Breaking Trump Legal Team News …

Apparently Rudy “911! 911! 911!” Giuliani is in talks to join Donald Trump’s legal team …
Oh please, please, please?? Do it Rudy!
What could possibly go wrong?
Stay tuned … and get the popcorn ready kids …


Rudy 911iani may not be on the outside looking in for much longer as president Trump is desperate for legal help after every legitimate lawyer in the country turned down the ‘opportunity’ to represent him in the Russia/treason proceedings.


 

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One of these things is not like the others …

So …

The number of people who go bankrupt every year due to medical bills:
France: 0
Japan: 0
Germany: 0
Great Britain: 0
Canada: 0
Switzerland: 0
Netherlands: 0
Australia: 0
New Zealand: 0
USA: 643,000

You see it???

But then again, why should a country that doesn’t care that tens of thousands of it’s citizens die of preventable gun violence every year care about bankruptcies? Right?

Fun fact:
More Americans have died from gunshots in the last 50 years than in all of the wars in American history and  nearly 45,000 Americans die every year due to a lack of healthcare.

Waaaaa, waaaa … stomp! Friday the 13th Edition

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 ♫ ♬ it’s just another manic Friday ♬ ♫

Ladies and gentlemen, the president of the United States …

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Oh dear, someone certainly seems more than just a little triggered by the new Comey book, ‘A Higher Loyalty’. Also, the “It was my great honor to fire James Comey” line was a lovely touch. I mean, I know Mueller is good, but, hey confessions to intent when dealing with serious obstruction of justice charges hangin’ over yer’ fat, orange head are always a nice time saver for the Mueller team … plus tweeting them out, so that they are easier for all of Mueller’s team to find is also pretty cool too.
A+, very helpful Donald. Please proceed with the tweeting sir.
 


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‘Cos if there’s one thing Donald J. Trump can’t abide, it’s a liar.
And, ya’ might as well take that free bonus cheap shot/lie at McCabe when ya’ can. Gotta fire his ass too to make this Russia stuff all go away, right? So, like bonus, huh? And what a helpful coincidence that yer’ little treason elf Jefferson Beauregard Slushfund da’ Third arranged to have the DOJ release that report when it did too. That was very fortunate indeed.
Next thing you know all the MAGAts, the Manatee and Faux Noise will be attacking them too. Oh, wait, never mind …


This is what happens when you elect a fucking toddler president.

1000 Words: The Meeting

So the president posts this picture of his “big, incredible meeting” … 

Then, as fast as he puts it up he deletes the tweet …
Odd … I wonder why …

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Kudlow: “What the fuck is he talking about? What’s happening? Is it always like this? He’s not even making sense. It’s all just lies and gibberish. Do I smell poop?”
Kelly: “I don’t even watch any more. Plus … the tears … the shame … FML!!!!”
Kudlow: “I shoulda just stuck with sucking his dick on TV. Take the job they said, it’ll be fine they said, you’ll be a big shot they said … assholes.”
Kelly: (sobbing) “Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuuuuucckk!”
Kudlow: “I hear ya’ bro’. Do you ever get used to it? Does the sadness ever go away??”
Kelly: “Fuck me, I can’t stand it any more, make him stop! … fuuuckk! … Oh no, here come the fucking electoral college stories again. Oh God, take me fuckin’ now God.”
Kudlow: “Seriously man, I’m not kidding, I smell poop … I think he soiled himself.”
Kelly:  “Oh fuck, not again! … IVANNNKKKAAA!!!  … F.M.L.!

Have You Seen This Man?

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Official FBI artist’s sketch … trust me.
NOTE: Suspect may be “oranger” than shown.


1. Has a grandiose sense of self-importance.
2. Is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love.
3. Believes that he is “special” and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions).
4. Requires excessive admiration [regularly fishes for compliments, and is highly susceptible to flattery].
5. Has an immense sense of entitlement.
6. Is interpersonally exploitative.
7. Lacks empathy: is unwilling [or, I would add, unable] to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others.
8. Is envious of others or believes that others are envious of him.
9. Shows arrogant, haughty [rude and abusive] behaviors or attitudes.


WARNING: If you see this man, do NOT approach him as he is highly delusional and is a definite and immediate threat to ALL around him. Instead contact Mr. Robert S. Mueller lll. Immediately.

REWARD (for capture and conviction): Democracy for all.

NOTE: Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is a personality disorder with a long-term pattern of abnormal behavior characterized by exaggerated feelings of self-importance, an excessive need for admiration, and a lack of empathy. And with nukes, a really bad situation.

New Bannon Plan


On again, off again Trump lover Steve Bannon, seen here preparing his latest “Russia Strategy”

Long time Trump ally and fellow narcissistic bigot Steve “Whitey” Bannon is back to save the day with a new plan to save Trump from the dreaded ‘Mueller’.

