To Flee Or Not To Flee, That Is His Question … @jasonouttathehouse

a piece that needs to be read (and shared) from Friday’s dailykos

Why Is Chaffetz Resigning? It Will All Come Out in the Laundering

by Mopshell

Soon we hope to bid a gleeful farewell to Jason Chaffetz (R-Disgraced). To say that he’ll be leaving under a cloud would be to understate the case. He’s in trouble with both his religion and the Law which is quite an accomplishment for a mediocre House republican.

Let’s first take a quick look at the highlights dim bulbs of his adulterated career.

Jason Chaffetz was a member of Darrell Issa’s Oversight Committee investigating fundraising off the Benghazi tragedy. When Issa’s four years of failures were up, Chaffetz was chosen to take on the chairmanship.  He’d learned well from Issa and proceeded to follow in his predecessor’s missteps.

That he’s more conceited than competent was immediately apparent but he failed to draw much attention to himself until the Comey letter broke the surface of already turbulent waters. Of course it’s protocol that communiqués from the Intelligence agencies are kept confidential but Chaffetz was oblivious to nitpicky details like guidelines or rules.  He was far too intoxicated with a vision of the harm he could do to opposition candidate Hillary Clinton if he spun this the right(wing) way.

Thus, before any other members of the committee had seen the FBI email, Chaffetz went public and concocted a monstrous lie: he falsely declared that the FBI had reopened the Clinton email case. Comey did put the record straight but the media preferred the lie.

Though most Democrats seemed to focus exclusively on Comey’s appearance, some of us never forgot the malicious role Chaffetz had played. Within a week, several complaints were filed against him with the Office of Congressional Ethics (OCE). That was why, on the eve of the first day of the 115th Congress, the all-republican Rules Committee tried to quietly do away with the OCE. The NY Times reported:

WASHINGTON — House Republicans, overriding their top leaders, voted on Monday to significantly curtail the power of an independent ethics office set up in 2008 in the aftermath of corruption scandals that sent three members of Congress to jail.

The move to effectively kill the Office of Congressional Ethics was not made public until late Monday, when Representative Robert W. Goodlatte, Republican of Virginia and chairman of the House Judiciary Committee, announced that the House Republican Conference had approved the change. There was no advance notice or debate on the measure.

Due to an overwhelming outcry, they didn’t succeed. Desperate to escape the penalties for his ethics violations, Chaffetz scheduled his Oversight Committee to begin the new session by looking into ways of hamstringing the OCE. He at least managed to slow them down. We won’t know until an actual budget is written, but it’s probable that the republican House will attempt to severely restrict the OCE’s funding as soon as they can. 

However, those measures can no longer help the beleaguered Chaffetz. Turns out his ethics violations expanded to fill his rather large capacity for wrongdoing. 

What do Claude Taylor’s sources have to say? They should be well-placed to know what’s going on. After all, Claude worked on both of Bill Clinton’s presidential campaigns plus eight years in Clinton’s White House. He’s now a travelling photographer with expanded contacts among journalists and those working in and around the Capitol Building.

So, tell us what you’ve heard. 

1

Now that’s not going to go down well in Utah, Jason, not to mention the grief you’ll be causing your wife, Julie. 

Yet this isn’t reason enough to pre-announce your resignation, especially so early in a new congressional session. Other politicians have been caught in affairs and worse but have remained in their seats and even been re-elected. So what gives?

2

Uh huh. We don’t believe this is a family issue either because that excuse just doesn’t align with the fact of his impending resignation let alone its unseemly haste. 

3

The shorter the time between the announcement and actual resignation is inversely proportional to the seriousness of the crime, or in this case: sins and crimes. So what else are your sources telling you, Claude?

4

Oh now that is not something either the FBI or your Utahan constituents are likely to overlook, Jason. Moreover you were warned. FBI Director Comey did say in an open House Intelligence Committee hearing, that he was investigating Russian ties to Trump and co. You should’ve realised that, having crossed Comey by publicizing and lying about his letter, he would take this opportunity to scrutinize you very closely. It appears you did not disappoint.

5

The missing word at the end of the second tweet is “him”. It appears at the beginning of the following tweet which goes on to add: “Some of his current staffers may be implicated.” Was that why the former staffer (mentioned in the first of @daveberstein’s tweets) left Chaffetz’s employ? 

Chaffetz_tweet_2.jpg

Panic seems the appropriate mode for his office staff at this point, especially with the boss about to desert them so soon and under such scandalous circumstances. 

***

To recap so far: Chaffetz has, for some time, been under investigation for campaign finance fraud and he’s been indulging in a long-time affair which allegedly the Russians have used to blackmail him.

The Russians call this kompromat. Translation: compromising material.

Whaaaat? Wait a cotton-pickin’ minute… what was it he was doing for the Russians? We haven’t covered that yet.

Chaffetz_tweet_5.jpg

Chaffetz took a $10 million “donation” from Trump the same day he leaked and lied about the Comey letter? This is highly suspicious. Was it a pay-off or something else? 

