Billo, is that you? …

5155028fb6f1c

Finally we know what Newt Blingrich does in between election cycles book selling tours …

5155036b16803

“Quick, someone call 911, the Easter bunny just died!”

His Easter eggs are filled with roofies

This year, ya’ better check all the Easter eggs for roofies …

peeps gone wild

I’m gunna just let y’all do yer’ own caption here … I’m a father and I just can’t bring myself to say it …

road kill bunny

“Ya want the kid back? …
I’ll need 500 bucks in unmarked bills placed underneath the driver’s side door of the Black 1972 Econoline van with the painted out windows behind the store in 15 minutes … and don’t be late, I’ve got a liquor store to hold up on my way home”

Well that's a big old pile of this-shouldn't-be-happenin

“Honey, I’ll stay here and keep an eye on the girls, you sneak out and call the police … Now!”

and yet, fox doesn’t seem to be screaming about this…hmm..odd

amid all the hullabaloo about Hillary Clinton using her own private email accounts while acting as head of state, including an all out foaming at the mouth, pearl clutching freak-out over at faux noise, this story pops up …
and yet, no real mention over at the stare at unbalanced network …
hmm… seems odd to me that they wouldn’t get all nipple-popping, horny and moist about the same story from one of their own …
I would think emails about nuclear plant security would be considered “sensitive.” …
maybe it’s just me …
I’m sure if Jeb was a Democrat they would be …
sigh …
maybe because old Jebediah is related to a world famous finger painter and cat portraitist from texas who was once president the right is just giving him the benefit of the doubt …
could there be a little hypocrisy on the right? …
nah, couldn’t be …
and what about his emails before and after the 2000 election? Were they all saved, or deleted? … just wonderin’ …
and while I’m a ponderin’ shit, how about Scott Walker’s private email issues? …
will there be investigations by the fox gang into that too? …
inquiring minds wanna know …

As governor, Jeb Bush used e-mail to discuss security, troop deployments

By Ed O’Keefe

faux noiseJeb Bush used his private e-mail account as Florida governor to discuss security and military issues such as troop deployments to the Middle East and the protection of nuclear plants, according to a review of publicly released records. The e-mails include two series of exchanges involving details of Florida National Guard troop deployments after the Sept. 11, 2001, attacks, the review by The Washington Post found. Aides to Bush said Saturday that none of the e-mails contained sensitive or classified information, and that many of the events mentioned in them were documented in press accounts, either contemporaneously or later. But security experts say private e-mail systems such as the one used by Bush are more vulnerable to hackers, and that details such as troop movements could be exploited by enemies.
Bush is actively considering a run for president and has sharply criticized likely Democratic front-runner Hillary Rodham Clinton for her use of a private e-mail account when she served as secretary of state. He called it “baffling” that Clinton didn’t consider the potential security risks of discussing diplomatic and national security issues by using an e-mail account not tied to a government server.An unknown number of the e-mails housed on Bush’s server were redacted or withheld from public release because they contained sensitive security issues, Bush representatives have said.
Aides also say Bush’s server was secure because it was kept at the governor’s office.

The GOP’s favorite wine: Why can’t we have our way all the time?

Abuse it, then get rid of it: The Republican way!
gop-tears-impotent-rage

The No. 2 Republican in the House said on Sunday that the Senate should exercise the “nuclear option” and get rid of the filibuster to resolve the standoff over funding for the Department of Homeland Security.
Senate Democrats have used the filibuster to block legislation that would have funded the DHS while defunding President Barack Obama’s executive actions on immigration. Even though Republicans opposed getting rid of the filibuster when Democrats controlled the Senate, House Majority Leader Kevin McCarthy (R-Calif.) said the party should do so now.
Current Senate rules allow senators to stymie votes on legislation unless 60 members of the upper chamber support it. Democrats eliminated the filibuster for executive office and federal court nominations, except for the Supreme Court, in 2013. The process requiring a 60-vote threshold remains in place for votes on legislation, but House Republicans have been pleading with Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-Ky.) to change the rules.
Despite his call to get rid of the filibuster, McCarthy has supported the practice in the past. In 2013, he said that a 13-hour filibuster by Sen. Rand Paul (R-Ky.) during the confirmation of CIA Director John Brennan was “fantastic.”
The Huffington Post  |  By Sam Levine

After Six Years Of Obstructing Obama Republicans Now Want To Outlaw Senate Filibusters
boner2After six years of obstructing every move that President Obama made, House Republicans are demanding that Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY) outlaw all Democratic filibusters.

The Hill reported:A growing number of House GOP conservatives are pressuring Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-Ky.) on Thursday to invoke the “nuclear option” and change the chamber’s rules to pass a bill defunding President Obama’s executive actions on immigration.

Reps. Raúl Labrador (R-Idaho) and Tim Huelskamp (R-Kan.) said McConnell should change Senate rules, so the House-passed Department of Homeland Security (DHS) funding bill, which includes language to revoke Obama’s immigration-related actions, can bypass a Democratic filibuster in the upper chamber.
Rep. Mick Mulvaney (R-S.C.) also endorsed the idea at a Thursday news conference. He said there’s a “way to change the rules to allow us to move forward” and “take away the ability to filibuster.”
For six years, Republicans touted the virtues of the filibuster. They were outraged when then-Majority Leader Harry Reid modified the filibuster rules so that more of the president’s nominees could be confirmed, but that all changed now that the shoe is on the other foot.

mitch mcconnell 4 by hip is everything

Mitch McConnell and Senate Republicans spent years using a variety of techniques to block the Democratic agenda. In 2012, Speaker of the House John Boehner argued that Harry Reid’s threat to reform the filibuster was, “clearly designed to marginalize Senate Republicans and their constituents while greasing the skids for controversial, partisan measures. Any bill that reaches a Republican-led House based on Senate Democrats’ heavy-handed power play would be dead on arrival.”
Now that Republicans are in the majority, their view of the filibuster has changed. Many Republicans are arguing against “obstruction,” which isn’t obstruction at all. Republicans obstructed legislation that they supported for the singular purpose of not letting legislation pass the Senate. In contrast, Senate Democrats are voting against a bill that they wholeheartedly oppose. Senate Democrats will not support the part of the legislation that overturns President Obama’s executive actions on immigration.
The Democrats aren’t blocking the legislation in order to deny the Republicans “a win.” They are voting no because they think that it is a bad bill.
The level of hypocrisy is astounding. The filibuster was fine when Democrats were in charge, but now that Republicans are in the majority, the filibuster must go.` The answer isn’t to ban filibusters. The solution is for House Republicans to stop passing bills that will never become law.
House Republicans can’t win, so they are urging Senate Majority Leader McConnell to rig the game.
by Jason Easley for PoliticusUSA.

srsly

HYPOCRISY
noun hy·poc·ri·sy \hi-ˈpä-krə-sē also hī-\
: the behavior of people who do things that they tell other people not to do : behavior that does not agree with what someone claims to believe or feel
1:  a feigning to be what one is not or to believe what one does not;especially :  the false assumption of an appearance of virtue or religion
2:  an act or instance of hypocrisy
Origin of HYPOCRISY
Middle English ypocrisie, from Anglo-French, from Late Latin hypocrisis,from Greek hypokrisis act of playing a part on the stage, hypocrisy, fromhypokrinesthai to answer, act on the stage, from hypo- + krinein to decide

gentlemen, prepare to chuck some shoes … ‘shrub: part deux’

word salad by hip is everything

word salad is a “confused or unintelligible mixture of seemingly random words and phrases”, most often used to describe a symptom of a mental disorder. The words may or may not be grammatically correct, but the meaning is confused to the point that the listener cannot extract any meaning from it. from wikipedia

taking a moment to pay tribute to those among us who seem to have a problem answering a simple question …
or who just blather on and on about nothing really, all the while trying desperately to sound intelligent and serious …
generally, while attacking their ‘enemies’ with talking points handed to them by some other idiot who seems to not have a secure handle on things like reality or facts … or common sense … or integrity …
the nonsense and drivel that pours forth from the blathering and bloviating pie-holes of these morons is often priceless and would be hilarious if not for the fact that these baggerese and truthiness speakers are usually in some sort of power position in our society …
still, they do deserve to be honored for their attempts at the language …
or, called out for it … (i guess it all depends on how you view it)
you’ve all heard it …
like babs “crazy eyes” bachmann absolutely every time she opens her orifice o’ lies …
or, if yer’ really in a depressed, masochistic, self flagellating mood, head on over to faux noise and catch as many minutes as you can stomach of “faux and friends” …

(a health and safety warning really should come with this one though)
it’s a veritable olympic games of far right talking points and fact free nonsense covered in a deep layer of bullshit and propaganda inspired, vile and bile soaked spewage and fear mongering …
and today’s champion of cheap shots, craziness and crap is …
the king of doucheville …
the “pnac crackerjack” …
“”mr. talking points” …
the one, the only, “shrub, part deux”
the “JEBSTER” …
’cos SERIOUSLY FOLKS,  what the country really needs at this time in history is another texas twit to run the place …
and ole’ ricky is too busy buying new ‘make me look smart glasses’ to ‘git ‘r done’ …
After all, the first couple o’ shrubs worked out so well … SMH!

IN·CO·HER·ENT

[in-koh-heer-uh-nt, -her-] adjective

1. without logical or meaningful connection; disjointed; rambling: an incoherent sentence.
2. characterized by such thought or
language, as a person:incoherent with rage.
3. not
coherent or cohering: an incoherent mixture.
4. lacking physical cohesion; loose: incoherent dust.
5. lacking unity or harmony of elements: an incoherent public.

From the ‘oh god, here we go again’ department …

Old Jebediah from Florida, brother of the world renowned Texan ‘Cat Portraitist’ and finger painter ‘Georgie the Shrub’ has decided that he WILL, after all,  run for president in 2016 …
satirists and bloggers in general ‘Rejoice!’ …
(political bloggers everywhere, gimme a ‘Booyah!!’) …
He seems to be gearing up for the quadrennial clown car demolition derby I like to call the Republican Presidential Primaries …
This alone promises that 2015 and 2016 will be filled to the freaking brim with beyond epic clown car crashes, clusterfuck extravaganzas and comedy sketches that just write themselves …
you may also wish to peruse 
oh, please, please, please … do it!

Jeb adds to the quotable-Bush canon
by Dana Milbank

Jeb Bush was mere seconds into his speech Wednesday informing the world that he’s his “own man,” and not his brother or his dad, when he did something reminiscent of both. He flubbed his line.
“We definitely no longer inspire fear in our enemies,” the nominal front-runner for the Republican presidential nomination said at the start of his ballyhooed address. “The problem is perhaps best demonstrated by this administration’s approach to Iraq.”
Whoa! He’s going there — right into the failure that pretty much destroyed his brother’s presidency? Bush continued reading from his text, as if for the first time.
“We’ve had 35 years of experience with Iran,” he went on, then realized his earlier mistake. “Excuse me, Iran. Thirty-five years’ experience with Iran’s rulers.”
Dr. Freud would have been amused.