1. Fire everybody in sight.

2. Ignore Bob Mueller and hope he goes away.

3. Pout and stamp. A lot.

4. Keep lying about EVERYTHING.

5. Hope you look great in orange.

WTFVille Weekly …

000_wtfville header by hipis everything_full

Louisiana law to ban sex with animals wins Senate vote 25 – 10

The state Senate has approved a bill designed to make it clear that bestiality is illegal in Louisiana.
A law on the books prohibits “crimes against nature,” but it also outlaws so-called sodomy and was ruled unconstitutional in 2003.
New Orleans Senator JP Morrell says it’s important that the state has a way to arrest someone for having sex with animals.
He told fellow lawmakers, “God forbid you vote against this bill, good luck explaining it.”Ten senators did vote against it.

Click here for a list of state senators who voted for and against the bill which “creates the crime of sexual abuse of an animal.”

The measure does also specify that previously illegal forms of “sodomy” are no longer against the law.
“Anal sexual intercourse between two human beings shall not be deemed as a crime,” part of the bill states.
The measure now heads to the House of Representatives.

What I wanna know is, who are the 10 Republicans who voted against this measure, and why? Also, a follow up… are they pet owners?

What could possibly go wrong? Right?

Just in from the “You Knew It Was Coming” department …

and now    this

This Parkland teacher left his gun in a public bathroom. It was loaded, BSO says.

By Madeleine Marr

Not the most normal sight: a gun left in the bathroom stall.
But that’s exactly what went down on Sunday in a men’s room at the Deerfield Beach Pier.
The circumstances of how the Glock 9mm got there are unusual.
According to the Broward Sheriff’s Office, the weapon was left by Sean Simpson. If his name sounds familiar, he’s the teacher at Marjory Stoneman Douglas who said he’d be willing to arm himself while on duty.
According to the sheriff’s office report, Simpson told deputies he’d left his gun by accident. By the time the chemistry teacher realized his mistake, the Glock was already in the hands of a drunk homeless man who had picked it up and fired. The bullet hit a wall.
Simpson was able to grab the gun away from the vagrant, Joseph Spataro, who was charged with firing a weapon while intoxicated and trespassing.
As for the MSD teacher, he was arrested and charged with failing to safely store a firearm, a second-degree misdemeanor. Simpson posted a $250 cash bond and was released.
Local 10 reached out to the educator who would not comment but did say carrying a weapon around did not violate school board rules. He continues to be employed and no disciplinary action is expected to be taken, added the station.
On Tuesday, the Broward School Board unanimously rejected the state’s new program to arm school staff, part of a new law the Florida Legislature passed after the Feb. 14 Marjory Stoneman Douglas High school shootings that left 17 students and educators dead.

I got nothin’, no words, nothin’ …

Bat Shit Crazy Alert … the Fox in the Nuthouse Edition

bat shit crazy header by hip is everything2017

This is an actual headline and screengrab from the Fox News(?) website …

wt actual fk

Is the Rapture finally here? One Christian numerologist says a biblical sign strongly suggests it.
David Meade tells the U.K.’s Daily Express newspaper that on April 23, the sun and moon will be in Virgo, as will Jupiter, which represents the Messiah.
For a certain branch of evangelical Christianity, Revelation 12:1–2 describes the beginning of what is known as the Rapture and the second coming of Christ.
The passage reads: “And a great sign appeared in heaven: a woman clothed with the sun, with the moon under her feet, and on her head a crown of 12 stars. She was pregnant and was crying out in birth pains and the agony of giving birth.”
In the passage, the woman is represented as Virgo.
According to Meade, the alignment represents “the Lion of the tribe of Judah,” marking the Rapture, the belief that Christ will bring the faithful into paradise prior to a period of tribulation on earth that precedes the end of time.
Meade said he believes the so-called Planet X, which is also known as Nibiru, will appear above the sky on the April date, causing volcanic eruptions, tsunamis and earthquakes.
NASA repeatedly has said Planet X is a hoax.
Speaking to the Express, Meade described it as “a unique once-in-a-century sign exactly as depicted in the 12th chapter of Revelation. This is our time marker.”
However, author Jonathan Sarfati remains skeptical.
He told the Express: “As usual with any astrology (or Christian adaptations of it), one cherry-picks the stars that fit the desired conclusion.
“There is nothing to suggest that April 23 is a momentous date for biblical prophecy, and Christians need to be careful about being drawn into such sensationalist claims.
“We won’t know the day or the hour — so we should be prepared at all times!”

srslySeriously peeps?
This is from a so-called “News” station?
We’re all gunna die, aren’t we?
TL;DR:
”Fuck me Mabel, these kids just ain’t right in the head”


But just in case anyone is too worried, just remember we’ve been here before, recently.
monkeynewsanim
It’s The End of the World As We Know It, And I’m Gunna Miss Cheese Whiz and Hockey

Apparently It’s Not The End of the World As We Know It, And I’m Not Gunna Be Missing Cheese Whiz and Hockey

Plus, these same assholes ran the exact same story a year ago …

Fox News Does Science – And We’re All Fucked!

Whatever happened to Fox “news” using Islamic extremism to scare their low info, terminally pissed, geriatric audience into having a morning bowel movement?
I guess an impending rapture is always a good story when fear is what yer’ peddlin’ …