7

Now I do appreciate that many people here are dismissive of Louise Mensch but she has been proven right quite spectacularly — her revelations regarding FISA warrants relating to Trump and his associates have since been proven correct in reports now carried by mainstream media. She was certainly a week ahead of everyone else with regard to Chaffetz’s potential legal problems — check the date on this tweet:

8

Time will tell for certain but the view from this present position favors her sources being reliable — of being right about the kompromat — and there’s a high probability she’s right about the money laundering too.

As Dr Dena Grayson notes, the laundering of Russian money does make a great deal of sense. Why? Because just a few days ago there was a lot of chatter about an audio tape the FBI took into evidence. This pre-election tape purports to be a recording of Paul Ryan and Mitch McConnell discussing how best to wash Russian money through House and senate campaigns via dark money superPACs. Paul Ryan’s name has already been linked with the Russian hacking of voter data from swing states so money laundering on behalf of the Russians is not a big leap from there and would be entirely in character for both men. Certainly both were desperate to hold onto the power they knew was slipping through their fingers so both would have grabbed at any opportunity for big money assistance without caring much where it came from.

Mensch, a steadfast conservative, is confronting very uncomfortable revelations right now yet, in complete accord with the principles of the Resistance, she is nevertheless persisting and not excusing nor apologizing for corruption in the republican party. For example this tweet:

9

Because if the bank has a Wall Street branch (and it probably does), then AG Schneiderman can lay state charges against these corrupt congressmen which means Trump will not be able to pardon his NY-indicted comrades-in-crime. 

There will, of course, still be federal crimes to answer. Yet another on the charge sheet is very likely to be this:

10

Scott Dworkin knows this is true because he filed these complaints himself on behalf of the Democratic Coalition of which he is a co-founder. He would not take such an action lightly. Such complaints cannot be filed on the flimsy basis of mere rumor; they must be accompanied by substantial information and data. 

So what is a felonious, about-to-be-ex-congressman to do — apart from vehemently denying any possibility of scandal?

Chaffetz_tweet_3.jpg

That would explain his abrupt decision to resign. Any advice?

Chaffetz_tweet_4.jpg

That’s very sound advice. I imagine his lawyers are already taking this line with him. 

As for his own explanation, Chaffetz was pathetically disappointing. With a distinct lack of imagination and an overdose of predictability, he trotted out ye ole cliché

[I]n an interview with Utah’s KSL talk radio Wednesday, he said his decision was motivated primarily by a desire to spend more time with his family.

Fortunately, Claude Taylor was available to make the necessary tongue-in-cheek correction — 

12

Ah yes, I expect he’ll be getting to know them very well indeed. 

Friday, Apr 21, 2017 · Mopshell

Shoutout to our own drkathie (@kathieallenmd on Twitter) who will be running for this seat in the special election: Chaffetz doesn’t want to do his job but I will.


For further real AND reliable investigative reporting please click the Sarah Kendzior, Scott Dworkin and Corrupt AF links on the right hand side of this page … these people are doing solid, reliable, trustworthy and detailed reporting on these subjects … and they are fucking brave too in a time when that’s getting harder to be, so support/link/follow/read their work please …

also …
Intel community chatter: Paul Ryan and Mitch McConnell caught red handed in Trump-Russia scandal

BREAKING: Paul Ryan and Mitch McConnell Both Received Campaign Money From Russia

They Lied: McConnell And Ryan Just Blocked Expanded Russia Probe To Shield Trump From Impeachment

More Republicans Caught Colluding With Russia – Guess Who This Time?

I can’t wait for the perp walks, these fuckers will look great in orange …

This Mikey Doesn’t Like Anything

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Mike Pence Is A Fucking Joke

Say hello to our Elderly Lego Man Vice President, wearing his varsity Vice Presidenting jacket and standing, with an intensity reserved almost exclusively for constipation sufferers, near the Demilitarized Zone separating North and South Korea. Supposedly, Pence wasn’t meant to go outside during his visit to the DMZ, but this man LIVES FOR THE FUCKING DANGER, and for easily manipulated photo ops.

So he summoned the pair of Indiana basketballs necessary to walk out there pull a Fearless Boy (Gays Not Withstanding) and show everyone that he is not intimidated by the world’s most desperate people. Given the above photo, I assume he then hopped on a stepstool and inserted two quarters to see what those pesky North Koreans are up to. He didn’t even need an umbrella. TAKE THAT, RAIN.

Are you shitting bricks yet, North Korea? Because Penis Man here wants you to know that your days of being a horrifically destitute country—in which the poor and enslaved would almost certainly bear the brunt of any additional outside military aggression—are numbered! With the same kind of steely eye that Sarah Palin gave Russia from her skinnin’ porch, Pence bravely stared down a country where people have to eat bark soup and declared YOU SHALL NOT PASS.

by Drew Magary
Drew Magary is a Deadspin columnist and correspondent for GQ. You can buy Drew’s second novel, The Hike, here.

