who gets to drive the clown car this time?

gop clown car by hip is everything

yeah, I know 2016 is still  2 years away, and we still have to get through the midterm elections of 2014 with some version of democracy and sanity still remotely intact, as hard as that may be to pull off within today’s political landscape  …
but ya’ gotta admit, the most interesting  and entertaining game in town is trying to figure out who the teathuglicans will roll out to be slaughtered at the polls by hillary or whomever else the democrats decide they want to be the next president …
and the way things are looking, they could roll out spongebob squarepants and he’d still win by a freaking landslide … 
will it be the ever bizarre, and completely out of touch with any semblance of reality, ted “have you ever been, or do you know anyone who has ever been, a communist?” cruz? …
or maybe the brother of the controversial surrealist, child painter george w. bush,  jebediah? …
who knows, maybe it will be the plagiarist in chief himself, rand “the human photocopy machine” paul …
jesus h. christ, we could even win the goofball/gasbag lottery and it could be a rerun of last time’s clown car demolition derby, and we might even see rick “oops” perry, or herman “999” cain, or maybe even rick “frothy” santorum, providing he can pull himself away from his never ending “research” on bestiality, homo-sexuality and the perils of contraception …
i hear marsha “women don’t really want equal pay” blackburn is even considering a run for the big house on pennsylvania avenue …
oh, the stupid, it burns …
and ya’ just know that the alaskan barbie, “palin the wailin’” has gotta be running out of donero from her last scam and is going to need to satisfy both her creditors and her narcissism with another fake campaign …
well, half a campaign …
before the inevitable withdrawal due to the literacy tests that her fellow red-state oligarch shills will surely try to impose on everyone before the real voting starts …
personally, I think the gop should just cut the subterfuge and run a glenn beck/alex jones ticket and show america once and for all who they really have become …
let’s see michael “talking points” steele and party chairman rank penis spin that one …
even with the help of scrotus scotus this is really going to be three choruses of “to dream the impossible dream” followed by a rousing version of “i’m an asshole” and finishing up with “the party’s over” …
this is not yer’ grand-dad’s gop kids …
as a blogger who focuses on primarily politics, i know i for one, will be keeping all my fingers and toes crossed that they all run …
shit, if i could cross my balls and still sit down to type without sounding like justin beiber, i would do that too …
these guys just write the jokes themselves and all I have to do is cut ‘n’ paste my way to hilarity …
oh, the irony, cut and pasting rand paul’s cut and pastes …
somebody’s gonna have to pay some serious royalties to wikipedia before this political season is over …
don’t get me wrong kids, i’m not so sure that today’s dems as a whole are a whole lot better at governance, but at least they’ll throw ya’ a couple of bones on their way to the bank …
and they’ll probably let people of color, poor people, women and “the gays” still vote when it’s all over …
ahhh … democracy, ya’ gotta love it eh? …
later …
peace out …

i’m ba-aack

Im-back-260x152well, it’s been a while since i’ve been here and dropped any of my musings, rants, bitches and meanderings on y’all, but i figure it’s high time i got back at ‘er and shot my ever aging trap off again …
so, like it or not, off we go into my own personal wild, blue yonder again …
plus we’re back into election season again both in the great white north, where hopefully canucks will finally wake the hell up and dump that bagger wannabe steve-o the weevil harper like a handful of hot rocks, and those south of the 49th will finally vote in their own best interests for once and send john of orange boehner, snitch mcconnell and the rest of the greed over people party packin’ …
it’s not that i haven’t been all bitchy ‘n’ shit and had nothing to say lately, it’s just that i’ve been in luddite, lazier than shit mode for the last little while …
but i seem to be all full o’ piss and vinegar again and ready to spout, plus all kinds of shit is making me crazy (as usual), so wake up the toddlers, grab a cold one (or whatever the fuck floats yer’ particular boat) and let’s get at it …
we gots us a planet to save, people to yell at, and elections to fix, so pitter patter, let’s get at ‘er …
i’ll try not to spend too much time on everybody’s favorite crack smokin’ mayor, as long as the good people of toronto promise to once and for all send blob ford on his way back to mobville where he so obviously belongs …
and i’ll also promise to do my best to not get too wound up about just how bad my local. almost pro, overpaid hockey team went up in smoke for the umpteenth year …
it just plain hurts too much anyways …

the friday d-bag roundup …

dbag roundup
Georgia Republican stands up for sex offenders’ access to schools and playgrounds
Source: Raw Story
A Georgia Republican state House member submitted a bill to the current legislative session that would remove restrictions on convicted sex offenders and allow them to go anywhere in the state they like, including schools.
According to the Cherokee Tribune, freshman Georgia Rep. Sam Moore (R-Macedonia) said that once they satisfy the terms of their parole, sex offenders have “done their time” and should be allowed to go forth unhindered by intrusive government supervision.
Moore’s HB 1033 would overturn the crime of loitering and loosen restrictions on convicted sex offenders, enabling them to go anywhere they like, including schools, church youth functions, parks and playgrounds. Moore said that the risk of recidivism is outweighed by the increase in freedom.
“I am OK with that,” he told the Tribune. “The reason I’m OK with that is the assumption is they have done their time. If they’re still a danger to society, they should not be free.”
read more here …


A Day At The Racists
SAN ANTONIO — Forget Ted Nugent, a Republican candidate for U.S. Senate thinks “wetbacks” should be shot by ranchers and that the president is a “socialist son of a bitch.”
Chris Mapp, 53, a South Texas businessman used the slurs at an editorial board meeting with The Dallas Morning News last week. Needless to say, he didn’t get their endorsement.


Ted Nugent, pre-campaign trail: Obama’s a ‘subhuman mongrel’
Rocker-turned-Second Amendment activist Ted Nugent, who’s just taken to the campaign trail for Texas governor hopeful Greg Abbott, has already irked Democrats with his recent slamming of President Obama as a “subhuman mongrel.”
Mr. Nugent called Mr. Obama the term during an interview last month with Guns.com.
His full statement: “I have obviously failed to galvanize and prod, if not shame enough Americans to be ever vigilant not to let a Chicago communist-raised, communist-educated, communist-nurtured subhuman mongrel like the ACORN community organizer gangster Barack Hussein Obama to weasel his way into the top office of authority in the United States of America,” CNN reported.
read more here …


Michele Bachmann: Hillary can’t ride wave of white ‘guilt’ into office like Obama did
Source: Raw Story
Former presidential hopeful Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-MN) said in an interview with TriCities.com columnist Cal Thomas that the United States won’t elect former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton president in 2016 because the country “isn’t ready for a woman president.”
According to Bachmann, the tide of white “guilt” that President Barack Obama rode into office will not be matched by a similar feelings for the former First Lady.


Tom DeLay: People keep forgetting that God ‘wrote the Constitution’
(Raw Story) During an appearance on John Hagee Ministries’ Global Evangelism Television (GETV) network on Wednesday, host Matt Hagee asked the Texas Republican where the country had gone wrong.
“I think we got off the track when we allowed our government to become a secular government,” DeLay explained. “When we stopped realizing that God created this nation, that he wrote the Constitution, that it’s based on biblical principles.”


New Georgia Specialty License Plate Features A Confederate Flag
Georgia has again approved a specialty license plate that feature the Confederate flag and honor “Sons of Confederate Veterans,” according to the Atlanta-Journal Constitution.

Arkansas Lawmaker Admits He Just Wants Fewer Uninsured People To Sign Up For Health Care
From Think Progress
story here …
During a political fight over Medicaid expansion in Arkansas on Tuesday, one Republican lawmaker admitted that he doesn’t want to educate uninsured residents about their new health care options because it’s simply too expensive to provide them with insurance.
State Rep. Nate Bell (R), who offered an amendment to Arkansas’ proposed Medicaid expansion bill that would prevent the state from using federal funds to promote Obamacare, acknowledged that his policy would result in fewer people signing up for health care. He noted that “without active marketing, you probably get declining enrollment.” But in his mind, that’s not a problem — that’s the whole point.|
“We’re trying to create a barrier to enrollment,” Bell explained, noting that lower enrollment ultimately translates to lower costs.
Bell’s amendment would prohibit Arkansas from advertising Obamacare plans through television, radio, print, or online ads. It also prevents the state from using federal funds to conduct direct mailing campaigns — which, as the Arkansas Times’ David Ramsey notes, has been critical in getting out the word about the state’s Medicaid expansion. Since Arkansas is pursuing a “private option” for Medicaid, which essentially gives residents a subsidy to purchase private insurance, the process for enrolling in a Medicaid plan is very similar to the process for signing up for a plan on Obamacare’s new state-level exchange.


