Johnny B. Bad … Well, Kinda Despicable Actually

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Note: Completely interchangeable with Lindsey Graham, Rand Paul, Paul Ryan, Snitch McConnell and Marco Rubio.

Graphics make things so much easier to understand. And, the irony that John flew from his hospital bed in Error-zona (paid for by the American people in full) to advance the repeal of healthcare for 20-30 million of his fellow Americans is beyond stunning. (Not to mention heartless, selfish, hypocritical and despicable)

Uncle Pervy Rides Again

disgusting and despicable barely begin to cover this grifter …

On Monday night, President Donald Trump jetted to West Virginia to address the annual Boy Scout Jamboree.

trump greets scouts
Resident Trumpf greets the scouts last night (as seen from his perspective) … “There was millions of ‘em” I tell ya’, believe me … tens of millions probably … many people are saying that it was the largest crowd ever assembled in the history of Earth, maybe even more than Earth. Many, many people are saying that. Believe me”

In honor of the Velveeta Bullshiticus’ appearance at their Jamboree, the Boy Scouts have introduced these new merit badges …

Word Salad – Velveeta Bullshiticus Opines On The GOP Hellcare Fiasco

The Illiteracy and Ignorance Combo Is Strong With This One …

word salad opening by hip is everything

and today’s wtf are you yakkin’ about?” moments come from none other than the Glorious Leader himself, Velveeta Bullshiticus, The Lyin’ King …

TRUMP: It was good. We are very close. It’s a tough — you know, health care. Look, Hillary Clinton worked eight years in the White House with her husband as president and having majorities and couldn’t get it done. Smart people, tough people — couldn’t get it done. Obama worked so hard. They had 60 in the Senate. They had big majorities and had the White House. I mean, ended up giving away the state of Nebraska. They owned the state of Nebraska. Right. Gave it away.

As they get something, it gets tougher. Because politically, you can’t give it away. So pre-existing conditions are a tough deal. Because you are basically saying from the moment the insurance, you’re 21 years old, you start working and you’re paying $12 a year for insurance,* and by the time you’re 70, you get a nice plan. Here’s something where you walk up and say, “I want my insurance.” It’s a very tough deal, but it is something that we’re doing a good job of.

I want to either get it done or not get it done. If we don’t get it done, we are going to watch Obamacare go down the tubes, and we’ll blame the Democrats.

I think we have six people who are really sort of O.K. They are all good people. We don’t have bad people. I know the bad people. Believe me, do I know bad people.

I have had the best reviews on foreign land. So I go to Poland and make a speech. Enemies of mine in the media, enemies of mine are saying it was the greatest speech ever made on foreign soil by a president.

*in what fucking universe is this happening Donnie?

image

Well played sir, well played …

best sign of the day …

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oh please, please, let this be true …

Note: Don’t know if this will work, but maybe, just maybe, if everyone sends a Snickers to the White House this whole fucking tire fire can be extinguished … and if it doesn’t work, at least the enraged toddler will be so busy nom-nomming free chocolate he won’t be able to screw with America as much.

Russia, What Russia?

I’m sorry, but I don’t see how this Russia stuff is a thing.

I can’t take credit for this …it was found as a reply to a FB post …

I must admit that it’s hard for me to see any U.S. ties to Russia; except for the Reality Leigh Winner thing, and the Flynn thing and the Manafort thing. And the Tillerson thing. And the Sessions thing. And the Kushner thing. And the Carter Page thing. And the Roger Stone thing. And the Felix Sater thing. And the Boris Ephsteyn thing. And the Rosneft thing. And the Gazprom thing. And the Sergey Gorkov banker thing. And the Azerbajain thing. And the “I love Putin” thing. And the Donald Trump, Jr. thing. And the Sergey Kislyak thing. And the Russian Affiliated Interests thing. And the Russian Business Interests thing. And the Emoluments Clause thing. And the Alex Schnaider thing. And the hack of the DNC thing. And the Guccifer 2.0 thing. And the Mike Pence “I don’t know anything” thing. And the Russians mysteriously dying thing. And Trump’s public request to Russia to hack Hillary’s email thing. And the Trump house sale for $100 million at the bottom of the housing bust to the Russian fertilizer king thing. And the Russian fertilizer king’s plane showing up in Concord, NC during Trump rally campaign thing. And the Nunes sudden flight to the White House in the night thing. And the Nunes personal investments in the Russian winery thing. And the Cyprus bank thing. And Trump not releasing his tax returns thing. And the Republican Party’s rejection of an amendment to require Trump to show his taxes thing. And the election hacking thing. And the GOP platform change to the Ukraine thing. And the Steele Dossier thing. And the Leninist Bannon thing. And the Sally Yates can’t testify thing. And the intelligence community’s investigative reports thing. And the Trump reassurance that the Russian connection is all “fake news” thing. And the Spicer’s Russian Dressing “nothing’s wrong” thing. And the Chaffetz not willing to start an investigation thing. And the Chaffetz suddenly deciding to go back to private life in the middle of an investigation thing. And the The Lead DOJ Investigator Mary McCord suddenly in the middle of the investigation decides to resign thing. And the appointment of Pam Bondi who was bribed by Trump in the Trump University scandal appointed to head the investigation thing. And the The White House going into full-on cover-up mode, refusing to turn over the documents related to the hiring and subsequent firing of Flynn thing. And the Chaffetz and White House blaming the poor vetting of Flynn on Obama thing. And the Poland and British intelligence gave information regarding the hacking back in 2015 to Paul Ryan and he didn’t do anything thing. And the Agent M16 following the money thing. And now the Trump team knew about Flynn’s involvement but hired him anyway thing. And the Corey Lewendowski thing. And the Preet Bharara firing thing but before he left he transferred evidence against Trump to a state level Schneiderman thing. And the Betsy Devos’ brother thing. And the Sebastian Gorka thing. And the Greg Gianforte from Montana thing. And the Pence actually was warned about Flynn before he was hired thing. And the Pence and Manafort connection thing. And the seven Allies coming forward with audio where Trump was picked up in incidental wire tapping thing. And the Carter Page defying the Senate’s order to hand over his Russian contact list thing. And the Trump wanted to veto Sally Yates’ testimony thing. And the Trump fired Comey to cover up the Russian collusion thing. And now the Jared Kushner secret phone line with Russia thing. So yeah, there’s probably nothing there!
– Elpatron Garcia T