Great Friend Of Mine

The president concluded his remarks with “Chef Boyardee, another good friend of mine. Great, great chef. Mama Celeste. Incredible pizzas. Father Guido Sarducci … such a good friend, such a good friend. And the Mario Brothers, amazing family plumbing business, small business winners for sure. Bigly successful!  And Donatello. Raphael. Michelangelo. Leonardo. Culinary revolutionaries. Would not have known about pizza if it wasn’t for them. I know all the best people, don’t I? I love Italians. I Love ’em so much. Did I mention that I won the election. Even the Italians said I couldn’t win, but I did. Bigly. And the Italians, who I love, I really love those guys … even they voted for Trump. Well, I gotta run, Frederick Douglas and I are headed over to Donatello’s Pizzeria for a slice.”

Also worth the read: The 10 Early Signs of Alzheimer’s Disease

Breaking: New Cast Announced

The cast of this season’s ‘Dancing With The Stars – The Seeking Relevance Edition’ has been announced.

also expected to appear along side Kid Rock, Ted ‘she said she was 16!’ Nugent and Sarah the Klondike Kardashian will be Scott ‘Who?’ Baio, Kirk ‘really, I’m NOT gay” Cameron, Gary Busey (Eric Trump’s actual father-hey check the teeth on these fuckers), Toby ‘kill “em all’ Keith, Anne ‘It’s NOT an Adam’s apple’ Coulter and Charlie Daniels (yep, he’s gunna play that fucking song again). Also, expect a surprise appearance by Clint Eastwood’s chair. The show will be hosted by Billo the clown O’Really, and produced by Hannity the manatee.

 

Once A D-Bag, Always … D-bag of the Week

dbag of the week award by hip is everything

Because the douchebaggery has not abated in any way since our last d-bag award, and all the sliminess and slithering that passes for sentient behavior in the so-called corridors of power still seem to be as rampant as ever, it must be time to single out our d-bag of the week … and, as all good deeds truly deserve some kind of reward, it’s that time again. And (insert favorite deity here) knows, we certainly did have another week chock bloody full of scheming, lying politicians, incoherent, ass kissing, dog whistle blowing, incessantly blathering, windbag broadcasters, greedy, glamour glomming grifters and pointless, prevaricating and pontificating pricks. So, it’s time to answer the question that is on everyone’s mind. Just who took their act to the lowest of the low, the worst of the worst, the slimiest of the slimy, the doucheyist of the douchey? … are those even freakin’ words? … they are now i guess.
Who was the king or queen of douchebaggery in the last seven days?
Who was the grandest douche rocket of the bunch?
It was, as always, a week that was, full of some of the slimiest, sleaziest, slithering, scuzzball serpents the world of poll pandering, petulant and pithy partisan politics, fanatical, frenzied, far fetched faith freaks, and the exorbitant, exaggerated and exuberant elitist acquisitiveness, avarice and avidity that the preening power pricks(aka politics, religion and corporatocracy) has to offer. And this week was as bad as every other lately, the norm these days it seems, with more than it’s fair share of despicable, degenerate douche bag dancing, misogynistic, mean-minded and mendacious maneuvers, slimy, sickening, sleaze-ball slithering, repugnant, reprehensible, repulsive and revolting rantings and railings, and an out and out torrent of treasonous talk and treacherous temper tantrums.
Especially by the so-called “family values” gang over on the right and their bat shit crazy, bullshit bellowing, ideologically inane, greedy and groveling, greasy grifters and their prevaricating, petulant, pompous and pointlessly pious proponents. In the end, as we always do, we found our winner. And a rather deserving one, if I do say so myself.
And even though this week’s douche-off was not without a copiously crammed cornucopia of conniving, classless, clueless, crass and cretinous challengers to that majestic mantle of  mediocrity, mendacity, meandering mindlessness and missteps we like to call the ‘d-bag of the week’, we do have a distinct winner.
And who is the doucheyist of ‘em all this week?
Who took their doucherocketry to dizzying new heights, surpassing all the grease and sleeze that was raining down all around them over on Doucheville Isle?
The envelope please … 

Our winner … of  the always deserved … rarely accepted …
dbag of the week tag by hip is everything

is ……….

drum roll ……….

STEVE ‘White Power to the people’ KING (R-IA) …

Renowned d-bag low-life, racist prick and all around POS supreme Steve King (R – IA) once again showed his true colors (white only!) when he “poured a cold one” to celebrate U.S. Customs and Border Protection’s deportation of an undocumented immigrant who was legally protected under the Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals (DACA) program. USA Today reported on Wednesday that in February, federal agents deported Manuel Montes despite his active DACA status.
Montes, who is 23 years old, was brought to the United States at age 9. He has lived in the country since and received deportation protections twice under the program, per USA Today. According to the report, federal agents refused to let him retrieve his ID or prove his status and deported Montes within hours of approaching him.