McConnell opponent Bevin suggests gay marriage could lead to parents marrying children
Source: Washington Post
Senate contender Matt Bevin (R) of Kentucky suggested Thursday that gay marriage could open the door to allowing parents to marry their children.
“If it’s alright to have same-sex marriages, why not define a marriage — because at the end of the day a lot of this ends up being taxes and who can visit who in the hospital and there’s other repercussions and things that come with this — so a person may want to define themselves as being married to one of their children so that they could then in fact pass on certain things to that child financially and otherwise? Where do you draw the line? And if in fact a person can arbitrarily draw it here, why not could someone else draw it arbitrarily draw it somewhere else?” Bevin said on The Janet Mefrerd Show. Bevin’s remarks were flagged by the liberal Right Wing Watch Web site.
story here …


2014 … the year of the horse …

a few words on 2014
hahey there, one and all …
the year of the horse is almost upon us …
or, it may actually turn out to be the year of the horse’s ass, we’ll just have to wait and see i guess …
and now that we’re nicely settling into the “caucasian christian corporate” new year and everyone is over that most dreaded of all meteorological events, the christmas family get together, i thought i’d spend a few minutes on the year to come …
so here we are, another year done, another year older, and off we go into the first year of the rest of our lives …
and if ya’ thought that last year was a real winner, then “yee haw, pucker up grandma” ‘cos’ 2014 should be hotter than a republican congressman in an airport bathroom stall with a scout troop and three hookers …
think about it, we’re finally rid of mitt the twit, sarah the alaskan barbie seems to be out of verbal diarrhea (at least for the moment – i guess the 15 minute are finally, thankfully and hopefully over), and newt blingrich seems to be off on his usual money grubbing way again …
how good is that? …
and as long as we get rid of the rest of those holier than thou, constitution raping, bible waving hypocrites they were hanging with, the middle east AND the middle class may just get a leg up this year …
and as sure as 6001 year old monkeys are yer’ cousins, that would be the best christmas present of the year …
yeah, yeah, i know, republicans know what’s best for everyone and how could i ever possibly comprehend the world as they understand it …
i mean, i’m just a normal guy, part of the great unwashed, the “people” as that rag ya’ hate so much likes to call them (see: constitution), so wtf would i know about stolen elections, rigged voting machines (see: diebold – “we’ll count the vote, yer’ way”) voter suppression, “health care for none!”, the war on women, freedom, privacy rights, and “what’s best for me” (see patriot act – ” ownin’ ya’ since ’01 “) …
ooh baby, i feel safer by the minute …
and god knows you’ve done such a wonderful job with the economy, education, taxes, health care and the image of the usa with the rest of the planet (see: do nothing congress) …
but …
like a new england patriots team meeting, i smell a change a brewin’ …
and before you know it, faster than chris christie can change a story, there will be a new boss in the house on pennsylvania ave …
i mean we’ve only got about 6 or 8 months before that whole shit sandwich ass-clown parade starts again in earnest …
most would argue it already has …
hillary – will she or won’t she? …
the only question is who will corporate america decide is the winner this time? …
and honestly, i don’t give a rat’s ass if it’s a black man, or a straight talking, perfectly coiffed, gay/lesbian/transgendered, albino-dwarf latino, or a woman with great big teeth who is in some kind of a “it’s complicated” relationship to a guy who used to be the president …
even an honest guy who has the nardz to call for a real investigation into wall street’s actions over the last decade or four would be nice …
no matter how old he is (see: bernie sanders) …
i’m good with any of ‘em, just please kids, NO MORE right-wing, war-mongering, self-aggrandizing, hate spewing, smug bastards who only care about the welfare of themselves and their benefactors (see: 1%) …
okay? …
and people, please, even if ya’ can only drag yer’ trans-fat-free arses away from yer’ 934 inch plasma t.v’s, yer’ penis enlarging hummer h2o’s and yer’ facebook egowalls and farmville for only one day, make it in november and freakin’ VOTE!!! …
(and then, please, get up one more time in 2016 and make at least one more lethargic, begrudging, and hopefully well informed trip down to your local polling station and get rid of the rest of these grifters)
it should be an absolutely awesome year of douchebaggery in politics …
also from the entertainment sphere, and gathering from all i’ve read, the next year promises even MORE reality t.v. coming down yer’ pipe folks, and there’s never enough of that shit now is there? …
i mean, like, ya’ just can’t get enough of the freakin’ donald, right? …
and this season apparently he’s got CELEBRITY! apprentices again …
wow, be still my friggin’ heart mang! …
i can’t wait to find out who the washed up celebs are going to be this time …
no doubt it will be another who’s who of who cares …
i’m hoping for stephen (the really crazy brother) baldwin, richard simmons, mike tyson, tony little, regis philbin, shelley long, tom delay (if he’s not in jail at the time of shooting) and lindsay lohan (if she’s outta jail or rehab) …
now that would be a lineup! …
maybe even throw in herman cain and elisabeth hasselbeck for good measure …
jesus h. christ, could it get any better? …
i say we put mike tyson in an octagon WITH the donald and we’ll see who the real apprentice is after all …
my money’s on mikey making ‘the hair’ his bitch in like 3 minutes or less …
and i’d pay $24.95 on pay per view any day to see that one …
so would you all, you know you would …
then ya’ got some t.v. folks …
plus, no doubt we’re due for some shit like “housewives of some redneck county”, on the f-word network, where we’re bound to get a group of self-serving, self proclaimed bitch-goddess-alpha women living on their ex-husbands dime ordering a group of “much younger than they” men around in some remote paradise …
nice …
should make for fascinating t.v. … arrgghh!!! take me now! …
just what we need …
a multi-million dollar condo full of martha stewart/ivana trump/kim kardashian wannabes trying to get famous with over inflated egos, self importance and breasts …
can’t wait …
what’s next? … douche dynasty: the next generation? …
how about a little ditty called “spin it to win it”, which undoubtedly will also be a product of the fox/murdoch empire o’ darkness, featuring former republican members of congress, in which our desperate and willing, photo/fame-whore contestants will be strapped to a lie detector and asked personal questions …
i say they should, in true neocon fashion, make it water-boarding with electro-shock blasts to the genitals instead …
with lil’ dick cheney and his demon seed liz as hosts …
then ya’ got a show baby …
and homeland security could sponsor it …
that way all the advertising money can stay in the family …
foolproof …
2014 should also be a great year in sports …
we’ve now got yet another great steroids debate with the latest in the ‘a-rod the roids god’ suspension fiasco …
what a freakin’ joke that is eh kids? …
you’ve got a bunch of politicos and rich pricks trying to make political hay (and in the case of yankee’s ownership save themselves a couple hundred mill) by declaring their indignation and self righteous moral outrage over the fact that a bunch of equally self-serving, multi-millionaire baseball players are juicing up to get better performance on the field o’ dreams …
where the fuck have you guys been the last 25 years? …
did you just figure this shit out (again), or are you just so desperate to look omnipotent and relevant that you couldn’t help yourself? …
or, are ratings and park attendance figures down? …
baseball fans AND the average joe gave up caring about this one years ago …
didn’t you figure it out when sammy “humungo” sosa and magic mark hit about a bazillion homers three miles outta the stadium in ’98? …
or when barry bonds was all swollen up like michael jackson’s johnson at a rehearsal of the vienna boy’s choir, and broke hank aaron’s home run record …
or how about when roger “b-12″ clemens was still throwing smoke at the tender age of 45 …
jeez, most 45 year olds i know can’t touch their toes and this dude’s throwing 90+ miles an hour and winning a cy young in 2004 …
i gotta get me some lidocaine and b-12 shots …
before you know it we’re sure to have pete “mom cuts my hair with a bowl” rose popping back up like a bad zit on prom night declaring that he should now get into the hall of fame because he didn’t cheat as much as these guys did …
c’mon, you know he’s gonna …
lord, take me now …
so let me maybe just cut that one off at the pass before we all have to look at that numbnuts loser again …
pete, ya’ wanker, yer’ outta here cos’ ya’ gambled on baseball (and everything else apparently), and because yer’ a bald faced liar and a crook …
and you disgraced the game …
and yer’ an idiot of the highest order …
you prove that every time ya’ open yer’ mouth or sign another baseball …
(see: for $299, plus $4.99 shipping and handling, fans can order a baseball inscribed with “i’m sorry I bet on baseball”, along with rose’s autograph) …
should i go on petey boy ? …
a few words of advice my money-whore friend …
“fuck off and stay fucked off ” …
do us all a huge favor, okay? …
it’s been over for a long time bro …
maybe you and milli, or vanilli, or whichever one is still around can go do a reality show or something …
i mean it’s done wonders for vanilla ice and his career (career?) …
he’s rebuilding mansions, hanging with the freaking amish and baking cakes with rachael ray and guy the spiky haired bleach-ball this year …
plus, also on the t.v front, and right around the corner, is the sochi “hatin’ on the gays steroid games” …
it should be awesome …
you know, the games where old vladdy putin will be sure to be seen sporting two semi-naked, siberian blondes with ginormous tits on each arm, as he wrestles a polar bear to the death wearing only a camo thong and designer sun glasses right outta 1985 during the opening ceremonies …
and, i’m telling ya’ that if at least two german ski jumpers named guenter sporting vintage 1978 porn-staches don’t clear the walls of  ‘the people’s ice palace’, then they’re just not doing nearly enough hgh and ‘roids …
i can’t wait for the endless streams of balco adverts and tony little promos …
we should just cut the crap and allow all these guys all the drugs they can ingest …
we’ll have guys with exploding quads and ragin’ out all over the place …
chicks with beards and telephone poles for legs doing on ice cartwheels and somersaults and sextuple toe loops, whatever the fuck those are …
and that ladies and gentlemen would be great t.v. …
it’s getting so american gladiator and wrestling might start to seem like sport …
and 2014 also has to be great cos’ the duggar family will be once again welcoming yet another child into the asylum they call their home …
seems as though 29 or 31 or however bloody many there are now just wasn’t enough for these guys …
lady, it’s a vagina, not a clown car …
knock it off! …
you’re just gonna encourage that octomom chick to pop up again, and none of us needs that shit do we? …
and then, to top it all off, suddenly oprah is getting political …
but hey, that’s cool cos’ who better to get your political advice from than the woman who brought you dr. phil, free cars, the “secret”, and some doctor who gets ya’ healthy by lookin’ at the shape of yer’ poop …
all in all guys, it’s shaping up to be quite a year …
i know i’m pumped …
(b-12 and lidocaine only though … and i only did it twice …)
as always, thanx for yer’ time …
and please …
no more donald “gas-bag” trump …
we have enough lying, self aggrandizing, self-serving narcissists on our t.v.’s (see: congress), and PLEASE!!! no more ann “the man” coulter, bill “never met a lie i couldn’t make up and use for cash” o’reilly, or rush “i hate everyone, especially women” limpballs …
there’s enough hate out there already (see: ted cruz and rick frothy santorum) …
and no more arguments about the validity of global warming …
does a freaking polar bear have to eat jeb bush on a beach, in florida, on fox television before these a-holez admit that they’re lying for profit? …
AND. NO. MORE. college football bowl games …
the tostito bowl ? …
the meineke car care bowl? …
’nuff said …
no more lil’ kim/lohan/kardashian, these are my parts (shaven to boot) incidents …
i really can’t bear to see another one of these losers gettin’ outta some rented porsche with no panties …
some shit just don’t wash off …
no more sean hannity … i’ve got my reasons … and plenty of ‘em …
and NO MORE republicans in elected office …
for at least 24 billion reasons …
hope 2014 is a great 1 for y’all …
peace …
later …  