I Am Trump’s Lawyer’s Lawyer’s Lawyer’s Lawyer …

another great piece from McSweeney’s Internet Tendency
seriously, go check these guys out …

I Am Trump’s Lawyer’s Lawyer’s Lawyer’s Lawyer and Would Someone Please Tell Me What the Fuck I Am Supposed to Be Doing?

Good day. I am Trump’s lawyer’s lawyer’s lawyer’s lawyer. I think. I might be his lawyer’s lawyer’s lawyer. I have an email into his lawyer’s lawyer seeking some clarification on precisely who the fuck I am. I am somewhat certain that I am his lawyer’s lawyer’s lawyer’s lawyer because that is what Kellyanne said I was when she was talking once. But who knows.

And in an abundance of caution I should be more precise. I am actually Trump’s personal lawyer’s personal lawyer’s personal lawyer’s personal lawyer. Just to be clear.

Anyway, I fancy myself a bright guy. I did well enough in law school to land myself a job at a respectable firm outside of Washington, DC. So when I got a call from Trump’s lawyer’s lawyer’s lawyer asking me to be his lawyer, I said “Sure thing!” No problem too big. No problem too small. If you have a phone then you have a lawyer. I pride myself on representing people of all backgrounds facing the panoply of legal problems that can befall a person.

But I am not exactly sure what is happening here. What kind of law even is this – being a lawyer’s lawyer’s lawyer’s lawyer? I got an A in torts. Is this a Tort? Did someone get torted – or maybe I think the word is injured? Is someone injured? I guess I could argue that this is sort of like a car accident or a dumpster fire. If someone was injured in a dumpster fire and they had to sue the dumpster maker for not putting fire extinguishers in the dumpster then that would be a tort right? It would. And I would get money.

But it’s also sort of criminalish. But it’s not exactly like a DUI or a burglary. Is it? Someone does appear to be drunk at the wheel. And someone (the American people) is alleging theft. So the answers to the questions is someone drunk at the wheel and did someone steal something are yes and yes. But there’s also some international intrigue happening. And some election law. And some constitutional law. Is the lawyer’s lawyer of someone who is accused of being a colluder subject to the tenets of the Hague Convention? What other kinds of law even are there? Family law? Is a family being wrecked here? Commercial law? Was money exchanged? I’m not certain what the fuck this is but I know there’s no such thing as a Lawyer’s Lawyer’s Lawyer Law.

Also, do I bill my client for asking his lawyer’s lawyer for some guidance on precisely who I represent? Or is it whom I represent? Have I just breached an ethical duty? (Tee hee hee. I said, “Ethical duty.” As IF!!)

I have no fucking clue what to do. And there is a dearth of law books to guide me. This apparently has never happened before. How do you even be a lawyer’s lawyer’s lawyer’s lawyer? Is it unethical to call my client’s client and ask him what his or her expectations are? Would that work? Or can I call my client’s client’s client? What about my client’s lawyer’s client’s lawyer? Or my client’s lawyer’s lawyer? Should I get a lawyer? Am I client? What if the retainer I have to give my lawyer is bigger than the retainer I got from my client?

And is colluder even a word? We didn’t learn that word in law school. I apparently learned nothing in law school. But maybe this is an opportunity. Maybe I should specialize in collusion law? This might be the next big thing. Like lead paint. Or asbestos.      

How to Talk to Your Teen About Colluding With Russia

great piece by Tom Russell

How to Talk to Your Teen About Colluding With Russia

Even the best-behaved teen is likely to encounter a situation where he or she is tempted to collude with Russia. Unfortunately for parents, a teen’s natural tendency to test the limits of independence can often manifest itself in his or her exchanging sensitive information with Russian emissaries for material or other rewards. If not constructively addressed during adolescence, colluding with Russia can have much more serious consequences in adulthood.