Welcome to Trump’s America.

also worth the read …
Not Trying To Hide It: Steve King Embraces His Inner Nazi

and who could forget these timeless ‘classics’ by Little Stevie Blunder …

Rep. Steve King Compares Immigrants To Dogs

Ivanka’s Notes for the Babysitter

lols from the newyorker.com site …

Ivanka’s Notes for the Babysitter

By Ellis Weiner

Hi Sarah,

First of all, Jared and I can’t tell you how grateful we are that you were available to babysit for us tonight on such short notice. When Alexandra called in sick and recommended you, we knew you’d be super. Jared is very honored to be receiving this year’s Friend of Friends of the Enemies of Israel’s Enemies Award, and would have been devastated if I couldn’t attend the banquet with him.

There are just a few key things to know:

My daughter is five, and should go to bed at eight-thirty. She can watch a half hour of TV beforehand, but that’s it. And you have to watch her to make sure that she actually brushes her teeth.

The three-and-a-half-year-old will go down pretty easily around seven. If he asks for Cheerios be sure to give him the plain kind, and not the apple-cinnamon ones—those are for his grandfather.

For the youngest, I’ve left a bottle of formula in the fridge, but be sure to warm it up (test it on your wrist before you give it to him). Diapers and wipes are in his room.

Donald is seventy. His normal bedtime is two or three in the morning, but don’t worry, we’ll definitely be back by then. He can watch Fox News as much as he wants. If he starts yelling at it (smh), just ignore him. The kids are used to it and their rooms are soundproofed.

But here’s the most important thing: There is to be NO TWEETING AFTER 9 P.M. When you tell him that, he’ll yell stuff like “People have said that I’m a tremendous tweeter!”; “It’s only eight—all the clocks are fake!”; and “I’m not tweeting, I’m sending a text message to 26.4 million people!” Don’t bother arguing. Just make him hand over his phone. If he whines that “you’re being very unfair,” remind him that if I find out he’s been bad he’ll be sorry.

Sometimes, while he watches Fox News, he has “really brilliant ideas,” and he thinks he can just command you to execute them. Three weeks ago, he told Alexandra—in a single night—to “order a team of skywriters to write ‘ISLAM SUCKS’ above Kabul”; to “use eminent domain to have the government take over Hollywood”; to “have the Pentagon require all U.S. servicemen to wear Trump ties and Trump combat boots”; and to “get Eric started on a Trump combat-boot line.” Alex promised she’d look into it in the morning. Of course, by then he’d totally forgotten about everything :-)

If Donald’s friend Steve calls, tell him to call back tomorrow. If Steve says that it’s urgent and concerns dismantling the administrative state, preëmpting the deep state, or hollowing out the State Department, tell him to call their friend Reince.

Kind of important: make sure that Donald reads the thirty-two-page brief “Ecosystem Breakdown and Habitat Collapse Due to Saline Incursion in Southeastern Everglades” (or at least the important parts, which I’ve highlighted) and the Fed’s “Thirty-Year Projection of M-1 Growth.” If he says he’s already read them—which he will, but he hasn’t—tell him that if he skims them one more time he can play Legend of Zelda for an extra hour and have a Nutty Buddy. They’re in the freezer. BUT JUST ONE.

We should be back around one or one-thirty. If Donald says that he wants to go out and “have some laughs,” remind him that he has a busy day tomorrow: meeting with the Ethiopian Ambassador, trying to fire the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration, and pitching “Live from the Oval Office” to ABC.

Thanks a ton, Sarah! If you get hungry, help yourself to anything you want to (but, whatever you do, don’t let him see you eating his Nutty Buddies).

XOXO,
Ivanka

A Day In The Life

A Day In The Life of Joe Republican

Joe gets up at 6 a.m. and fills his coffeepot with water to prepare his morning coffee. The water is clean and good, because some tree-hugging liberal fought for minimum water-quality standards.

With his first swallow of coffee, he takes his daily medication. His medications are safe to take, because some stupid commie liberal fought to insure their safety and that they work as advertised. 

All but $10 of his medications are paid for by his employer’s medical plan, because some liberal union workers fought their employers for paid medical insurance – now Joe gets it too. 

He prepares his morning breakfast, bacon and eggs. Joe’s bacon is safe to eat, because some girly-man liberal fought for laws to regulate the meat packing industry. 

In the morning shower, Joe reaches for his shampoo. His bottle is properly labeled with each ingredient and its amount in the total contents, because some crybaby liberal fought for his right to know what he was putting on his body and how much it contained. 

Joe dresses, walks outside and takes a deep breath. The air he breathes is clean, because some environmentalist wacko liberal fought for laws to stop industries from polluting our air. 

He walks to the subway station for his government-subsidized ride to work. It saves him considerable money in parking and transportation fees, because some fancy-pants liberal fought for affordable public transportation, which gives everyone the opportunity to be a contributor. 

Joe begins his work day. He has a good job with excellent pay, medical benefits, retirement, paid holidays and vacation, because some lazy liberal union members fought and died for these working standards. 