the end of an error … the noose tightens

christie by hip is everything

well known pseudo conservative blowhard and blustering bloviator chris “big pussy” christie, the justifiably embattled governor of new ‘joisy’, once thought of as the republican party’s savior for 2016, seems to be on a collision course with the proverbial dustbin of history …
if not prison …
the man once projected by many of the beltway’s pontificating, pious, prevaricating political prognosticators and pundits to be a sure bet to be the next gop presidential sacrifice for a complete and utter electoral ass whupping by hillary clinton is now what seems to be only one small step away from joining toronto mayor rob ford as the latest pompous, narcissistic, bulbous slob to do himself in with his bullying, belligerent, bellicose, bullshitting ways …
with this weekend’s revelations by hoboken mayor dawn zimmer who said sunday that christie “directly ordered the withholding of super storm sandy recovery funds unless she backed a redevelopment plan he favored”, it seems that end may be near for the ‘butterball battler’ …
appearing on cnn (the codger’s news network) “state of the union,” zimmer said she was told by a member of christie’s administration that sandy relief funds hinged on her support for a real estate development project and that the directive was coming directly from christie …
“what she said that to me is that this is a direct message from the governor,” zimmer said, referring to lt. gov. kim guadagno, who zimmer said approached her in a parking lot in may to deliver the message …
it’s just another in a long string of scandals for the ‘joisy’ guv’nah, following on the heels of the whole “bridgegate” scandal, the “tolls” scandal, using his line-item veto to cut political science funding for a program at rutgers university after the program’s director voted down a gop redistricting plan, cancelling former new jersey governor richard codey’s security detail after having a public argument with him over court nominees, the mysterious disappearance of a pro-christie sherrif’s 43 indictments, and the investigation of sen. bob menendez, during his senate campaign, that came to nothing, not to mention several years of the bullying, lying, self aggrandizement and petulant antics he has become famous for …
there seems to be a pattern here folks …
just sayin’ …

d-bag of the week … “the prince of snarkness” returns

d-bag-of-the-week-by-hip-is-everythi[1]

well, it’s friday and it’s time for that always deserved, and rarely claimed award for the d-bag with the mostest …
and without a doubt we did have another week chock bloody full of scheming, lying politicians, incoherent, ass kissing, dog whistle blowing, incessantly blathering, windbag broadcasters, greedy, glamour glomming grifters and pointless, prevaricating and pontificating pricks …
and even though this week’s douche-off was not without a copiously crammed cornucopia of conniving, classless, clueless, crass and cretinous challengers to that majestic mantle of  mediocrity, mendacity, meandering mindlessness and missteps we like to call the “d-bag of the week”, we do have a distinct winner …
it’s time to answer the question that seemingly needs to be answered kids …
just who took their act to the lowest of the low, the worst of the worst, the slimiest of the slimy? …
who was the king or queen of douchebaggery in the last seven days? …
well, this week it was a no brainer …
easy peasy …
i didn’t have to look any further than mister misogyny and mendacity himself …
he’s a dean of doucherocketry …
a prince of the prevaricators …
a legend of the ludicrous …
a lord of leechdom …
a seer of the slimiest, sleaziest, slithering, scuzzball serpents of the sexist …
a regressive regent of the repugnant, reprehensible, repulsive and revolting, ranting and railing right …

our d-bag of the week is …
paul “ayn” ryan
paul ryan witless shrugged by hip is everything_thumb[2]
i don’t even know where to start on this a-hole …
so we’ll let the horse’s ass himself lay it out …
a few of his own words shall suffice …
How to boost the poor out of the “poverty trap?” Stop letting the government keep them there, Representative Paul Ryan (R-WI) says.
In comments today at the Brookings Institution’s Social Mobility Summit, Ryan outlined why
the War on Poverty, launched 50 years ago by President Lyndon B. Johnson, “missed the mark.”
Because of the lack of adequate coordination among multiple government programs, Ryan said,
poor families face marginal tax rates that discourage them from wanting to make more money.
“We need to change the way we think about work,”
Ryan said. “It is not a penalty. It is the shortest route back into society. Federal assistance should not be a weigh station.

more of the same tired, old gop talking points …
”the “needy” just need to pull themselves up by their own bootstraps” …
”the poor don’t need food stamps, they need jobs” …
”the poor are lazy” …
”those who shall not work, shall not eat” …
this coming from the same guy who voted to fund two wars, a huge prescription drug plan and enormous tax cuts for the rich without paying for them, but then won’t restart people’s unemployment benefits, or fund food stamps unless there are equal or greater cuts to already existing social safety net programs …
and who consistently votes against any bill that either creates jobs or helps out those in the most need of some health care …
a douche-bag through and through …

paul “ayn” ryan
the d-bag of the week

paul, we salute you …
hip-is-everything-salute_thumb2

know your gop … bullshit from inside the tea bubble

gop taking you back by hip is everything

nothing exposes the rank, pathetic, disgusting hypocrisy of most republicans like this issue …
and it isn’t just “policy”, it’s who these people are …

gop bullshit

If the minimum wage had grown at the same rate as the earnings of the top one percent of Americans the federal wage floor would be more than triple the current hourly minimum of $7.25. Instead, the minimum wage has been lower than a poverty wage ever since 1982.
The New York Times compiled those and other basic facts about the minimum wage into an info-graphic. Together with demographic data about who actually holds minimum-wage jobs, less than a quarter of the minimum-wage workforce are teenagers, and nearly four in ten are over the age of 30, the graphic makes the fundamental case for fighting inequality and economic hardship by raising the minimum wage. The horizontal red line in the Times graphic indicates the hourly wage necessary for a single parent working full-time with one child to avoid poverty:

One puzzle piece missing in the graphic is race. Since racial minorities are over-represented among the minimum wage workforce, raising the minimum wage to just $10.10 would lift 3.5 million people of color out of poverty.
The stagnation and collapse of minimum wage purchasing power has helped drive the divergence between the wealthiest and poorest segments of the U.S. workforce. As minimum-wage jobs have provided less and less stable economic footing for working people, the wealthiest sliver of the country has seen astronomical gains in their compensation. If instead the federal minimum wage had grown at the same rate as one-percenter earnings, it would sit at $22.62 per hour today, 212 percent higher than the current wage floor.   from think progress     read more here …

finding yourself : “i wanna new drug”

self help by hip is everything
was thinking about this the other day, and a lot of what was popping up in the old noggin was seeming a little messed up …
but here goes…
there’s this whole “i gotta go find myself” thing that seems to be everywhere you turn these days …
motivational posters, self-help, self-enlightenment books and dvd’s, a seminar to sign up for at every corner …
”you, you’re the one!” and “keep calm and carry on” posters plastered all over the internet and every trendy front room or office wall from here to timbuktu …
zumba, yoga, crossfit, p-90x, spin class, soul cycle, metcon, candle flow, surfset, rope-whipping and booty barre classes, the list is endless …
and there’s an enormously successful (way overpriced) line of “gear” for every single one of these “disciplines” …
underarmour, mondetta, extreem, athleta, lucy, run pretty far, and my personal favorite, sweaty betty …
i don’t know why, i just love that name … ‘sweaty betty’ … lol …
it draws all kinds of bizarre and ‘just plain wrong’ pictures in this old brain …
it’s all getting a little fucking lulu-lemony for me …
toss in some tony robbins, a dash of billy banks, a titch of dr. phil,  two cups of that bald guy with the tats in the motor home, and entire cable networks filled with huge, toothy, smiling heads that seem to be on about setting #11, when we could really use them at about a 7, plus themes dedicated to self congratulation, self adoration and politically correct self awareness, and pretty soon ya’ got everyone so screwed up trying to figure out who they are that the whole place is running around unsure whether they’re on top of “it”, or underneath “it”…
and so far, no-one seems to know what “it” even is, except just some vague, insecure, untrue notion that everyone else has “it” but them…
how about just stopping right freaking there…
look in a mirror, and voila, faster than you can say “bob’s yer’ freakin’ uncle”, there ya’ are … journey saved …
i mean, how the fuck do ya’ find yourself when you’re on the move? …
stop it! …
stand still! …
yer’ right there bub …

then, there’s this whole “the secret” thing …
and you only get to hear what the ‘secret’ is if you hand over your credit card digits and sign on for the whole enchilada …
this one truly is just way too fly for a white guy …
there’s even a “secret” website …
and if it’s got a website, it must be legit eh? …
you can purchase all kinds of really shiny and cool “secret merchandise” there too, vids, souvenirs, wall hangings, t-shirts, the whole she-bang …
and the message ????
ooooo, it’s scary, and deep kids…
wait for it …
ya’ ready? …
here it is …
“if ya’ work hard, you’ll get somewhere”…
wow, fuck me gently louise! …
i mean, i ain’t a really smart man mabel, but i know what i know, and that sure isn’t much of a frign secret …
my grandpa knew the “secret” and he was half cut when he told me …
c’mon people, yer’ gonna send money to someone else to tell you to be more aware of your surroundings and be told to work hard?…
wtf are ya’ thinking? …
that’s like sending money to some late-night, fire and brimstone spewing, religious thumper because he told you that you were going to hell if you didn’t ……
oh  … sorry about that, didn’t mean to offend any pseudo-religoids out there…
and i know it’s election season and the christian right are in enough shit already, by their own doing, i don’t need to pick on them too …
and yeah, i know, yer’ gettin’ yer ticket into heaven …
and yeah, I know, “there ain’t much time left” …
and yeah, I know, “blah, blah, blah ad nauseum” …
and that’s okay for all you hard core, old testament, fundy christians and home schoolin’ evangelical preppers who are sure that the end times are right around the corner, cos’ yer like the best and everything, right? … the only true … right ???
(note: jehovah’s witnesses however should be aware that there seems to be a restricted seating capacity for their “heaven” – fire codes or something, not sure, check yer’ local zealotmart or local god fearin’ fire marshal for more info).

we can’t forget the whole holistic, whole earth (more like “middle earth”), dragons and wizards, crystals in the sphincter, new age shit crowd …
some nice, two-note, droning, uber-repetitive music, really ‘mysticy’ lighting, an aroma therapy candle or two, a 6 inch mood-setting waterfall, maybe a couple of bong hits, and some chick dressed like wendy the witch or gandalf’s mutant sister telling you to ”just relax – it’ll all be okay soon” …
seems a bit creepy and sounds kinda orwellian to me …
except the bong hits part, that just seems like a waste of good herb …
plus i figure we got just about enough fucking ”orwellian behavior” coming outta the white house and congress these days, what with the ndaa, the nsa, the cia, the dhs and sopa, pipa, fisa, tpp, etc. …
ya’ wanna talk 1984 …
it’s right up pennsylvania avenue baby! …
but, I digress, that’s a rant for another day …
so take your mandrake root, your life stones, crystal pyramids and mana orbs and go back to yer’ lands of lore trilogy …
you can at least get some free lives there …
maybe even slay a dragon or two and meet, like a really hot level 127 warrior babe or something …
and i could never leave out the always angry “devout atheists” …
not sure if this gang is into ‘self enlightenment’ or just really pissed off but i just can’t sleep tonight if i know i’ve left ‘em out …
now before ya’ go sending me emails saying that it’s not possible to be a devout atheist, look around you …
the internet is crawling with blogs and chats and sites galore just chalk full o’ venom for all things religious …
they seem pretty freaking devout to this viewer …
it’s one thing to be unconvinced or even fed up with something, but when it gets as visceral, sectarian and all consuming as these guys, well, it seems to me that it’s getting somewhat ‘doctrinal’ and pious in nature …
after all, if you think someone’s belief system is infringing on your life you can always stand up to it, step aside or just refuse to join their ‘club’ …
no need to dedicate your existence to it’s annihilation …
just noting the obvious guys …
the obligatory disclaimer: first off, let me say that i am not a believer in any god that is an entity, i am an realist (even we got our loons) and a “science” guy, but as an “atheist” (as defined by the religious right – and hey’ they da’ man baby, ) i gotta say “hey guys … wtf are ya thinking here?” …
when you spend that much time and energy fighting against something you don’t even think exists (never mind admit it might), isn’t that kinda, well, strange?…
and pointless? …
and ‘religious’? …
and aren’t you kind of validating the other side when ya’ do it? …
i dunno, maybe it’s just me, but the same grandpa that drunkenly told me the secret of life, also told me that if i ever found myself railing against invisible or non-existent entities, that i could soon expect to be a guest of the government …
but then again, those white jackets are pretty cool, and you can always pretend your like criss angel or something while ya try to get out … talk about a “mind freak” …
so, in closing, my tips for finding yourself …
1. look in the mirror
2. yer’ done …
skip all the secrets and fanatics…
it’s just a lot quieter … and saner … and cheaper …
so stop it!
stand still !…
yer’ right there bub …
thanks again 4 yer’ time …
later …
i’m off to get me some donuts and a bag of decadent chocolate chip cookies …
providing i can still haul this ever-aging, ever spreading lazy ass of mine off this really comfy couch to make the trip …   

an open letter to my american brothers : “go johnny go”

Captain-Americafirst off, ya got the whole right wing “oh my god, bill-got-a-blow-job, hillary will probably want one too”, “benghazi, benghazi, benghazi”, “guns, guns, guns”, eat the poor, gay is evil, citizens are expendable (hurricane sandy, iraq, afghanistan, most of africa, and on and on), “science schmience”, separate laws for the rich and famous, a climate change denyin’, evolution hatin’, muslim beratin’ congress, the “fuck the planet, stack up the cash” crowd, and a “spin zone” sorta mindset that corporate america AND a small percentage of john q. public seem locked into …
and let’s not forget the whole bigotry, racism, ‘women back in the kitchen!’, fear mongering, secession now!, and homophobia is yer’ buddy wave of ‘baggerism’ that is now in control of the republican party …
remember when gop stood for grand old party and NOT greed over people? … 
oh, those were the days my friends …
and these are the leaders …
scary, huh kids? …
add in fucking “survivor 239”, “12 and pregnant”, “honey blah, blah”, “god-tv”, “douche dynasty”, “the housewives of hell”, “faux and fiends”, the “whatever that idiot sarah the wasilla grifter queen is doing this week reality hour”, and “american idiot/sux-factor/america’s got talent?” in 15 languages and you got yourself quite the mess …
real “american exceptionalism we got on display here for sure guys …
the rest of the world used to be look up to you guys and want to be like you, so smarten the hell up …
ok? …