Here are a few tips for engaging in a healthy conversation with your teen about the hazards of colluding with Russia:

Keep the Lines of Dialogue Open

Don’t be shy about asking your teen where she has been, who she has spent time with, or why she has receipts from Cypriot bank wire transfers hidden under a false bottom of her jewelry case. If you discover a folder marked “parental Kompromat” try to stay focused and not act emotional. Think about her point of view and why she would consider it important to have your social security number, Gmail password, and Pornhub search history in a secret folder. Take advantage of these “teachable moments” to have meaningful discussions about colluding with Russia with your teen.

Explain the Negative Consequences of Colluding With Russia

When talking to your teen about colluding with Russia honesty is the best policy. You shouldn’t shy away from mentioning that a Federal indictment could turn into an awkward blemish on a college application, or that retributive Polonium poisoning could likely hamper one’s ability to compete for a coveted lacrosse scholarship. Remind them also that sharing their behavior on social media is never a good idea. Posting a selfie with a Russian aluminum magnate or “checking in” to a Kremlin safe house can have ramifications that are difficult to erase later on.

Understand Your Teen Will Likely Experiment at Some Point

Parents must be realistic and remember that despite their best efforts their teen will try colluding with Russia at a party, in their friend’s basement, or even in a hotel room after the prom. Your teen should understand that if he has been out late colluding with Russia he should never, under any circumstances, get in a car — especially a nondescript windowless van with diplomatic license plates. He should understand that you will come get him and give him a ride home no questions asked!

Saying No to Peer Pressure

If other teens in your child’s peer group are colluding with Russia, then she is likely to feel pressured to follow suit in order to fit in. For example if she goes to a mall and sees one of her friends stuff a thumb drive up under the paper towel dispenser in the restroom, she will no doubt feel a curious exhilaration and a compulsion to emulate such behavior. Similarly, teens may also be influenced into colluding with Russia by movies, TV shows, or current events that depict colluding with Russia as “cool,” “fun,” or even a little dangerous. You should actively assist your teen by praising their good behaviors and accomplishments, which can help passively discourage transgressive forays such as offering to launder money through a complex array of shell companies or cash real estate purchases.

Remember, any effort you make now to address your teen’s colluding with Russia is like an investment in their future. The last thing any parent wants is for the behavior to carry into adulthood when it can seriously hurt the parent as well as the child!

WTF? FTW!

And sometimes this shit just writes itself …

Disclaimer: First up, I feel that this piece needs a disclaimer. This is NOT from the Onion, nor is it satire. This is yer’ president peeps … Fuck …

Trump wants see-through border wall so agents don’t get hit by 60-pound ‘sacks of drugs’
President Trump said he wants his proposed border wall with Mexico to be see-through so that border agents don’t get hit with “large sacks of drugs” being thrown over the wall.
“You have to be able to see through it,” Trump said of the wall he’s promised to build. “In other words, if you can’t see through that wall—so it could be a steel wall with openings, but you have to have openings because you have to see what’s on the other side of the wall.
“And I’ll give you an example. As horrible as it sounds, when they throw the large sacks of drugs over, and if you have people on the other side of the wall, you don’t see them — they hit you on the head with 60 pounds of stuff? It’s over. As crazy as that sounds, you need transparency through that wall. But we have some incredible designs.”
He also insisted to media on Air Force One that he isn’t kidding about putting solar panels on the wall.
“There is a chance that we can do a solar wall,” Trump said in the newly released remarks from Wednesday. “We have major companies looking at that. Look, there’s no better place for solar than the Mexico border — the southern border — and there is a very good chance we can do a solar wall, which would actually look good.”
by: Ryan Lovelace

fuck the wall by hip is everything

Fuck me Mabel, that kid just ain’t right in the head.

It’s A No

Breaking: Washington: Bad Touch Donnie apparently has rejected the newest Time magazine cover to replace the ‘fake Donnies’ already hanging at several Trump golf courses.
The new cover was rejected on the grounds that it was a “little too close to the truth to ever hang in a Trump establishment, and the Trump brand is not based in reality” a rather scantily clad, very large breasted Trump escort company spokesperson told the assembled media, The spokesperson finished by saying that the Trump brand “is based in pure fantasy and exaggeration, with a huge helping of smoke and mirrors, much like their accounting practices.” before baring her breasts and running sobbing from the room.


The rejected cover.

 

Donnie Bad Touch Goes On The Lam

Breaking: Washington, D.C.
Petulant Trump, the ‘Glorious Leader’ and liar in chief of the Divided States of ‘Murica, appears to have ‘fled the jurisdiction’ today amid all the latest treason and grift allegations surrounding he and his spawn. It is unknown exactly why Bad Touch Donnie has fled town, but it appears he is heading to France. Following the usual morning flurry of incomprehensible and factually bereft (not to mention reality bereft) rage/morning-poop tweets, the Pumpkin Overlord boarded Air force One and skipped town. It is unknown whether he took his own golf clubs or will be renting from the local club he will no doubt spend the next several days waddling about. Watch this space for more info as it becomes available.

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