Bush leads in the early GOP 2016 polls because his name is Bush, but that name could bring about his downfall, as well, because his brother’s tenure is remembered for misery in Iraq and economic collapse. Try though he did to differentiate himself from George H.W. Bush and George W. Bush, John Ellis Bush’s delivery gave him away.
When he addressed the Chicago Council on Global Affairs luncheon at the Fairmont, he combined his father’s awkward oratory with his brother’s mangled syntax and malapropisms. Like his brother, he said “nucular” instead of “nuclear,” and he hunched over the lectern with both hands on it — but instead of exuding folksiness, as his brother does, he oozed discomfort.
A top priority, he explained, is “reforming a broken immigration system and turning it into an economic — a catalytic converter for sustained economic growth.”
Presumably he was reaching for “catalyst” but instead came up with an automotive emissions-control device.
“As we grow our presence by growing our ability to produce oil and gas,” Bush went on, “we also make it possible to lessen the dependency that Russia now has on top of Europe.”
Russia’s dependency on top of Europe? It was, in addition to being backward, a delightful echo of his brother’s belief that it is hard “to put food on your family.”
At another point, discussing NATO’s aggressive stance in the Baltics, Jeb explained that “I don’t know what the effect has been, because, you know, it’s really kind of hard to be out on the road, and I’m just a gladiator these days, so I don’t follow every little detail.”
Asked about the weakening of nation states in the Middle East, he admitted: “I don’t have a solution. I mean, I—I—I’ve read articles, you know, about whether the 1915 kind of breakout of the Middle East and how that no longer is a viable deal.”
Bush, eschewing teleprompter, read his speech quickly and, during the question time that followed, leaned forward in a chair, jacket buttoned and legs spread, swigging water with Marco Rubio’s gusto.
The former Florida governor recited his foreign policy credentials, such as opening a bank office in Venezuela. He touted a Latin American free-trade agreement and noted that “where Columba and I live is going to be right in the center of the universe of that free-trade agreement.”
He can see Cuba from his house!
Even the money line of his speech, that he’s his own man, received a distracting grace note when he said: “I love my brother. I love my dad. I actually love my mother as well — hope that’s okay.” (It’s unclear who had suggested otherwise.) “I grew up politically, I guess, in the ’80s,” asserted Bush, who turned 27 in 1980.
Bush mimicked some of his big brother’s bravado, using phrases such as “enemies of freedom” and “tighten the noose” and “take them out,” and he defended the surge in Iraq. But what brought him closest to his kin were the random oddities in his speech. He declared that “whoever created the terminology BRIC would have to change the name,” without explaining that BRIC referred to emerging economies Brazil, Russia, India and China.
At another point he had trouble coming up with the English name for “Plan Colombia” and explained, “Sometimes my mind switches, and I apologize.” He propounded the curious theory that “the more tepid the economic growth” the less likely NATO members are to “defend themselves” militarily. He said that with President Obama’s “pivot” to Asia, “the rest of the world wonders, am I the pivotee?” And he described the Islamic State leader as “the guy that’s the supreme leader, whatever his new title is, head of the caliphate.”
Bush admitted that his foreign policy was still in the training phase. “Look, the more I get into this stuff, there are some things [where] you just go, you know, ‘Holy schnikes.’ ”
If he keeps talking like this, Americans may say the same of him.

jeb bush 2016 by hip is everything

big brother comes to canada …and i ain’t talkin’ no t.v. show peeps …

harper by hip is everythingI thought I’d pass this along …
Normally I don’t repost any emails that I receive, but, hey, truth is truth, and sometimes ya’ just need to get to work on something … and this qualifies …
I mean, that old patriot act is workin’ out so well south of the 49th eh? …
So, please read and share as you see fit …
from the good peeps over at Avaaz …

Dear friends across Canada,
They won’t be able to kill or harm us, or “violate our sexual integrity” — but the Prime Minister just introduced a new anti-terrorism act that could let CSIS do just about anything else. Unless we make this Big Brother bill politically untouchable.
And worse, Stephen Harper is using the fear of terrorism to give our spy agency crazy new powers like letting them get secret warrants to break into our houses, copy or take documents, and even install monitoring devices. But we can still show him we wont let trumped up fears override our freedoms.
The Conservative and Liberal parties are planning to vote for the bill — and the only way to stop it is to show them that Canadians value freedom more than fear. When 50,000 join we’ll build a non-partisan coalition of freedom-loving Canadians, and use every tactic in our toolbox to persuade MPs and Senators to split from their parties. Click now to join: https://secure.avaaz.org/en/canada_secret_police/?bxQMkab&v=53646
In 2006, PM Harper warned that “You won’t recognize Canada when I’m through with it”, and now he’s making that promise come true. Under this bill, peaceful protests that break a law and challenge Canada’s economic stability — possibly even protests against a tar sands pipeline — could be considered terrorism. Harper’s poisonous fear mongering threatens our freedoms, but we can make this bill political poison to any MP supporting it.
Harper’s implied that the horrific attacks in Ottawa and St-Jean-sur-Richelieu make this bill necessary. But experts say that our security agencies already have the powers needed to stop terror attacks, and there’s no proven link between these lone killers and terrorist groups.
This is an election year, and analysts say that leaders who oppose this law risk being seen as soft on terror. If we can show our politicians that this isn’t true — that our basic freedoms can not be traded for fear — we can win. Click now to take action: https://secure.avaaz.org/en/canada_secret_police/?bxQMkab&v=53646
Prime Minister Harper is always telling us that we’re at war, and now he’s trying to turn this fear against us and trample on our rights. Our community is bigger than this fear. Let’s stand up to the government and show them that when it comes to our freedoms, Canadians stand united.
With hope,
Danny, Jo, Ari, Ricken, and the rest of the Avaaz team
SOURCES
Parliament must reject Harper’s secret policeman bill (Globe and Mail)
http://www.theglobeandmail.com/globe-debate/editorials/parliament-must-reject-harpers-secret-policeman-bill/article22729037/
Anti-terror bill: Experts worry about sweeping powers for CSIS (Ottawa Citizen)
http://ottawacitizen.com/news/politics/anti-terror-bill-experts-worry-about-sweeping-powers-for-csis
Security bill risks too much (Winnipeg Free Press)
http://www.winnipegfreepress.com/opinion/editorials/security-bill-risks-too-much-290752621.html
Canada Seeks to Strengthen Spy Agency After Attacks (New York Times)
http://www.nytimes.com/2015/01/31/world/americas/canada-seeks-to-strengthen-spy-agency-after-attacks.html?_r=0

PM Harper wants to create a new law that would let spies get permission to break into our homes. But there’s time to stop this Big Brother bill if we show our politicians we won’t stand for it — click now to take action:

SIGN THE PETITION

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Avaaz.org is a 40-million-person global campaign network
that works to ensure that the views and values of the world’s people shape global decision-making. (“Avaaz” means “voice” or “song” in many languages.) Avaaz members live in every nation of the world; our team is spread across 18 countries on 6 continents and operates in 17 languages. Learn about some of Avaaz’s biggest campaigns here, or follow us on Facebook or Twitter.

the grift that keeps on giving

word salad by hip is everything

word salad is a “confused or unintelligible mixture of seemingly random words and phrases”, most often used to describe a symptom of a mental disorder. The words may or may not be grammatically correct, but the meaning is confused to the point that the listener cannot extract any meaning from it. from wikipedia

taking a moment to pay tribute to those among us who seem to have a problem answering a simple question …
or who just blather on and on about nothing really, all the while trying desperately to sound intelligent and serious …
generally, while attacking their ‘enemies’ with talking points handed to them by some other idiot who seems to not have a secure handle on things like reality or facts … or common sense … or integrity …
the nonsense and drivel that pours forth from the blathering and bloviating pie-holes of these morons is often priceless and would be hilarious if not for the fact that these baggerese and truthiness speakers are usually in some sort of power position in our society …
still, they do deserve to be honored for their attempts at the language …
or, called out for it … (i guess it all depends on how you view it)
you’ve all heard it …
like babs “crazy eyes” bachmann absolutely every time she opens her orifice o’ lies …
or, if yer’ really in a depressed, masochistic, self flagellating mood, head on over to faux noise and catch as many minutes as you can stomach of “faux and friends” …

(a health and safety warning really should come with this one though)
it’s a veritable olympic games of far right talking points and fact free nonsense covered in a deep layer of bullshit and propaganda inspired, vile and bile soaked spewage and fear mongering …
and today’s champion of cheap shots, craziness and crap is …
the queen of drivel herself …
the failin’ palin …
the klondike kardashian …
alaskan barbie …
the one, the only, sister sarah no clue

IN·CO·HER·ENT

[in-koh-heer-uh-nt, -her-] adjective

1. without logical or meaningful connection; disjointed; rambling: an incoherent sentence.
2. characterized by such thought or
language, as a person:incoherent with rage.
3. not
coherent or cohering: an incoherent mixture.
4. lacking physical cohesion; loose: incoherent dust.
5. lacking unity or harmony of elements: an incoherent public.

Shortly after declaring that she’s “seriously interested” in running for president in 2016, Sarah Palin delivered a confusing speech that was panned by many, even some on the right. Speaking at the Iowa Freedom Summit in Des Moines on Saturday, the former Alaska governor and one-time vice presidential candidate delivered a speech that John Fund of the National Review described as “meandering and often bizarre.”

Here’s an excerpt:

“Things must change for our government. Look at it. It isn’t too big to fail. It’s too big to succeed! It’s too big to succeed, so we can afford no retreads or nothing will change with the same people and same policies that got us into the status quo. Another Latin word, status quo, and it stands for, ‘Man, the middle-class everyday Americans are really gettin’ taken for a ride.’ That’s status quo, and GOP leaders, by the way, y’know the man can only ride ya when your back is bent. So strengthen it. Then the man can’t ride ya, America won’t be taken for a ride, because so much is at stake and we can’t afford politicians playing games like nothing more is at stake than, oh, maybe just the next standing of theirs in the next election.”

In response to the speech, Democratic National Committee communications director Mo Elleithee issued a two-word statement: “Thank you!”

The New York Daily News reports that Palin’s teleprompter froze, forcing her to ad-lib some of her remarks.

Palin also referred to President Barack Obama as “an overgrown little boy.” And in a clip posted online by Right Wing Watch, Palin attacked the left for being racist and sexist.