‘jerry’s kids’ aren’t handicapped anymore, they’re trailer-dwelling, quadra-sexual, uneducated, inbred, low information, shameless, fame-seeking losers who are “too hot for tv – vol. 53” …
yup that idiot is still wasting valuable air time …
then again, after seeing springer, maybe they really are handicapped …
i mean the vast majority of handicapped people i have had the honor of knowing live normal, focused, not to mention amazing, courageous and brave lives …
most of these fame seeking losers can barely speak their native tongue and really shouldn’t be encouraged to breed …
miley cyrus and “the beibs” are popular (?? … some nights i am just plain scared)
guys like fuckabee huckabee, hannity the manatee, chris christie and donald “the birther” trump are heroes ??? …
the religious right blathers on and on and on about the war on christmas, abortion, contraception and guns ‘cuz they really do know what’s best for you and me …
pitbull, katie perry and lady gaga are hot (must be an even numbered year) …
barbara walters is like 179 years old and finally going to retire, and according to geraldo she still has great tits …this also scares me late at night …
although if she’d like to submit a pic or two, i’d definitely run ‘em up …
we do love ya’ barb … truly …
and EVERYONE wants to be an apprentice to “the donald” …
trump ??? …
the guys a freaking’ alien …
christ, in the old days they woulda cut him up over at area 51 just to see what color his blood was …
donald … two words … “you’re fired” …
and you know yer’ a redneck when fifth graders and really unbalanced adults compete for cash, with the kids having the clear edge…
i’m tellin’ ya … this shit should scare ya’ …
a lot …
the bottom line here my ‘exceptional’ brothers, is that you guys really do need to grow up and get on with this “american exceptionalism” thing you’ve been blathering on about since the late ’40′s …
we’re running outta both patience and cash waiting for you guys to stop admiring yourselves and get the hell on with cleaning up this mess you guys call democracy …
some facts …
fact: oj did it, so did zimmerman …
they both murdered innocent people and the bastards should be in jail forever and not selling paintings and memorabilia on amazon or e-bay … done deal …
fact: people of color are allowed to vote, and so are women, it’s like the law or something, so stop it with the voter suppression shit … now! …
fact: roe v. wade made abortion legal and guaranteed so knock off all the whining and law-rigging on that stuff too …
if you don’t like abortion, don’t have one …
plain and simple …
fact: corporations are NOT people, and until one of them is executed by order of ‘oops’ perry down in texas stop it with that shit too …
fact: it’s time to leave the middle class the hell alone …
they’re the best damned thing america ever did, and they’re probably gonna end up saving your asses in more ways than one …
fact: stop bringing up bill clinton, it’s over, he’s long gone …
if the president of british petroleum had been getting blow jobs in his office and it was on the news, people would say “yeah?, and yer’ point is what???”…
in fact if the president of the united states WASN’T gettin’ a little secret service in the oral office i would be nervous …
i only hope that barack is getting some too …
do I need to bring up david ‘diaper boy’ vitter, mark ‘hiking the appalachian trail’ sanford, mark ‘free candy’ foley, arnold ‘it’s not a rumour’ schwarzenegger, or any one of a hundred other of the “family values” gang …
fact: there is no fucking war on christmas, there is only ratings concerns and a need for drama over at faux noise …
fact: i’m not even going to get into the whole “god” debate, but if he is real, then he “made” all “those gay people” so get the fuck over it and read his book too for directions on how to handle it …
pay special attention to the “jesus said” parts …
fact: global warming is real and the world is not flat …
fact: so is evolution …read a fucking book …
fact: “w” was a liar … and more than a little evil to boot …
the whole war, war, war thing is a profiteering sham/scam …
and john “imma fuckin’ war hero ya’ know” mcgrumpypants and his lapdog chorus of lindsey graham, bill kristol and flunkin’ duncan hunter are still calling for more …
this time with iran …
hunter even suggested we go nuke on their asses …
let’s be real here for a moment peeps, most sane people think lil’ dick cheney shoulda shot himself in the face …
man i still can’t believe he did it, then the ‘shootee’ apologizes for putting dick through it … mind-boggling and amazing, but typical of these hypocrites …
he and the shrub should have both been impeached…
no doubt …
they are criminals, liars, thieves and bullies …
and they caused the completely unnecessary and purely greed driven deaths of a couple of thousand brave young americans and tens of thousands of iraqis and afghanis, AND sent the country into a recessionary spiral that, ten years later, it is still struggling to climb out of …
and at least three of those are good enough for indictments aren’t they? …
the other ones, their “maker” can sort out …
and speaking of makers …
as for the “moral majority” or “religious right” or evangelical christians, or tea baggers or whatever the fuck they’re calling themselves this year …
in the words of your once fearless leader’s daddy, read my lips …
the day i need some holier than thou, lying, hypocritical, know-it-all, creationist-spewing, pro-life or die, politically correct, anti-everything but greed gasbags (ie: ann coulter/bill “spin this” o’reilly, sarah palin, ted cruz, rand paul ) and his/her ilk telling me what to do, who to do, and where, why and how to do, i’ll sign up with some evangelical-revival show and give myself over completely to blind faith and idiocy …
’til then, stay the fuck out of my bedroom, my parenting, my readings, my emails, my business, my art, my music, my government, my laws and my rights …
and please…
let me decide important stuff on my own …
i’ve seen the work your “deciders” do …
it blows …
really, really blows…
“good work ‘johnnie’… yer’ doin’ a helluva job” …
ps … i DO get it that the ONLY americans responsible for this present madness are the 1%, their cronies and those who somehow still blindly support them …
but i for one can’t wait ’til the real johnny comes marching home …
we miss ya’ big fella’… come on home soon now, ya hear…
pps … i must also note how absolutely refreshing it is to see the average american, both on and off the web, getting angry and trying to take back their country…
anything we can do to help, let us know, eh? …
there … phew … i feel much better now …
later …

“step away from the whip agnes”

steo away from the whip agnes by hip is everythingthe latest thing that seems to have me a little, well, disturbed is this universal fascination with “getting wired” or “interfacing with the world”…
so, i guess i’ll just get it off my chest …
it’s this obsessive rush by everyone over 7 to grab an ipad, an ipod an mp3 player/pim/doodad/laptop, anything with internet capabilities, and jack ‘em all into their cell phone so that they can watch the afternoon soap operas, message all their buds over at g-mail, facebook or adult friendfinders, watch porn, play games designed for three year olds, or tell us all what the hell they just ate for lunch …
and on a fuckin’ 2 inch screen to boot …
nice …
take me now good lord above (or wherever the hell you are) …
your kids (and just about everyone else for that matter) are completely hypnotized by their cell phones, unable to call a friend and actually talk to them any more …
nope, gotta text ‘em …
they’re phones for christ sakes guys, dial a freaking number and talk to someone once in a while …
other than the pizza guy …
i’ve actually seen them text the person across the room rather than speak …
you can’t hold their attention long enough to offer them cash or sustenance, but if that freaking phone goes “bing” they run for it like lebron james driving the key for a two handed slam dunk to make sure they haven’t missed their friend’s latest selfie, the latest cat doing something cute or stupid video, or what some chick named amber dawn that they’ve never actually met in real life just cooked for dinner …
i swear to all that is holy that if my kid was on fire i’d have to text them to let him know or they’d just perish right there in front of my eyes …
and god help us all if the internet crashes or their phone runs out of battery power …
then you’d think that the freaking end times were upon us all …
and the sad part of this is that 80% of people don’t have any real need for any of this gear other than as a corvette/penis/big titty-small ass replacement and probably never ever really will either …
yeah i know, it’s fun to surf the net or shoot the hell outta some aliens, or melee dragons and wizards after a grueling day kissing the boss’s ass, but you could have written your buddy a letter or just phoned him, the bank could have just written down how much you left with them, the lady at safeway could have used the keys on that ten thousand dollar till, and your mechanic could have just told you what’s actually wrong with yer’ car by knowing something about cars as opposed to reading a print-out from a “diagnostics center”…
for god’s sake people, you can’t even figure out “defrag” and you’re trusting your whole bloody life to these pieces of metal and plastic …
i guarantee that most people out there know way more about the oscars or brangelina than you do about your own computers…
y’all might want to think on that for just a second …
meanwhile corporate america rushes blindly forward with internet, intranets, vpn’s, lans, wans, clouds and streaming freaking everything so that they can speed up every little thing about their business, while at the same time allowing these systems to be run by people who can barely get solitaire going on their home poots …
i mean, think about it folks …
you’d be pretty nervous if the guy who came to install your new gas furnace had to use a manual to start up his torch …
or your mechanic couldn’t tell you what that “little silver, tubey thing” was …
or your surgeon said “what the fuck is this red thing?”…
but no-one seems to mind that all of our money, histories, personal info, medical records, correspondence, laws and government functions is in the hands of these people and their “devices” …
hmmm …
not to mention that your phone company and the nsa now also know WHICH porn yer’ great auntie agnes is viewing at any given moment …
(step away from the whip agnes)
lately we’ve seen the only real “law” on the internet, the anonymous/lulsec/hack/leaker scene, step forward with their denial of service attacks, “leaks”, info-dumps, wikis, etc. and try their best to draw attention to the fact that the whole system is completely vulnerable …
you’d think that that might have woken some people up a bit …
but, nope, the powers that be spend all their energies on a name calling and “who has the bigger dick” spat with the hackers and leakers, instead of stopping to consider that at least these attacks came from people who like you …
the only reaction seems to be “lock ‘em up and throw away the key” …
sort of a paranoid, fundamentalist/republican/neocon/taliban-ish, completely miss the whole point attitude don’t ya’ think? …
one of these times we may not be so lucky …
it just might not be “friendlies”, or people with our collective best interests at heart on the other end …
again, might just be worth a moment of your “ponder” time, don’t you think? ..
now, i made my living for some time in the computer/telecom industry and they were very good to me and mine, so i’m not saying that i hate it all, i don’t at all, it’s just that maybe this might be a good time to change the way that most people relate to these appliances that have so much of our well-being floating around on little pieces of plastic, sand and metal, which i might add can be destroyed by a spilled cup of coffee or a fridge magnet …
which is somehow kind of both ironic and appropriate don’t you think? …
if you guys don’t figure this out pretty soon, use them as the tools they are and start locking up the valuables, yer’ not gonna have any left…
maybe it’s just me…i dunno…