Joes employer pays these standards, because Joe’s employer doesn’t want his employees to call the union. 

If Joe is hurt on the job or becomes unemployed, he’ll get a worker compensation or unemployment check, because some stupid liberal didn’t think he should lose his home, because of his temporary misfortune. 

Its noontime and Joe needs to make a bank deposit so he can pay some bills. Joe’s deposit is federally insured by the FSLIC, because some godless liberal wanted to protect Joe’s money from unscrupulous bankers who ruined the banking system before the Great Depression. 

Joe has to pay his Fannie Mae-underwritten mortgage and his below-market federal student loan, because some elitist liberal decided that Joe and the government would be better off if he was educated and earned more money over his lifetime. 

Joe is home from work. He plans to visit his father this evening at his farm home in the country. He gets in his car for the drive. His car is among the safest in the world, because some America-hating liberal fought for car safety standards. 

He arrives at his boyhood home. His was the third generation to live in the house financed by Farmers’ Home Administration, because bankers didn’t want to make rural loans. 

The house didn’t have electricity until some big-government liberal stuck his nose where it didn’t belong and demanded rural electrification. 

He is happy to see his father, who is now retired. His father lives on Social Security and a union pension, because some wine-drinking, cheese-eating liberal made sure he could take care of himself so Joe wouldn’t have to. 

Joe gets back in his car for the ride home, and turns on a radio talk show. The radio host keeps saying that liberals are bad and conservatives are good. He doesn’t mention that the beloved Republicans have fought against every protection and benefit Joe enjoys throughout his day. 

Joe agrees: “We don’t need those big-government liberals ruining our lives! After all, I’m a self-made man who believes everyone should take care of themselves, just like I have.” 

From: TVNewsLies.com

Heir Force One

The Trumpster-fire P.R. team made sure to get this shot out there so the peeps in the red hats can feel all warm and fuzzy and believe that La Grande Orange is all tough and army like …<cough>

C85UTCPXYAAvRI7

and then Twitter showed up and re-captioned it …

You’re In Armani Now
U.S. Heir Force
Private Lee Owned
Banana Republicans
Operation Desert Nordstrom
Full Metal Blazer
Operation Dessert Spoon
Saving Private Ryan Care
Charge of the Light Weight Brigade
Band of Brooks Brothers
Saving Private Equity
Muslim Ray-Ban
Full Mental Racket
The Fog of Dior
Major Dick
A Few Good Emolumen
White Cuck Down
From Here to Fraternity
Seal Team Six Sigma
C.A.S.H
Less Than Less Than Zero
Commander in Pleats
J. Crews Missiles
Blazer Saddles
Kushner’s Last Stand
Apocketsquare Now
Bjorn on the 4th of July
The Jeer Hunter
The Charge of the White Brigade
Oliver Northface
Jared Head
Spas And Stripes
Flaks Fifth Avenue
Semper Finance
Good Morning, Boca Raton
Nothing Special Forces
Delta Farce
Fedora! Fedora! Fedora!
The Day of the Jackass   

Workin’ On Our Night Moves

Texas’s House Bill 4260, which relates “to the regulation of men’s health and safety; creating civil penalty for unregulated masturbatory emissions,” has moved from being filed to being handled by the Texas State Affairs Committee.
Yuppirs amigos, you read that right. A civil penalty for unregulated masturbatory emissions.

Excerpts:

PURPOSE. The purpose of this chapter is to
express the state’s interest in promoting men’s health; ensure
Texas men experience safe and healthy elective vasectomies, Viagra
utilizations, colonoscopies procedures, and men’s health
experiences; ensure a doctor’s right to invoke their personal,
moralistic, or religious beliefs in refusing to perform an elective
vasectomy or prescribe Viagra; and promote fully-abstinent sexual
relations or occasional masturbatory emissions inside health care
and medical facilities, as a means of the healthiest way to ensure
men’s health.

PROHIBITED CAUSES OF ACTION. A cause of
action may not arise, and damages may not be awarded, on behalf of
any person based on the claim their doctor refused to perform a
vasectomy procedure, prescribe Viagra, perform a colonoscopy, or
withheld any other men’s health procedure due to their personal,
moralistic, or religious beliefs. This section may not be
construed to eliminate any duty of a physician or other health care
practitioner under any other applicable law.

SONOGRAM ELECTION. An attending physician
must administer a medically-unnecessary digital rectal exam and
magnetic resonance imagining of the rectum before administering an
elective vasectomy or colonoscopy procedure, or prescribing
Viagra. This digital rectal exam and rectal sonogram must take
place during the initial health care consultation before an
elective vasectomy is performed, a prescription is given for
Viagra, or a colonoscopy is performed.
FINES RELATED TO MASTURBATORY EMISSIONS.
Masturbatory emissions created in health or medical facilities will
be stored for the purposes of conception for a current or future
wife.
(a) Emissions outside of a woman’s vagina, or created
outside of a health or medical facility, will be charged a $100
civil penalty for each emission, and will be considered an act
against an unborn child, and failing to preserve the sanctity of
life.