“Really, it’s kind of Orwellian, observing how that works, that rule of Saul Alinsky’s, no doubt, that the left employs. Disgusting charges, from the left. Reverse them — for it is they who point a finger not realizing that they have triple that amount of fingers pointing right back at them, revealing that they are the ones who really discriminate and divide on color and class and sex. We call them out. We don’t let them get away with it.”

from huffpo …

also … please check out the rude pundit for what feels to me to be a more appropriate, maybe not so suitable for family consumption, but as always, dead on and accurate take on sister sarah’s latest “magical hysteria tour” …

some days you just run out of tears

so… I’ll just repost this, from dailykos, please share …
This has nothing to do with protecting fetuses and everything to do with controlling women …
Also, before the usual gang ‘O haters, emails me with the usual “God told me it must be this way”, or “What right does a man have to have and voice an opinion on this subject?”, I’ll just say don’t waste your time or mine … I figure if a bunch of old white men can continue to take away women’s rights to self determination, then this old white guy has every right to stand against aforementioned assholes …
read on, and again, please share …

No Pardon – Young Woman To Serve 30 Years For Miscarriage

by Leslie Salzillo     Follow

attribution: None Specified

With some stories, I’m not sure where to begin, because the news has me stunned and almost speechless. I want to turn away, block it out and find something happy to do, or something else to think about, or write about. But I can’t. And so I will begin right here – and right now.
Last week, a young woman in El Salvador who goes by the alias name of ‘Guadalupe,’ had very high hopes, and was all but assured she would receive a pardon from her 30-year sentence. She had already served seven years, starting in her teens. Her alleged crime? Fetal homicide. She miscarried, and was charged with murder.
Her pardon didn’t come. Guadalupe’s freedom was one vote short. Her fate was determined by a Right-Wing congressional majority of 43-42. I can’t write about something like this and not feel like I’ve been punched in the stomach again and again. Guadalupe represents every woman. This is what happens when abortion is illegal. El Salvador is known to be one of the worst countries in the world for women’s reproductive rights.
According to Tim Rogers at Fusion.net:

All forms of abortion are illegal in El Salvador. And though there was no indication that Guadalupe, a mother of one, intentionally terminated her pregnancy, the doctors snitched her out to save themselves from any criminal liability.

Guadalupe, who never saw the inside of a fifth grade classroom, was interrogated in her hospital bed without a lawyer. The Kafkaesque trial was brutal and swift. Before Guadalupe knew what was happening, she was sentenced to 30 years in jail and thrown behind bars with convicted murders.

If Guadalupe’s story sounds crazy, that’s because it is. Not only does El Salvador have one of the most draconian anti-abortion laws in the world, but authorities there apply the tyrannical law with an aggressiveness that borders on obsessive. Dozens of Salvadoran women — mostly young, and all poor — are behind bars for homicide

At least 29 women are behind bars in El Salvador for abortion/miscarriage. A group of them called, #Las17, are serving between 12-40 years with the oldest being 29, reports Rogers.

Here is a short video by the Center For Reproductive Rights created to expose El Salvador’s atrocious treatment of women. Most victims of reproductive injustices are from impoverished communities. No, these are not laws for the rich.
Sadly, we can’t say here in America, this would never happen to us, because it’s happening.

Currently, at least 38 states have fetal homicide laws. The states include: Alabama, Alaska, Arizona, Arkansas, California, Colorado, Florida, Georgia, Idaho, Illinois, Indiana, Iowa, Kansas, Kentucky, Louisiana, Maine, Maryland, Massachusetts, Michigan, Minnesota, Mississippi, Nebraska, Nevada, North Carolina, North Dakota, Ohio, Oklahoma, Pennsylvania, Rhode Island, South Carolina, South Dakota, Tennessee, Texas, Utah, Virginia, Washington, West Virginia and Wisconsin. At least 23 states have fetal homicide laws that apply to the earliest stages of pregnancy (“any state of gestation,” “conception,” “fertilization” or “post-fertilization”). Read more at NCSL.

Last fall, I wrote a Daily Kos diary entailing five horrific American injustices against pregnant women, via a study reported in the New York Times. I must add a trigger warning, should you opt to read it:  

DC Judge Forces Woman To Have Cesarean & She Dies – 5 Shocking Injustices Against Pregnant Women

The battle for reproductive freedom is an ongoing struggle that will most likely continue past our lifetimes. We continue this fight for our daughters, and granddaughters, because our mothers, grandmothers, and pro-choice supporters (male and female) did the same for us. There are many ways we can show our support. Here are 10 large/small pro-choice organizations/Facebook pages you can visit/join now. They offer ways to help and be helped.

Planned Parenthood
Emily’s List
NARAL/Pro-Choice America
NOW
NAF/National Abortion Federation
UniteWomen.org
Abortion.com
Fight Laws Against Women
Pro-Choice Liberals
Abigail Adams Brigade
_____
The Guttmacher Institute is an excellent source of current reproductive rights legislation.

The only way I can think to end this story, is to ask folks to share it- something I feel awkward asking. It can be this article, or the video, or other articles about this story, just as long as we get it out there and not let it get lost in the shuffle. Nothing will change until more of the world becomes aware. Only then can we find solutions and create positive change.

Thanks to Collier Meyerson/Jezebel for sharing the story.

Special thanks to, Kossack ExpatGirl. The camaraderie in the Daily Kos Community is amazing. If you’re not a member, take a minute to register. Then join us in the comments or think about writing your own diaries and articles. This is a wonderful platform to get your voice/causes heard by larger audiences.)

ORIGINALLY POSTED TO LESLIE SALZILLO ON MON JAN 19, 2015 AT 10:36 AM PST.
ALSO REPUBLISHED BY ABORTION, PRO CHOICE, AND THIS WEEK IN THE WAR ON WOMEN.

d-bag of the week … or as gov. perry says … “oops”

 As right wing fear and gun monger Wayne Lapierre of the NRA is so fond of saying:
(and we here have pointed out repeatedly is pure bullshit)
‘The only thing that stops a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun’

Well, as it turns out, apparently not Wayne-o …
And in light of the horrifying tragedy that took place in Paris, I feel I probably should point out the complete lack of empathy, common sense, humanity and class this group displayed in performing this ‘stunt’ … I think it probably qualifies them as my d-bag award winner of the week all on it’s own … just sayin’ …
But if the ‘stunt’ alone does not qualify them, then the picture they posted on their facebook page certainly does …
so here ya’ go guys …
d-bag of the week by hip is everything


Texas gun rights group reenacts Paris massacre with ‘armed civilian’ –  and everyone still dies
Over the weekend, a Texas gun rights group repeatedly reenacted the Charlie Hebdo massacre in order to determine whether it could have been prevented if one of the editors or cartoonists had been armed, CBS DFW reports.
Members of the group, “The Truth About Guns,” recreated the Hebdo offices, then took turns playing the role of the “armed civilian” in the scenario.
No matter how the situation played out, though, one thing remained consistent — if the “armed civilian” confronted the attackers, he or she died. The only time the “armed civilian” survived was when the volunteer playing him ran away at the first sound of gunfire.
“He started shooting,” volunteer Linda Cruz said, “and I started shooting, and I died” — that is, she was shot by a paintball in a area that the group designated was a “critical hit.”
Another volunteer, Parks Matthew, said he “still got killed, but did better than I thought I would.”
His “death” would not, however, deter him from acting in a situation with an actual hostile shooter. “If I’m in a movie theater and someone pulls a gun, what am I going to do?” he asked.
“I know now I’m not gonna just fall on my kids and protect them, I need to advance on the threat.”

As the Facebook post below indicates, the group actively solicited volunteers for the simulation:
Capture

It has not, however, updated its Facebook page with the results of it as of this writing …

wtf?!?!? … oh yeah, it’s the gop

congress sold by hip is everythingin the latest wtf moments from the wonderful world of dismally, we get announcements from the gop that they are on the job as per usual …
in their usual, bizarro manner they have started to announce who will chair what committees …
you know, those peeps who will determine how the country is run …
it’s like they sit around some hash filled hookah and try to see who would be the most inappropriate dbag they can find to head up their committees in their latest sell out to corporate america …
cases in point:
Following the ratification of Sen. John Thune (R-S.D.) as chair of the Senate Commerce, Science and Transportation Committtee last week, Sen. Ted Cruz (R-Texas) was named chair of the Subcommittee on Space, Science and Competitiveness, where he will oversee NASA and science programs.
Appointed Jan. 8, Cruz is expected to be confirmed to the new role by the end of the month as one of many changes to the new Republican-controlled Congress. But the Republican senator’s words and actions during his time in office have painted him to be a far cry from an advocate for the sciences, leaving many concerned about the future of space and science funding.
Cruz’s infamous hours-long speech in September 2013, led to a 16-day government shutdown
barring 97 percent of NASA employees from appearing for work. Interns to the agency were temporarily displaced when the NASA-provided housing was closed during the shutdown, and many have said the agency suffered lasting damage due to the freeze.
And NASA wasn’t the only agency hit by the shutdown: research programs
run by the National Institute of Healthsuffered a blow when new clinical trials were suspended, affecting 200 new patients each week of the shutdown. Environmental Protection Agency programs were also compromised, with 90 percent of employees on furlough.
The agency has
conducted research on climate change, recently kicking off five projects to study how the earth’s atmosphere affects global warming.
Cruz has claimed there isn’t enough evidence to prove global warming is occurring,
telling CNN he was skeptical of the “so-called scientific theory.”
“Contrary to all the theories that — that they are expounding, there should have been warming over the last 15 years. It hasn’t happened,” Cruz said in February of 2014.
Fellow climate change denier Sen. Marco Rubio (R-Fla.) will also chair the Subcommittee on Oceans, Atmosphere, Fisheries and the Coast Guard upon his confirmation. 
from huffpo …
also slated to serve as committee chair is Paul Ryan, who will take the reins of the tax-writing Ways and Means Committee …
remember kids, this is the guy who got blown out in the last presidential race for his over the top giveaways to the rich and trying to screw the middle class and poor with the now infamous “ryan budget plan” …
as for the agriculture chair, with Oklahoma’s Frank Lucas term-limited, Michael Conaway of Texas will become the new chairman, the guy who’s been trying to kill the food stamps programs …
utah’s rob bishop will take over the Natural Resources Committee … Bishop has spent the last couple of years leading the subcommittee overseeing public lands, pushing for more oil and gas leases on federal land … you know, national parks, sacred native lands and the like …
oh, and in the true nature of today’s gop, none of the new House committee chairs are women … oh, and for good measure they are all rich and white to boot …
these guys just never stop it with the idiocy …
or maybe it’s just their plan, where they wipe out as many government agencies as possible …
they have already promised to defund or do away with education, the epa, anything labor related, and as mant safety regulatory agencies as possible this go around …
NOTE TO DEMOCRATS: once more with feeling ” this is what happens when you don’t vote”!