life with the man : “ball up buttercup”

the manso … i’m browsing the web the other night and there’s this 20-something chick who has sued her dope dealer …
for selling her drugs …
and she won …
wtf is that all about ? …
wtf is happening ? …
wtf are you thinking lady? …
i miss the good old days, when your dealer was a guy you were scared of …
when your dealer was someone who had no last name …
now, we’re suing them ? … wow …
this lady, and i do use the term loosely after seeing her interviewed, has sued her dealer for selling her meth, that she then somehow became addicted to …
go figure girl …
she pisses her freakin’ life away, getting blasted on meth, and then she sues the dude she got it from cos’ she feels she’s been harmed by the experience, and he must have been negligent to sell it to her …
again, wtf is this idiot thinking ?!? …
you did the drugs girlfriend … you …
you probably even skipped the conscience factor and did some really bad shit to get the money for those drugs and now you’ve got the freakin’ nerve to waste taxpayers dollars on your greedy skank-assed venture …
grow up, put the pipe down you loser and get on with your life …
you made a mistake or ten … get on with it …
it’s not your mom or dad’s fault …
it’s not your school system’s fault …
and it sure as fuck isn’t your dealers fault …
it’s yours ! …
sweet (insert deity of your choice here), you couldn’t make this shit up man …
no-one would believe you …
and the judge …
how the hell did this moron get a job ?
had pictures of someone important is my guess …
i mean, the nfl replacement refs were better arbiters of right and wrong, and probably a fair bit cheaper …
and at least they admitted they were in over their heads and were just in it for the money and notoriety …
what the hell is this slack jaw, hillbilly judge getting outta this ? …
sheesh …
lawsuitswe also had a couple of peeps getting a shitload of money for spilling “hot” (go figure) coffee on their litigious, helpless, un-suspecting selves …
it’s coffee you dimwits …
it’s supposed to be hot …
if it wasn’t. they’d call it iced coffee and charge you an extra 4 bucks …
we got people suing bars because they got hammered outta their minds doing 30 shooters and some body shots in between slow grinding strangers on the dance floor, and then drove home all fucked up and hurt themselves as they careened stone cold plastered into some unsuspecting telephone pole …
which the public will no doubt get to pay for …
we got people suing stadium owners because they fall outta some upper deck at the local sports stadium, while they cheered on the local heroes …
again, all hammered up, and often semi-naked, mustard stained, peanut breathed, leather lunged dickwads with painted faces and beer bellies …
(shirts optional after -20C) …
and it’s getting so you can’t blow shit up or hold a good shake with 1500 of your closest facebook friends without some dude running for his wallet and suing you for something some yahoo on your “friends” list did at the soiree …
like keep him from getting too loaded and puking on himself as he slams his new crotch rocket into the neighbors house as he heads off to get a hoagie on the way home from your party …
then that dude will now probably even “un-friend” you too, AND sue your ass off …
sheesh, where did all the good times go ?…
okay, i get it …
these guys all got a couple o’ things in common …
they’re all idiots, they’re all greedy and self-absorbed and they’re all blitzed or hammered up like a baldwin family reunion …
but jesus h. christ man, what’s this world coming to? …
next thing you know some dude will be suing 7-11 for selling his xbox addicted fat ass the food that gave him the xbox addicted fat ass ? …
or suing his internet service provider for showing him all that porn and fucking up his marriage and sense of reality ? …
or suing the yankees AND a-rod the roids god cos’ he bet his condo on ‘em and, well, now him and his wife are living in a tent in her parents back yard …
i mean if you try hard enough you might even be able to blame someone else for absolutely everything you mess up …
it works for tea-baggers, faux news anchors and guys named chris christie …
so actually, why not just do everything you do all the way …
live life to the fullest …
go hard or go home eh ? …
and push everything as hard as you can …
yeah … BAM! …
love it … BAM! …
i mean you can always just sue some poor unsuspecting person’s ass off when it all goes wrong, right? …
1you kids out there tattooing up your dumb asses from head to toe, trying to look all cool and extreme and “unique” …
nice … totally hot … sarcasm
jesus guys … been near a mirror lately ? …
take a good boo at the fritz the cat cartoon you call your body and then have a good, long, non-bonged boo at your buds …
see anything familiar ? …
yup, they’re you …
you’re them …
you’re freaking clones man ….
too funny …
how’s that “uniqueness” working out for you so far kids ? …
yeah, i know, it’s ” art ” … it’s ” beautiful ” …
you call that body art ? … you call them body modz ? …
gimme a break you spoiled little, pasty faced, suburban raised, “ooo-my-life-is-sooooo-hard, po’-me”, fake punk, whining and moaning, anarchy-spewing posers …
you wanna do some serious body modz ? …
try organ reduction … BAM! …
helps out with the weight loss thing too … bonus man …
or limb grafting … BAM! …
even more places for you to punch holes in and draw on, you wanker …
or, how about a little ” total skin removal ” …
now that’d be a BAM! ++ …
what’s the matter ? …
too extreme for you ? …
you scared ? …
can’t commit ? …
you poser ! …
ya’ frign’ lamer ! …
all talk eh ?…
or how about the pierce-my-entire-freakin’-body “suspensionists” ? …
how much do you hate yourself to need to roll with these goth wannabe morons ? …hey check me out, i got ears down to my dick, and my knob has pipes running through it that a 27 pound hamster could exercise in …
and now i’m hanging from a hook like a piece of tenderized meat in a cheap deli …
wtf are you thinking bub ? …
your loser life/job/family situation/friends not painful enough for you ? …
your part time waiter job at the death rock cafe not angst filled enough ? …
your girlfriend not pale enough ? …
so you gotta punch holes in yer body ’til you resemble a spiral notebook ?
what’s the matter? …
you pussy ! …
wuss! …
you want to stretch that dumb ass o’ yers’ all over the place ? …
you wanna be a real big-shot? …
x-games-style-mod your dumb ass to the ultimate …
try some real pain you poser ….
quit screwing around with the kids stuff you namby pamby …
try crucifixion …
yup! …
get some of those dumbass, dirt bag nailheads ya call yer homeys to nail you to a big ass cross with some rusty, hand hewn spikes driven through yer outstretched palms …
note: this will probably end your sex-life as you know it forever, or at least until you can afford to pay someone else to do it with you …
i know, sex with another human involved …
whoa! … now that’s extreme, huh ? …
anyways, just hang there for a couple of days and let’s see if piercing yer dick/face/nips/scrot/lips of any description still has the same “extreme” feel …
and what’s a couple of lame ass, under the skin lumps or horns when you can feel the ”sensation of the savior ” …
i mean, why do anything half-assed eh?
otherwise, why bother man? …
c’mon, ball up buttercup! …
you a tough guy or what ? …
go hard or go home, right? …
and i swear to (again folks, pick your deity), if i hear another 18-25 year old know it all with no clue ” say “i’m not their bitch, fuck the Man!”, i swear i’m gonna go off like barbara bachmann on a health care rant and kill the punkass beotch …
beat him down like an alcoholic step dad beats down a redheaded step child …
so …
here’s how it works kiddies …
and i’m only going over this one time, so listen the hell up, okay ? …
yup kiddies, you are their bitch …
and there’s sweet bloody nada you can do about it …
and “the Man” as you like to call him, well, he owns your ass …
or in terms you get …
he pwnz ur azz!!!
plain and simple, welcome to your parents world …
you’re an adult now …
you want all the “benefits” ? …
then, my emotionally retarded, financially stunted, intellectually vacant, know it all friend, here’s the deal …
you’re their bitch from 9am – 5pm because you now have to support a couple of essential habits … luxuries as you will come to know ‘em …
like living indoors … which is all it’s cracked up to be …
like eating … those hoagies and pizza puffs cost donero doods and doodettes …
running water … for the bong …
xboxelectricity … gotta charge up that freaking iphone …
you know, all that cool and wonderful crap your parents used to get for you whenever you mewed like a helpless kitten …
and don’t forget to make all cheques payable to “the Man” …
and you’re his bitch from 5pm – 9am because your gonna need to participate in all kinds o’ useless stuff …
like raisin’ kids, paying bills and clothing your lazy asses …
running all the errands you now can’t do during the day because your too busy being the man’s bitch all day long …
got it ? …
so, stfu, get to work and get in line for the trough …
and maybe if your lucky you’ll get an hour or two to play with your xbox …
or, if your real lucky, maybe you can even save a few bucks up for that new 12 hose electric bong you’ve been pining for …
go hard or go home baby …
well, that’s all i got for today’s lesson in living, american style …
i gotta go get me some lawyers and sue the crap outta everything that moves …
fart in my general direction and BAM!, there i am suin’ yer ass …
serve me some beers at your birthday party and BAM! …
there i am suing the house out from under you and the kids …
yeah! …i’m getting into this …
then maybe i’ll get me an xbox …
or a tat …
maybe i’ll even get my nips pierced …
erm …
maybe not …

strap ‘em on boys … we’re goin’ 4 gold!