Okay, somebody’s got some ‘splainin’ to do here, and pronto.
Why the hell is it always Texas or Florida with the really, truly, bat shit crazy, waaay too much Jeebus in the house, monkeys flingin’ poop stuff?
Is it something in the fucking water?
Too many petrochemicals in the food supply?
Too many Republicans in the neighborhood?
It’s the latest “I can out-Jeebus yer’ Jeebus”, “OH GAWD,WTF is happening and WTF is FUCKING WRONG with these guys” moment from the Lone Star State.
So …
I gots me some questions here for Billy-Joe-Ray-Jimmy-Bob McRedneque or what ever your governor’s name is these days, now that Oops McDumberson has moved on to hang with the Velveeta Raccon and his ilk in D.C. (ever since he got those awesome ‘smart guy’ glasses it’s been nothing but onward and upward eh?)
What if it’s another person pullin’ yer’ pistol? … Does that count, or do you pay extra for that? … What if someone sneaks up behind ya’ and tugs one off before ya’ realize what’s going on? (it could happen … yes it could) … Do wet dreams count? … Will they be like 1/2 price ‘cos ya’ weren’t really ‘there’? …  Is this gonna be like a ‘retroactive’ thing? ‘Cos if it is I’m gonna need some time to pay it off. Like, a long time probably. (hey, so do you, so stfu and stop judging) …
How will fines be determined? … By volume? … Distance? … Flavor? … Ability to stick to things and get all cold ‘n’ shit? … Will Trump voters get a discount on the penalty because the have no idea what an unregulated masturbatory emission is? (Republicans seem to have issues whenever the word emissions comes up, huh? – the MAGA KKKIds will probably get all poutragin’ pissy and puffed up thinking this is some kinda socialist EPA thing) … Just who will be policing this all, and how? … will they be wearing ‘uniforms’? (please Jeebus, please) … Seeing as it’s Texas, will they be dressed as ‘cowgirls’ (OH GAWD, even BETTER Jeebus!) … will it be covered by Trumpcare? ‘cos I know a couple of drummers from Austin who’re gonna need some serious ‘clinic time’ ya’ know … nice guys, and fucking great percussionists but hey, no hand shakin’ before ya’ eat if ya’ know what I mean … but, I digress … will you need to pre-register for any future intended or expected unregulated masturbatory emissions?  (go on, click the link, don’t be scared, ya’ know ya’ wanna)… Will there be herb and drinks for sale? … Snacks? … T-Shirts? … Flags? … Commemorative photos? (Wallet size is always nice, and maybe a nice 8X10 for the piano,  mantle or an always cherished X-Mas dinner table centerpiece – you know ya’ toss a couple of spray painted acorns and a sprig or two of some kinda fucking evergreen around the pic, a blast or two of spray snow and BINGO! – memories are made of this kinda shit baby).

NOTE: As for spray snow choices – I  personally like the off white regular version, but the pink snow is nice too, and if you add a few lights and a baby Jeebus, the sky’s the limit baby!


REALLY IMPORTANT NOTE: This bill is a parody bill written by Houston Democrat state Rep. Jessica Farrar in response to the slew of anti-women’s rights bills regarding medical choice. 
And the commentary above is pure B.S.
I kinda figured you might get that somewhere around the “DUN DUN DUUUUN!!! (Dramatic Sound Effect) Dog” thingy …
But, that ya’ read this far and that it is even somewhat believable (and ya’ know it is) says a lot about the Texas GOP.

Now for the ‘Splainin’ that’s needed:
Texas state Rep. Jessica Farrar introduced a bill that would fine men $100 for “emissions outside a woman’s vagina,” and make them wait 24 hours for any procedures concerning their sexual organs.
Farrar, D-Houston, tweeted that House Bill 4260 — titled “A Man’s Right to Know” — “mirrors real TX laws and health care restrictions faced by” Texas women with each Texas legislative session.
Farrar told The Texas Tribune she is aware her “proposed satirical” bill will not become a law, but that she hopes it opens the for “deeper discussion about what should be a priority during session years.”
“What I would like to see is this make people stop and think,” she told the news outlet. “Maybe my colleagues aren’t capable of that, but the people who voted for them, or the people that didn’t vote at all, I hope that it changes their mind and helps them to decide what the priorities are.”
In the proposed bill, it says that materials created for the rules and procedures will “exactly follow the rules and procedures of the informational booklet entitled ‘A Woman’s Right To Know.'”
“A Woman’s Right To Know” is the title of a booklet that Texan doctors are required to give women who seek an abortion, the Washington Post reports. The “Woman’s Right To Know” anti-abortion booklet can be found by clicking here.

To read the full proposed bill, click here. 