uh, oh …

im back bitches

Okay, so…
I’ve been away for a while and haven’t been blogging here at all …
I’d like to say that I’ve been off doing something really cool, or important, or life changing, but nope, just been really lazy about it all for the last while …
It’s not that shit hasn’t been pissing me off, it has, as always, or that nothing has been going on that piqued the interest of this ever-aging grey matter o’ mine, I‘ve just honestly been dogging it at every available opportunity …
And, it’s been quite nice to just do fuck all to be honest …
But, now that the ‘season o’ giving and ass-kissing’ is officially done, and the snow has piled up so high around here that even the polar bears and caribou have split town for more hospitable climes, I figured ‘what the hey’, let’s rant and rail about politics, religion, corruption, injustice, greed, avarice and sloth again … it was either that or start watching ‘the Carcrashians’, ‘The Housewives of some rich-ass gated community’ or whatever frickin’ horseshit ‘unreality’ show is on this month …
Plus, the local hockey team sucks more than Sarah Palin at a meth lab testing table …
I’m not kidding either, these guys couldn’t beat 3 crack addicts and a corpse … still, I love ‘em … well, less every day …
So until I either win the Lotto or the hockey team gets it’s shit together yer’ stuck with me …
(ROFLMAO! …who am I kidding, there’s no chance in hell the team’s getting it together … “go lotto go! … papa needs a new pair o’ boots!”)
So go get yerself a beverage, or whatever it takes to get ya’ through all this, grab the popcorn, set yer’ ass down on a nice comfy chair and I’ll begin …
Cya shortly kids! …

merry christmas, may all yer balls be shiny

MERRY CHRISTMAS FROM THE CHIMP AND I …

hip-chimp-christmas-by-hip-is-everything_thumb

the 12 nays of christmas

normally on fridays i open up with my d-bag of the week award …
but seeing as it’s the christmas season …
and seeing as I rarely get here to post these days …
although this somehow seems appropriate too …
ladies and, erm, gentlemen …
may i present to you …
CHRISTMAS … A PRIMER …
warning: not suitable for family viewing …
well, i guess that depends on yer’ family …

the eyes of santa

basically, at this festive and joyous time o’ year we have two types of santas running around, spreading good will and happiness …
you’ve got “mall santas” and those who seem to wish they were “mall santas” …
otherwise known as “the terminally unemployed and fit for nothing”, and “hard core alcoholics” …
and between the zillion or so kiosks looking to make a dollar off of the phenomenon known as “child-like wonder”, and “the company christmas party”, the hills are alive with the sound of muzak and the truly scary amongst us are takin’ it to the streets …
plus ya’ throw in the fact that rum goes pretty well in eggnog and every tom, dick and mary has a cell phone camera at the ready and, well, let the terror begin …

first up, we have every small child’s worst nightmare…
the mall santa …
these come in a variety of versions …
every fucking one of ‘em terrifying at any age …
no wonder the malls are full of screaming frightened ‘lil ones at this time of year …
eyes o santa 2
the “yeah, i lost a bet santa” …

eyes o santa
the “vacant stare of a true sociopath santa” …
i’d barricade the chimneys this year …

2creepy-santa3
the “oh yeah, this is gonna be even easier pickings than the priest or scout
leader jobs were santa” …

3creepy-santa24
the “if ya’ ever wanna see ‘em alive again, i’m gonna need unmarked,
non-sequential bills in an unmarked bag in a parking lot by noon tomorrow santa” …

12312
the “oxys just kicked in santa” …

76295398_32693b8b5a_o-1
everyone’s favorite …
“senile santa” …
”ho ho ho, merry easter, er, happy labor day, er, where am i, and who are these people in my hands? …”

bad-santa-1
the “my parole officer made me take this job” santa …
and one day, he and his entire family are gonna pay! …

creepyoldmask2
the “this will haunt me forever” santa …
the kid probably spent the rest of his life terrified of anyone with a “skier tan” …
and old al jolson movies …

groper santa
“groper santa” …
notice the number at the bottom …
can’t tell if that’s the guy’s mug shot number or the photo number …
my money’s on mug shot number … and the black eye lends an air of yuletide festiveness too …

hummer santa
the “do your own punch line for this one santa” …
i’m too much of a gentleman to do it for ya’ …

liquor store santa
“liquor store santa” …
giving whole new meanings to ‘good parenting’, the christmas ‘spirit’
and ‘killing two birds with one stone’ …

APTOPIX Poll Santa Believers
the “c’mon, trust me, pull my finger” santa …
judging from the look on the kid’s face, it’s already too late to stop him …

saddam_santa
the “saddam hussein santa” …
and they said he’d been hiding in a hole somewhere …

santa3-300x240
the “i drank way too much at the xmas party, and the next thing i know
i wake up here santa” …
also known as “the ‘i’m gonna kill my buddies for this one’ santa” …

Santa-Mean
the “smells like booze and hot dog water santa” …
a variation of the “mom won’t let me live in her basement any more unless she sees some money for rent, and soon! santa” …

ScarySanta_1
“disciplinarian santa” …
he knows who’s been naughty, and they’re gonna pay for it …
don’t fuck with santa! …

scary-santa-1
the “my parents are too cheap to take us to the mall and all we got was
a freakin’ lawn ornament santa” …
you just know there’s a whole bunch of drunken adults watching this who
thought it would be a good idea … at the time …
these incidents usually occur in wood panelled rumpus rooms with flowered couches …

transsanta
“tranny santa” …

wino santa
“back-alley-wino santa” …
hey, he was cheap, and all the other santas were booked solid …
plus he already had the red cheeks … and nose …

flashing_santa
the ”’surprise!!! santa” …
“hey everybody!, look at me! … ho ho, hos!, merry xmas!”

and my personal fave …
lapdance_santa
”lap dance santa” …
just look how happy santa looks …
can you say ‘leer’ …
he knows who’s been nice …
and he’s gonna “pay for it” …
and is that his “elf” in the background there? …
looks like these two just wandered in off a porn shoot gone wrong …

next up kids, we have the christmas party santa” …
’cause christmas just wouldn’t be christmas without the christmas party santa …
this, by the way, is why i never attend these affairs …
well, that, and the restraining orders …
drunk_santa
tommy didn’t know it yet, but his days with the company were about to come to a sudden and deserved end …
just as soon as he woke up …
propositioning the owner’s wife with “i’ll be nice if you’ll be naughty”
is ALWAYS a bad idea …
even at christmas …

drunk_santa22
even bookies have christmas parties …
and this is who shows up when yer’ naughty and don’t pay …

Drunk-Santa-_t39w
“bullshit!, i’m just fine, i’ll drive myself home … leave me alone, ya’ bastards!” …

subway santa
santa making his way back to the north pole i guess …
phew, it’s just a stick …
at first i thought   “he’s got a gun!!” …


bobby and his little sister mary were horrified when they came running down the stairs on christmas morning, filled with wide eyed christmas wonder and glee
only to find santa dead under their tree … the coroner later ruled it as “accidental death, caused by alcohol poisoning”,
and bobby and mary’s parents were released from custody in time for the family’s new year’s eve gathering …
bobby and mary were released by family services, back to the custody of their parents, shortly thereafter …
all’s well that ends well …

im gunna jump santa
”i gave 16 fucking years to this piece of shit company. and all i get is a basket of cheese and crackers for a christmas bonus …
stand back or santa gets it!” …                      


May All Your Balls Be Shiny

ballsi was thinking’ the other day about how christmas has changed for me …
when i was a kid, it was all magical, and wonderful and full of surprise …
everywhere ya’ looked, it was a winter wonderland, the halls were decked, and the lights, they were a’ twinkling’ …
kids built snowmen and frolicked merrily in the snow …
families gathered to share the christmas spirit and everywhere ya’ looked, it was “the magic of christmas” …
lovely and serene …
now, not so much …
i just read that santa’s gettin’ groped at the mall by some woman who is probably only hoping to get a new xbox in return …
the mayor of one of the most affluent cities on the planet kicked the homeless out of their tent-city because, well, i have no idea why, i guess he didn’t want the local retailers to lose any christmas sales or something …
and the stars are all lining up to do the annual christmas extravaganzas on tv …
except that this year, due to the unavailability of any real new talent, we’ll be treated to even worse drivel and re-run crap than usual …
if that’s even possible …
the also annual ( like the asian flu ) xmas movies have already started and will go on until at least new year’s or so …
and if i see alasdair friggin’ sim doing friggin’ scrooge, one more friggin’ time, i’m gonna scream …
i’ve been through that thing so many bloody times that i now see it and think fuck tiny tim, fuck his family and fuck all the poor people in that movie …
enough …
let the poor bastards buy their own freakin’ turkeys …
and, if there is one more “re-make” of the bloody movie, whether it’s some washed up hollywood star or another mr. magoo like cartoon version, i will personally blow up the local t.v. transmitters …
and jimmy stewart, do us all a great big freakin’ favour and jump this year …
yup, ya’ heard me right jimbo …
JUMP!
this year, surprise us all, and do the world favour and jump of that bridge …
then i might watch that piece o’ crap …
no-one cares, no-one ever did or ever will whether or not you get the meaning of christmas or not, and we’re sure as hell not gonna get it from a movie about a suicidal, bitchy, whining under achiever with the social skills of a dead man …
jeez, i hate that piece o’ crap movie …
arrgghh! …
then there’s the “ode to rock ‘n’ roll” attempt by network television …
good lord …
if i even think i hear bing singing’ white christmas with david bowie again this year the t.v. is gonna meet a well tossed brick …
i can’t even begin to describe the million or so fucking ways that that video is/was/always will be a very strange and bad idea …
the “do” on bowie alone is enough to freak out any sane man, and the “white guy” dancing that he does during the video … well …
my mom always said, “if ya’ got nothing nice to say, then …. “
and celine dion, do not, and i repeat DO NOT grace my family’s living room with ANY of yer’ alien, mantis-dancing and nasal, over singing …
and girlfriend, eat some fucking turkey …
yer’ about as skinny as a stick o’ macaroni girl, and it ain’t sexy …
probably not even to old, rich, french guys …
go on, you can do it babe, and you can certainly afford it, just friggin’ eat something …
and quit telling’ everyone yer’ canadian …
we’re all denying it and it just makes ya’ look stranger …
if that’s at all possible …
geez, yer’ starting’ to look like the secret love child of karen carpenter and marcel marceau …
knock it off and have some back bacon and maple syrup ya’ wack …
and take that bieber punk with ya’ …
and, lest i forget …
the malls …
these halls o’ decrepit humanity are just hummin’ this time of year …
ya’ can’t even move for all the lost souls wandering aimlessly to and fro’, looking as hungry and confused as a bunch of zombies at a kardashian family reunion …
wandering lifelessly, just praying they find that final present, you know the one that says “here, i remembered you at the last minute” …
i’ve gotten to the point that i’d rather eat my own leg off, or watch friends re-runs, than to go to the mall … and i don’t care if my loved ones hate me (ya’, like that’d be any different the other 360 or so days ) for doing it, but there’s a new way in town …
yer’ gettin’ cash this year …
so go get yer’ own shit … i’m not going in those places ever again unless “I” need something …
done deal … deal with it people …
(“my own kids all just went “yay!, ’bout time dad!”)
(a note to my own kids … no candles, potpourri or xmas cake for dad, or even the cash will dry up … got it? … okay? …)
christmas_comics_10_thumbanother thing that’s just making’ me nuts right now is the human menagerie, or maybe that’s human remains, i’m not sure, that they call “mall santas” …
i don’t ever recall seeing a more disreputable, criminal and mouldier looking crew anywhere, at any time …
it’s like lunch break at a prison camp …
and these guys tend to look more like bruce jenner or kenny rogers than santa …
i mean the guy down the street at the local mall, strikes me as the type to steal children and keep them in a cave somewhere, dressed as elves …
and i’m pretty sure that the cave is still in his mom’s basement suite …
(and i’m also pretty sure he’s both a republican AND a mac user)
and he seems to be the best i’ve seen this year …
seriously, the rest also had the feel of something between a crack streets alley sleeper and the guy who just “got out” and scored that great job as the local scout leader / priest …
no freakin’ wonder our kids scream and yell when they see santa … as i’ve said many times, when it comes to strangers and how to judge them, i just ask my kids and my dog … they know… and that mom and dad is genuine fear you see when ya’ dump yer’ kid in that soiled, hammered, semi-damp, too often aroused lap ya’ like to call the “mall santa” …
but, the worst thing people, is that this year xmas seemed to start somewhere around the end of september …
i mean, we’re out looking for halloween costumes and the walmart kid is hanging reindeer up …
good christ man, a little eager? …
what?? … wallymart didn’t make enough money this year ?? …
so, by november first i’ve had all the bloody xmas and lights and snow and expenses and joyeux fucking noels i can possibly handle without going off like some lonely, depressed emo with his dad’s hunting rifle …
and we still got two months to go until it’s finally all done and gone again …
for another ten months …
and don’t even get me going on the expense of it all …
the north american christmas “prove-ya-love-me-buy-me-cool-shit-swap-fest” we like to call the “holy season” …
more like the “holy f*ck, i’m broke again!” season …
wouldn’t it all just make more sense for everyone over the age of ten to just buy themselves something they actually want instead? …
think about it, no more potpourri, no more candles, no more bloody xmas cake OR bad colognes under the artificial tree …
no more really ugly, bad-fitting “outfits” that ya’ now hafta wear all fucking day, just in case the doddering, totally senile and VERY bitter auntie that bought it for you shows up to do her yearly “smells-like-death” choochie-cheek, lipstick up to here kissing circle …
like last year …
like every god-damned year …
my cheeks still hurt from last year and it took nearly two weeks to get the turquoise eye plaster and ruby red lip grease off my face …
like my oldest son says “some shit just don’t wash off dad” …
(note to son: for more reasons than ya’ know kid)
no more books you’ll never even open or ties that make ya’ throw up a little in yer’ mouth, or sweaters that some blind, handless great aunt has knitted ya’ …
just get yer’ own cool, just what ya’ always wanted, hand-picked shit …
easy …
fool proof …
perfect plan eh?…
a little greedy, lazy, and self-serving i know, but, tell the truth, for a second there, you were thinking’ “yeah , this could work, i’m digging’ this …”
oh well, works 4 me! …
finally, there’s the most dreaded of all meteorological events …
the family gathering …
personally, i have long since stopped attending these morbid affairs and the reasons are many and, i feel, completely valid …
and i sure as hell proved that the restraining orders were valid …
oh, well, that’s a story for another time, i’ll just say that we’re all real sorry about the whole drunken, naked, “manger-gate” fiasco,
and we still intend to pay for the donkey …
(we hear he’s actually recovering nicely and that with the appropriate therapy will be able to be around garden gnomes and papal figures again) …
anyways, back to the family …
who doesn’t love that forced, fake small talk drunkenness at some doddering old auntie’s home that we call xmas at the in-laws …
should be called xmas at the outlaws if ya’ ask me…
you know, where yer’ semi-creepy, always strange uncle bob finally and vehemently professes his long standing lust for his own aunt …
and that gets ‘yer drunken cousin to suddenly wake up and think that it’s now okay to finally kiss that first cousin he’s been fantasizing about since he was 13 …
with tongue …
and she likes it …
then at the table, old, plastered uncle joe leans over to his sister and while spitting mashed potatoes like a snow blower in december, says “i never liked you anyways … ya’ bitch …
and, it’s on …
like a bad andy capp cartoon we got two uncles and a cousin rolling’ around, fighting’ like drunken high school girls at a keg party, two first cousins making’ out under the mistletoe and a couple o’ aunties just saying “fuck this, gimme a bloody vodka, straight up … it’ll go great with these xanax … xanax anyone?” …
but, it’s family, so …
ya’ gotta love it …
’tis the season!
so, merry bloody xmas one and all …
and to all, a good freakin’ night …
now turn out the lights and shut the hell up before i come down there and open up a can o’ xmas whoop-ass! …
i bin’ drinking’, and i gots me the christmas spirit …
ho ho freakin’ ho! …
now i’m gonna haul my ever aging ass down to the local shopping mall and sucker-punch some drunken santa right in the face …
just ‘cuz! …