“today’s exchange rate:
1 american gold = 1 canadian 27th”

(it’s all about the exchange rates, baby)
(except in hockey, then it’s gold or kill ‘em all)
well, here we go sports fans …
it’s soon to be winter olympics time again kids and all the hand wringing and rampant, idiotic speculation by a bunch of over-weight, so-called “experts” has begun in earnest on the sports channels …
the pontificating and bloviating has commenced …
and that can mean only one thing …
the “‘roids ‘R’ us” winter games of 2014 are about to begin …
canada will spend the next month or so whining, pissing, mewling, complaining and crying over who made the olympic hockey team and pining for the return of mario lemieux, bobby orr and wayne gretzky …
the whole country will once again pretend that curling matters to them …
that figure skating is cool …
and that ice dancing is a sport …
american sports announcers will spend the next month crying about how they’re about to  “got jobbed” because those commie, pinko, socialist, bastard ruskies might actually win some medals, all the while selling more shit than santa can deliver during 4 christmas’ during the never ending visa commercials and endorsement plugs …
sochi olympics 2014 by hip is everythingand when it all begins you can bet that the american skiers will be cruising down mountains like manic cheetahs on crack …
busting’  world records faster than rush limbaugh goes through oxycontins …
only to then be beaten like a red headed step child by some guy from switzerland that has a name even his own mother can’t properly pronounce …
and canada will get their asses handed to them in “ski ‘n’ shoot” by andorra …
where the fuck is andorra anyways?, and why the fuck does canada even fund a biathlon team when the local kids can’t find a rink to skate on these days? …
and this is freakin’ canada we’re talking about people …
the great white north …
think about it …
biathlon? …
really, who gives a rat’s ass??? …
the girls on the chinese ice dancing team will almost certainly seem to average about 11 pounds and 9 years old each …
it will look like some kinda daycare gymnastics team on meth …
’til they take 4 steps, leap 17 feet in the freakin’ air, and do 4 somersaults with about 14 full twists, before landing on one-toe and smiling at the crowd like the cheshire cat on world class primo kush …
and i for one can’t wait to catch the luge events …
now we’re talking roids baby …
and hgh …
and uppers …
and whatever the hell else their “trainers” can fit in a syringe …
it’s like some kinda warped reality show where the hulk somehow merges with the bionic woman and starts ripping down a perfectly vertical ice covered track at about a million miles per hour …
i’m telling you guys, mark my words, one of these chemically propelled losers is gonna fly that sled right outta the freaking stadium …
Corbis-WL003507plus, i don’t know about you but i’m not sure i’m really into wasting 2 days of my life cheering for two beefed up, spandex clad men with roid fueled peanuts for testicles and backne that looks like a map of the himalayas while they assume various positions from the kama sutra and slide down an ice encrusted mountain in a silicone covered penis shaped piece of metal or a board with razors on the bottom …
and then there’s the speed skating events …
we may even see a twenty three second mile AND a 12 man pileup …
plus it’s a virtual certainty that audience members WILL be killed during the one of these events …
it’s all starting to look like a nascar race on whiskey, without rules OR brakes …
i can’t wait …
plus, we have some nonsense they call big ramp ski jumping …
pardon? …
isn’t that kinda like bungee jumping off a mountain without the cord? …
i mean, as entertaining as that may all be, i’m just not sure anyone south of the mason dixon line is gonna get the point of it …
actually i don’t think anyone north of the afore mentioned line will get it either … 
and it all kinda scares the shit outta me, ‘cos now i’m freaked out to even turn on the tv in case i run big ramp ski jumpinginto male-synchro-puck-juggling or team snow shovel twirling …
jesus mang … wtf is this stuff??
these aren’t sports …
these are, at best, leisure activities for the criminally inane …
(nope, that’s not a typo)
so …
someone please tell me …
what’s next as an olympic sport?
liquor fueled, high speed school bus bumper riding on gravel roads ?
blindfolded lawn darts on ice? …
synchronized snow angel making ?
masturbation with mittens on? …
(although, if they combine the lawn darts and the masturbation,
we may have a winner)
it’s already starting to look like an episode of flavor flav’s latest skankfest on spike television as it is …
or “the house wives of kentucky’s trailer parks” …
or “a day in the life of rob ford – the crack puffin’ mayor” …
enough !!! …
i’ve had enough of all of it …
and even though this whole winterfest crapolalooza event doesn’t even start for another month i’ve already had quite enough thanks, of the endless dissecting of every fucking moment of every fucking so-called “can’t miss event” by some washed up old announcers who not only never played the sport they’re calling’, they have no clue about them …
but then how could anyone really “know” ice dancing or ski jumping? …
good lord …
most of ‘em have their hands full enough just trying’ to make it down to the network buffet tents for their comped daily grazings …
or trying to master their own mother tongues, never mind trying to pronounce the names of all those “foreigners” …
ice-skating-1by the time this whole mess is underway i will have either killed myself or i’ll be watching the fucking bass fishing network full time just to try to find some reality …
i mean, i’ve been known to watch 2 year old pee-wee hockey reruns at 4:30 in the morning “cos’ it’s sports”…
i’ve even watched guys mud race school buses up a hill just to get a sports fix…
but lewd gord i’ve had it with the whole bloody thing, and in the immortal words of that always effervescent, ever slender, pop songbird, karen carpenter…
“we’ve only just begun” … aarrggghh! …
anyone know how many children’s aspirins a guys gotta eat to pass this mortal coil and finally be away from the 375 channels of olympic agony and defeat? …
and i’ve had bloody well enough of all the endless, hyperbolic, holier-than-thou speculation and intrigue over who’s cheating …
you mean ” who’s cheating MORE “, don’t you …
every bloody one of them is cheating like drunken republicans at the annual congressional aides dinner …
give it up and just let it go …
i say we just pump ‘em all so full of drugs and hgh and roids, and friggin’ mayonnaise if it will work, that they’re near bursting’ and let’s see some real action …
now that’s tv baby !! …
pecs exploding’, groins bursting into flames, images3HI21SG3testicles imploding everywhere ya’ look …
even on the women …
that my friends, would be worth the viewing …
but, until then my fellow t.v. sports travelers, this crap’ll hafta do …
so …
how about we just skip this whole spectacle and get to the really good shit …
cos’ the best games of all are now on in earnest …
sex, drugs, betrayal, lies and stupidity galore …
and one clown car wreck after another …
what more could ya’ want ?
and we’re hoping’ someone is on drugs in these ones …
in fact, we’re encouraging it …
‘cos, ladies and gents …
it’s election season …
and this time it’s for freakin’ real people …
so pay attention …
your nuts and the nuts of yer’ kids and grandkids are on the line this time …
so, cover the nards boys …
we’re goin’ in …
thanks for yer’ time …
gotta run ….
got an election to fix …

schizophrenia comes to the americas …

… or why liberals consistently vote conservatively

schizophrenia: a complex mental disorder that makes it difficult to:
tell the difference between real and unreal experiences
think logically
have normal emotional responses,
behave normally in social situations
as the illness continues, problems with thinking, emotions and behavior develop, including:
strongly held beliefs that are not based in reality (delusions)
hearing or seeing things that are not there (hallucinations)
problems paying attention
thoughts “jump” between unrelated topics ( “loose associations”)
bizarre behaviors
social isolation
anxious, angry or argumentative
false beliefs that others are trying to harm you or your loved ones

images disclaimer: i am not a doctor, nor do i play one on t.v., but i am an opinionated, angry citizen, so i figure, hey, close enough huh? … and i presently live in alberta, canada, which for decades (yup, frign decades!) has voted as conservatively as any red state, all the while suckin’ up all the free health care, family assistance, free education, unemployment insurance and social programs we can …
think of alberta as sweden with sarah palin as leader and y’all kinda get it …
we’re kinda texas north without the pistols (we much prefer a nice hunting rifle or shotgun over an AK, but hey, to each their own) …
our lives are completely controlled by the oil industry and it’s cronies, thugs, crooks and philanderers, and we too have our “pants pulled up to here” and complain full-time about or government and it’s constant attacks on “we the people” …
and yet, election after election my whack-a doodle neighbors keep voting in the same slimy, self-serving fear mongering pricks that run “insert red state name here” …
then the day after the election we all go back to bitchin’ about the government full time … makes no effin’ sense to me …
don’t even get me started on the new pipeline of the america’s that mr.obama is about to sign us all up for (more on that soon, i promise ya’ … grrrr…) …
and no, i personally have never voted conservatively, so before ya’ send me any emails yelling about “gettin’ the government i deserve”, hear me out …
and then tell me i deserve this, or that anyone else does for that matter …
i vote against these clowns each and every time i’m allowed, so NO, i don’t deserve the government i got …
and that is why i feel i am eminently qualified to scream and yell about this shit all i please … i only wish more would …
is everyone comfortably seated? …
good, then we’ll begin …