Jessica Farrar … my hero today   Emoji_Props_Universal-1-L

Fuck You Mr. Petulant

So, Bad Touch Donnie went off last night doing his best “Hey everybody, look at me, it’s big dick swingin’ time kids!” routine. But I guess it makes sense to bomb an empty air base after everyone there had evacuated. Especially when your approval rating with the American public is dipping into the low 30% range, you can’t go outside because of all the booing and jeering, the media is finally onto your lies and obfuscation and there are several criminal investigations coming at you.
You can watch a little Faux News, read a little Hatebart.com crap, and then pretend you suddenly have empathy for the very “beautiful babies and children” you are desperately trying to ban from seeking asylum America. That way you can ‘send in the guns’ and look all tough and shit. All the while displaying an ignorance of the situation on the ground and grabbing a couple of ‘awesome and bigly’ photo-ops with what had to be the most awkward, stilted presser ever.
As for what really happened here, it seems pretty obvious. The Russia/Treason stuff is piling up fast and furious, the legislative agenda is pretty much a tire fire clusterfuck, the minions and suck-o-phants are dropping like flies and the Velveeta Raccoon needs a bigly distraction. Plus the asshat that is now Secretary of State and the wannabe Prez both said last week that “The Syrian people would decide their own future with regards to Assad, and like he would ya’ know, Assad took that to mean “go ahead, do as ya’ will buddy”. And, he did. Now suddenly after remaining silent for 9 previous chemical/gas attacks SINCE BLOTUS was sworn in, THIS was the time to go bombing for ratings.
As far as those “beautiful babies” Donnie maybe if they had been allowed to flee the mess that is Syria and go somewhere safe, like say, America, they would still be alive today. Oh no, wait, the BAN, how could I forget? Can’t have those ‘radical Islamic terrorists’ coming over here. And for the GOP and Trump to be blaming Obama on this one, when the GOP refused to allow him to strike Syria in 2013 and 2014, along with the dozen or so Tweets from the apricot asshole demanding that Obama stay out of Syria is beyond the pale. The stench of the GOP/Trump hypocrisy is thick and sickening on this one. As it usually is.
This attack did NOTHING to make anything any better. Anywhere. It was nothing but another failed attempt by the Liar in Chief to distract from all the treason and ineptitude that is the Trump presidency.
Fuck you Mr. Petulant, fuck you!

More here … Donald Trump’s Syria Airstrike Prompts Calls Of Hypocrisy As Refugee Ban Remains In Place

13 Weeks …

Wow … just, wow.

seriouslyIt’s official.
If there was ever ANY doubt left at all, it’s now safe to say that Gramps is suffering from pretty advanced dementia.
Either that or he’s an unfeeling, illiterate simpleton/sociopathic predator, with the attention span of a 4 year old on crack. Either way, this isn’t good.
Really … something is way, way mentally outta whack with this fucker.
Period.

“I think we’ve had one of the most successful 13 weeks in the history of the presidency.”

— President Trump, quoted by the Huffington Post.

D-Bag of the Week

dbag of the week award by hip is everything

Because the douchebaggery has not abated in any way since our last d-bag award, and all the sliminess and slithering that passes for sentient behavior in the so-called corridors of power still seem to be as rampant as ever, it must be time to single out our d-bag of the week … and, as all good deeds truly deserve some kind of reward, it’s that time again. And (insert favorite deity here) knows, we certainly did have another week chock bloody full of scheming, lying politicians, incoherent, ass kissing, dog whistle blowing, incessantly blathering, windbag broadcasters, greedy, glamour glomming grifters and pointless, prevaricating and pontificating pricks. So, it’s time to answer the question that is on everyone’s mind. Just who took their act to the lowest of the low, the worst of the worst, the slimiest of the slimy, the doucheyist of the douchey? … are those even freakin’ words? … they are now i guess.
Who was the king or queen of douchebaggery in the last seven days?
Who was the grandest douche rocket of the bunch?
It was, as always, a week that was, full of some of the slimiest, sleaziest, slithering, scuzzball serpents the world of poll pandering, petulant and pithy partisan politics, fanatical, frenzied, far fetched faith freaks, and the exorbitant, exaggerated and exuberant elitist acquisitiveness, avarice and avidity that the preening power pricks(aka politics, religion and corporatocracy) has to offer. And this week was as bad as every other lately, the norm these days it seems, with more than it’s fair share of despicable, degenerate douche bag dancing, misogynistic, mean-minded and mendacious maneuvers, slimy, sickening, sleaze-ball slithering, repugnant, reprehensible, repulsive and revolting rantings and railings, and an out and out torrent of treasonous talk and treacherous temper tantrums.
Especially by the so-called “family values” gang over on the right and their bat shit crazy, bullshit bellowing, ideologically inane, greedy and groveling, greasy grifters and their prevaricating, petulant, pompous and pointlessly pious proponents. In the end, as we always do, we found our winner. And a rather deserving one, if I do say so myself.
And even though this week’s douche-off was not without a copiously crammed cornucopia of conniving, classless, clueless, crass and cretinous challengers to that majestic mantle of  mediocrity, mendacity, meandering mindlessness and missteps we like to call the ‘d-bag of the week’, we do have a distinct winner.
And who is the doucheyist of ‘em all this week?
Who took their doucherocketry to dizzying new heights, surpassing all the grease and sleeze that was raining down all around them over on Doucheville Isle?
The envelope please … 