capricecrane

”The War On Christmas”
or,
”How I Learned To Say ‘Happy Holidays’,
You Self Righteous, Redneck Motherfuckers! “

happy holidays by hip is everything
okay, so why is it every time i turn on my t.v. expecting to catch a little news these days, all i get is one of those left/right roundtable discussions, or should i say “nah nah bo boo” anger management therapy spats, where someone from the right is whining about how obama and the left are trying to destroy christmas and christianity as a whole because they sent out christmas cards with “happy holidays” on it instead of “merry christmas”, and then that is followed by some long winded diatribe about how the right is missing the point that the world is full of all kinds of different people and happy holidays is “less offensive” to atheists, buddhists, muslims, jews, etc. …
jesus, people …
left and right …
get over it, there are far more important things to be wasting oxygen on …
we’ve got guys running through malls with assault rifles, tsunamis, earthquakes, more bad shit than you can shake a stick at going on in egypt, syria, afghanistan and 29 other locales, fiscal problems up the proverbial whazoo, massive poverty, hunger, disease and unemployment, and war everywhere you look, and you motherfuckers are arguing about what christmas greeting to use …
wow …
now, i’m no christian by any stretch of the imagination, in fact i tend to have some doubts about anyone who puts much stock or faith in imaginary beings, magical books and “celestial retribution”, but i would think that that guy they say they believe in, and blather on about so much, (you know the dark skinned, long haired, middle eastern guy with the mexican name) would be horrified to learn that his followers were spending any time at all on this shit …
especially with all this other bad shit that seriously needs tending to …
i also have my doubts that he’d be very impressed with the so called “religious right” and their obsession with cutting help to the “least among us” at every opportunity, the bigotry and racism, or the never-ending lust for power and money that seems to be the “religious right’s” modus operandi these days, but hey i’ll get to that stuff and my opinions on it the rest of the year …
so, back to the “crisis of the moment” …
you know, the “war on christmas” debate, and the manufactured faux outrage that seems to be gripping the faux noise/bagger crowd …
seems to me that this pretend issue started a few years back with fox news and a few on the right who, upon realizing that they were losing the “demographics war” as they like to call it decided that they needed to whip up the base …
why is everything about “war” with these so called “christians”? … ( I said “so-called” so easy louise, no emails) …
the “war” on women, the “war” on christmas”, the “war” on “illegals”, the “war” on the middle class …
how about we do something that remotely resembles christian behaviour and have a “war” on war? …
you know, stop having them and funding them …
i know, that’s just crazy talk, right? …
or maybe, just maybe, we show about a little “good will towards men”, and work on a little “peace on earth”? …
and how about we make that “good will” extend to ALL men …
everywhere …
just an idea …
in the end, what the hell does it matter whether someone says “merry christmas”, “happy holidays”, “happy hanukkah”, “season’s greetings”, “joyeux noël”, “gesëende kersfees”, “nollaig shona dhuit”, “buon natale”, “feliz navidad”, “sung tan chuk ha” or “have a rockin’ fuckin’ kwanzaa bro” as long as what is meant is “have a peaceful and happy time my friend” …
so pick one ya’ like …
one that rolls off of your tongue with ease and comfort …
happy holidays works for me …
or any of the others for that matter …
it really doesn’t matter at all …
really …
not at all …
maybe if everyone stops trying to push their particular belief system and dogma on everyone else, it would actually be a merry christmas …
or a happy holidays …
or a peaceful, happy time …
get over it people and fix something that matters …
there really isn’t any “war” on christmas going on …
just a bunch of assholes trying to whip up some outrage …
and ratings and profits …
how very christian of them all eh? …
so to them i say, get over yourselves, you self righteous, redneck motherfuckers …
and get over the whole bullshit, faux outrage and fake debate …
and “have a happy holidays!” …
just sayin’ …