first off, let’s get one thing straight, we’re all liberals …
we all want the government to work for us as opposed to us working for them …
so why do we keep electing these so called-conservatives? …
why do the voters of  the americas vote like morons on crack? …
repeatedly? …
why do we as a people tend to consistently vote against our own best interests? …
i have come to the conclusion that the whole god damned place is suffering from a government/media induced paranoid schizophrenia …
with an giant, adult sized helping of good old fashioned small dick insecurity, impatience and greed … what a mix …
the perfect mix actually if you are “the man” … so, why do good, caring, empathetic, concerned citizens turn their backs repeatedly on their better angels and vote for less and less control over our own lives and the lives of our children and grandchildren? …
and don’t give me that i can’t make a difference, the problem’s too big crap, that’s bullshit and you all know it …
that’s just laziness on parade and you all know that’s true too …
that way of thinking makes about as much sense as a jersey shore think tank …
or a charlie “winning” sheen presidential run …
some shit is just wrong …
no matter how much lipstick ya’ put on a pig, a pig is still a pig …
and a lie is just a lie …
between the faux noises of the world’s million-decibel hate ‘n’ smear, the rudy “noun-adjective-911” giulianis , the government officials who only serve their corporate masters, and the testicularly-challenged main stream press, we have started to buy into the fear and loathing these self-serving ideologues and grifters have served up …
we seem to have the attention span of a lohan at a counseling session …
and the stick-to-it-iveness of an eight year old doing homework once his x-box or ps3 loads …
and then the masses walk into that porta-ptty styled voting booth and pull that lever for four more years of the same crap they just barely made it through …
then they step outta that same booth and proclaim to anyone who will listen “see, made no difference at all, oh my, whatever shall i do” … arrrggghhh …
wake the fuck up peeps before ya’ toss every last better angel in ya’ on the trash heap and just completely buy into the whole laissez-fairytale lunacy these guys are trying to sell ya’ …
yer’ setting yerself up to have the whole place run by people who are convinced that global warming is a hoax, that creationism is a real science, that we need even more religion in government and that jesus rode a raptor …
really? …
this is who ya’ want running the whole show? …
these asshats have successfully divided the place into groups that hate and fear each other over skin color, religious beliefs, sexual preference, economic status, social values and out and out lies …
you’d think that that would be nearly impossible to do in a place that prides itself on it’s being free in every way, a place that prides itself on being a melting pot …
more like a pot of hate stew these days …
and why do they do this? …
why divide their own nations up like this? …
simple …
it’s far easier to distract people from who the real bad guy is when they are convinced that the real enemy within is their neighbor or their own family …
any ten year old who’s ever played an online strategy game will understand it …
it’s called divide and conquer …
and a distracted army is an army with no chance of victory …
and we people are that distracted army …
we’re so busy hating our neighbors and those “different” people up that street that we never for a moment stop and realize who the real enemy actually is …
it’s the lying, hypocritical thieves we keep putting in charge of our well being and our children’s future …
even the ten year old playin’ his game realizes (and quickly too) that the so called ally that he trusted to have his back, who screws him over to win is not his ally and ditches “that dood” as an ally forever, never to be trusted again …
so why can’t we take the smarts of above-mentioned ten year old and learn the lesson? … are we all stupid? …
are we all dumber than a 5th grader? …
this isn’t some jeff foxworthy game show …
it’s our lives peeps …
should we maybe let ten year olds run the show? …
it’s simple folks, we’ve let these ideologues do our reasoning, investigation and come to “our” conclusions for us …
and we have let them convince us that in nations built by immigrants and based on the belief that it’s our differences that make us strong and unique as nations. that immigrants or anyone who looks, acts, thinks or believes anything even the slightest bit different that we do is the real enemy …
think about that for just a second now …
and how do they accomplish this stretching of reality and history? …
by constantly rewriting that history and stoking the fears and phobias of the low information voter …
by repeating the same bullshit over and over and over again, until many start to believe that “hey i heard it on t.v., it must be true …
this is the schizophrenia that our nations suffer from …
and it is destroying everything that our fathers and their fathers, and their fathers, etc. fought and died for for the last couple of hundred years …
this artificially induced schizophrenia leads us to believe that we are under attack and therefore must stand up now and fight back before it’s all too late, and that time is running out fast, so we must fight now! …
and the really sad and pathetic and dangerous irony in all of this is that it is true, we are under attack, and we must fight back before it’s too late and we must act now … the part that is a lie is in who the enemy is …
it is not those “different” people or “the “other party”, it’s the liars we elect and their corporate masters …
and the war is being waged against us, the poor, the middle class workers, the sick and elderly … anyone who can’t fight back …
and it’s working …
these are the same guys who brought ya’ slavery, serfdom and child labor and they’re at it still … ya’ see, we have already had a number of “wars” and many, many hard fought battles to get rid of slavery, servitude and income inequality and all the shackles that went with it (and those wars are nowhere near done folks) …
and now that these guys can’t get african americans to do the work for no remuneration, and the latino community has had enough of it, they have turned they attention toward the poor …
after all, if ya’ strip away the last 50 or so years of strides made by unions and ya’ get rid of minimum wage laws and child labor laws and any regulations on business or the environment, and ya’ suppress just the right votes, then hey, ya’ get rid of that pesky middle class once and for all and we can all just go back to letting these “plantation owners” have their way with it all again …
just like the good old days …
this isn’t about race, or religion or where yer’ from, or who you choose to sleep beside, it’s about profit and nothing more …
it’s about the uber rich wanting to stay that way, forever and ever …
they love to slap a bible in one hand and wrap themselves in a flag while they rail about class warfare when in fact it is they who are committing said warfare …
all the while driving the whole place over a cliff and turning it into being nothing more than a banana republic …
a few with a lot using and abusing the many with nothing …
ya’ wanna feed yer’ kids? …
or live indoors? …
then you’ll take what they give ya’ …
which, if ya’ look around the world, or in your history books folks, won’t be much …
is that really the american/canadian dream? …
is that really freedom? …
is that really what our forefathers fought and died for …
i, for one am not convinced that it is …
but then again, i didn’t vote for these guys …
did you? …
will you? …
yer’ future and mine is in your hands …
and that of yer’ kids and their kids …
the choice is yours …
and you have the internet …
google something soon and find your truth, before it truly is too late …
once again, thanks fer’ yer’ time …
peace …
later …

d-bag alert … d-bag alert …

140107-republicans-concerned-about-the-cost-of-government-waste

Boehner Angles to Kill Jobless Benefits As Senate Moves Forward
In a surprising move Tuesday, six Republicans joined Senate Democrats to break a filibuster and advance a three-month revival of unemployment insurance
that recently expired for some 1.3 million Americans.
But the proposal faces a major obstacle before passing the Senate, and House Speaker John Boehner (R-OH) is already angling to quash the effort.
Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY), seeking to give Republicans a pretext for opposing the continuation of the popular program,
offered an amendment to fund the extension by delaying Obamacare’s individual mandate for one year — a proposal he knew would be a nonstarter for Democrats. Indeed, Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-NV) immediately rejected it.
“I have to admit I’m a little surprised at the fervor with which the majority is dedicated to reviving the expired emergency unemployment benefits,” McConnell said.
In response to the vote, Boehner made clear that the House wasn’t interested in extending the jobless benefits. He argued that the 26-week status quo for unemployment compensation was satisfactory. (The emergency benefits program, first passed in 2008, extends that to 99 weeks.) “Far too many Americans are still unemployed in President Obama’s economy. For each of them, it’s a personal crisis that we cannot overlook. Getting these people back on their feet starts with a strong safety net – six months of unemployment benefits – that we continue to have in this country,” Boehner said in a statement. “But the ultimate solution to joblessness is more jobs.”
so…
from tpm
gop xmas card by hip is everythingwhere are all those fucking jobs, jobs, jobs” you and yer’ d-bag tea-cronies were railing on about in the 2010 election cycle john? …
oh yeah, you a-holes stood in the way of EVERY SINGLE bill that even smelled like it might create a job …
you and your fellow baggers have blocked every jobs bill brought up and sure as hell haven’t introduced even one of your own …
plus all yer’ doucherocket red state governor buddies helped out by offing as many public sector jobs as they could …
we are literally talking about “the least among us” now, and the level of contempt and disdain that republicans display is shocking, and unprecedented in my lifetime …
maybe ever …
so here’s an idea: how about the democrats offer to pay for this extension by ending oil subsidies/tax breaks, then make the republicans reject that proposal publicly …
let’s see how freaking serious this clown car parade really is about “spending” …
and why are publicly traded corporations, many, many of whom are making historically record profits being given subsidies? …
or how about this? …
afghanistan is costing $1.75 BILLION per week …
how about the u.s.  get the fuck out of there and use that money for, oh I don’t know, american citizens that need a hand instead? …
or maybe just defund the part of the nsa that snoops on americans …
that would cover it all off in no time at all …
todays gop by hip is everything