Our winner … of  the always deserved … rarely accepted …
dbag of the week tag by hip is everything

is ……….

drum roll ……….

yup, you guessed it kids, once again, it’s …
the Petulant of the United States,
BLOTUS himself,
The Pussy Grabber In Chief!,
BAD TOUCH DONNIE

I really was gunna award this week’s trophy to Billo the Clown for his role in MULTIPLE sexual assault allegations/settlements/accusations, but then, at the very last moment, never ever wanting anyone else to grab the spotlight, for any reason, along comes the Velveeta Raccoon and he drops this shit on the table …  TINY HANDS ON A  BIG ORANGE A-HOLE FTW!

Trump says sexual harassment allegations against Bill O’Reilly are all lies
Happy National Sexual Assault Awareness and Prevention Month!

In a new interview with the so-called “failing” New York Times, President Trump came to the defense of Fox News host Bill O’Reilly. According to an investigation by the Times, Fox News and O’Reilly have paid at least five women a total of about $13 million to quell sexual harassment claims. Though dozens of advertisers have abandoned the his show over the claims, Trump apparently has his back.

“I think he’s a person I know well — he is a good person,” Trump told the Times. O’Reilly has interviewed Trump many times over the years. The President went on to say, “I think he shouldn’t have settled; personally I think he shouldn’t have settled. Because you should have taken it all the way. I don’t think Bill did anything wrong.”
There are two ways to interpret Trump’s comments that he didn’t do anything “wrong” — and neither of them is good. It could be that Trump honestly thinks O’Reilly didn’t sexually harass the women, which inherently means that the women are all liars trying to exploit him and the network for money.
This would be in line with Trump’s own rejection of all of the sexual harassment and assault allegations against him. Trump has repeatedly insisted the woman making accusations against him are liars. He notably suggested they were all too ugly for him to have pursued.
O’Reilly isn’t even the first other person Trump has defended from sexual harassment charges. Last summer, he also came to the defense of former Fox News chairman Roger Ailes, who had also been accused by several different women. Using almost identical language as he did with O’Reilly, Trump called Ailes “a friend of mine” and a “very, very good person” and claimed that Ailes had “helped” the women accusing him. It was the allegations against Ailes that prompted Fox News to conduct the internal investigation that led to O’Reilly’s two recent settlements.
When Trump said O’Reilly didn’t do “anything wrong,” he could have also just meant that O’Reilly did do what he was accused of, but that behavior was perfectly acceptable. In other words, it could mean Trump believes it’s fine to hold back women’s careers if they don’t perform sexual favors — and that a court of law would agree with him.
And of course, it’s possible that Trump believes both of those interpretations: that O’Reilly didn’t do anything he was accused of but that even if he had, there’d be nothing wrong with it.       from Think Progress

What really sewed up the award for the Apricot Asshole though was the fact that last Friday, Trump officially declared April to be National Sexual Assault Awareness and Prevention Month.

BAD TOUCH DONNIE … 

YOU are this week’s douche bag of the week!
hip is everything salute

Gratz, ya’ clueless, small dicked grifter …

P.S. Donnie, ya’ really need to take a break with all this shit … there are so many other really deserving d-bag award winners in the wings out there, and yer’ hogging all the limelight … I mean, if you keep up this pace, people may start to forget what d-bags Snitch McConnell, Lyin’ Ryan, Ted “the Canuck” Cruz, Hannity the Manatee, Laura Ingrate, Greta Van Cesspool, Ann the man Coulter, Peter “thighs like fucking melons” King, Alex “the chem-trail huffer” Jones, Mikey “He seems really gay to me bois” Pence, Jefferson Beauregard Sessions, Kellyanne the Cons Way, Steve “Whitey” Bannon, The Two Pats, Robertson and Buchanan, and a host of other sleaze and miscreants we affectionately like to call the GOP are.**

And ya’ know,  we really did have some close also-rans and d-bag wannabes with:
Alex Jones: Trump May Have To Nuke China
Michele Bachmann: The Left Is Helping The Antichrist Come To Power
Bachmann: Halal Food Options A Sign Of Sharia Law 
Mary Colbert: God Will Curse Trump’s Opponents And Their Children And Grandchildren
and my personal fave …
Pat Robertson: I Have Been ‘Dominated’ By ‘Homosexuals’, which is fine, it is 2017 after all, and everybody is entitled to do who they wish, in the way they see fit.  I’m just not sure Pat wanted to let EVERYONE know what he’s been up to on his weekends …
(ha-haaaa, good luck getting that picture outta yer’ head now) 

see also:
Seriously????
Seriously???? … UPDATE

** the doucherocketry is strong with these ones …