thedayhascome

wontons, santa and great, huge titties …
keeping america great …

santa-mobsterfirst off, i’ve been noticing an awful lot of attention being paid to “this years fear”…
no, not the frign budget crisis …
that’s small potatoes compared to the real threat that’s washing up on the shores of america …
i’m talking about  the newest, most heinous and far reaching  threat to america yet …
china!!! …
all of a sudden, everything from china is bad and scary, and they are trying to peddle poisonous everything …
jesus h. christ people, didn’t you get it with the “axis of evil”, or the “war on terror”, or even the “broken borders” which suddenly threatened all that was good and right in america? …
china is who you should be really afraid of …
they freaking near OWN america now …
and they’re trying to kill our kids with their lead painted toys and lead filled baby formula!! …
and there’s so bloody many of them …
be afraid, be very, very afraid! …
although, the toys o’ lead thing might just be be a bit of an over reaction …
after all, what’s wrong with a little lead on my kid’s toys if we can buy ‘em really super cheap over at wal-mart? …
i mean, i grew up with lead painted, wooden building blocks …
and i stuck more stuff in my mouth than a lewinsky in an oval office…
and razor sharp, tin toys that would cut ya’ like a crack fuelled gang banger in a dark alley …
anyone here old enough to remember “clackers”? …
or “lawn darts”? …
or air rifles stuffed with dirt and rocks? …
now, that was some real danger people …
and i made it okay …
well, sorta …
in america today there is apparently so much more stuff to be afraid of …
we apparently have a terrorist in every doorway, a welfare queen in every cadillac, a mexican “illegal” on every corner, AND the friggin’  iranians look like they’re heading into WMD land here soon, so we better get them first …
just in case they actually do have a weapon that could pose a threat to someone who is slightly more militarily advanced than figi …
and every last one of these “un-americans” is now out to single-handedly destroy america, and of course, by extension, the free world …
and of course, by extension, mr. boehner and snitch mcconnell’s wall street benefactor’s profit margins, and so now it’s china …
again …
okay, just for the record, let me get this right, before i move on …
you’re telling me i gotta watch out for anyone who looks iraqi, or russian, or palestinian, or iranian, or venezuelan, or north korean, and now chinese? …
(and oh yeah, mexican!) …
phew, i’m gonna need to see some numbers on the uniforms or something …
oh yeah, the national id cards …
BUT …
i’m supposed to trust anyone who looks suadi, or ukrainian, or argentinian, or dominican, or japanese, or “hong kong” chinese …
and rich, right leaning, castro hating cubans …
and some “latinos” …
but only if they’re doing yard work or winning grammys …
FUCK!!! …
is anyone else getting confused and annoyed, and sick and tired of all this shit? …
the only fucking security issues i can see at work here are the job related ones for republicans and conservatives in general ( above and below the 49th ) …
for god’s sakes, this right wing crowd has even pointed the finger at canada lately …
and they’re probably the only friend the right has got left …
be careful repubs, or the oil sands stay in alberta! …
and just for the record kids, no-one except maybe a russian junior hockey team, or a bunch of “quebecois” were looking to diss canada before all this shit started …
probably still aren’t, but prime minister and head canuck stephen “wannabe bagger” harper needs something to bloviate and fear monger about so he can feel like he matters half as much as bo the white house dog  to the power brokers in d.c. and the thieves on wall street…
p.s.  … steve-o!, i‘ve been asking around and ya’ don’t even matter to the good folks in ottawa …
sheesh …
oops … sorry for the digression there …
i mean even canadians don’t give a shit about canada, so …
just one question, mr.’s boehner, cantor, mccain, graham, mcconnell, et al …
if you chase off all the people who don’t look just like you, then who’s gonna make you wontons when yer’ drunk and on the town at 3 am? ” …
and who’s going to whip ya’ up some tacos and deliver ’em when yer’ too wasted to make it to taco bell after a night of debauchery and self-abuse? …
huh??!!? …
good lord, you self righteous, bigoted, fear spewing douche-bags, just what the fuck are you guys thinking ?? …
are you trying to destroy america?? …
after all, gettin’ all hammered up on buds and shooters, and ordering chinese and tacos at 3am IS what made america what it is today …
it IS what made america great …
well, that and great, huge titties …
hey, ya’ gotta sell stuff to run a democracy, right? …
and nothing sells anything like great, huge titties …
great, huge titties made america what it is today …
ahh, america , land of the free, land of the brave …
and great, huge titties …
and, oh yeah, guns ….
at least until that obama guy and his u.n. buddies come and take ‘em all away …
any ways, again i digress …
sorta …
the other night on a well known fake news channel they had their annual christmas season “expose” on child labour …
no, not the “good” newt blingrich kind …
you know, the “bad” china kind …
and it got me to thinking …
i know the gop is looking for a new fear inspired cause du jour …
commiesantaso, what say some of you low information, tea-baggin’ , knuckle dragging, faux noise watching assholes bring a class-action lawsuit against santa claus for his obviously discriminatory, tax avoiding, socialist and illegal business practices …
and maybe congress could spend a couple months freaking out and feigning outrage about that …
the way he treats those elves is enough to make a good bagger’s head spin …
maybe you clowns could whip up some fear on this one …
faux noise could run with it 24/7 …
you know, “trouble in toyland!!!!”
or “santa is a socialist!!!”
and gretchen “i’m SOOO mad” carlson could get herself in a real yule inspired tizzy …
and bellows the clown o’reilly could do a no spin zone expose entitled “how obama is destroying christmas!!!” …
i can see it now …
even wailin’ palin can get her yap on at fox about how she can “see santa from her doorstep” …
it’ll be freaking awesome …
i’m telling ya’ guys, this can work …
and you guys are looking for some new republicans right? …
i mean, little people are hot these days …
they’re building choppers on tv, got their own shows, appearing with every third rap and country band
out there, making movies more than ever and rightfully demanding their place in today’s world …
and hey, i know they’re different, and all small and shit, but seeing as you already pissed off the rest of america during the 2012 election season, it’s a start, right mr. boehner? …
maybe the republicans can lock up the “little people” demographic for the next version of their bagger fuelled. fear driven party …

hey …
i just had another great idea …
what with christmas right around the corner, and all these whimpering, desperate republicans already lining up for “2016” …
what better time for the faux noise / rush limpballs / hannity the manatee gang to boldly go where no sane man has gone before, ( again ) …
they need to make a stand for the “little republicans of america” and put a stop to the polar sweat shops, to put a stop to the unfair and bigoted hiring practices santa employs and make christmas what is was always meant to be, a fake, evangelical christian, republican holiday! …
and as an added bonus, talk about an inroad into the whole “bustin’ up some unions and work regulations” meme these losers are always on about lately …
i mean the fat guy in the red suit is only hiring little people and the last time i looked there were laws about that, then he works them like red headed step children all year, and for what? …
room and board, primitive tools and working environs, no christmas holidays, back to work on boxing day for another gruelling year  and NO PAY! …
plus, i’m not positive about this, and please correct me if i’m wrong about this, but i’m betting that there isn’t one single jew OR any people of color working there …
so somebody might as well call the aclu …
and don’t forget the sharptonator! …
there we go, now everyone can get in on this one …
plus, if you ask me, and i know ya’ are, it all sounds a little cultish too …
and didn’t we recently lock up a couple of guys for running a cult …
so if warren jeffs, or a bunch of spaceguys in nikes and hoodies (hoodies are always a warning sign, right?) get together to form a club , that’s a cult and that’s wrong and illegal, but ya’ got some obese, tyrannical, socialist profiteer, abusing small people and violating human rights …
and judging from the red cheeks and nose, and all his hammered assistants in the malls of democracy the guy is obviously a world class drunk …
and that’s okay ??? …
also, let’s not forget that whole “sit in my lap and tell me what ya’ want for christmas, little girl” thing he does either …
there’s obviously some paedophilic tendencies going on there …
another no spin zone expose there for ya’ billo …
yer’ welcome …
it looks to me like this guy is trying to bring down democracy …
he’s probably working hand in commie hand with obama …
he’s getting way too powerful …
plus he’s got that sled …
and with it’s ability to fly so fast and so silent, we may have actually waited too long already …
i mean, he may already have negated american air superiority …
man, i smell a security threat …
i bet you could get the guy on a tax thing or something …
then we could set up the department of holiday security … (DOHS)
oh yeah! …
and while we’re at it, somebody get peta and pamela on the line too, no doubt those reindeer are gettin’ used too, not to mention the bullying of rudolph just because he’s “different” …
if we’re not careful, pretty soon, two “red-nosed” reindeer are going to demand to marry …
and we can’t have that now can we? …
oh yeah, we can let ‘em have a “civil union”, but a real marriage? …
never! …
it’s not god’s way! …
and it ain’t the republican way either …
it’s just not right …
something else just occurred to me …
i bet the fat guy in the red suit is workin’ for the chinese …
red suit …
cheap toys …
human rights violator …
obvious communist/socialist, what with all that gift giving and shit …
god i hope it’s not too late to stop him …
help us mr. boehner, before it’s too late… 

11

MERRY CHRISTMAS PEEPS!

and as always, safe journeys…
peace

obama pardons turkey in stunning abuse of executive power

Dahlia Lithwick writes about the courts and the law for Slate.
This week, President Obama will pardon a turkey in advance of the Thanksgiving holiday. The Office of Legal Counsel has released a 4,000-page memorandum setting forth the constitutional and statutory justifications for this controversial executive action, rooted largely in the authority granted to him under Article II, Section 2 of the U.S. Constitution, as well as the Eighth Amendment and also the Perdue Family Farms Charter. Moreover, as the OLC memo notes, presidents have been pardoning turkeys for decades. As the OLC opinion further indicates, the president’s constitutional authority to pardon turkeys may well date back all the way to the Lincoln administration, pursuant to President Lincoln’s son Tad pleading with his father to let the turkey destined for the family’s Christmas dinner live. Lincoln cheerily allowed the turkey to roam the White House, and the family feasted on a Tofurky in its stead.
Obama’s Republican critics were quick to denounce presidential claims that the turkey pardon authority rests squarely within the enumerated powers of the executive branch. Sen. Ted Cruz published an op-ed in Politico titled “Obama Is Not a Monarch” in which he excoriated Obama’s plan to pardon the turkey as “lawless.” In it, Cruz posited that despite widespread popular resistance to turkey amnesty, “President Obama appears to be going forward. It is lawless. It is unconstitutional. He is defiant and angry at the American people. If he acts by executive diktat, President Obama will not be acting as a president, he will be acting as a monarch.”
Other Republicans pondered what might ensue if millions of turkeys were spontaneously granted amnesty. Some warned that a wave of unauthorized turkeys will soon flood the country, trailing illegal giblets and stuffing, and taking up space on supermarket shelves that should have been held by Americans.
House Speaker John Boehner tweeted, “The president has said before that ‘he’s not a king’ & he’s ‘not an emperor,’ but he sure is acting like one.” Former Pennsylvania Sen. Rick Santorum called the turkey pardon “just another in a long line of power grabs by this administration.”
And Michele Bachmann, in a Nov. 20 email fundraising appeal for her PAC, charged President Obama with going far beyond giving lawless turkeys amnesty, affording them the actual rights and privileges of full citizenship: “What could more fundamentally transform our nation than making our precious American citizenship—and the rule of law—merely commodities to be dispensed with as our Imperial President sees fit, flooding our land with illegal turkeys which will forever alter our way of life?” Bachmann also added that the newly pardoned turkeys would soon be able to vote: “The Democrats are licking their wounds after their terrible defeats this month, and are viewing these millions of illegal turkeys as the delicious shock troops for their leftist agenda.”

and to all my american friends…happy turkey day… eat ‘til ya’ drop!

home repair … kill me now, tiny dancer … a redux …

seeing as it’s holiday time ‘round here, and i haven’t been posting regularly, i thought i’d dig into the archives and at least leave most of ya’ with something different to read … and seeing as tis’ the season o’ the home reno …

to anyone who is about to go through that most dreaded, yet inevitable, of all of life’s trying, expensive and mindfu&%ing events …
the home reno/repair …
so, my innocent and soon to be scarred friends …
this is for you …
(i wrote this piece some time back, and it is being reposted in it’s entirety, with my own kind and generous permission … please heed the warning peeps … lol … and good luck on that reno) …

                                       ………………………………………………..

reno gone wrong

okay, so this isn’t my usual rant …
but, seeing as i’m pretty sure that everyone is comfortably seated, i’ll begin …
and the story is “absolutely, every bloody word is true” factual …
in fact, i’m sure it was worse than this, but they’re pretty sure i’m blocking some of it out …
it did start out that way, now i think of it as more of a reflective tale of karma gone to shit …
but, here goes …
let me start by saying that, yes, i was a renter, that’s right, i was NOT a home owner at that point in my life, i was one of “those people” …
you know who i mean, you see ‘em at the bus stop, huddled outside their office smoking, doing things like coaching soccer and fixing their own shit, 10 extra pounds and aging … yup, yer’ neighbour …
you know, divorced, kids hanging out all over the place, semi-permanently, semi-pissed-off ex-wife hanging around, little apartment down the street guy, 10 extra pounds around the middle and aging, even rides the odd bus …
i know, and i’m not trying to generate sympathy here, ya’ just need to get the whole picture …
i guess i figure if just one young lad or lass can be spared the misery that is known as the “new bathroom outfitting” by this tale, ( i shoulda been scared right there ) then my life will be somehow more “complete” and i will feel that i have mattered and that this time will have been well spent as i exit this mortal fu*&in’ coil …
i know, i should get a puppy or something … but have ya’ seen the prices for a good neutering, or a “doggie daycare” or “puppy – chemo”, alas, i digress …
anyways, my saga …

so let’s journey back through the old time machine …
that fuzzy, scary, fading and somewhat “alzheimered” cloud o’ haze that i like to call my memories …
it began while standing naked in my shower one a.m., a long, long while ago …
(and oh, so alone i might add … sigh … lol )
trying like hell to shake the feeling that something evil had come my way whilst i slept and had deposited some kind of vile and unidentifiable remains in my mouth ….
brain felt about the same …
you know, monday morning …
staring at the tiles in front of me …
i find myself staring like an 18 yr. old boy who’s just been told that “no, you WON’T pay for him to take a few weeks off school and go to some ski resort with his friends” to “have the experience of his life” …
sort of like a deer, just exactly that moment before his ass becomes your necklace on a dark mountain road late at night …
looking blankly at the tile before me … gettin pissed …
ya’ see, i had this funky ( re: “dumpy, old and dusty” ) apartment in a semi yuppie, semi “funky” neighbourhood that was close to my kids and all that i needed …
it was a U shaped building, and all my friends said it looked exactly like melrose place without the pool, but i never did see that one, so, i gotta trust ‘em that it’s true …
it was a great place in many ways …
the neighbours were great, we had drunk nurses in the front yard, several beautiful and plentiful apple trees in the back, and music and frivolity everywhere …
everybody liked and looked out for everybody …
it was absolutely perfect …
for me, and the kids …
the nurses were even great with kids …
all great …
except that for the 3 – 4 years that i have lived in said “funky” apartment, the bathroom has been in what i like to call a “fu*&in’ mess” state o’ affairs …
the sink is from the boer war, the toilet older, and the tub is a lovely fu*&in’ shade of green the kids affectionately call “flu – snot green”
matched my fridge, stove and “never-used, cos’ it never fu*&in’ worked” dishwasher, so hey, all was good, we told everyone “it’s retro” and they never laughed too loudly, so …
again, the digression … bear with me kiddies, this story may just save a life …
at least that of your contractor, and yer’ kids will be better off too with a daddy or mommy that isn’t serving 20 – life for murder at the local, government funded “les’ buggery hotel”…
but as i said, that’s all good …

i was a man of great peace and calm …
i had a great job that i loved …
i even had the biggest fu*&in’ t.v. that ya’ ever saw to watch my news and hockey on …
all good …
what i was now losing my mind, and all that calm and peace over, was the tiles before me …
let me digress a sec …
when i had taken my first shower in my “funky” little apartment, oh so many wonderful days before, i had noticed that the wall where the shower head was had seemingly given way and was basically being held up by the weight of the tiles and 4000 year old grout …
so, i did what every renter holds up as his or her inalienable “renter’s right” and called up the landlord and said, “dood, i need ya’ to fix my wall so it don’t fall down” …
and the lying, self-serving, money-grubbing, but otherwise okay, fat bastard did what every great landlord in america does …
he promised he’d be “right over and fix that damn thing up …
just like new” …
so, i did what every renter throughout the annals ( or in case of this story, anals ) of apartment owner / renter history did … i bought the prevaricating prick’s story …
NOTE: the asshole sold the building 2 years later …
and the fu*&in’ wall still wasn’t fixed …
by then i had taken that really sticky, clear packing tape and taped every fu*&in’ seem of every fu*&in’ tile on that fu*&in’ wall, and the only thing that’s holding up the piece o’ shit wall is the tape and the fact that NO -ONE is allowed to touch it…
i mean, i hafta clean the thing like i’m washing some kind of god-damned ming vase or the pope’s dick or something so it doesn’t fall down and leave me standing somewhere behind above mentioned flu-snot-green dishwasher …
i have by this point declared war on the new owners ( by now owner # 3 ) for not doing this repair, and they are avoiding me like i had some kind of communicable disease AND a gun …
and when i do occasionally manage to corner the snivelling, lying, cheap rat-bastards and ask about my “fu&^in’ wall” they just smile a lot and wanna talk about the good old days … “
yeah, like, remember the old days dood? …
high school, chicks, beer, pot and long hair? …”
“the allman brothers and sayin’ peace ‘n’ shit, man?? ..
ya’ know what a-hole? …
“SHUT THE HELL UP!!!
FIX MY FU*&IN” WALL!!!”
like i knew these dumb f*&s, or woulda’ ever hung out with them in the old days …
or any other bloody days for that matter …
just shut up and get it done …
nope …
months go by, then winter passes …
then …
some more months …

so, back to standing naked, dazed and pissed off in my shower …
as my rage against the tiles grows, i suddenly see the answer …
it has been staring me in the face forever …
( i know i coulda moved, but baby, this was and had been for a while, a mission ) …
i’m gettin’ me a god-damned wall …and that’s that baby! …
last man standing’ shit ya’ know? …
the solution is simple …
so without thinking ( a key point to remember here folks ) …
i lean on the wall …
not too hard, cos’ hey i’ve not been able to figure out how to extricate my dumb ass from behind the dish-washer ( yup, flu-snot green ) … just hard enough that i hear a very loud bang , and somehow i instinctively know that now ALL that is holding up my wall is the tape, and that’s it …
i step my naked ass back a step and survey my work …
it’s a beautiful thing… the wall now has a nice “rounded” effect that it never had before
( i’m telling ya’, one and all, get yourself a roll or two of that freakin’ tape, it is amazing
shit …)
now they gotta fix my wall …
just to make sure though , i give it a good bitch-slap right above the taps …
i hear another bang! …
again, great tape …
so i truck on out to the phone, wet and naked as a priest in a confessional on boy scout appreciation day, and i call the above mentioned landlord-owners …
“dood, i need ya’ to fix my wall so it don’t fall down” …
and the lying, self-serving, money-grubbing, prick-bastards did what every great landlord in america does … hmmm …
some deja vu …
they promised they’d be “right over and fix that damn thing up, just like new” …

much time passes … ( insert sad, lonely, yet manic soundtrack music here )

FINALLY, and i mean finally, the deal is set up …
( running count for those who care: 3 owners, multiple property management companies, 3 or 4 thousands screaming matches in the courtyard, and a little over 9,750 “fu*k youz!”)
oh yeah!!!!!!
they are going to send a crew in 2 days who is not only going to fix my wall,
but, da-daaaaa!!!,
i’m getting a new toilet!!!! … and a freakin’ tub-surround!!!
wow, fu&k me mabel! …
what good and deserve-ed fortune i have stumbled upon …
(notice i get to keep my boer-war / half-size / flu-snot green vanity and sink, oh well) …
oh, good deity of your choice, can it get better than this? …
i don’t bloody think so …

so …
about 3 weeks later …
the crew arrives, and i’m just so bloody glad to see them that i welcome them happily into my home, and thank them for coming so much that i’m about ready to bake these two a cake …
and it fu*&in’ begins …
the “crew” is a pair of “old buddies of the landlords” …
oh great …
but, how bad can it be, right? …
and, they’re a married couple, just two old hippies who now ride harleys and really big ski-doos in their spare time, and they seem charming …
seem …
he’s a giant bear of a man, with a great freakin’ beard and a belly that made it seem as though it had been many, many, many years since he had seen his own penis …
but lovely …
and she is what those who are and those who admire, call a BBW …
in her own way … maybe …
but … like her mountain of a man hubby, lovely …
and they assure me that this will, at most take a day or two to complete, and that they, like any good and aging hippies, are “craftsmen”, fine and caring purveyors of their craft …
therefore, what a “friggin’ be-a-u-tee-ful job imma gonna git” …
i can’t wait …
and they notice that i have my phones and laptops and work sh*t all lined up on the table, and absolutely guarantee that they’ll get it all done so quiet that i’ll be able to work, unbothered …
i won’t even know they are there …
so, off to the bathroom they go …
to work …
and off to my front room i go …
to work …
had i known what was about to transpire, i would shot them both right then, disposed of the bodies out back under the apple trees and done the sh*t myself …
done …
but no …
not me …
off to get some work done …

i grab a pop … and two more i might add for my new friends, the “craftsmen” …
slam a couple o’ cokes their way, fire up the laptop, fire up some tunes, because i have learned in my earlier lives as a “renter”, ALL repair guy-tradesman LOVE some music to work to …
who the hell don’t? …
they must be happy i think, they are already gleefully banging and smashing away …
so much, for the “quiet as a field mouse” shit, but hey, the job is “underfugginway” …
so, i turn up the music. log on to my job, have a sip o’ coke classic,
and less than a minute later there is a very big girl in my front room, swaying back and forth as only a very large, non-rhythmic white woman can …
you know, the only place she’s actually bending is at the ankles, but…
she’s groovin’ baby …
eyes half-closed, s state of semi-orgasmic rapture on her face …
( may have been stupor looking back on it, but, at this point … the job is “underfugginway” )
i’m not sure what to make of this but, like i said, they seemed nice and at least hubby is still gleefully destroying my bathroom …
phase one of my “be-a-u-tee-ful job” …
after about 30 seconds, it just felt like days …
she opens her eyes and sez “this is cool music, got any allman bothers?” …
now don’t misunderstand, normally i’m rolling out the live at the fillmore set or a little
ramblin’ man, and in the old days, i mighta even tossed a chilm-hit or two for the workers …
but, they been workin’ like ten minutes or less and i’m already scared …
so, i say “nope, sorry, no allmans”, look back at my computer and she “boogies” off to do some scraping or something …
a half hour goes by, and my cell phone rings …
as i reach for it, she runs out to see if it’s her phone, gets distracted, and we’re off and freaking swaying again … still liking the cd i guess …
i answer my phone, say hold on one sec to the caller, and tell her it’s biz and i really need the room to myself … “sorry” she sez …
i think, oh good, she IS nice …
and take my call …
now i better explain something, my phones rang continuously in those days … part of the job. …
please, make note of this as it will explain both the homicidal AND suicidal urges that were soon to overwhelm me (although to be truthful, i’m pretty sure it would have been more than likely deemed to have been a “multiple-murder-suicide” by the coroner, for legal AND insurance purposes) …
i found out later that the owners didn’t even have proper insurance on the place anyways, but i’ll save that sh*t for when the legal gag orders run out and i’m allowed back on the property …
i digress …
so…
back to work for the dancin’ fool and i …
EVERY TIME my phone rang she ran out to see if it was hers, got distracted by the music, and started swaying …
EVERY FU*&IN” TIME!
for the next several weeks …
yeah …
you read that correctly …
several WEEKS …
and every time my land line goes, HE yells from the bathroom, “is that for me? …
i left your number with some people” …
EVERY TIME …
FOR SEVERAL WEEKS …
what the fu*k are you thinkin’ buddy? …
giving out MY number …
and who the fu*k is ‘sposed to be callin’?
yer “buddies” ? …
yer “clients”? …
wtf!?
are ya’ scared one of yer clients might need some weed at 9 in the fuggin’ a.m.? …
jesus h. christ! …
but, as i said, i’m a guy who likes to try and let things go …
plus, i got tons of work to do …
so …
back to work …

even with all the swaying, and running out / yelling out for phones, followed by more distracted swaying and sh*t, i’m now managing to get some stuff done, and the gleeful and ever-pleasant banging and smashing goes on …
a couple hours goes by and i’m thinking some lunch might be nice, so i wander the very short distance over to my fridge and grab a sandwich i made earlier, refill my pop, and turn to head back to the front room, and there’s the swaying lady, back to me and entranced as ever, and there’s the happy giant, three feet away and staring at me …
“what ya’ got? … smells good” …
“uhh … a sandwich … would you guys like one before “we ALL get back to WORK?”
“oh yeah sounds great eh hun?” …
the large swaying object of HIS desire grunts something and he grabs a chair and plops down to wait for lunch …
aaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrggggggghhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!
we are seemingly only about 1/2 way through what i am thinking is now going to be a three or four month job, rather than a 2 – 3 day job as i was originally lead to believe …
and i’m making sandwiches and gettin’ fu*&in’ refills for the gang …
we eat lunch and all through mountain man is telling me how great my new bathroom is gonna be, what a craftsman he is and ALL about high school …
and i’m thinking “god, buddha, santa, whothefuckever, just take me now …”
but, as life would have it, MY life anyways … no luck … still alive … so, we finish eating, she requests some lynyrd skynyrd or something … i disavow any ownership of said band , say sorry and decide that tonight when they leave i need to hide anything that looks like it might be southern boogie rock …
so, back to work we go …
i put on some fusion jazz to work to …
(no white woman can dance to that …no way, it’s science baby, science ) …
everything proceeds as planned …
we’re all gettin’ some work done …
except when a phone rings or i forget to play something no human can dance to …
and the day finishes without any legal incidents …
around fivish, it looks like they’re getting wrapped up for the day, so i go wander over to the can, look in expecting to see just a few things left to do ( i mean they wrestled the bloody tub-surround down the hallway hours ago … and i KNOW i saw a toilet go by first thing this morning … i KNOW i saw my old one get tossed hours ago … oh yeah, did i mention that i’m now peeing, etc. next door in an empty suite to which i have been presented with a key … apparently it takes more than a day or two for a craftsman to replace a toilet … okay, next time i try to get me a tradesman …
instead of a craftsman …
oh good, there’s the tub surround over there, nowhere near my tub
and there’s the new toilet … sitting in the hall …
wow, slick unit … and i was right, the old one is nowhere to be seen …

a few more weeks go by, and once in a while they even drop by to spend a few hours doing
even more damage …
every time my phones ring we do the “run out, get fu*&in’ distracted by the music” cankle dance …
or my new best buddy ( must be … i’m feeding the fat f*ck ) goes “that for me man?”
no you fat, stupid fu*k, that’s for ME, not you ..
not your XXXLBBW-harley-riding-skidoo-humpin’ wife either …
and every time i reached for a drink, or reached for a bite, there they were …
“hey, what’s that? … smells good”
god, oh god, oh god (and i’m a freakin’ atheist ), take me fuggin’ now …
please, just take me …
after a few more weeks of this i could take no more, the landlord wasn’t hearing any of it, i’m
pissing in an empty suite, and so are my kids whenever they’re around …
any idea how many times 2 young boys pee in a day?
huh ?
lots i tell ya …lots!
i’ve had it …
i go by a buds place and tell him, or cried, or sobbed or something, it’s still unclear …
he listens like the incredible friend he is, says “i can help”, and gets up and walks across the room to get something …
i’m thinking “you can?????”, “wow!”
he comes back sits down and sez “here man” …
hands me a couple of doobies and says, “if it ever gets that bad, go in yer’ bedroom, have a bit of this, close yer’ eyes and let it go” …”trust me bro” …
don’t get me wrong, i have for some years known which end of a joint to light, and while it had been a long while since i had puffed the magic dragon, no biggie, i’m a freakin’ guitar player after all …
easy, got it down, no problemo …
wrong! …
VERY wrong! …
we’re weeks into dust, and swaying and cankle dancing and grazing my kitchen and general dumb-fu*k-a-hole behavior, my bathroom is STILL not functioning AT ALL, and it’s time to roll out the doobáge …
so i sneak …yup, fuggin’ sneak … into my own bedroom,
bud in hand, lighter at the ready …
and i very quietly close the door, stuff all kinds of clothes and shit under the door, open a window, very quietly as well i might add, and here’s where it gets ugly …
for me at least …
i go over into the corner of my OWN room in my OWN apartment, CROUCH DOWN, in my OWN room in my OWN apartment, and with my back to the door, huddled like a god damned thief in the night, i light above mentioned joint, inhale, and …
“what’s up man, smells good” …
these big, lazy, idiot “craftsman” are standing in MY OWN room, lookin’ at me like some kind of refugee who’s seen a KFC truck pull up …
i don’t remember much else, except that I finished the bathroom …
and it wound up lookin’ pretty good, for a “funky” place …
the boys and i enjoyed having the tub – surround and the new toilet
we moved a couple years later …
the apple trees are huge now …
we’re all better now …

i know that i may have used some inappropriate language and referred to these people in semi-derogatory ways … and that is not really my style … yeah right … lol …
i NEVER meant to denigrate ANY dumb-fu*k-a-holes out there, just these two, and i never used ANY names, so there …
also, i happen to quite like most BBWs …
not contractors though … err … “craftsmen” …
anyone want some apple pie?

fox news … breaking news … isis attack imminent!!! … may already be under way!!! … breaking news …

faux noise

Texas Police Chief Promises to Send ISIS Border Crossers ‘Straight to Hell”

everybody’s favorite hate and fear filled bag o’ nasty lizzie hassleblech is at it again …
’faux ‘n’ fiends’ own blonde bimbo, queen of the vile, vacuous and vacant, is now jumping aboard the lindsey graham ‘they’re gunna kill us all!, and now i gots the vapors, where’s my fainting couch?’ band wagon with her latest diatribe from delusional town …
i guess there wasn’t a story she could twist into some kind of obama-bashing/blaming, fear mongering piece of bullshit that her and her factually bereft cohorts over at faux noise could at least pretend was real and ‘news’, so this time she just finds herself a bat-shit crazy, ignorant, bigoted, old piece of human waste and rolls his heaving, sweating, unintelligible ass out as a supposedly news worthy interview … and then just reaches both hands deep into that bag o’ fantasy and sick, twisted paranoia fox calls ‘fair and balanced facts’ and proceeds to just make some shit up …
i know, nothing new there …
it’s just that this time she reaches so deep into the fantasy/bullshit trunk she may actually have been completely submerged …
the loathing and bigotry is beyond palpable in her hate filled and panting voice on this one …
either that  or she’s just getting really aroused at the thought of all that violence …
can’t tell which it is …
WARNING: let yer dogs outside before playing video as there are so many ‘dog whistles’ going off here that if you leave him in the room for it pam anderson and the peta patrol will be at yer’ door before it’s over …
then ya’ gots ya some real shit to deal with …
just sayin’ …

as my dearly departed mother was so fond of saying, ‘sometimes it is better to not say anything and have people think you the fool than open your mouth and prove it’ …
i guess lizzie’s mom didn’t know that one …

fox and fiends by hip is everything

know yer’ gop–‘some misogynists, a d-bag and a kardashian wannabe walk into a bar …”

After Saying Women On Medicaid Should Be Sterilized, Russell Pearce Resigns From Arizona GOP

The Huffington Post  | By Paige Lavender

the gop knows by hip is everything

assholeFormer Arizona state Senator Russell Pearce resigned as Arizona Republican Party’s first vice chair late Sunday after receiving criticism over recent comments he made about women on Medicaid.
Pearce made the controversial comments on his weekly radio show.
“You put me in charge of Medicaid, the first thing I’d do is get [female recipients] Norplant, birth-control implants, or tubal ligations,” Pearce said, according to the Phoenix New Times. “Then, we’ll test recipients for drugs and alcohol, and if you want to [reproduce] or use drugs or alcohol, then get a job.”
Pearce said “people out there [who] need help” should get it from “family, church, and community,” not the government.
According to the Washington Post, Pearce said the comments were “written by someone else” and said he “failed to attribute them to the author.”
“This was a mistake,” Pearce said. “This mistake has been taken by the media and the left and used to hurt our Republican candidates.”
The Arizona Republic reports several Republicans in the state, including nominees for governor, secretary of state and attorney general, criticized Pearce for the remarks after Arizona Democratic Party Executive Director DJ Quinlan pushed for them to do so in a news release.
Read more on the controversy over Pearce’s comments at the Arizona Republic.

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KLONDIKE KARDASHIAN UPDATE …
the word salad continues …

word salad by hip is everythingSarah Palin: ‘I Owe America A Global Apology’

Former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin said she owes America a “global apology” for the 2008 GOP presidential ticket’s loss to President Barack Obama and Vice President Joe Biden.
During an interview with Fox News’ Sean Hannity, Palin spoke about Obama’s long-term strategy for defeating the Islamic State — a militant group formerly known as ISIS or ISIL — that he laid out in a speech Wednesday night.
“As I watched the speech last night, Sean, the thought going through my mind is, ‘I owe America a global apology. Because John McCain, through all of this, John McCain should be our president,'” Palin said.
Palin went on to compare the Islamic State to Hitler and questioned how seriously Obama is taking the group.
“So when Barack Obama, like the rest of us, hear these bad guys, these terrorists, promising that they will raise the flag of Allah over our White House, for the life of me I don’t know why he does not take this serious, the threat. Because yes, it’s more than a vision,” Palin said. “They’re telling– just like Hitler did all those years ago, when a war could’ve been avoided, because Hitler, too, did not hide his intentions. Well ISIS, these guys aren’t hiding their intentions either.”

oh shit, and here I thought she was going to apologize for the douche rocket teabilly dustup at last weekend’s snowmobile tag-team wrestling match where she, toad and the critters took on all comers …

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Paycheck Fairness Act Blocked Again By Senate GOP

Posted: 09/15/2014 6:01 pm EDT Updated: 10 minutes ago

mitch mcconnell 3 by hip is everythingl

Senate Republicans on Monday blocked for the fourth time a bill that would strengthen federal equal pay laws for women.
The Paycheck Fairness Act would ban employers from retaliating against employees who share salary information with each other, impose harsher penalties for pay discrimination and require employers to be able to show that wage gaps between men and women are based on factors other than gender.
The bill needed 60 votes to overcome a Republican filibuster and advance to a final vote on passage, but it fell short Monday by a vote of 52 to 40. Senate Democrats have brought the bill to the floor four times since 2011, and each time Republicans have rejected it.
Republicans say
they oppose the bill because they believe it would discourage employers from hiring women, out of a fear of lawsuits. The GOP has accused Democrats of staging a “show vote” on the bill in an election year, knowing it won’t pass.
“At a time when the Obama economy is already hurting women so much, this legislation would double down on job loss, all while lining the pockets of trial lawyers,” Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-Ky.) said before the last vote on the bill in April. “In other words, it’s just another Democratic idea that threatens to hurt the very people that it claims to help.”
Women working full-time in the U.S. earn an average of 77 cents for every dollar men earn, according to the Census Bureau. A small portion of that gap, economists say, is due to employers paying women less than men for the same work.

todays gop by hip is everything